Anonymous
Post 07/19/2024 23:43     Subject: Dealing with judgemental old women
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:"I have no interest in parenting advice from a generation that drank when pregnant and beat their kids."


FYI I am 67 years old and my generation did natural childbirth, nursed our children in public, and 'wore' them in snugglis. We did not drink while pregnant, avoided eating soft cheeses, and raw fish and the pendulum swung back and forth as to whether it was ok to have caffeine while pregnant. If you want to insult all the grandmas, go ahead. But get your facts straight.


Ok grandma. Let's get you to bed.

(That's a meme. A meme is like a funny internet thing).


Wow. Mean. You were corrected and this is how you respond?


Corrected? Do you think I don't know that women breastfed in the 80s?

All you are doing is proving true the stereotype of boomers as self involved, petty narcissists with zero self awareness. Can't wait for your whole generation to kick it so we can repair the damage.


DP. I’m a millennial and I think you come across as an absolute moron, and a generally unpleasant person. But I’m sure you’re doing a bang up job raising a couple of little sh!ts to be selfish, anti-social drains on society, so great job mom!
Anonymous
Post 07/19/2024 23:43     Subject: Dealing with judgemental old women
Research has shown that oral self comfort, whether by pacifier, finger or thumb sucking, is actually a good thing. It is normal. It is necessary. It begins in the womb. It helps reduce stress and tension and improves focus and concentration. It is a natural way to self-regulate.
https://developlearngrow.com/oral-sensory-activities/

It almost never has negative implications before age 4 (where dental issues may start in some). Dentists may disagree, but do you hope for braces (which most will need anyway) or a psychiatrist and anti-anxiety meds? Even adults use oral means of self soothing, but in more subtle ways.
Anonymous
Post 07/19/2024 23:38     Subject: Dealing with judgemental old women
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m an old lady (51) telling you to let your kid keep it as long as she wants. If you take it, she will just stick something worse in her mouth (fingers, Pennie’s, etc.). This was super rude of these ladies. I would say something like “please do not address my child directly.” And if I was really irritated “I hope you are proud that you have made a little child cry.” I would then probably buy my kid a candy bar because I felt bad for them.


Fellow old lady (56!) who feels the same way. You’re fine op, don’t let them get to you.

I remember being in Target with my toddler and someone attempting to helpfully point out that my kid was wearing his shoes on the wrong feet. Thing was my dad had died the day before and I was just getting some last minute things for our 6 hour drive to my childhood home for the funeral. I nearly broke down then and there. People who know nothing about a situation have no business sticking their nose in where it doesn’t belong.


WTF? Your grief and the stranger’s comment have absolutely NO relation. I would bet anything a stranger said would make you nearly break down in that scenario. So logically, what you are actually advocating for is to never ever speak to a person you don’t know. We’re headed toward that society now and it’s a frigging nightmare, in case you haven’t looked up from your own navel in awhile.
Anonymous
Post 07/19/2024 23:31     Subject: Re:Dealing with judgemental old women
Wow, y'all . . . just . . . wow. A little perspective and a little resilience, maybe? Or a little compassion for older folks who think they're helping (or need to help) when they give unsolicited advice, especially if maybe they are feeling lonely or irrelevant or ignored and are trying, albeit ineptly, to start a conversation? Most of those writing in here have quite young kids, which makes me think that your own parents and older friends are probably often still vibrant and active. But one day they won't be, and you will hope that someone can just take it like a human if the older people you love put a foot wrong or accidentally offend or need help or don't seem au courant.

I sure hope that my aunt or my mom doesn't accidentally look at your toddler wrong one day in the grocery store.
Anonymous
Post 07/19/2024 23:30     Subject: Dealing with judgemental old women
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Part of the problem here is that many older people selectively forget all the hardest parts of parenting (especially really little kids) as well as all the imperfect parenting they did. They just remember this rosy fake past where children simply did what they were told at all times (from infancy) and never cried or were loud or whined or argued and where they were just ideal parents who never yelled (or worse) or used a parenting short cut or whatever.

When people with these extremely well-edited memories of parenthood give advice or inject themselves into parenting situations it's always total BS because they are just not acknowledging like 90% of what parenting is. It's based on a lie.


What are you talking about? You’re just imagining this is what is happening.


No this definitely happens. I've seen it with my parents. The simply don't remember the times we misbehaved and they definitely don't remember the times the lost their tempers or gave into our demands or parented imperfectly. But of course they did. They see we turned out okay and figure in retrospect they must have done everything right. But the reality is that you can make tons of mistakes as a parent and you're kids can turn out okay. Which is why nitpicking everything you see someone doing as a parent and trying to correct or judge it all is misguided. It's okay. The fact that OP's kid is using a pacifier at 3 might not be textbook good parenting but it's also unlikely to be a big deal in the end.


OMG you have issues with your parents therefore your insane bizarre theory about literally ALL OLD PEOPLE must be true?!

I hope for your kids’ sakes that some older adults (even strangers) help you parent them, because you are clearly not up to the task.
Anonymous
Post 07/19/2024 23:25     Subject: Dealing with judgemental old women
Anonymous wrote:"I have no interest in parenting advice from a generation that drank when pregnant and beat their kids."


Winner!
Anonymous
Post 07/19/2024 22:59     Subject: Dealing with judgemental old women
Anonymous wrote:Special needs parent here, I get a decent amount of advice when my child is out in public & not behaving in the “normal/age appropriate” way.

It depends on the interaction…if it is aggressive, I will steer my kid away & talk about stranger danger, that this person doesn’t know us & it is inappropriate for them to be inserting themselves at this level. So we kindly back away (& talk about finding a trusted adult if they are alone & a stranger is harassing them).

Sometimes we’ve talked about how very old people may have dementia & other issues, & we should humor them & say have a nice day. They are dealing with their own issues, & it might spill out towards us, but it is all part of being human.


When the child is a little older than 4, you can start talking about expected and unexpected behaviors and what that means. Labeling people who notice unexpected behaviors as having dementia is probably not helpful.
Anonymous
Post 07/19/2024 22:56     Subject: Dealing with judgemental old women
Anonymous wrote:Op here thanks for the helpful comments it's reassuring to hear of those who had it way past 3. We will look to bedtime only over the next couple of months, but won't rush her for the immediate future.


You kid will still be sucking on that pacifier until the other kids tease her unmercifully when she's in the 3rd grade!
Anonymous
Post 07/19/2024 22:55     Subject: Dealing with judgemental old women
Special needs parent here, I get a decent amount of advice when my child is out in public & not behaving in the “normal/age appropriate” way.

It depends on the interaction…if it is aggressive, I will steer my kid away & talk about stranger danger, that this person doesn’t know us & it is inappropriate for them to be inserting themselves at this level. So we kindly back away (& talk about finding a trusted adult if they are alone & a stranger is harassing them).

Sometimes we’ve talked about how very old people may have dementia & other issues, & we should humor them & say have a nice day. They are dealing with their own issues, & it might spill out towards us, but it is all part of being human.
Anonymous
Post 07/19/2024 22:54     Subject: Dealing with judgemental old women
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:"I have no interest in parenting advice from a generation that drank when pregnant and beat their kids."


FYI I am 67 years old and my generation did natural childbirth, nursed our children in public, and 'wore' them in snugglis. We did not drink while pregnant, avoided eating soft cheeses, and raw fish and the pendulum swung back and forth as to whether it was ok to have caffeine while pregnant. If you want to insult all the grandmas, go ahead. But get your facts straight.


You forgot to add that we didn't whine and complain about "no family to help us," which means they want grandma to be their indentured servant. Also, many worked and didn't complain about not having a year off for paid maternity vacation. When we returned to office we didn't talk about our kids constantly. We were paid to do a job and we performed our duties
Anonymous
Post 07/19/2024 22:27     Subject: Dealing with judgemental old women
Anonymous wrote:My 3 year old daughter didn't sleep well last night, we had to do a grocery trip, and to help her relax I'd allowed the pacifier out of the car while we were shopping. She has it for bed and certain times of the day, and whilst I know she's a little older it's a huge comfort and not a huge issue for me.

Two older women together came up and spoke directly to my daughter whilst in the store and told her (clearly in my earshot) that she shouldn't have that in her mouth, that it's for babies and mommy should put it in the bin. Immediately tears started flowing from the challenge. We moved away but I didn't know what to say to them or my daughter.

I feel like an awful mom. I know I will need to remove it soon but it's her comfort and there's a slightly chaotic home life at the moment with house moving.

Whilst I hope this doesn't happen again, what should I do in these situations? How would you deal with it or have dealt with it if this happened?



If she were 6-9 months old, this statement would be true but you are years overdue. Let her pick out a stuffed animal and toss the pacis.
Anonymous
Post 07/19/2024 22:07     Subject: Dealing with judgemental old women
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:“IT’S OK, LARLA, THIS LADY IS CONFUSED. WE HOPE HER HANDLER FINDS HER SOON AND TAKES HER BACK WHERE SHE BELONGS. SHE THINKS SHE’S YOUR MAMA OR GRANDMA AND SHE’S NOT. HOPEFULLY SHE GETS THE HELP SHE NEEDS.”


A 3 year old is going to understand this garbage,? It makes you look bad found crazy.


You missed the point completely, LOL.
Anonymous
Post 07/19/2024 21:58     Subject: Dealing with judgemental old women
Op here thanks for the helpful comments it's reassuring to hear of those who had it way past 3. We will look to bedtime only over the next couple of months, but won't rush her for the immediate future.
Anonymous
Post 07/19/2024 21:44     Subject: Dealing with judgemental old women
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:"I have no interest in parenting advice from a generation that drank when pregnant and beat their kids."


FYI I am 67 years old and my generation did natural childbirth, nursed our children in public, and 'wore' them in snugglis. We did not drink while pregnant, avoided eating soft cheeses, and raw fish and the pendulum swung back and forth as to whether it was ok to have caffeine while pregnant. If you want to insult all the grandmas, go ahead. But get your facts straight.




Ok grandma. Let's get you to bed.

(That's a meme. A meme is like a funny internet thing).


Wow. Mean. You were corrected and this is how you respond?


Corrected? Do you think I don't know that women breastfed in the 80s?

All you are doing is proving true the stereotype of boomers as self involved, petty narcissists with zero self awareness. Can't wait for your whole generation to kick it so we can repair the damage.


Yes you were corrected.
Anonymous
Post 07/19/2024 21:42     Subject: Dealing with judgemental old women
You’re upset because you know she’s too old for that and you haven’t done anything about it.