No gift parties are ridiculous

Anonymous wrote:I am not a parent but mentor a family. Through an activity I take one of the kids to, he has been invited to a birthday party. Birthday invite says "no gifts, please." Do we follow this? Bring a gift anyway (and if so, ideas? I had been thinking about a card game like uno or taco cat goat cheese pizza, plus some candy or Takis or something)? Still bring a card? Birthday kid is early elementary and is dcum middle class (lives in mostly gentrified DC neighborhood). I want the kid we mentor to fit in as much as possible!

No gift. I have my daughter make a card. Sometimes I’ll stick some stickers inside it.

Anonymous wrote:No gifts is just social posturing. It’s a way to say we are so rich that there is nothing you could give us that we would ever want or use. Our kids already have everything or only like gifts that are far above what you could give at a party. We mostly just roll our eyes and decline no gift parties. They are usually also the ones where parents are spending thousands on the party to show how rich they are.

It always is fine to decline.

Our house is small - 1609sf for 4 people. There just is not a lot of space.

Anonymous wrote:Bring the gift OP. I’ve never seen anyone not bring a gift when it says ”no gift” . Don’t look like the a-hole.

At our no-gift birthday party, only 1 family brought a gift. While we were entirely gracious, they clearly felt embarrassed.

OP, bring a card and a small gift. Card game or a book.

Anonymous wrote:No gifts is just social posturing. It’s a way to say we are so rich that there is nothing you could give us that we would ever want or use. Our kids already have everything or only like gifts that are far above what you could give at a party. We mostly just roll our eyes and decline no gift parties. They are usually also the ones where parents are spending thousands on the party to show how rich they are.

You may be overthinking this.

Anonymous wrote:No gifts is just social posturing. It’s a way to say we are so rich that there is nothing you could give us that we would ever want or use. Our kids already have everything or only like gifts that are far above what you could give at a party. We mostly just roll our eyes and decline no gift parties. They are usually also the ones where parents are spending thousands on the party to show how rich they are.

Totally the opposite in my experience. The "no gifts" parties are always simple park parties and the elaborate parties never specify.

Bring a card and that’s it. Practically every bday party my elem kids go to is a “no gifts, please” party and I’ve only seen someone bring a gift once or twice and it was kind of awkward for them since the hosts clearly asked for no gifts and no one else brought one. Take a card w a sweet sentiment. No gift. No gift card. No cash. People truly don’t want it and mean it when they say no gifts.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No gifts is just social posturing. It’s a way to say we are so rich that there is nothing you could give us that we would ever want or use. Our kids already have everything or only like gifts that are far above what you could give at a party. We mostly just roll our eyes and decline no gift parties. They are usually also the ones where parents are spending thousands on the party to show how rich they are.

It’s a blessing to these families that you declined. Based on your take on why you think people insist on ‘no-gift’, you’re the one projecting your insecurities or jealousies.

We’re not rich and it would be apparent to anyone we are posers if we tried to pretend be. We insist on no gifts because we truly want our child’s friends to attend regardless of their families’ financial circumstances, their presence is the gift. Why is that so hard for people to comprehend?

If you absolutely have to provide a gift, then have your child give a small gift after the party. As nice as the gifts may be, my child will remember the party many years from now and not the gifts.

It is posturing. Gifts have been part of celebrations for pretty much all of time. And poor people do gifts at their parties and celebrations. So yes the whole ‘no gifts’ is just social posturing and we avoid it. Our friends are down to earth so it isn’t an issue with them, it’s just snobbish school families with their no gift invites we avoid. We would much rather do a fun birthday party at a park with presents.

Gifts have only not been part of celebrations in RECENT time. What does your friends who are down to earth have to do with giving gifts at birthday parties for kids? You’re the one posturing with your gift giving to show you are well off and can afford to give it. You could easily have a party at the park without gifts.

+1 on homemade card. You can also put some sticker sheets in there to make it a bit more fun (early elementary kids still like stickers - or at least mine did at that age).

Anonymous wrote:You should respect what's on the invite. A homemade card would be nice.

+1

Can you ask another parent in the class? My kids went to 2 different elementary schools in DC. At one all the parties said no gifts and no one brought gifts - sometimes a card. (great - loved it) Then we switched schools and the parties still said no gifts but over half the people brought gifts. (annoying - hated it)

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]No gifts is just social posturing. It’s a way to say we are so rich that there is nothing you could give us that we would ever want or use. Our kids already have everything or only like gifts that are far above what you could give at a party. We mostly just roll our eyes and decline no gift parties. They are usually also the ones where parents are spending thousands on the party to show how rich they are. [/quote]

Or it could mean that our house is too small to house a bajlllion gifts. You're right, it's probably best that you declined.[/quote] we don’t invite a bajillion kids so we don’t get a bajillion gifts. Having these massive parties with tons of kids is also ridiculous.

Bring the gift OP. I’ve never seen anyone not bring a gift when it says ”no gift” . Don’t look like the a-hole.

I am not a no gift party thrower but it depending on the circle I have felt like I should. My kids are at 2 different public schools, neither of them are full of rich people. In one school the parties are almost always no gift and the other is never no gift. It feels odd to be the only person breaking with the group and I have had (only one) no gift party for this reason only. Still about 1/2 of the kids brought gifts.