Anonymous
Post 05/23/2025 09:44     Subject: Do you think it's okay to criticize the behavior of a kid who is not yours?
OP you need to know your audience for stuff like this. I have probably four people in my life I could say something like that to: DH, my very trusted mom friend who I know is a vault and see things similarly, and my two best friends who live far away so they don't even know the involved people. I am verrrry careful otherwise with moms from school I am friendly with or even good friends who have kids in the grade. You never know who someone talks to or who their best mom bud is, and at the end of the day, you are gossiping about a kid and calling them names. It sounds like it is deserved and it is something I would say, but I wouldn't say it to just anyone!
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2025 09:18     Subject: Do you think it's okay to criticize the behavior of a kid who is not yours?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It’s alarming how many people here will side with bullying a kid. However, it proves that insecurities like this child’s are hard to overcome! Be better, everyone!


No one is bullying a kid FFS. She was talking to another adult and the kid in question will never know about it.


You're fine with getting called an ***hole by other people if you never get to know about it?

Yeah, I don't think you are, hypocrite.



Why would I care? I would prefer that someone call me that to my face if I'm being an a**hole but I couldn't care less.



+1, I'm sure people have called me names behind my back before and I don't really have an issue with it. What other people think of me is none of my business.


Lies. You do care. You would not want any parent calling your kid an ***hole, even if none of you knew about it. Stop trolling on DCUM. I bet you made up this thread solely to argue about this.


First of all, sometimes my kid *is* being an ***hole. And while it doesn't bring me pleasure to think that others might be thinking that or saying it out loud behind my back, it doesn't make me upset with them. In those instances, I am focused on correcting my child's problematic behavior.

It's crazy to me that people seem to think the worst possible thing that can happen here is that someone calls your kid a mean name in a private conversation you never hear about.

Obviously the bigger issue is that your kid behaves in a way that makes people (even just in their heads) think "wow, what an ***hole."

Fix the behavior, and what people think about your kid won't matter so much to you anymore. You're feeling defensive because you know your kid sometimes acts like this and you'd rather try to stop other people from observing and commenting on it than do the hard work of parenting to address it.


+1000

I can't be friends with someone who doesn't think their own kid is sometimes an a**hole. All kids are sometimes. I know a mom who thinks her kid can do no wrong and that kid is the biggest a**hole out there. Interesting how that works.


This is irrelevant. Calling your own kid’s behavior out is your job, it’s done out of your commitment and responsibility to raising them, and it’s done in their best interests. It’s done with a belief they are capable of being better. That’s completely different than the attitude of calling a kid a name just to be mean spirited, and with no acknowledgment for that kid’s humanity.


Oh please, how was OP being mean spirited? She was talking to her friend about how she felt. You know, as people with friends do. She didn't say it to the kid. She didn't say it to a group of people. She didn't say it hoping it would get back to the kid or the parent. So just stop. You're ridiculous.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2025 08:20     Subject: Do you think it's okay to criticize the behavior of a kid who is not yours?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I think you were wrong OP. There was really no reason to bring this kid up at all to your friend or call them names. You could have just said the school year is going fine (because it is), and your daughter is looking forward to a change of scene in middle school.


So you sugarcoat your real experiences and feelings in private conversations with friends because you think it's hurtful to privately criticize someone who has been objectively rude to your kid in a way that impacts you directly?

I'm sorry, that's nuts. If a friend asks me "hey how is everything going with DD?" I am going to answer honestly because otherwise what is the point of that conversation?


Lol. So to you there is no middle ground between calling a kid an a** and “sugarcoating” the situation? Plenty of people can discuss a challenging situation with a friend, without insulting a kid in the process.


I'm not the PP who mentioned "sugarcoating", but are you following the thread? She (the sugarcoating PP) was responding directly to a poster who told her she had "no reason" to "bring up the kid at all" and should have told her friend that the school year was"fine". Sure sounds like THAT PP was suggesting sugarcoating to me. I can only assume that PP has no friends because discussing/venting about a situation like this with friends is normal. Friends off commiseration, BTDT advice, a kind word, etc. I guess reasonable minds differ on the use of a curse word, but anyone on here suggesting that OP shouldn't have discussed this at all with a friend is a just a strange.


If I heard someone give the litany of complaints against a 10 year old that OP did, even without the *shole comment, I would think they were really off with a victim complex.


I guess you don't have kids or are the head-in-the-sand parent of the *hole kids then. OP was describing what her DD has been dealing with for the whole year. Nothing off about it -- some people, 10 year olds including, deserve a whole litany of complaints when being described.


It’s completely off and makes the complaining parent seem incredibly un-self aware and cultivating the same victim mentality in their own kid. Children don’t deserve a “litany of complaints” and if you were talking about a child like that in my presence I would think you had a screw loose.


***holes deserve it.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2025 08:18     Subject: Do you think it's okay to criticize the behavior of a kid who is not yours?
DP

We have two little a$$holes like this in our 4th grade. This is 4th and last child and I'm done dancing around other people's feelings - if you raised an a$$hole, maybe you deverve to be gossiped about. When people ask I tell them Larla's having a hard time because Meanie and Jerkface voted her off her own game and the week before they told her that only blonde girls are pretty and the week before they told her she was too short to be considered athletic. All this despite my kid actually being pretty, smart, kind and athletic. Yeah, I'm so over it.

OP, you're fine. There are other parents, like me, out there.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2025 08:16     Subject: Do you think it's okay to criticize the behavior of a kid who is not yours?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It’s so insane to even be venting about someone else’s kid to another parent, let alone calling the kid an a**hole.


This. I have a friend who does this and it is really weird. But they have a negative take on many people and get really, really easily offended. I just ignore it and assume that the kid is totally normal.


OP wasn't venting about this kid in the abstract. She was venting about how this kid is treating her DD. Do keep up!


But she is exaggerating, focusing on the negative, and sounds like she’s encouraging her own child to take any interpersonal difficulty as a major slight.

It’s called black & white thinking or splitting, and it’s uncomfortable to hear from anyone - much less an adult talking about a *child.* I wouldn’t want to be around a person like that.

Moreover, if you savage a child to another adult, then you need to be prepared for people to judge you. You are perfectly free to vent but when you vent about a literally child and call them names - yeah, you are going to get responses to that.

It’s one thing to talk about actual bullying behavior (which OP did not describe) and quite another to appear negatively fixated on what sounds like relatively normal ranges of behavior.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2025 08:13     Subject: Do you think it's okay to criticize the behavior of a kid who is not yours?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I think you were wrong OP. There was really no reason to bring this kid up at all to your friend or call them names. You could have just said the school year is going fine (because it is), and your daughter is looking forward to a change of scene in middle school.


So you sugarcoat your real experiences and feelings in private conversations with friends because you think it's hurtful to privately criticize someone who has been objectively rude to your kid in a way that impacts you directly?

I'm sorry, that's nuts. If a friend asks me "hey how is everything going with DD?" I am going to answer honestly because otherwise what is the point of that conversation?


Lol. So to you there is no middle ground between calling a kid an a** and “sugarcoating” the situation? Plenty of people can discuss a challenging situation with a friend, without insulting a kid in the process.


I'm not the PP who mentioned "sugarcoating", but are you following the thread? She (the sugarcoating PP) was responding directly to a poster who told her she had "no reason" to "bring up the kid at all" and should have told her friend that the school year was"fine". Sure sounds like THAT PP was suggesting sugarcoating to me. I can only assume that PP has no friends because discussing/venting about a situation like this with friends is normal. Friends off commiseration, BTDT advice, a kind word, etc. I guess reasonable minds differ on the use of a curse word, but anyone on here suggesting that OP shouldn't have discussed this at all with a friend is a just a strange.


If I heard someone give the litany of complaints against a 10 year old that OP did, even without the *shole comment, I would think they were really off with a victim complex.


I guess you don't have kids or are the head-in-the-sand parent of the *hole kids then. OP was describing what her DD has been dealing with for the whole year. Nothing off about it -- some people, 10 year olds including, deserve a whole litany of complaints when being described.


It’s completely off and makes the complaining parent seem incredibly un-self aware and cultivating the same victim mentality in their own kid. Children don’t deserve a “litany of complaints” and if you were talking about a child like that in my presence I would think you had a screw loose.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2025 08:11     Subject: Do you think it's okay to criticize the behavior of a kid who is not yours?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It’s so insane to even be venting about someone else’s kid to another parent, let alone calling the kid an a**hole.


This. I have a friend who does this and it is really weird. But they have a negative take on many people and get really, really easily offended. I just ignore it and assume that the kid is totally normal.


OP wasn't venting about this kid in the abstract. She was venting about how this kid is treating her DD. Do keep up!
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2025 08:06     Subject: Re:Do you think it's okay to criticize the behavior of a kid who is not yours?
I see the "blame the victim" crowd has entered the chat .
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2025 08:04     Subject: Do you think it's okay to criticize the behavior of a kid who is not yours?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I think you were wrong OP. There was really no reason to bring this kid up at all to your friend or call them names. You could have just said the school year is going fine (because it is), and your daughter is looking forward to a change of scene in middle school.


So you sugarcoat your real experiences and feelings in private conversations with friends because you think it's hurtful to privately criticize someone who has been objectively rude to your kid in a way that impacts you directly?

I'm sorry, that's nuts. If a friend asks me "hey how is everything going with DD?" I am going to answer honestly because otherwise what is the point of that conversation?


Lol. So to you there is no middle ground between calling a kid an a** and “sugarcoating” the situation? Plenty of people can discuss a challenging situation with a friend, without insulting a kid in the process.


I'm not the PP who mentioned "sugarcoating", but are you following the thread? She (the sugarcoating PP) was responding directly to a poster who told her she had "no reason" to "bring up the kid at all" and should have told her friend that the school year was"fine". Sure sounds like THAT PP was suggesting sugarcoating to me. I can only assume that PP has no friends because discussing/venting about a situation like this with friends is normal. Friends off commiseration, BTDT advice, a kind word, etc. I guess reasonable minds differ on the use of a curse word, but anyone on here suggesting that OP shouldn't have discussed this at all with a friend is a just a strange.


If I heard someone give the litany of complaints against a 10 year old that OP did, even without the *shole comment, I would think they were really off with a victim complex.


I guess you don't have kids or are the head-in-the-sand parent of the *hole kids then. OP was describing what her DD has been dealing with for the whole year. Nothing off about it -- some people, 10 year olds including, deserve a whole litany of complaints when being described.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2025 08:01     Subject: Do you think it's okay to criticize the behavior of a kid who is not yours?
Anonymous wrote:It’s so insane to even be venting about someone else’s kid to another parent, let alone calling the kid an a**hole.


This. I have a friend who does this and it is really weird. But they have a negative take on many people and get really, really easily offended. I just ignore it and assume that the kid is totally normal.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2025 08:00     Subject: Do you think it's okay to criticize the behavior of a kid who is not yours?
Hopefully some day that kid brags to the wrong person and loses a few teeth. That's what kids like that need.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2025 07:59     Subject: Do you think it's okay to criticize the behavior of a kid who is not yours?
Criticizing a behavior is fine, but I would never say a kid is an a*hole to anyone other than my husband. Just personally, it sounds very harsh. I’ll use the word bratty, mean, jerk, bully, but for some reason, and I know this is a me thing, ahole is a bridge too far.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2025 07:56     Subject: Do you think it's okay to criticize the behavior of a kid who is not yours?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I think you were wrong OP. There was really no reason to bring this kid up at all to your friend or call them names. You could have just said the school year is going fine (because it is), and your daughter is looking forward to a change of scene in middle school.


So you sugarcoat your real experiences and feelings in private conversations with friends because you think it's hurtful to privately criticize someone who has been objectively rude to your kid in a way that impacts you directly?

I'm sorry, that's nuts. If a friend asks me "hey how is everything going with DD?" I am going to answer honestly because otherwise what is the point of that conversation?


Lol. So to you there is no middle ground between calling a kid an a** and “sugarcoating” the situation? Plenty of people can discuss a challenging situation with a friend, without insulting a kid in the process.


I'm not the PP who mentioned "sugarcoating", but are you following the thread? She (the sugarcoating PP) was responding directly to a poster who told her she had "no reason" to "bring up the kid at all" and should have told her friend that the school year was"fine". Sure sounds like THAT PP was suggesting sugarcoating to me. I can only assume that PP has no friends because discussing/venting about a situation like this with friends is normal. Friends off commiseration, BTDT advice, a kind word, etc. I guess reasonable minds differ on the use of a curse word, but anyone on here suggesting that OP shouldn't have discussed this at all with a friend is a just a strange.


If I heard someone give the litany of complaints against a 10 year old that OP did, even without the *shole comment, I would think they were really off with a victim complex.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2025 07:49     Subject: Do you think it's okay to criticize the behavior of a kid who is not yours?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I think you were wrong OP. There was really no reason to bring this kid up at all to your friend or call them names. You could have just said the school year is going fine (because it is), and your daughter is looking forward to a change of scene in middle school.


So you sugarcoat your real experiences and feelings in private conversations with friends because you think it's hurtful to privately criticize someone who has been objectively rude to your kid in a way that impacts you directly?

I'm sorry, that's nuts. If a friend asks me "hey how is everything going with DD?" I am going to answer honestly because otherwise what is the point of that conversation?


Lol. So to you there is no middle ground between calling a kid an a** and “sugarcoating” the situation? Plenty of people can discuss a challenging situation with a friend, without insulting a kid in the process.


I'm not the PP who mentioned "sugarcoating", but are you following the thread? She (the sugarcoating PP) was responding directly to a poster who told her she had "no reason" to "bring up the kid at all" and should have told her friend that the school year was"fine". Sure sounds like THAT PP was suggesting sugarcoating to me. I can only assume that PP has no friends because discussing/venting about a situation like this with friends is normal. Friends off commiseration, BTDT advice, a kind word, etc. I guess reasonable minds differ on the use of a curse word, but anyone on here suggesting that OP shouldn't have discussed this at all with a friend is a just a strange.
Anonymous
Post 05/22/2025 21:53     Subject: Do you think it's okay to criticize the behavior of a kid who is not yours?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I think you were wrong OP. There was really no reason to bring this kid up at all to your friend or call them names. You could have just said the school year is going fine (because it is), and your daughter is looking forward to a change of scene in middle school.


So you sugarcoat your real experiences and feelings in private conversations with friends because you think it's hurtful to privately criticize someone who has been objectively rude to your kid in a way that impacts you directly?

I'm sorry, that's nuts. If a friend asks me "hey how is everything going with DD?" I am going to answer honestly because otherwise what is the point of that conversation?


Lol. So to you there is no middle ground between calling a kid an a** and “sugarcoating” the situation? Plenty of people can discuss a challenging situation with a friend, without insulting a kid in the process.