Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Welp, mom needs to raise them then. Foster care not an option. Those are the breaks. Kids will be f’d up with no one wanting them.
They know neither parent wants them. They're going to be screwed no matter what. The answer is foster care. It sounds like they are unwanted. If they are wanted, someone would step in.
Foster care is not going to take in kids in this situation.
There is limited foster care for kids who DO qualify. Older kids are out in group homes, many of which are linked to drug use and trafficking.
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Mom is not leaving her kids- she loves them. She's just on the verge of a mental breakdown and her functioning is dropping because she is extremely overwhelmed with now being a single mom of 3, working very full-time, and dealing with a deadbeat, which is frankly worse than a dead dad.
She can't keep up and while family is verbally supportive, no one is there to help.
And the dad's selfish carefree example is now the one that her preteen kids want to emulate.
I just see her spiraling downward from afar, and am appalled by the legal system that seems to have no consequences for a dad (parent) who simply abandons their family. She's lives in a very "no-fault" (ie no consequences) state. The assumption is that the responsible parent will handle everything (certainly gov't doesn't want to step in and assume any cost or responsibility)
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Mom is not leaving her kids- she loves them. She's just on the verge of a mental breakdown and her functioning is dropping because she is extremely overwhelmed with now being a single mom of 3, working very full-time, and dealing with a deadbeat, which is frankly worse than a dead dad.
She can't keep up and while family is verbally supportive, no one is there to help.
And the dad's selfish carefree example is now the one that her preteen kids want to emulate.
I just see her spiraling downward from afar, and am appalled by the legal system that seems to have no consequences for a dad (parent) who simply abandons their family. She's lives in a very "no-fault" (ie no consequences) state. The assumption is that the responsible parent will handle everything (certainly gov't doesn't want to step in and assume any cost or responsibility)
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Nobody forced this woman to have three kids with a loser.
Dad did a complete 180 in midlife crisis. He was the model dad before the he bolted. Honestly, ladies, he could be any one of your husbands.
Please stop the internalized misogynistic, guilty posts on how bad the mom is and focus on the dad and what can be done to keep him from abandoning his kids
Accept it for what it is and do the best for the kids. Make him pay so that you can get the closest thing to another parent: a good nanny. And some therapists for everyone because this sounds rough. Not all of us are cut out to be parents alone, but if you can mitigate that...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Single mom here. Poor kids. Neither parent wants them? That’s awful. I have mine 24/7/365 because my ex wants the freedom to do whatever he wants. I don’t have any choices here but what am I going to do?
I'm sorry, that sounds very hard. You just accept that? Aren't there any ramifications/consequences/etc AT ALL for the dad? Is it really that easy for a father to walk away scot free?
Is is societal pressure/biology/guilt/fear of embarassment that makes moms stay with their kids and assume 100% caregiving and financial responsibility?
How has this always been the dynamic throughout history?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Welp, mom needs to raise them then. Foster care not an option. Those are the breaks. Kids will be f’d up with no one wanting them.
Foster care is always an option. These kids sound like they’ll be Fd up regardless.
You can't voluntarily relinquish your kids to foster care. It isn't an option.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Welp, mom needs to raise them then. Foster care not an option. Those are the breaks. Kids will be f’d up with no one wanting them.
Foster care is always an option. These kids sound like they’ll be Fd up regardless.
You can't voluntarily relinquish your kids to foster care. It isn't an option.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Welp, mom needs to raise them then. Foster care not an option. Those are the breaks. Kids will be f’d up with no one wanting them.
Foster care is always an option. These kids sound like they’ll be Fd up regardless.
Anonymous wrote:Welp, mom needs to raise them then. Foster care not an option. Those are the breaks. Kids will be f’d up with no one wanting them.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Every time married women are having kids, they should only have the number of kids that they can raise if they have no husband.
So, one or two is the limit for most. Why are these women breeding like sows?
Stop it. Any responsibility for the dad? Or is that just 1 big part of male privelege?
Well, why are women not upping and leaving the dad and kids? No one is stopping them. Or surrendering the kids to the state? No one is stopping them. Drowning them in a bathtub seems to be the only alternative their insect brain can think of.
And sorry, are they being raped and forced to bear kids for breeders? They should be sensible and not have more than one or two kids and that too if everything is good. If you have redflags in the relationship, then do not have kids with them.
What kind of trauma bonding is making them have sex with these losers and then popping out kids?
I'm pretty sure in this instance there was no red flag until the dad hit a midlife crisis.
"Why aren't women upping and leaving the dads and kids"? Because women tend to have more connections to their children than men do, as evidence by the number of dead beat dads.
But, I do agree that women should never rely on a man for finances. Make sure you can take care of yourself should anything happen in a marriage. I've seen too many instances of deadbeat dads. Might be a good idea to have a prenup around having kids.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:In my DH’s case his grandparents (on both side) stepped in and while in his mother’s care they basically were neglected. My DH has some trauma but is functioning. My 40 yr old SIL is still a mental health mess.
Where was the dad?