Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:if you dont want me to come to your wedding, then just say so! lol

my sister is having one. will cost over $20k to fly, get lodging, etc... so, um, no. DH, DS and i will be toasting from afar

just really hurts, i would have loved to have been there

Wow. I'm not saying you are wrong or judging at all, but is your sister ok with this? Everyone always says, "Just don't go," but I have no idea how this plays out in real life.

The Sister needs to be "ok" with it. Unless she is paying for everyone

Anonymous wrote:Selfish and self centered. I felt this way when I was 22 and single and I still feel this way 45 and married (and high income.) Don't tell me where and when to spend my PTO and my travel budget.

I do not count "the bride is from Wisconsin so the wedding is there" as a "destination wedding." Those types are just the way it often is in this world we live in where young adults move away from family for school and jobs.

Nobody is "telling you where and when to spend your PTO and travel budget". You can simply RSVP "NO" and be done with it. In fact most expect that with a destination wedding

Anonymous wrote:I think they are great if that is what the folks getting married want to do. But I'm not attending; if I'm going to spend money and time on a vacation destination, I'm going to choose it and I'm going to be doing what I want to do.

This 1000%. If it's not in your budget and you don't really want to spend, simply RSVP No.

I'm with you---if I spend $$$$ on a trip, it's going to be to locale of my selection

Anonymous wrote:Like you, how I feel about them has depended on what stage I am in life. I don’t feel obligated to go ever so I only go if I really want to.

Agree. Great for the young and childless. I’d say as a bride and groom, know your audience. If most of your friends are at that more carefree phase of your life, go for it.

That being said, my sister was married in the Caribbean. Just family, took the kids of course, we all shared a huge villa and the ceremony was on the beach. It was magical and we all loved it.

Anonymous wrote:Why are so many of you so angry about destination weddings? If you don’t want to or can’t go, then don’t go. You don’t have to viciously attack the bride and groom, and accuse them of being selfish! It’s their lives, not yours. Jesus.

A good friend of ours just had a destination wedding in Europe, and we went and it was fantastic! You all need to lighten up.

Seconding this. I must be in the minority because I love destination weddings. I love an excuse to travel somewhere. I went to one in Costa Rica last year for a close friend and already knew a lot of the guests and we all had a blast! I don't get the hate either.

My H and I had a destination wedding and it was awesome. We originally planned to elope and it be just us. Then when we told my MIL, she realized our date matched up with BIL's school break (he was much younger) and said, we can go too! On my side, the only people I really wanted there were my parents. So we had about 8 guests, all close family. I'm happy that all the people I cared about the most were there for us.

The travel was a lot for my parents, but I know they would have NEVER in a million years visited this destination if I hadn't gotten married there. They saw so many things they'd never seen, and it was the most relaxed I've ever seen my parents. They still talk about that trip 25+ years later, and my mom happened to take the best photo of us.

My situation may be different in that it was very small and just immediate family. We have an acquaintance who also got married in the same destination with only immediate family present. About a month later they had a HUGE reception in their hometown with a few hundred people. I feel like that was a good compromise between wanting a destination wedding and wanting a large wedding party.

Even if I like the destination, I don't want to subsidize someone else's accommodation/honeymoon, and I'd like to set my own schedule/choose my own lodging, restaurants, and sightseeing. Sorry, I'm not a team player when it comes to my vacation time. We've been to a couple of family weddings in California, and that was okay because we tacked on a vacation after. It wasn't a destination wedding because they lived there, but it was an expensive to attend.

Not interested in going to one or hosting one. Unless I want to go.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you take 3 kids to a destination wedding? Just have the adults go. Jfc you can’t blame everyone else for your lack of brain cells.

Where are you leaving the kids then???

She wants you to fork over $$$$ for that too!!

Exhausting, Time Drain and a nitemare to plan or get guests to fully wanna' be a part of.

There was never such a thing as a destination wedding when I was in my 20's (I'm almost 70 now). That was called elopement and the couple went off by themselves to get married.

Marriage has become a huge industry and resorts and venues abroad are taking advantage of it. Also young people have a lot more money than we did. Traveling to another country was a big expensive deal back then. Our honeymoon was camping in northern Michigan (which we drove to with our bikes on the car). You know what? We had fun with our friends and family (and the weddings were about family back then as much or more than about friends as they were reunions for the parents and their siblings as well). My parents and my husband's parents were my main focus to be honest. I wanted them to have a good time (I mean they stayed married for 62 years and I'm on my way to that as well . . . same for my husband's parents).

A lot of these weddings are for Instagram and Facebook. Thank God we didn't have that back then. Life is not better because you spent all that money. The most fun I had at a wedding was in a park with a catered meal. It was a lovely day. Informal attire. Local band.

I think they're selfish.
You want me to take my limited vacation days, pay for airfare and lodging, food costs, nice clothes, AND a gift?

(for some reason, I don't get invited to these)

I think any time you’re trying to spend someone else’s money (eg, expecting them to pay for travel to your preferred location at your preferred time) it’s tacky.

You can plan your own party and invite whoever you want, but if it’s required attendance for anyone (immediate family, etc), it feels very selfish and entitled to me. If you want to plan a destination wedding and others truly don’t feel obligated, great, but I think in most cases someone feels like their arm is being twisted.

Anonymous wrote:I'm single and childless and I hate them. If I'm using my vacation time and budget, I want to have an actual vacation. Attending someone else's wedding is not a vacation.

A lot of times it’s better than a regular vacation because you’re invited to fun parties. My gripe is only if the bride/groom are getting a free room because they filled enough hotel rooms with guests.

Anonymous wrote:Hate them. Entitled couples. Fly off and get married. Leave us out.

+1
They are only cheap for the marrying couple because you are offloading all the costs into your guests. If you added up the airfare for everyone to come plus the elevated Hotel charges for the location and other travel costs for the extra days they normally entail it would at least equal the normal “cost for a US wedding”.

Have a cake and punch reception or a small wedding if funds are limited but don’t make me basically pay for your wedding.