Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You cannot be a good mother and have a career. Sounds like you both have different priorities and it will never work.

Oh, please! My mother had a very successful career and was a great mother. What really helped is that my father was very supportive of her doing what she wanted to do. He knew what her priorities were and trusted her. She made some mid career pivots that slowed her career but were best for the family.

Exactly. You are lying to yourself if you think there are no consequences to prioritizing your career. A lot of these women chasing these jobs are unattractive to men because it usually boils down to ego and proving that you're "somebody." Hard pass for must guys.

Except that women with college degrees and more are more likely to married and less likely to be divorced. So ambitious women are more likely to be married and stay married.

Those same women who are most married are also most likely to mommy-track. It is what it is.

So highly educated women are more likely to be married and then mommy track.

Logic doesn't follow. People on this board are claiming ambitious educated women can't find men, except, stats show these women are more likely to be married. You can claim a "mommy track" is a less ambitious doctor or lawyer, but that woman is still a doctor or lawyer, not a stay at home traditional mom.

Just pointing out people telling women they have to want to be SAHM to be married and have kids isn't supported by data.

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend and I have a beautiful connection. both of us are marriage minded. There is one issue that’s giving me pause and I’d like to know what others think.

I am ambitious and probably make a little more than him. He is somewhat traditional on gender roles. he doesn’t want me to work long hours, and I get the feeling he does not want me to climb the corporate ladder.

I’ve told him in marriage I’d compromise on long hours. But I have this feeling he may generally speaking resent me for being ambitious down the road. I have no plans of stopping being career driven though I can dial back hours.

Everything else is golden between us. Thoughts?

Not going to work long-term

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You cannot be a good mother and have a career. Sounds like you both have different priorities and it will never work.

Oh, please! My mother had a very successful career and was a great mother. What really helped is that my father was very supportive of her doing what she wanted to do. He knew what her priorities were and trusted her. She made some mid career pivots that slowed her career but were best for the family.

Exactly. You are lying to yourself if you think there are no consequences to prioritizing your career. A lot of these women chasing these jobs are unattractive to men because it usually boils down to ego and proving that you're "somebody." Hard pass for must guys.

Except that women with college degrees and more are more likely to married and less likely to be divorced. So ambitious women are more likely to be married and stay married.

Those same women who are most married are also most likely to mommy-track. It is what it is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You cannot be a good mother and have a career. Sounds like you both have different priorities and it will never work.

Oh, please! My mother had a very successful career and was a great mother. What really helped is that my father was very supportive of her doing what she wanted to do. He knew what her priorities were and trusted her. She made some mid career pivots that slowed her career but were best for the family.

Exactly. You are lying to yourself if you think there are no consequences to prioritizing your career. A lot of these women chasing these jobs are unattractive to men because it usually boils down to ego and proving that you're "somebody." Hard pass for must guys.

I would encourage women to take a hard pass on that kind of guy. You guys are going extinct.

I'm married to a supportive guy (we met in college, he was aware I had ambitions from the start). But I'd much rather be single than be married to a man who wanted me shoved into a "traditional" box.

But again, my friends are generally college educated or more and have careers and we're married. I have a friend who's an OB and is expecting her fourth kid.

Anonymous wrote:*They were a much better team than my two income aunt and uncle who fought over every dollar and chore and eventually divorced.

That likely has nothing to do with progressive v conservative. It has to do with clear understanding and acceptance of each spouse’s contribution. Or lack thereof.

Bottom line is that most important thing is to have each other's back and being able to support each other, no matter if its fidelity, careers, parenting or chores.

In current society and economy, not many can afford to be a single income family so two careers are a necessity not a choice anymore.

*They were a much better team than my two income aunt and uncle who fought over every dollar and chore and eventually divorced.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any man who isn't somewhat traditional in approaching life and too interested in what his wife brings in marriage as her own income potential or inherited wealth is a male equivalent of gold digger, wouldn't be a good partner or provider.

Not everyone wants to do all the house work, childcare and be treated like a sex doll. Progressive men make much better partners and parents.

Its sad that's your only experience of a traditional family. Both my parents were traditional and middle class so he busted his chops to provide and she into managing the family front. He was also her assistant on weekends and helped in every way possible. However, with his schedule, he wasn't able to do much after full day job and long commute on public transport.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You cannot be a good mother and have a career. Sounds like you both have different priorities and it will never work.

YOU can't but I can.

I'm a lawyer and a mom, my coworkers are mostly lawyers and parents. My kid's doing great at school, I manage my schedule so we spend lots of time together. You can manage to do these things and anyone who claims it's impossible has an agenda.

I don’t know, pp.
I’m a doctor and a mom, but I have a job, not the big career I thought I would. I couldn’t have a career and be a good primary caretaker to my kids.

My dentist only works from 9-2 Monday through Thursday so she can be there for her school aged kids. I always thought that was a pretty good schedule!

This is the real reason why we can never get an appointment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You cannot be a good mother and have a career. Sounds like you both have different priorities and it will never work.

Oh, please! My mother had a very successful career and was a great mother. What really helped is that my father was very supportive of her doing what she wanted to do. He knew what her priorities were and trusted her. She made some mid career pivots that slowed her career but were best for the family.

Exactly. You are lying to yourself if you think there are no consequences to prioritizing your career. A lot of these women chasing these jobs are unattractive to men because it usually boils down to ego and proving that you're "somebody." Hard pass for must guys.

I would encourage women to take a hard pass on that kind of guy. You guys are going extinct.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You cannot be a good mother and have a career. Sounds like you both have different priorities and it will never work.

YOU can't but I can.

I'm a lawyer and a mom, my coworkers are mostly lawyers and parents. My kid's doing great at school, I manage my schedule so we spend lots of time together. You can manage to do these things and anyone who claims it's impossible has an agenda.

A little bit of flexibility is so helpful. When my kids were little, I was in banking with a lot of facetime, rear in seat and inflexible hours. It was awful for being the kind of mom I wanted to be. Life is long though and careers ebb and flow. I ended up doing some tax consulting so I still had my foot in the workplace. I think the key is to live below your means.

+1.

It’s meaningless to say I am a mother with X career and this is how much time I spend with my family. Everything changes over time. Today, I have been a lawyer for 25 years and my children are close to flying the nest, and we live in a post-covid highly flexible world for many professionals. I feel so happy and lucky right now. But when my kids were small and I was still working my way up gaining career capital? And there was no flexibility? Honestly those were incredibly hard days. I don’t have an agenda as PP said. That comment fails to recognize all the various permutations of work and family. Back then, something was suffering all the time and it was usually me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You cannot be a good mother and have a career. Sounds like you both have different priorities and it will never work.

Oh, please! My mother had a very successful career and was a great mother. What really helped is that my father was very supportive of her doing what she wanted to do. He knew what her priorities were and trusted her. She made some mid career pivots that slowed her career but were best for the family.

Exactly. You are lying to yourself if you think there are no consequences to prioritizing your career. A lot of these women chasing these jobs are unattractive to men because it usually boils down to ego and proving that you're "somebody." Hard pass for must guys.

Except that women with college degrees and more are more likely to married and less likely to be divorced. So ambitious women are more likely to be married and stay married.

Anonymous wrote:Being traditional doesn't mean he wants you to leave work to cook and clean but may be he still wants you to manage hired help or be a loving partner and an involved mom who prioritizes family, not a stressed workaholic witch playing tit for tat 24/7 and throwing divorce threats at every argument. You wouldn't want a man like that either. Marriage is a traditional partnership, not no threads attached shack up.

Not really.

Anonymous wrote:Being traditional doesn't mean he wants you to leave work to cook and clean but may be he still wants you to manage hired help or be a loving partner and an involved mom who prioritizes family, not a stressed workaholic witch playing tit for tat 24/7 and throwing divorce threats at every argument. You wouldn't want a man like that either. [/b]Marriage is a traditional partnership, [b]not no threads attached shack up.

Not really.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You cannot be a good mother and have a career. Sounds like you both have different priorities and it will never work.

YOU can't but I can.

I'm a lawyer and a mom, my coworkers are mostly lawyers and parents. My kid's doing great at school, I manage my schedule so we spend lots of time together. You can manage to do these things and anyone who claims it's impossible has an agenda.

I don’t know, pp.
I’m a doctor and a mom, but I have a job, not the big career I thought I would. I couldn’t have a career and be a good primary caretaker to my kids.

My dentist only works from 9-2 Monday through Thursday so she can be there for her school aged kids. I always thought that was a pretty good schedule!