Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, this woman is trying to make peace with DH's infidelity, empty nesting, loss of father and impeding loss of mother. She isn't in mindset to host. It is unfair of DH to not seek her input before saying yes to his parents. However, ILs have nothing control over any of it or their geriatric needs. They probably have no idea what's going on in son and DIL's lives or if they aren't welcome there.

Yes but they should know how staying with anyone for 10 days is way too ling

Anyone is their son, DIL and grandkids. Its not like they are moving in. Probably once a year visit requiring travel.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happens when your DH says "they will be offended" "they can't stay in a hotel" and you say "don't I matter? Don't you care about my feelings?"
Put this back on him. It's his problem to solve.

I would add, “So do you think they will be more or less offended than I was learning that you were having an affair over these holidays? Or is it always just about what you want to do over the holidays?”

Omg I love you.

But OP, I worry for you. Your insistence on forming new and wonderful memories as a couple and family is giving me “having a third baby to save the marriage” vibes. You need to chill out and let him grovel. Or if he doesn’t, then move the F on.

He’ll no. Lick a Covid infected person and take yourself to The Salamander and relax and refresh in style.

Anonymous wrote:Focus on your kids. Go to movies, museums, overnight at the Gaylord. You don’t cook, you do not clean. He wants to host? He hosts. Do not so much as make a pot of coffee—take the kids to Starbucks every morning. He wants to hosts, he hosts. That means he cooks, gets take-out, washes linens, cleans, wraps their gifts, makes them coffee, entertains them, listens to complaints…

All of this.

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, this woman is trying to make peace with DH's infidelity, empty nesting, loss of father and impeding loss of mother. She isn't in mindset to host. It is unfair of DH to not seek her input before saying yes to his parents. However, ILs have nothing control over any of it or their geriatric needs. They probably have no idea what's going on in son and DIL's lives or if they aren't welcome there.

Yes but they should know how staying with anyone for 10 days is way too ling

To be fair, this woman is trying to make peace with DH's infidelity, empty nesting, loss of father and impeding loss of mother. She isn't in mindset to host. It is unfair of DH to not seek her input before saying yes to his parents. However, ILs have nothing control over any of it or their geriatric needs. They probably have no idea what's going on in son and DIL's lives or if they aren't welcome there.

Anonymous wrote:What happens when your DH says "they will be offended" "they can't stay in a hotel" and you say "don't I matter? Don't you care about my feelings?"
Put this back on him. It's his problem to solve.

lol he’s going to say “ok they’re coming as planned, that’s my solution.”

The affair has nothing to do with the in laws. Your mother dying also has nothing to do with the in laws. You need to take a step back. Your husband cheated on you for some reason but that reason is not because it was Christmas. If you can’t forgive and move on then just move on. You are doing no good in a relationship if every year you think about your husband banging a ho ho ho. You also have a tit for tat mentality. Because husband doesn’t see your mother then you don’t want to see his. You are being toxic.

And best wishes for your mom OP. Hope you can spend some good time with her before she passes.

Anonymous wrote:You call your in-laws and tell them their son had an affair and your mother is dying, and can't possibly host them at this time of year. Sorry, no can do. End of story.

I would be doing this do this too.

FWIW I would want to know if my kids cheated.

oh man. if the kids weren't back it would be easy to just skip town and leave them to it but get you want to see your kids too. That's rough. How did it happen that this was just arranged like this even though you are not comfortable with it? It feels like your boundaries are not being respected. Does this happen a lot?

Anonymous wrote:You call your in-laws and tell them their son had an affair and your mother is dying, and can't possibly host them at this time of year. Sorry, no can do. End of story.

This!

Anonymous wrote:What happens when your DH says "they will be offended" "they can't stay in a hotel" and you say "don't I matter? Don't you care about my feelings?"
Put this back on him. It's his problem to solve.

I would add, “So do you think they will be more or less offended than I was learning that you were having an affair over these holidays? Or is it always just about what you want to do over the holidays?”

Anonymous wrote:You call your in-laws and tell them their son had an affair and your mother is dying, and can't possibly host them at this time of year. Sorry, no can do. End of story.

This is a very good answer.