It seems like a small piece of advice that’s common to a lot of self-help philosophies. In isolation it doesn’t really work, though. What do you do when your kid’s school is refusing to follow the 504? You can’t just let them. There are many situations in life where you might have to not let them.

I hated the book and I really hate the fact that she keeps referring to it as a “theory.” It is not a causal argument that contributes to new knowledge through empirically verified hypotheses. Just a pet peeve of mine.

But the idea that you are not responsible for other people’s feelings and reactions is helpful to me. Recently my sister unloaded on me about how she felt that my parents always treated her u fairly and I should feel guilty because they treated me better and I was able to let her have her feelings and not feel like I needed to fix anything so that was helpful.

Anonymous wrote:Haven’t read the book yet but do follow her on socials. In her book and/or elsewhere, does Robbins ever give credit to the older lady that first popularized this theory?

doubtful.

mel robbins is a no talent grifter.

Anonymous wrote:Not OP, but the NYT just published this: https://www.nytimes.com/2024/12/24/well/mind/mel-robbins-let-them-profile.html

(sorry I don't have a gift link -- I don't subscribe at the moment).

The gist of it based on the article is that when other people do things that you don't like, you just... let them. And then move on. Instead of trying to control others you let them be who they are and do what they want and you focus on you.

I think it's pretty basic and seems obvious but also the sort of thing I have to be reminded about over and over and over in life. I'm getting pretty good about it in middle age but I really could have used this in my 20s and early 30s.

This is my whole approach to the whole Trump administration.

Buy my how to get rich quick book! …let her.

Given our new administration no worries you won’t have to think at all or vote

Radical acceptance?

everybody freak out and resist!! omg . . .

I like Mel Robbins. I find her practical and direct. Yes, her advice may be common sense. But a lot of people get spun up in trying to control other people or feel stuck with their circumstances. The book is more than just "Let them".

I also believe her when she tells her story of near bankruptcy in mid life and marriage challenges. I don't always believe most self-help people, but she feels authentic to me.

If she was my mother, I would likely have major issues with how much she shares about the kids publicly. But likely goes with the terrain.

TLDR - I like her, and her concepts, and find them easy to adopt.

Anonymous wrote:This book in my opinion is straight out of Alonon and AA. The jargon is so familiar. It’s so basic. Instead of “Let go and let God” it’s Let Them. All these AA terms, never get to to hungry, angry,lonely. Pause when adgitated. This information has been around since 1935.

I mean it is Stoicism rebranded for modern day consumers (AA was also a rebranding of Stoicism).

I don’t get the problem with the info being pretty much recycled old self help stuff. Of course it is. We’ve been having the same interpersonal problems for 10k years. Periodically we just update them and remind everyone that yep, we still aren’t in control and nope, that’s not an excuse to go feral.

I’ve always loved Oprah, i grew up watching her so I have an eternal soft spot, but this was a dumb endorsement. I agree that this lady is repeating old advice. She’s just trying to make a buck like ALL the other influencers!! 🙄

This book in my opinion is straight out of Alonon and AA. The jargon is so familiar. It’s so basic. Instead of “Let go and let God” it’s Let Them. All these AA terms, never get to to hungry, angry,lonely. Pause when adgitated. This information has been around since 1935.

Anonymous wrote:Your inner self will know. When you've honed your intuition and connected enough with your inner guidance system, which is your higher self, your child's self, so to speak... the self that is directly connected to Creator and Source energy Etc whatever you want to call it... you will learn to trust yourself and you don't have to check in with others or ask what's acceptable or what to tolerate or not. That's the infantilized child in us, asking that question, and doubting ourselves and not having a solid sense of self, because our parents didn't allow us to separate in a healthy way from them, because they haven't done their own inner child healing in order to be emotionally healthy or mature either. So it carries on down the lineage until one of us wakes up

WTF??

I think you just make a decision and say yes or no OMG I'm the biggest believer in energy and I think at some point, you need to stop thinking too much. What you just said is the antithesis of the concept of acceptance. It's faith. You have it or you don't. No need to explain.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually believe this theory is why America is going downhill. It's just another word for being self obsessed.

Hard disagree. Assuming I understand correctly, and we are talking on an interpersonal level (not, say, a societal law enforcement level), it’s refusing to let your own ego lead you around or distract you from what really matters. You don’t actually need to respond to every insult, settle every score, defend yourself against every bad faith implication. You can just notice what’s been done, then keep going with your own thing. It’s the equivalent of saying “okay” instead of taking the bait.

I started doing this at a certain point in my life, and it was so freeing. It also made it abundantly clear whom I wanted to spend time with…and didn’t. Gave me a better sense of humor, too. Agree with a PP that the stoics have a lot of good things to say here.

Yup. Let them be wrong about you. The life coach school says people pleasing is manipulative, which pairs nicely with this.

I would really like to know more about this idea

Oprah has said people pleasing is a survival skill.

I'm sure I'm in the minority but I was never a fan of Oprah. That lady has zero ounce of sincerity in her and the statement above makes sense - make no mistake, a person who thinks that pleasing people is a necessity will always seek to please themselves first. It's called manipulation. You can never trust someone who does that for the sheer joy of it. There's a difference between manipulating for leverage or to achieve a particular goal but not as a blanket philosophy. I've never liked her - I think she is the ultimate extrovert and it's easy to love someone who is bubbly and full of enthusiasm but I never really saw what she did that was so good. She interviewed people on a show and gave out gifts. That's how she made her money. I'm more team Martha Stewart as she at least offered skills and knowledge. I can't explain it but I've just never liked Oprah even when she was at the height of her fame.

Manipulation is not a horrible thing. To the victor go the spoils and winning is not a sin. But I don't know - some people just rub me the wrong way and Oprah does but Martha does not. Not sure exactly why.