Anonymous wrote:This is all due to parent’s being in CONSTANT contact with their kids. If I had a problem or concern at college, I had to save it for the Sunday night call. By then, it was ancient history in my brain. When kids mention something (I need a blue book), this is when you ask, “What’s the plan?”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sit and shake my head in wonder also. My favorites are the moms (it's ALWAYS the moms) that post photos of their cherubs undercooked food from campus dining and complaining about the lack of good food. For the love of God!!!! These people are huge losers and their kids are too if they are texting photos of food they don't like to their mother.

Well, that one I get because the parents are paying for the food typically and it sounds like low quality food that they are paying for in a way that's fairly objective

They aren't paying private chef prices.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is a Freshmen in college. I have never had Facebook. I don't follow any of that. I do see the general university webpage on Insta--and announcements there.

I never checked my kids' Canvas school sites since the first year in MS. They were independent. HS----they showed up and came home and all was good. They are completely independent.

I was turned off on the tour for our state school which was filled with NoVA parents and the truly idiotic over-bearing questions. Kid is at a school that draws from all over, including Internationally, and the times we have had move-in, parent orientation, school tour and gone to visit the parents seem very chill and hands-off. fwiw, it's ivy so don't know if it is the independence these kids have to make it there.

that's great, but not all kids are mature enough to be independent in HS.

I have two kids: one is like what you describe, the other is not. Both were late bloomers, but personality has a lot to do with it.

Most 18 yr olds are not very mature. I was at 18. I did everything myself, but that was because I had to since my parents didn't speak any English, and I was first gen. I had zero support and help navigating the college process and within college (large state school). It would've been helpful if I had some support. Sure, it made me super independent, but it also made me anxious and stressed. I'm glad I can be there for my kids. That's not to say that I am a helicopter or a snow plow parent, but I will make sure that they are aware of important things and are able to handle issues, though I don't post it on FB.

A lot is how they are raised. Both my sons are like pps. Their elementary school principal was fantastic for making sure kids were independent by teaching study skills, time management and the use of canvas on their own. She seemed harsh at the time, but it worked. As parents we would initially check canvas but in middle school when we saw they were doing it we only checked if there was a lower grade, etc so that by HS we didn’t need to.

We taught independence and self-advocacy with sports coaches and teachers at the sane time. We weren’t the one approaching them with issues. We coached our kids to go to them when they needed help, didn’t understand something or a coach if they wanted to know why they weren’t getting playing time- what to work on, etc. Now this meant they often got screwed over by the kids whose parents did get up in the coach’s faces or brown-nosed, donated, etc., but it taught my kids serious grit. They failed (often not due to actual merit) and they dusted themselves off and found another team, worked harder, etc. We let them know bosses will be like future teachers and coaches—some will absolutely suck and some will be great, etc.

The high school we sent them to was college prep—wanted hands off. Parents had no access to canvas our kids learned the metro, etc.

My college freshmen navigated a surgery, a crazy sports situation, public transportation, zipcars, new phone when broken on his own. He is doing study abroad fall of sophomore year.

Yes- certain kids have disabilities or learning issues and this wouldn’t have worked—but a vast majority have parents that did way too much for them and expected to little competency or self-advocacy from them. When my kids complained—we’d ask “what can you do about it”. I taught a lot of failure opens the door for something better, next level—it’s good it happened—and they certainly have seen that play out. Dust yourself off, dig in or redirect. If you want it, don’t half-@ss it and then complain afterwards.

But, gddamn, if your kid isn’t figuring things out by college —and you need to be like some of those Facebook parents…yikes

eh.. I raised both my kids the same way, but the younger one is less mature than the older at the same age. We have to stay on top of them more because of how scattered they are. They also have some mental health issues -- some anxiety and depression. We tell them to check their grades/assignments all the time (HSer) but we also verify every so often and get on them to raise their grades if we see them sliding. They just don't care about their grades as much. Too "in the moment" unlike my older kid who was a straight A student all throughout their schooling including as a senior in college. I never had to check their grades, ever. They care more about their grades than I do. But, I did have to get on them during college apps time.

These kids have to do a lot more than I ever did in HS or college. So, I don't blame kids now a days for being more anxious and having more mental health issues.
That said, it's even more important for parents to teach them to navigate their own issues when they are older, but also be their support system.

Same. Oldest was always mature beyond years and figured it all out young. Thriving at an Ivy. Youngest has anxiety/depression and needs more guidance. We always joke if we had stopped at one kid we’d be insufferable thinking we knew it all. I’d like to think we made some impact, but they also are who they are.

PP here.. oh yes, I was pretty smug with DC #1, and when DC#2 was too young for us to realize that they were not going to be mature enough in HS to manage on their own like DC#1 did. They also ended up having a bit of a LD in addition to the mental health issues. I was humbled. Their SN is not that bad compare to some others. I used to think SN parents just needed to be more on top of their kids, but after going through some rough times with my DC, it's a lot easier said than done.

Parents of less than 3 kids or parents with 2 kids that are similar tend to have less humility about how much their presense and molding matters

I have a friend who is 1 of 8, by far the most successful, and he's the youngest who has a big age gap to the 3rd youngest.

So apparently he benefited from having the most attention as the baby.

Anonymous wrote:I’m on a page that is very helpful (which is why I stay) but also has some parents helicoptering (adding entertainment value). I’ve seen posts asking how their DC and friends, all college students, can get downtown for an event. These are adults who should be able to figure out transportation for a fun non-school related activity. But mommy is asking the other mommies.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like parenting took a massive shift in 2020 and did not recover.

I dropped mine off at college in fall of ‘18 and ‘19. They were ok.

But some parents who had their kids home in high school through covid never really let them go, mentally. And that intensity has carried forward. Those crazy posters just make me feel…profoundly normal.

My third and last is about to head off to his first dorm in August. He’d be mortified if I tried to “decorate” it. And he’d pretend not to know me if I posted about it.

I think you’re right. Sadly, my DH still refers to those Covid school years as some of the “best” for our family. Ugh.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Life is hard and you don't know what people are dealing with from the surface. Some students and parents have backgrounds of trauma or special needs and this pandemic and the arrested development it led to for many kids was hard on social growth and maturity.

Just how long can we get away with blaming the pandemic for parenting fails?

The pandemic was an adverse childhood event (ACE). Children with an ACE score of three or more tend to do poorly. So if a kid had a well adjusted childhood, the pandemic bumped their ACE score from zero to one. Those kids are still doing well. A child whose parents already divorced had an ACE score of one. The pandemic bumped that child’s ACE score to two. They’re still okay. But the child of divorce whose parent later got cancer now has an ACE score of 3, and that kid is likely to really struggle.

It’s not parenting fails, pp. More people in this generation are going to struggle. I think it will span from the college class of 2020 to about the class of 2040 or so. That’s the generation that was between ages 2 and 22 during lockdown. The pandemic was absolutely an ACE for my 3yo, but not for my 1yo.

Your 3 yo Covid child is 8 now. Doubtful that s/he has any recollection.

And if you believe the pandemic was such a major “ACE” for an entire generation what does that say about the fragile nature of these kids?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sit and shake my head in wonder also. My favorites are the moms (it's ALWAYS the moms) that post photos of their cherubs undercooked food from campus dining and complaining about the lack of good food. For the love of God!!!! These people are huge losers and their kids are too if they are texting photos of food they don't like to their mother.

Well, that one I get because the parents are paying for the food typically and it sounds like low quality food that they are paying for in a way that's fairly objective

I don't know which is worse -- an 18 to 21 YO taking the time to complain to mom and dad about the college food, or the mom (yes, it's usually the mom) taking it on as a project to reform the schools' dining plans.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How dare these kids be kids with caring parents.

LOL no. They're deranged.

They are not deranged and it’s not “horrifying.” For coming down on drama queens parents you and others certainly are ones yourself. So stop with the hyperbole.

At worst the parents are anxious. So show some grace for once and scroll by. It’s not that hard to myofb.

So, you’re posting on your kid’s school’s parent page about your every anxiety over your kid’s dumb mistakes ? Yes, people think you’re deranged.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is a Freshmen in college. I have never had Facebook. I don't follow any of that. I do see the general university webpage on Insta--and announcements there.

I never checked my kids' Canvas school sites since the first year in MS. They were independent. HS----they showed up and came home and all was good. They are completely independent.

I was turned off on the tour for our state school which was filled with NoVA parents and the truly idiotic over-bearing questions. Kid is at a school that draws from all over, including Internationally, and the times we have had move-in, parent orientation, school tour and gone to visit the parents seem very chill and hands-off. fwiw, it's ivy so don't know if it is the independence these kids have to make it there.

that's great, but not all kids are mature enough to be independent in HS.

I have two kids: one is like what you describe, the other is not. Both were late bloomers, but personality has a lot to do with it.

Most 18 yr olds are not very mature. I was at 18. I did everything myself, but that was because I had to since my parents didn't speak any English, and I was first gen. I had zero support and help navigating the college process and within college (large state school). It would've been helpful if I had some support. Sure, it made me super independent, but it also made me anxious and stressed. I'm glad I can be there for my kids. That's not to say that I am a helicopter or a snow plow parent, but I will make sure that they are aware of important things and are able to handle issues, though I don't post it on FB.

A lot is how they are raised. Both my sons are like pps. Their elementary school principal was fantastic for making sure kids were independent by teaching study skills, time management and the use of canvas on their own. She seemed harsh at the time, but it worked. As parents we would initially check canvas but in middle school when we saw they were doing it we only checked if there was a lower grade, etc so that by HS we didn’t need to.

We taught independence and self-advocacy with sports coaches and teachers at the sane time. We weren’t the one approaching them with issues. We coached our kids to go to them when they needed help, didn’t understand something or a coach if they wanted to know why they weren’t getting playing time- what to work on, etc. Now this meant they often got screwed over by the kids whose parents did get up in the coach’s faces or brown-nosed, donated, etc., but it taught my kids serious grit. They failed (often not due to actual merit) and they dusted themselves off and found another team, worked harder, etc. We let them know bosses will be like future teachers and coaches—some will absolutely suck and some will be great, etc.

The high school we sent them to was college prep—wanted hands off. Parents had no access to canvas our kids learned the metro, etc.

My college freshmen navigated a surgery, a crazy sports situation, public transportation, zipcars, new phone when broken on his own. He is doing study abroad fall of sophomore year.

Yes- certain kids have disabilities or learning issues and this wouldn’t have worked—but a vast majority have parents that did way too much for them and expected to little competency or self-advocacy from them. When my kids complained—we’d ask “what can you do about it”. I taught a lot of failure opens the door for something better, next level—it’s good it happened—and they certainly have seen that play out. Dust yourself off, dig in or redirect. If you want it, don’t half-@ss it and then complain afterwards.

But, gddamn, if your kid isn’t figuring things out by college —and you need to be like some of those Facebook parents…yikes

eh.. I raised both my kids the same way, but the younger one is less mature than the older at the same age. We have to stay on top of them more because of how scattered they are. They also have some mental health issues -- some anxiety and depression. We tell them to check their grades/assignments all the time (HSer) but we also verify every so often and get on them to raise their grades if we see them sliding. They just don't care about their grades as much. Too "in the moment" unlike my older kid who was a straight A student all throughout their schooling including as a senior in college. I never had to check their grades, ever. They care more about their grades than I do. But, I did have to get on them during college apps time.

These kids have to do a lot more than I ever did in HS or college. So, I don't blame kids now a days for being more anxious and having more mental health issues.
That said, it's even more important for parents to teach them to navigate their own issues when they are older, but also be their support system.

Same. Oldest was always mature beyond years and figured it all out young. Thriving at an Ivy. Youngest has anxiety/depression and needs more guidance. We always joke if we had stopped at one kid we’d be insufferable thinking we knew it all. I’d like to think we made some impact, but they also are who they are.

PP here.. oh yes, I was pretty smug with DC #1, and when DC#2 was too young for us to realize that they were not going to be mature enough in HS to manage on their own like DC#1 did. They also ended up having a bit of a LD in addition to the mental health issues. I was humbled. Their SN is not that bad compare to some others. I used to think SN parents just needed to be more on top of their kids, but after going through some rough times with my DC, it's a lot easier said than done.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is a Freshmen in college. I have never had Facebook. I don't follow any of that. I do see the general university webpage on Insta--and announcements there.

I never checked my kids' Canvas school sites since the first year in MS. They were independent. HS----they showed up and came home and all was good. They are completely independent.

I was turned off on the tour for our state school which was filled with NoVA parents and the truly idiotic over-bearing questions. Kid is at a school that draws from all over, including Internationally, and the times we have had move-in, parent orientation, school tour and gone to visit the parents seem very chill and hands-off. fwiw, it's ivy so don't know if it is the independence these kids have to make it there.

that's great, but not all kids are mature enough to be independent in HS.

I have two kids: one is like what you describe, the other is not. Both were late bloomers, but personality has a lot to do with it.

Most 18 yr olds are not very mature. I was at 18. I did everything myself, but that was because I had to since my parents didn't speak any English, and I was first gen. I had zero support and help navigating the college process and within college (large state school). It would've been helpful if I had some support. Sure, it made me super independent, but it also made me anxious and stressed. I'm glad I can be there for my kids. That's not to say that I am a helicopter or a snow plow parent, but I will make sure that they are aware of important things and are able to handle issues, though I don't post it on FB.

A lot is how they are raised. Both my sons are like pps. Their elementary school principal was fantastic for making sure kids were independent by teaching study skills, time management and the use of canvas on their own. She seemed harsh at the time, but it worked. As parents we would initially check canvas but in middle school when we saw they were doing it we only checked if there was a lower grade, etc so that by HS we didn’t need to.

We taught independence and self-advocacy with sports coaches and teachers at the sane time. We weren’t the one approaching them with issues. We coached our kids to go to them when they needed help, didn’t understand something or a coach if they wanted to know why they weren’t getting playing time- what to work on, etc. Now this meant they often got screwed over by the kids whose parents did get up in the coach’s faces or brown-nosed, donated, etc., but it taught my kids serious grit. They failed (often not due to actual merit) and they dusted themselves off and found another team, worked harder, etc. We let them know bosses will be like future teachers and coaches—some will absolutely suck and some will be great, etc.

The high school we sent them to was college prep—wanted hands off. Parents had no access to canvas our kids learned the metro, etc.

My college freshmen navigated a surgery, a crazy sports situation, public transportation, zipcars, new phone when broken on his own. He is doing study abroad fall of sophomore year.

Yes- certain kids have disabilities or learning issues and this wouldn’t have worked—but a vast majority have parents that did way too much for them and expected to little competency or self-advocacy from them. When my kids complained—we’d ask “what can you do about it”. I taught a lot of failure opens the door for something better, next level—it’s good it happened—and they certainly have seen that play out. Dust yourself off, dig in or redirect. If you want it, don’t half-@ss it and then complain afterwards.

But, gddamn, if your kid isn’t figuring things out by college —and you need to be like some of those Facebook parents…yikes

eh.. I raised both my kids the same way, but the younger one is less mature than the older at the same age. We have to stay on top of them more because of how scattered they are. They also have some mental health issues -- some anxiety and depression. We tell them to check their grades/assignments all the time (HSer) but we also verify every so often and get on them to raise their grades if we see them sliding. They just don't care about their grades as much. Too "in the moment" unlike my older kid who was a straight A student all throughout their schooling including as a senior in college. I never had to check their grades, ever. They care more about their grades than I do. But, I did have to get on them during college apps time.

These kids have to do a lot more than I ever did in HS or college. So, I don't blame kids now a days for being more anxious and having more mental health issues.
That said, it's even more important for parents to teach them to navigate their own issues when they are older, but also be their support system.

Same. Oldest was always mature beyond years and figured it all out young. Thriving at an Ivy. Youngest has anxiety/depression and needs more guidance. We always joke if we had stopped at one kid we’d be insufferable thinking we knew it all. I’d like to think we made some impact, but they also are who they are.

PP here.. oh yes, I was pretty smug with DC #1, and when DC#2 was too young for us to realize that they were not going to be mature enough in HS to manage on their own like DC#1 did. They also ended up having a bit of a LD in addition to the mental health issues. I was humbled. Their SN is not that bad compare to some others. I used to think SN parents just needed to be more on top of their kids, but after going through some rough times with my DC, it's a lot easier said than done.

Parents of less than 3 kids or parents with 2 kids that are similar tend to have less humility about how much their presense and molding matters

I have a friend who is 1 of 8, by far the most successful, and he's the youngest who has a big age gap to the 3rd youngest.

So apparently he benefited from having the most attention as the baby.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is a Freshmen in college. I have never had Facebook. I don't follow any of that. I do see the general university webpage on Insta--and announcements there.

I never checked my kids' Canvas school sites since the first year in MS. They were independent. HS----they showed up and came home and all was good. They are completely independent.

I was turned off on the tour for our state school which was filled with NoVA parents and the truly idiotic over-bearing questions. Kid is at a school that draws from all over, including Internationally, and the times we have had move-in, parent orientation, school tour and gone to visit the parents seem very chill and hands-off. fwiw, it's ivy so don't know if it is the independence these kids have to make it there.

that's great, but not all kids are mature enough to be independent in HS.

I have two kids: one is like what you describe, the other is not. Both were late bloomers, but personality has a lot to do with it.

Most 18 yr olds are not very mature. I was at 18. I did everything myself, but that was because I had to since my parents didn't speak any English, and I was first gen. I had zero support and help navigating the college process and within college (large state school). It would've been helpful if I had some support. Sure, it made me super independent, but it also made me anxious and stressed. I'm glad I can be there for my kids. That's not to say that I am a helicopter or a snow plow parent, but I will make sure that they are aware of important things and are able to handle issues, though I don't post it on FB.

A lot is how they are raised. Both my sons are like pps. Their elementary school principal was fantastic for making sure kids were independent by teaching study skills, time management and the use of canvas on their own. She seemed harsh at the time, but it worked. As parents we would initially check canvas but in middle school when we saw they were doing it we only checked if there was a lower grade, etc so that by HS we didn’t need to.

We taught independence and self-advocacy with sports coaches and teachers at the sane time. We weren’t the one approaching them with issues. We coached our kids to go to them when they needed help, didn’t understand something or a coach if they wanted to know why they weren’t getting playing time- what to work on, etc. Now this meant they often got screwed over by the kids whose parents did get up in the coach’s faces or brown-nosed, donated, etc., but it taught my kids serious grit. They failed (often not due to actual merit) and they dusted themselves off and found another team, worked harder, etc. We let them know bosses will be like future teachers and coaches—some will absolutely suck and some will be great, etc.

The high school we sent them to was college prep—wanted hands off. Parents had no access to canvas our kids learned the metro, etc.

My college freshmen navigated a surgery, a crazy sports situation, public transportation, zipcars, new phone when broken on his own. He is doing study abroad fall of sophomore year.

Yes- certain kids have disabilities or learning issues and this wouldn’t have worked—but a vast majority have parents that did way too much for them and expected to little competency or self-advocacy from them. When my kids complained—we’d ask “what can you do about it”. I taught a lot of failure opens the door for something better, next level—it’s good it happened—and they certainly have seen that play out. Dust yourself off, dig in or redirect. If you want it, don’t half-@ss it and then complain afterwards.

But, gddamn, if your kid isn’t figuring things out by college —and you need to be like some of those Facebook parents…yikes

eh.. I raised both my kids the same way, but the younger one is less mature than the older at the same age. We have to stay on top of them more because of how scattered they are. They also have some mental health issues -- some anxiety and depression. We tell them to check their grades/assignments all the time (HSer) but we also verify every so often and get on them to raise their grades if we see them sliding. They just don't care about their grades as much. Too "in the moment" unlike my older kid who was a straight A student all throughout their schooling including as a senior in college. I never had to check their grades, ever. They care more about their grades than I do. But, I did have to get on them during college apps time.

These kids have to do a lot more than I ever did in HS or college. So, I don't blame kids now a days for being more anxious and having more mental health issues.
That said, it's even more important for parents to teach them to navigate their own issues when they are older, but also be their support system.

Same. Oldest was always mature beyond years and figured it all out young. Thriving at an Ivy. Youngest has anxiety/depression and needs more guidance. We always joke if we had stopped at one kid we’d be insufferable thinking we knew it all. I’d like to think we made some impact, but they also are who they are.

PP here.. oh yes, I was pretty smug with DC #1, and when DC#2 was too young for us to realize that they were not going to be mature enough in HS to manage on their own like DC#1 did. They also ended up having a bit of a LD in addition to the mental health issues. I was humbled. Their SN is not that bad compare to some others. I used to think SN parents just needed to be more on top of their kids, but after going through some rough times with my DC, it's a lot easier said than done.

Parents of less than 3 kids or parents with 2 kids that are similar tend to have less humility about how much their presense and molding matters

Anonymous wrote:I feel like parenting took a massive shift in 2020 and did not recover.

I dropped mine off at college in fall of ‘18 and ‘19. They were ok.

But some parents who had their kids home in high school through covid never really let them go, mentally. And that intensity has carried forward. Those crazy posters just make me feel…profoundly normal.

My third and last is about to head off to his first dorm in August. He’d be mortified if I tried to “decorate” it. And he’d pretend not to know me if I posted about it.

Anonymous wrote:Just don't laugh about it at a dinner party. I joked about a legion of mom's joining a thread about cleaning up their student's apartments to get the security deposits back, and my friend said she'd done it and offered an explanation (and surely told everyone I was a jerk).

I gifted one security deposit to my kid and said that was the only one they'd ever get.

The blue book is crazy!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sit and shake my head in wonder also. My favorites are the moms (it's ALWAYS the moms) that post photos of their cherubs undercooked food from campus dining and complaining about the lack of good food. For the love of God!!!! These people are huge losers and their kids are too if they are texting photos of food they don't like to their mother.

Well, that one I get because the parents are paying for the food typically and it sounds like low quality food that they are paying for in a way that's fairly objective