For gods sakes, OP! You said your kid got mono "at the end of the semester." He probably still has it! He needs to rest and you are lucky the mono came at the end of the summer so he CAN rest. He also had an injury on top of that. Good lord, you suck.

Now, my kid was doing the same thing in May, but is perfectly healthy, and I made clear he had to either go to summer school or get a job. I cut off the wifi when my husband and I left for work and also left the AC on 82. He got a job.

But your kid still sounds sick!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


I would love for them to help around the house but I am not hiring them as a housekeeper.


Did they not have chores when they were a high schooler? They should at least be doing that and helping a bit. Own laundry, helping with dishes, walking a dog if you have one at the minimum.

+1. You don't have to hire them as a housekeeper. You just tell them to do it. We were always clear with our HS and college age kids---either find something to occupy you (preferably paid) or you will be Dobby the House Elf for our home (with no offer of a sock). I would leave a list of all the things that I wanted done---all those tasks you need to do but don't have the time, e.g., take loads of clothes to donation, deep clean the refrigerator shelves, wash the car, go through all the canned goods and pull anything expired, refold and restack the linen closet, weed the yard. Amazing how quickly your DC will find gainful employment outside the home when presented with that reality. . .

+1

Anonymous wrote:


I would love for them to help around the house but I am not hiring them as a housekeeper.


Did they not have chores when they were a high schooler? They should at least be doing that and helping a bit. Own laundry, helping with dishes, walking a dog if you have one at the minimum.

+1. You don't have to hire them as a housekeeper. You just tell them to do it. We were always clear with our HS and college age kids---either find something to occupy you (preferably paid) or you will be Dobby the House Elf for our home (with no offer of a sock). I would leave a list of all the things that I wanted done---all those tasks you need to do but don't have the time, e.g., take loads of clothes to donation, deep clean the refrigerator shelves, wash the car, go through all the canned goods and pull anything expired, refold and restack the linen closet, weed the yard. Amazing how quickly your DC will find gainful employment outside the home when presented with that reality. . .

I don’t allow these crazy sleep schedules in my home. I didn’t allow it in HS either. You have to get up by 10 or so. 11 at the latest and even that is ridiculous.

Thanks PP. we are still struggling over here. 😕

Fwiw my kid (a rising college senior) has been home for 4+ weeks. He had applied for a lot of internships early in the year and was still in the running for two when he finished the semester. We pushed him to keep applying for anything and everything, especially after he got dinged from the places that he'd interviewed at. Just as it seemed like he was headed for bagging groceries, he got not one but two jobs with compatible schedules - one which will look good on his resume and one where he can make some decent money. Just wanted to share this in case there are parents of kids who are still on the hunt. It's not too late for things to work out!

Hi everyone - I wanted to respond because I am a therapist located in Bethesda and see teenagers and young adults who are having a hard time launching, often dealing with anxiety, depression, or attention issues. I've currently got some spots open if you have yet to find a good therapist for your child. The right treatment can be so helpful!

Feel free to reach out to me directly - ckaplan@metcounseling.com. I'm at Metropolitan Counseling Associates in Bethesda, right downtown. Good luck! - Chelsea

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's my $0.02 on this situation.

1) Crazy sleeping hours need to change. While I realize that they may have kept those hours when at school, it should no longer fly or not be an everyday thing.
2) Need to do the PT. It's been assigned for a reason.
3) Help around the house, unpaid as others have stated. Give him a list to do. Empty DW, change laundry, vacuum.

My DS, same age, had a really crappy end to his freshman year that resulted in a ton of angst and anxiety for us a parents. He came home from school in a pretty crappy place and was not himself.

He luckily has continued to work at his HS job over breaks and is back again there this summer. Shift starts as early as 6:30 AM. That routine and his HS buddies coming back in town have really helped to him on the right side of things. He also is going to take a Gen Ed class at the local CC.

Good Luck!

+ 1 on the bolded.
The crazy sleeping hours are disrespectful to the people in the house working and making it possible for him to go to college.
Unless he is paying his own health insurance and costs, PT is not optional.
And an adult living at home should contribute to the running of the household.
Beyond that, he should come up with a plan of how to spend his summer constructively. His spending money is his problem, you can stay out of that. But you presumably have invested a large amount of money in tuition, so I think it's fair to ask that he have something to show for the summer. Volunteer, class, casual work, some other kind of project.

What is disrespectful about sleeping later? You sound insane

Not PP, but to me sleeping late, especially every day, is disrespectful to the other adults in the household who are working to pay his tuition and who, when not working, need to get household tasks done. All while the college age adult sleeps. That would never fly in my house.

He needs to participate in the household as a contributing adult.

He is recovering from mono.

Anonymous wrote:Look, I own a cafe in the DMV and I'm sorry, but no, I'm not hiring a college kid home for the summer who is also sick and injured.

It costs me money to train and on-board new employees. It's not a smart financial move to put those resources toward someone who will only be available for a limited time AND who also has the hinderance of an illness and injury. I bet most owners/managers feel the same way which is why the kid isn't getting any call backs.

Normally I'm all about teens working, but I think in this case, they get a pass. Especially since you say they have excellent grades.

If you really want them to do something productive, insist that they volunteer. The assisted living facility my great aunt was in had people who volunteered to read to residents who had vision issues and they also led games and worked puzzles with them.

Ok - sure. But it’s not like they are writing
on their resume that they have an injury and mono. 🙄

Make a commitment to give them a week - no nagging just allowing them to rest.
But tell them that on Sunday afternoon you are going to talk about how to make the summer the best it can be given the circumstances.
Is there an art class to take together? Commitment to getting to some museums? Free music events - and they need to pack the picnic basket and stake out a space early?
What are they interested in for a major / career? Can they commit to doing 4 informational interviews over the summer? Plan family weekend trips / events

For PT - can they get to the pool daily to get some swimming in?

Look, I own a cafe in the DMV and I'm sorry, but no, I'm not hiring a college kid home for the summer who is also sick and injured.

It costs me money to train and on-board new employees. It's not a smart financial move to put those resources toward someone who will only be available for a limited time AND who also has the hinderance of an illness and injury. I bet most owners/managers feel the same way which is why the kid isn't getting any call backs.

Normally I'm all about teens working, but I think in this case, they get a pass. Especially since you say they have excellent grades.

If you really want them to do something productive, insist that they volunteer. The assisted living facility my great aunt was in had people who volunteered to read to residents who had vision issues and they also led games and worked puzzles with them.

need to go look for a job at CHiptotle, MCDOANLDS? or Door DASH?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be kind. He needs to recover. I m happy you are not my Mom!

I agree, it's quite ridiculous how hard you are riding him. Let him recover a bit this summer. 20 hours a week of volunteering is pretty crazy, not even sure he can find that. I'd say 10 hours a week starting June 15th, let him rest and recover.

If you had Mono, would you be sitting around and sleeping all day? probably not because how would the bills get paid. Mono is not a disability for goodness sake!

Besides sleeping, the kid is probably on the phone or playing video games all day.

OP - I would make my kid work in their resume/cover letter, research and find potential summer jobs and volunteering opportunities, do a list and apply to them in-person or online and show you proof. Nothing worse than a kid who doesn't even try...

So, PT was prescribed for the injury and kid won't go? Then they need to pay for their own health insurance. As for work, it isn't a typical job market this year but my college kid is babysitting, dog-sitting and doing swim lessons. Lifeguards are always in demand.

If none of these options work out, then they cook dinner x2 weekly, do grocery shopping and laundry. Maybe add one larger summer-long project.

Summer jobs are hard this year because of all of the federal and other cutbacks. That means a lot of the older college students would normally have an internship this summer are going back to their old lifeguarding/camp counselor/etc job, meaning those jobs are harder to get for the younger students. Every single one of the summer coaches and lifeguards at our pool last year, are back this year. I’d put money on this playing out similarly in other places.

It is not that easy to get a summer job. A lot of restaurants and retail places aren’t interested in hiring college students who will only be there for a couple of months at the most.

Considering OP’s kid’s health issues, I wouldn’t push the job thing at all. My athletic DD got mono last September and it took her many months before she felt normal.

I would suggest the kid take a summer class and be given some responsibilities around the house. Specific things each day, like making dinner for the family some days, running errands, etc. nothing too heavy, but something so they aren’t doing nothing all day and have a schedule. Going to bed at 3am is nuts, mono or not.