Anonymous
12/06/2024 11:38
Subject: S/O: How are you preparing your SONS to be respectful and safe, and to protect themselves?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We/I talked to ds at about 14 about consent and using protection every single time. It was more of a refresher talk because he had started dating. We were on a road trip, so a good time to chat. I told him that if she tenses up, hesitates, or pushes him away at ALL, it was time to stop. I also told him that it was just as ok for him to stop, and she needed to respect that.
We also talked about never trusting the pill (I was on birth control both times I got pregnant, and reacting to pregnancy. I also brought up not staying in a bad relationship because he liked the sex.
Yikes. Your 14 yo is having sex?
That was 9 years ago. He wasn't having sex yet but he was dating. 14/15 is pretty common for first experiences. My husband teaches 9th grade... our heads were not buried in the sand.
Fast forward to today. At 23 1/2 ds has had the same GF for 7 years. They are talking about marriage, buying a house etc.
Dating for 7 years? So, failure to launch. Sounds like you weren't as successful as this as you thought.
What are you talking about? They are 23 and 24. He graduated from college in June, she still has two more years because she's paying her own way. He is working in his chosen field, and saving for a ring and a down-payment on a house.
Failure to lauch? Hardly.
Dating for 7 years mean someone's not committed. Cool for teenagers, not cool for adults.
Even conservative loon “Dr.” Laura says people should not get married until the age of 25. That’s how crazy you are—even Dr. Laura thinks that’s too young for marriage.
What's going to change in two years? If they're not committed, they should have been exploring options.
OMG seriously go away.
You already said it's none of your business so bye bye.
NP
There was an episode of Dr. Phil on today that brought up how dating for this long isn’t good. I.e. if you have to spend this much time talking yourself into it, it’s probably not meant to be.
Reminded me of my cousin who took 11 years to get engaged and married, started dating in their teens. Marriage lasted about two years. Now they’re happily remarried with someone else.
High school sweethearts that last do happen though, even if it’s extremely rare.
Food for thought 🤷♂️
Parent of the male here.
- "dating this long", should they have been engaged at 18?
- they were both in college. She isn't finished because she's working and paying for it herself. She has her first required degree for her line of work. The next part requires two more years in school.
- he graduated in June. They have a plan. They are both the kind of people who plan everything, and this is how they are handling getting married. I expect a short engagement once it happens.
- They are not living together.
I don't understand people's problem with this,but that's OK. Usually on here people are losing their minds if someone gets married under 25 - 27.
For a different perspective, I started dating my DH at 16. We got engaged at 26 (yes, 10 yrs!), married 27. Been almost 20 yrs. If they end up divorced, it's not the end of the world. But if they made it through college, you never know, they could be one of the ones that make it
Anonymous
12/06/2024 11:22
Subject: S/O: How are you preparing your SONS to be respectful and safe, and to protect themselves?
Anonymous wrote:I tried everything I could -no video games, no violent movies or tv, no toy guns or swords or any violent type play at all. Encouraged empathy and peaceful problem solving and anger management (I’m a behavioral scientist).
Society influences won and he is violent and has assaulted women.
However, if I hadn’t raised him as I did, I know he’d be 100 x worse.
I’ve long admired how boys are raised in other cultures, I think our culture in the USA is dangerous.
We excuse and allow bad behavior and mistreatment of women.
This is not keeping boys safe, this is pushing them to be violent.
I want to thank you for posting. You are getting some nasty comments, but there are SO MANY men who assault women. Probably quite a few of the posters on this thread. They don't want to admit it, or want to blame the woman, but it comes down to the men. They can be raised by great parents, and still end up raping or assaulting someone. It serves no one to brush it under the rug. I'm sorry your son is a predator, it cant be easy to live with that.
Anonymous
12/06/2024 11:15
Subject: S/O: How are you preparing your SONS to be respectful and safe, and to protect themselves?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We/I talked to ds at about 14 about consent and using protection every single time. It was more of a refresher talk because he had started dating. We were on a road trip, so a good time to chat. I told him that if she tenses up, hesitates, or pushes him away at ALL, it was time to stop. I also told him that it was just as ok for him to stop, and she needed to respect that.
We also talked about never trusting the pill (I was on birth control both times I got pregnant, and reacting to pregnancy. I also brought up not staying in a bad relationship because he liked the sex.
Yikes. Your 14 yo is having sex?
That was 9 years ago. He wasn't having sex yet but he was dating. 14/15 is pretty common for first experiences. My husband teaches 9th grade... our heads were not buried in the sand.
Fast forward to today. At 23 1/2 ds has had the same GF for 7 years. They are talking about marriage, buying a house etc.
Dating for 7 years? So, failure to launch. Sounds like you weren't as successful as this as you thought.
What are you talking about? They are 23 and 24. He graduated from college in June, she still has two more years because she's paying her own way. He is working in his chosen field, and saving for a ring and a down-payment on a house.
Failure to lauch? Hardly.
Dating for 7 years mean someone's not committed. Cool for teenagers, not cool for adults.
Even conservative loon “Dr.” Laura says people should not get married until the age of 25. That’s how crazy you are—even Dr. Laura thinks that’s too young for marriage.
What's going to change in two years? If they're not committed, they should have been exploring options.
OMG seriously go away.
You already said it's none of your business so bye bye.
NP
There was an episode of Dr. Phil on today that brought up how dating for this long isn’t good. I.e. if you have to spend this much time talking yourself into it, it’s probably not meant to be.
Reminded me of my cousin who took 11 years to get engaged and married, started dating in their teens. Marriage lasted about two years. Now they’re happily remarried with someone else.
High school sweethearts that last do happen though, even if it’s extremely rare.
Food for thought 🤷♂️
I'm not sure that it is that rare....I'm married to my high school sweetheart, my parents were high school sweethearts and my brother is married to his sweetheart. I know at least 4 other couples from the DMV area who are married to their sweethearts for 20+ years.
Anonymous
12/06/2024 10:51
Subject: S/O: How are you preparing your SONS to be respectful and safe, and to protect themselves?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We/I talked to ds at about 14 about consent and using protection every single time. It was more of a refresher talk because he had started dating. We were on a road trip, so a good time to chat. I told him that if she tenses up, hesitates, or pushes him away at ALL, it was time to stop. I also told him that it was just as ok for him to stop, and she needed to respect that.
We also talked about never trusting the pill (I was on birth control both times I got pregnant, and reacting to pregnancy. I also brought up not staying in a bad relationship because he liked the sex.
Yikes. Your 14 yo is having sex?
That was 9 years ago. He wasn't having sex yet but he was dating. 14/15 is pretty common for first experiences. My husband teaches 9th grade... our heads were not buried in the sand.
Fast forward to today. At 23 1/2 ds has had the same GF for 7 years. They are talking about marriage, buying a house etc.
Dating for 7 years? So, failure to launch. Sounds like you weren't as successful as this as you thought.
What are you talking about? They are 23 and 24. He graduated from college in June, she still has two more years because she's paying her own way. He is working in his chosen field, and saving for a ring and a down-payment on a house.
Failure to lauch? Hardly.
Dating for 7 years mean someone's not committed. Cool for teenagers, not cool for adults.
Even conservative loon “Dr.” Laura says people should not get married until the age of 25. That’s how crazy you are—even Dr. Laura thinks that’s too young for marriage.
What's going to change in two years? If they're not committed, they should have been exploring options.
OMG seriously go away.
You already said it's none of your business so bye bye.
NP
There was an episode of Dr. Phil on today that brought up how dating for this long isn’t good. I.e. if you have to spend this much time talking yourself into it, it’s probably not meant to be.
Reminded me of my cousin who took 11 years to get engaged and married, started dating in their teens. Marriage lasted about two years. Now they’re happily remarried with someone else.
High school sweethearts that last do happen though, even if it’s extremely rare.
Food for thought 🤷♂️
I think that if someone starts dating at 30, and hasn't committed after 7 years, that's a red flag. But someone who started dating at 16 should be waiting a long time. It's just a different experience.
Anonymous
12/06/2024 09:56
Subject: S/O: How are you preparing your SONS to be respectful and safe, and to protect themselves?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We/I talked to ds at about 14 about consent and using protection every single time. It was more of a refresher talk because he had started dating. We were on a road trip, so a good time to chat. I told him that if she tenses up, hesitates, or pushes him away at ALL, it was time to stop. I also told him that it was just as ok for him to stop, and she needed to respect that.
We also talked about never trusting the pill (I was on birth control both times I got pregnant, and reacting to pregnancy. I also brought up not staying in a bad relationship because he liked the sex.
Yikes. Your 14 yo is having sex?
That was 9 years ago. He wasn't having sex yet but he was dating. 14/15 is pretty common for first experiences. My husband teaches 9th grade... our heads were not buried in the sand.
Fast forward to today. At 23 1/2 ds has had the same GF for 7 years. They are talking about marriage, buying a house etc.
Dating for 7 years? So, failure to launch. Sounds like you weren't as successful as this as you thought.
What are you talking about? They are 23 and 24. He graduated from college in June, she still has two more years because she's paying her own way. He is working in his chosen field, and saving for a ring and a down-payment on a house.
Failure to lauch? Hardly.
Dating for 7 years mean someone's not committed. Cool for teenagers, not cool for adults.
Even conservative loon “Dr.” Laura says people should not get married until the age of 25. That’s how crazy you are—even Dr. Laura thinks that’s too young for marriage.
What's going to change in two years? If they're not committed, they should have been exploring options.
OMG seriously go away.
You already said it's none of your business so bye bye.
NP
There was an episode of Dr. Phil on today that brought up how dating for this long isn’t good. I.e. if you have to spend this much time talking yourself into it, it’s probably not meant to be.
Reminded me of my cousin who took 11 years to get engaged and married, started dating in their teens. Marriage lasted about two years. Now they’re happily remarried with someone else.
High school sweethearts that last do happen though, even if it’s extremely rare.
Food for thought 🤷♂️
They started dating as teenagers you dumb@$$. And I can call you that because you admit to watching Dr. Phil.
Anonymous
12/06/2024 09:44
Subject: S/O: How are you preparing your SONS to be respectful and safe, and to protect themselves?
Anonymous wrote:I'm seeing a lot about consent, which is great, but the major factor that's radicalizing boys into straight-up woman hating is social media. Do know what your sons are watching online? What podcasts they're listening to? I would really encourage moms to get familiar with some of the most popular streamers and podcasters and have conversations with your sons about how content creators like to say outrageous statements for attention. Look up Fresh and Fit, Kai Cenat, Aden Ross, and Andrew Schultz to start. Taylor Lorenz is really annoying but has a great little blog called User Mag that breaks down the latest news in online media targeting gen z and gen alpha. Read an article with your kids and have a discussion with them about it.
It’s not at all one sided. My boys have also shown me the many content creators that rail against men and boys and spew ridiculous hate. They aren’t interested in any side of that content.
Some of that is reflected in this thread so hate against boys seems quite acceptable.
Anonymous
12/06/2024 09:26
Subject: S/O: How are you preparing your SONS to be respectful and safe, and to protect themselves?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We/I talked to ds at about 14 about consent and using protection every single time. It was more of a refresher talk because he had started dating. We were on a road trip, so a good time to chat. I told him that if she tenses up, hesitates, or pushes him away at ALL, it was time to stop. I also told him that it was just as ok for him to stop, and she needed to respect that.
We also talked about never trusting the pill (I was on birth control both times I got pregnant, and reacting to pregnancy. I also brought up not staying in a bad relationship because he liked the sex.
Yikes. Your 14 yo is having sex?
That was 9 years ago. He wasn't having sex yet but he was dating. 14/15 is pretty common for first experiences. My husband teaches 9th grade... our heads were not buried in the sand.
Fast forward to today. At 23 1/2 ds has had the same GF for 7 years. They are talking about marriage, buying a house etc.
Dating for 7 years? So, failure to launch. Sounds like you weren't as successful as this as you thought.
What are you talking about? They are 23 and 24. He graduated from college in June, she still has two more years because she's paying her own way. He is working in his chosen field, and saving for a ring and a down-payment on a house.
Failure to lauch? Hardly.
Dating for 7 years mean someone's not committed. Cool for teenagers, not cool for adults.
STFU already. They are barely not kids anymore. No one should be getting married until they finish college.
Yeah, well, they should be finished with college at that age, too. But whatever. Thankfully not my problem!
So shut up about it.
I'm just shocked people think it's ok to shack up for 7 years! Blows my mind.
You are shocked that a couple that met young wants to mature before marriage? Context matters and specific details matter.
Anonymous
12/06/2024 09:07
Subject: S/O: How are you preparing your SONS to be respectful and safe, and to protect themselves?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We/I talked to ds at about 14 about consent and using protection every single time. It was more of a refresher talk because he had started dating. We were on a road trip, so a good time to chat. I told him that if she tenses up, hesitates, or pushes him away at ALL, it was time to stop. I also told him that it was just as ok for him to stop, and she needed to respect that.
We also talked about never trusting the pill (I was on birth control both times I got pregnant, and reacting to pregnancy. I also brought up not staying in a bad relationship because he liked the sex.
Yikes. Your 14 yo is having sex?
That was 9 years ago. He wasn't having sex yet but he was dating. 14/15 is pretty common for first experiences. My husband teaches 9th grade... our heads were not buried in the sand.
Fast forward to today. At 23 1/2 ds has had the same GF for 7 years. They are talking about marriage, buying a house etc.
Dating for 7 years? So, failure to launch. Sounds like you weren't as successful as this as you thought.
What are you talking about? They are 23 and 24. He graduated from college in June, she still has two more years because she's paying her own way. He is working in his chosen field, and saving for a ring and a down-payment on a house.
Failure to lauch? Hardly.
Dating for 7 years mean someone's not committed. Cool for teenagers, not cool for adults.
Even conservative loon “Dr.” Laura says people should not get married until the age of 25. That’s how crazy you are—even Dr. Laura thinks that’s too young for marriage.
What's going to change in two years? If they're not committed, they should have been exploring options.
OMG seriously go away.
You already said it's none of your business so bye bye.
NP
There was an episode of Dr. Phil on today that brought up how dating for this long isn’t good. I.e. if you have to spend this much time talking yourself into it, it’s probably not meant to be.
Reminded me of my cousin who took 11 years to get engaged and married, started dating in their teens. Marriage lasted about two years. Now they’re happily remarried with someone else.
High school sweethearts that last do happen though, even if it’s extremely rare.
Food for thought 🤷♂️
Parent of the male here.
- "dating this long", should they have been engaged at 18?
- they were both in college. She isn't finished because she's working and paying for it herself. She has her first required degree for her line of work. The next part requires two more years in school.
- he graduated in June. They have a plan. They are both the kind of people who plan everything, and this is how they are handling getting married. I expect a short engagement once it happens.
- They are not living together.
I don't understand people's problem with this,but that's OK. Usually on here people are losing their minds if someone gets married under 25 - 27.
Anonymous
12/06/2024 08:06
Subject: S/O: How are you preparing your SONS to be respectful and safe, and to protect themselves?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I agree with OP- I have both girls and boys and certainly believe it is my job to help them all protect themselves.
1) same with the girls be aware of your surroundings at all times
2) if you feel uncomfortable, walk away, and by all means control your emotions
3) ensure consent, if you can get it in writing or video - this includes touching, kissing, sex
4) be careful who you surround yourself with, this includes boys and girls
You're insane.
And I doubt it would stand up in court. Consent can be removed at any time.
Anonymous
12/06/2024 07:56
Subject: S/O: How are you preparing your SONS to be respectful and safe, and to protect themselves?
Anonymous wrote:I agree with OP- I have both girls and boys and certainly believe it is my job to help them all protect themselves.
1) same with the girls be aware of your surroundings at all times
2) if you feel uncomfortable, walk away, and by all means control your emotions
3) ensure consent, if you can get it in writing or video - this includes touching, kissing, sex
4) be careful who you surround yourself with, this includes boys and girls
You're insane.
Anonymous
12/06/2024 05:58
Subject: S/O: How are you preparing your SONS to be respectful and safe, and to protect themselves?
I agree with OP- I have both girls and boys and certainly believe it is my job to help them all protect themselves.
1) same with the girls be aware of your surroundings at all times
2) if you feel uncomfortable, walk away, and by all means control your emotions
3) ensure consent, if you can get it in writing or video - this includes touching, kissing, sex
4) be careful who you surround yourself with, this includes boys and girls
1) same with the girls be aware of your surroundings at all times
2) if you feel uncomfortable, walk away, and by all means control your emotions
3) ensure consent, if you can get it in writing or video - this includes touching, kissing, sex
4) be careful who you surround yourself with, this includes boys and girls
Anonymous
12/06/2024 05:18
Subject: S/O: How are you preparing your SONS to be respectful and safe, and to protect themselves?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We/I talked to ds at about 14 about consent and using protection every single time. It was more of a refresher talk because he had started dating. We were on a road trip, so a good time to chat. I told him that if she tenses up, hesitates, or pushes him away at ALL, it was time to stop. I also told him that it was just as ok for him to stop, and she needed to respect that.
We also talked about never trusting the pill (I was on birth control both times I got pregnant, and reacting to pregnancy. I also brought up not staying in a bad relationship because he liked the sex.
Yikes. Your 14 yo is having sex?
That was 9 years ago. He wasn't having sex yet but he was dating. 14/15 is pretty common for first experiences. My husband teaches 9th grade... our heads were not buried in the sand.
Fast forward to today. At 23 1/2 ds has had the same GF for 7 years. They are talking about marriage, buying a house etc.
Dating for 7 years? So, failure to launch. Sounds like you weren't as successful as this as you thought.
What are you talking about? They are 23 and 24. He graduated from college in June, she still has two more years because she's paying her own way. He is working in his chosen field, and saving for a ring and a down-payment on a house.
Failure to lauch? Hardly.
Dating for 7 years mean someone's not committed. Cool for teenagers, not cool for adults.
Even conservative loon “Dr.” Laura says people should not get married until the age of 25. That’s how crazy you are—even Dr. Laura thinks that’s too young for marriage.
What's going to change in two years? If they're not committed, they should have been exploring options.
OMG seriously go away.
You already said it's none of your business so bye bye.
NP
There was an episode of Dr. Phil on today that brought up how dating for this long isn’t good. I.e. if you have to spend this much time talking yourself into it, it’s probably not meant to be.
Reminded me of my cousin who took 11 years to get engaged and married, started dating in their teens. Marriage lasted about two years. Now they’re happily remarried with someone else.
High school sweethearts that last do happen though, even if it’s extremely rare.
Food for thought 🤷♂️
Anonymous
12/06/2024 05:11
Subject: S/O: How are you preparing your SONS to be respectful and safe, and to protect themselves?
This is ridiculous. Just teach your kids all around respect for everyone. Teach them the golden rule of “treat others the same you’d want to be treated”
Notice I say “kids” and not specifically boys.
Notice I say “kids” and not specifically boys.
Anonymous
12/06/2024 04:17
Subject: S/O: How are you preparing your SONS to be respectful and safe, and to protect themselves?
Anonymous wrote:I tried everything I could -no video games, no violent movies or tv, no toy guns or swords or any violent type play at all. Encouraged empathy and peaceful problem solving and anger management (I’m a behavioral scientist).
Society influences won and he is violent and has assaulted women.
However, if I hadn’t raised him as I did, I know he’d be 100 x worse.
I’ve long admired how boys are raised in other cultures, I think our culture in the USA is dangerous.
We excuse and allow bad behavior and mistreatment of women.
This is not keeping boys safe, this is pushing them to be violent.
im sorry- but ive seen moms like this who completely undermine their own credibility by buying skirts for their 5 year old boys in the hopes they will wear them. the boys think their moms are crazy and basically wont listen to them from a young age. i know plenty of people- both men and women who hunt and fish and rock climb and paint and do legos who are NOT violent and wouldnt even yell at anyone, much less assault them.
joanna goddard has a lot of good, helpful articles about how to raise sons.
most people in society were not rsising viking berserkers, there are a lot of nice normal guys who are not toxic. get your boys playing outside or playing video games even but off SM!
Anonymous
12/06/2024 04:02
Subject: S/O: How are you preparing your SONS to be respectful and safe, and to protect themselves?
Anonymous wrote:I'm seeing a lot about consent, which is great, but the major factor that's radicalizing boys into straight-up woman hating is social media. Do know what your sons are watching online? What podcasts they're listening to? I would really encourage moms to get familiar with some of the most popular streamers and podcasters and have conversations with your sons about how content creators like to say outrageous statements for attention. Look up Fresh and Fit, Kai Cenat, Aden Ross, and Andrew Schultz to start. Taylor Lorenz is really annoying but has a great little blog called User Mag that breaks down the latest news in online media targeting gen z and gen alpha. Read an article with your kids and have a discussion with them about it.
*Do YOU know.