Anonymous
Post 05/22/2025 15:00     Subject: My Son Told Us He's Proposing
If their happiness is what's most important to OP, how can she make this wrinkle smooth and make it a merrier occasion, instead of adding negativity? That's the advice OP can actually use and couple can benefit from.
Anonymous
Post 05/22/2025 14:33     Subject: My Son Told Us He's Proposing
Anonymous wrote:You've a great opportunity to teach your son to love and respect his ILs and be easygoing in relationships. Once his wife sees you value her family and teaching your son to care for them, she'll have more reasons to love him and care about you.


Yeah! Celebrate, honor and cherish the people that just trampled all over something you were working on.

Anonymous
Post 05/22/2025 14:21     Subject: Re:My Son Told Us He's Proposing
Son and fiancee (or almost-fiancee) are "soft" and "passionate"

Mom is "livid"

This reads like a really bad airport paperback from the '80s.

Anonymous
Post 05/22/2025 14:17     Subject: My Son Told Us He's Proposing
You aren't doing him any favor by trying to weaken the roots of his connection with his ILs. You want him to have more people who care about him, not less.

If you kept discussing every wrong word and move they ever made, this connection would never thrive and that would effects life negatively for everyone involved.

Anonymous
Post 05/22/2025 14:01     Subject: My Son Told Us He's Proposing
Anonymous wrote:Being conservative catholics, my DH's family have a lot of judgment about "shacking up". If my daughters were nearly engaged, announcing it to rid of the chatter would be such a relief and my daughters or their BFs couldn't care less if I would or wouldn't.


What your daughters should stop caring about is the opinion of relatives who are stuck in an abusive religion.
Anonymous
Post 05/22/2025 13:58     Subject: My Son Told Us He's Proposing
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:They are so good together. It's been 2 years. They are 25 and 26. Soft and kind and respectful and passionate. I'm biased (a bit) but I think they will have a lovely marriage.

He asked her parents first. It was more an act of respect than it was a requefine.
r permission. They very happily gave their blessing.

And then the mom started demanding to know when the proposal was coming. My son was having the ring custom made and artists are flakey so it could be a month.

His future MIL has told pretty much all the family and I'm stunned the bride to be doesnt know yet.

I am livid.


The future MIL is a huge red flag.
If you love your son, you should warn him about marrying into this family. You should even do everything in your power to stop that marriage.
You have an obligation to protect your son.



So the son is dealing with some minor in law drama so let's escalate significantly it by trying to stop him from getting married.

I mean that's throwing gasoline on a fire. Definitely not going to end well for OP if they tried that.


PO was using sarcasm to highlight the real issue.


The parole officer is getting involved now?
Anonymous
Post 05/22/2025 13:56     Subject: My Son Told Us He's Proposing
Anonymous wrote:They are so good together. It's been 2 years. They are 25 and 26. Soft and kind and respectful and passionate. I'm biased (a bit) but I think they will have a lovely marriage.

He asked her parents first. It was more an act of respect than it was a request for permission. They very happily gave their blessing.

And then the mom started demanding to know when the proposal was coming. My son was having the ring custom made and artists are flakey so it could be a month.

His future MIL has told pretty much all the family and I'm stunned the bride to be doesnt know yet.

I am livid.


Your son caused this problem by stupidly proposing to future MIL a whole month before proposing to his fiancee.
Anonymous
Post 05/22/2025 13:43     Subject: My Son Told Us He's Proposing
OP, did you share the news with anyone? Your BFF, mother, hairdresser, sister, therapist etc? If you did then you should be able to understand that other mom meant no harm by it.
Anonymous
Post 05/22/2025 13:39     Subject: My Son Told Us He's Proposing
Anonymous wrote:They are so good together. It's been 2 years. They are 25 and 26. Soft and kind and respectful and passionate. I'm biased (a bit) but I think they will have a lovely marriage.

He asked her parents first. It was more an act of respect than it was a request for permission. They very happily gave their blessing.

And then the mom started demanding to know when the proposal was coming. My son was having the ring custom made and artists are flakey so it could be a month.

His future MIL has told pretty much all the family and I'm stunned the bride to be doesnt know yet.

I am livid.


What actually is the goal of an engagement? To celebrate your love and to let the world know of your commitment to each other.
Anonymous
Post 05/22/2025 13:11     Subject: My Son Told Us He's Proposing
You've a great opportunity to teach your son to love and respect his ILs and be easygoing in relationships. Once his wife sees you value her family and teaching your son to care for them, she'll have more reasons to love him and care about you.
Anonymous
Post 05/22/2025 12:53     Subject: My Son Told Us He's Proposing
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You guys are nuts, it doesn’t sound like the future mil told the future ride-she probably told the girls aunts or something. Genuinely-who cares? You sound like a mother of the groom-zilla.


You think it’s fine for everyone but the bride to be to know? What if she says no? It’s also HER story to tell, not her mother’s, especially since it really isn’t a story yet.


Exactly.

That the mom thinks she any agency in this at all is completely insane.


This not 1925. Things don't proceed unless bride to be is onboard. If both mothers aren't alienated from couple, they know as well.
Anonymous
Post 05/22/2025 12:48     Subject: My Son Told Us He's Proposing
Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who found it weird OP described the son's relationship as passionate?


She likely didn't mean it that way and other MIL likely didn't mean for her excitement to become a dispute. It shows how people interpret things differently and hold it against each other.
Anonymous
Post 05/22/2025 12:44     Subject: My Son Told Us He's Proposing
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:They are so good together. It's been 2 years. They are 25 and 26. Soft and kind and respectful and passionate. I'm biased (a bit) but I think they will have a lovely marriage.

He asked her parents first. It was more an act of respect than it was a request for permission. They very happily gave their blessing.

And then the mom started demanding to know when the proposal was coming. My son was having the ring custom made and artists are flakey so it could be a month.

His future MIL has told pretty much all the family and I'm stunned the bride to be doesnt know yet.

I am livid.


The future MIL is a huge red flag.
If you love your son, you should warn him about marrying into this family. You should even do everything in your power to stop that marriage.
You have an obligation to protect your son.




+1

I don't know if the wedding has to be called off, but the MIL needs her ass put in place. Who the hell does she think she is sharing his surprise?


Who did she share it with? His family, neighbors, colleagues and friends? On social media?

If she only shared it with her side of the family and they only found out about it from her, why does it matter? Why be so toxic about it?


Repeat it with me here. "It's not her info to share". It is the daughter's info to share. How is that even remotely hard to understand?

Imagine the girl all excited to get engaged and she texts her cousin 20 minutes later to tell her and she says "Yeah, I know. You mom told us last month."

It's rude af
Anonymous
Post 05/22/2025 12:44     Subject: My Son Told Us He's Proposing
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your snarky remark about artists makes me think you're a bit of a red flag too.


bad-mouthing and already having negative thoughts about your DIL's mother is a red flag as well.


+1
Anonymous
Post 05/22/2025 12:39     Subject: My Son Told Us He's Proposing
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:They are so good together. It's been 2 years. They are 25 and 26. Soft and kind and respectful and passionate. I'm biased (a bit) but I think they will have a lovely marriage.

He asked her parents first. It was more an act of respect than it was a request for permission. They very happily gave their blessing.

And then the mom started demanding to know when the proposal was coming. My son was having the ring custom made and artists are flakey so it could be a month.

His future MIL has told pretty much all the family and I'm stunned the bride to be doesnt know yet.

I am livid.


The future MIL is a huge red flag.
If you love your son, you should warn him about marrying into this family. You should even do everything in your power to stop that marriage.
You have an obligation to protect your son.




+1

I don't know if the wedding has to be called off, but the MIL needs her ass put in place. Who the hell does she think she is sharing his surprise?


Who did she share it with? His family, neighbors, colleagues and friends? On social media?

If she only shared it with her side of the family and they only found out about it from her, why does it matter? Why be so toxic about it?