Anonymous wrote:Just read this op-ed that I thought relates somewhat to the thread - it's not just the parents but also the college and universities that are the helicopters:

Gift link: https://www.nytimes.com/2024/09/03/opinion/college-students-adulting.html?unlocked_article_code=1.H04.yZHx.ao3_lK8ji3D6&smid=url-share

Excerpt: "Universities don’t openly describe students as children, but that is how they treat them. This was highlighted in the spring, when so many pro-Palestinian student protesters — most of them legal adults — faced minimal consequences for even flagrant violations of their universities’ policies. (Some were arrested — but those charges were often dropped.) American universities’ relative generosity to their students may seem appealing, especially in contrast to the plight of our imaginary waiter, but it has a dark side, in the form of increased control of student life."

Anonymous wrote:I saw some wild stuff when DD was in high school. Pay to play private theater groups, kids demanding roles in high school productions and quitting if they didn’t get the role. Parents stomping down to the school to complain. Same things in sports. Getting accommodations for tests when not really necessary.

Fast forward - these are the kids not getting jobs etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems to be more of an SEC football thing than a helicopter thing.

+1 This is very common in the South. Some families live for football season and are at every game.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I meet our high schoolers' teachers at open house and tell them they won't hear from me or see me again unless our kid is super struggling/failing and I need some feedback to support kid behind the scenes at home. If our kid is getting a passing in your class, I won't bother you for a teacher conference -- e.g., we're all good. Our student will do all speaking to you themselves about homework, assignments, tests, retakes, etc. I'm behind the scenes at home, only, so our kid learns resilience and how to speak up for themselves.

It's clear I am a rarity as a parent.

Good job. I'm Gen X and this used to be the norm. My neighbor's child just moved back home after failing out of freshman year of college so I'm taking notes on what not to do. They definitely need to hone these skills and gain some independence before college.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As to the parent Facebook groups, those are quite helpful sometimes and enormously entertaining always.

Some universities are so large and such unhelpful bureaucracies that it is the only way for your student to find their way through the maze. Parent groups also can help to hold the universities accountable - guess what, students do fall through the cracks.

But at least university has had students outing other students’ parents who were asking true helicopter questions so beware.

The only way? Really? A mom posting on Facebook asking how her DD can get a better rooomate? I disagree.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot believe how many inappropriate posts I see in my kids Facebook college group. Questions regarding handling roommate situations (DDs roommate vapes, what should I tell her to do? Should I call the RA?), oversharing medical info (dd needs a gyn for an infection, ds is having anxiety) and then of course the pile of rants about the food in the dining hall (dd doesn’t like the food! What can she eat??). No wonder so many kids have anxiety. My mom dropped me off at college 1000 miles away and I did not see her again on my campus until graduation.

+1

My favorite (From my oldest kid's parent FB page) was what is referred to as "bacon gate". A parent complaining about "no bacon in the main dining hall and what should they do to solve this problem". Thankfully 99% of the responses were, you have your adult child who is the college student ask someone in the dining hall "where's the bacon".

I get some questions are from first gen parents/lower income parents who may not have had the privilege of experiencing college themselves or seen it with family over the years so I give them some grace, as do most.
But the main response is typically "here is who to contact, but it Needs to be your student who does the contacting".

And I say this as a parent of a ND student who struggled their freshman year. Lots of decisions about taking W (to save GPA and their mental health), and the ultimate "breakdown" of getting an exam back at 9:30pm, the grade was bad (yet again) and would need to drop this key course for the intended major. This also was the night before my kid had to register for fall sophomore classes at 10am the next day. So from 9:30pm-about midnight, I was on the phone with my anxiety ridden kid helping them plan changes to their future. But I only guided the discussion. Then once they arrived at a conclusion---of a possible new major, I helped guide them with what needed to be done in the morning to start the change of major and get registered for correct classes.
Now my kid did all the work---I didn't contact anyone. But if I'm paying $40-50K/year for college, I'm going to guide my kid/roll play scenarios so they know what to say and what to do. My kid was fine, at 8am was waiting for the first signature needed, and went from there. Had it all done and successfully registered for new major courses at 10am.

But I know if I just told my kid, figure it out, while they are having a panic attack and giving up their dream major (for 10+ years), I needed to remain calm and guide the process a bit. But I would never actually DO the work for them. Just be a sounding board and calming factor

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Anonymous wrote:Yeah... you know what?
I'm a little tired of people criticizing helicopter parents.

We all do what we think is best for our families. I don't think being close-knit and seeking family togetherness is inherently bad, quite the contrary. I speak as a member of an international family whose relatives are scattered all over the world.

If I thought doing something "non-traditional" for my family was helpful, or if it made me very happy and I could afford it... heck yes, I'd do it!

+1

Refreshing to see a non-judgmental take on here. We're all just people trying to do the best we can. Also, if one family is overly close in your opinion, it shouldn't be seen as a threat to you because your family is different or makes other choices. And they should not feel threatened by your family just because they are less close but more independent. Let's just all mind our own business and stop comparing ourselves to other families. What they're doing is harmless; what you're doing is not hurting anyone either. Live and let others live the way they want to. Comparison is the thief of joy.

It's not really harmless. It causes serious arrested development in their children, which affects their ability to function later. That's a burden for themselves and society writ large. The lack of teaching children independence and resilience and letting them fail on their own actually has massive societal impacts.

Whose child are you taking care of as a result of their parents' helicoptering? I call huge BS on this.

Those of us who work are seeing this in our professional environments

Seeing what exactly? I work with a lot of recent college grads too and don't see this often if ever. Having to train recent grads is nothing new. Maybe you just suck as a manager.

Nice try with the insult but it’s a known quantity among all managers, many of whom have been training new people for decades.

What industry are you in? Because I call BS on no one seeing it at all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Three cousins all went to bigger Southern schools. They were raised by Gen X parents. One set of parents quite literally bought an apartment where the daughter goes to school so they could attend all of the football home games. They say they give their daughter space and don't sit next to her at the games, but they quite literally fly in every single weekend there is home game at the school where the D goes. Same for the other 2 cousins. Parents bought a house in the city where the S goes to attend all of the games. They also go down to the city where their other D goes all the time, like probably 15+ weekends during a school year.

Is it just a common these days for parents to be so clingy? These kinds of helicopter parents were unheard of when I was in school. Who wants to go to college and have their parents even remotely close to them for the whole weekends for 85% of the academic year?

Gameday condos are normal for wealthy alums of SEC schools

They’re not alums tho.

Anonymous wrote:This is quite literally a rich person problem.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah... you know what?
I'm a little tired of people criticizing helicopter parents.

We all do what we think is best for our families. I don't think being close-knit and seeking family togetherness is inherently bad, quite the contrary. I speak as a member of an international family whose relatives are scattered all over the world.

If I thought doing something "non-traditional" for my family was helpful, or if it made me very happy and I could afford it... heck yes, I'd do it!

+1

Refreshing to see a non-judgmental take on here. We're all just people trying to do the best we can. Also, if one family is overly close in your opinion, it shouldn't be seen as a threat to you because your family is different or makes other choices. And they should not feel threatened by your family just because they are less close but more independent. Let's just all mind our own business and stop comparing ourselves to other families. What they're doing is harmless; what you're doing is not hurting anyone either. Live and let others live the way they want to. Comparison is the thief of joy.

It's not really harmless. It causes serious arrested development in their children, which affects their ability to function later. That's a burden for themselves and society writ large. The lack of teaching children independence and resilience and letting them fail on their own actually has massive societal impacts.

Whose child are you taking care of as a result of their parents' helicoptering? I call huge BS on this.

Those of us who work are seeing this in our professional environments

Seeing what exactly? I work with a lot of recent college grads too and don't see this often if ever. Having to train recent grads is nothing new. Maybe you just suck as a manager.

Nice try with the insult but it’s a known quantity among all managers, many of whom have been training new people for decades.

What industry are you in? Because I call BS on no one seeing it at all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a good friend hiring students coming out of nursing programs. This year 3 of the candidates had parents in the zoom interview.
parent prompting candidate how to answer questions
parent answering the questions
parent negotiating the offer

Yeah I don't believe that three people had their parents in a zoom interview.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Three cousins all went to bigger Southern schools. They were raised by Gen X parents. One set of parents quite literally bought an apartment where the daughter goes to school so they could attend all of the football home games. They say they give their daughter space and don't sit next to her at the games, but they quite literally fly in every single weekend there is home game at the school where the D goes. Same for the other 2 cousins. Parents bought a house in the city where the S goes to attend all of the games. They also go down to the city where their other D goes all the time, like probably 15+ weekends during a school year.

Is it just a common these days for parents to be so clingy? These kinds of helicopter parents were unheard of when I was in school. Who wants to go to college and have their parents even remotely close to them for the whole weekends for 85% of the academic year?

this happens a lot. why are people surprised?
this is not helicopter - its just UHNW.
Very common in my circle tbh (non DMV) finance circle.

Anonymous wrote:This seems to be more of an SEC football thing than a helicopter thing.

Anonymous wrote:I cannot believe how many inappropriate posts I see in my kids Facebook college group. Questions regarding handling roommate situations (DDs roommate vapes, what should I tell her to do? Should I call the RA?), oversharing medical info (dd needs a gyn for an infection, ds is having anxiety) and then of course the pile of rants about the food in the dining hall (dd doesn’t like the food! What can she eat??). No wonder so many kids have anxiety. My mom dropped me off at college 1000 miles away and I did not see her again on my campus until graduation.