Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Culturally it's very normal in Atlanta. Men go to strip clubs for business meetings (and ... strip club stuff). To some men, it's no big deal. To some men, it's something they do once to try it and feel sleazy and never go again.

For your husband to be getting so drunk he doesn't recall going to a strip club sounds like (a lie) its own problem within itself. Perhaps he needs to get his drinking under control.

It is not normal. It is normalized.

In this day and age, watching naked women has NO place in a work-related setting/events.
Are you serious? Isn’t that creating a hostile environment for female employees?

It is 2024 not 1954!!

Have you been on Instagram? Everyone at work is… and what do you think they’re looking at?

They are looking at "Big 3" college commit decisions. Duh!

More seriously, teens are using Insta instead of Facebook and LinkedIn.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are you scared of

Not trusting him again.

Then you have bigger issues that go beyond him staring at a naked vagina and having titties shaking in his face.

In vegas much MUCH more happens than that.

He's put his fingers IN some other ladies. But it's what you do when you're there. It's fine. Move on.

Dcum is weird af
There’s a post on parenting about should a kid wear a 2 piece
And here you’re like - so you dh put his hand up some lady’s vagina who cares.
I don’t get it

Look, what's appropriate for a 12yo girl to do at a pool has nothing to do with what the OP's husband did with an adult woman (man?) he paid A LOT of money to in Las Vegas. Adult prostitution is not the same as worrying about your kid's age appropriate swimwear.

What does he mean when he says that he “admits he has a drinking problem and is going to address it?” Is he going to AA? Rehab?
I think you are both minimizing this

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are you scared of

Not trusting him again.

Then you have bigger issues that go beyond him staring at a naked vagina and having titties shaking in his face.

In vegas much MUCH more happens than that.

He's put his fingers IN some other ladies. But it's what you do when you're there. It's fine. Move on.

Dcum is weird af
There’s a post on parenting about should a kid wear a 2 piece
And here you’re like - so you dh put his hand up some lady’s vagina who cares.
I don’t get it

It is really inconsistent!

OP: I caught my husband having a beer at lunch.
DCUM: He may be an alcoholic

OP: My husband got blackout drunk and spent hundreds of dollars at a strip club in Vegas.
DCUM: $500 doesn’t really buy that much in Vegas.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are you scared of

Not trusting him again.

Then you have bigger issues that go beyond him staring at a naked vagina and having titties shaking in his face.

In vegas much MUCH more happens than that.

He's put his fingers IN some other ladies. But it's what you do when you're there. It's fine. Move on.

Dcum is weird af
There’s a post on parenting about should a kid wear a 2 piece
And here you’re like - so you dh put his hand up some lady’s vagina who cares.
I don’t get it

Feels consistent - burden is always on the woman to modify behavior and expectations.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Husband said he was drunk and doesn’t remember and doesn’t think he did anything inappropriate.

That is serious, to me. I’d want husband to immediately go to counseling with me and trial separation.

Me too. Of all of the “is my spouse an alcoholic” threads and comments on DCUM, this is the first one that I have actually thought is probably an alcoholic.
Getting blackout drunk, engaging in behavior damaging to your marriage while drunk, possibly being in an unsafe situation in a city you don’t know well…this all sounds like alcoholic behavior to me.
If you have other concerns about his drinking, OP, I would want a trial separation and counseling, and I wouldn’t go back until he can demonstrate sobriety.

You can rebuild. So he went to see some naked ladies. He even put it on his credit card that you have access to.

If he wanted to cheat, you'd notice it in his behavior/emotions towards you... and he wouldn't go to a strip club. That's a place to look, not to get some real action.

Oh, and the going rate in Vegas for "real action" is $2-3k. You aren't seeing that kind of money flowing out.

I think you can rebuild, especially since he’s indicated he’s going to choose you over the friend. Strip clubs aren’t where guys go to cheat.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you don’t indicate anything else about your marriage. How is it, other than this issue? Also, how long married?

23 years and I thought it was pretty dang good and solid! Definitely the love of my life but I’m not willing to tolerate cheating. We have been very clear it’s a monogamous relationship.

He does admit this isn’t the first time he’s gone but it’s been like four times and I honestly don’t care except for him not telling me. I have a really hard time getting past “I was too drunk to remember what I did” but fully admits he has a drinking problem and is going to address it. Time will tell.

He was with a friend who I don’t particularly care for who is very pushy/big spender/flashy and I do fully believe his friend initiated going there and my husband can’t say no. On his own he has realized he needs to step away from this friendship (which is a big loss for him I think - one of his closest friends).

He travels a lot which is unavoidable and I have never been concerned until now. He is completely open with his phone (I have the passcode) and finances (his paycheck goes straight into our bank account and I see most charges - he does have a separate credit card I don’t see but I see the payments coming out and he’s clearly not doing anything crazy except this). I have point blank asked if he’s ever cheated on me by specific action and, maybe I’m naive, but I do still believe him after all this when he says no. He is 100% the breadwinner and an extremely high earner.

While the speculation regarding men is fun, absolutely no concern about that here.

Can we recover and rebuild trust or do I need to run?

Anonymous wrote:Larry Flynt’s Hustlers club in Vegas if that matters. I found out from a text asking if it was a fraudulent charge. Husband said he was drunk and doesn’t remember and doesn’t think he did anything inappropriate.
We have discussed strip clubs in the past and he said “it wasn’t his thing”. I’m not 100% opposed but overall not very open to married men going, and feel it absolutely should have been discusssed first.
Husband also travels often for work (will be gone months next year) which is now a problem trust wise.
Is this a forgivable offense? Marriage breaker?

I'm calling BS on this. Makes me think that this isn't the only time. It's just the only time he's gotten caught.

My ex, who suffered from bipolar disorder, became a sex addict when he was manic. He spent so much money on strip clubs and the extra activities.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Larry Flynt’s Hustlers club in Vegas if that matters. I found out from a text asking if it was a fraudulent charge. Husband said he was drunk and doesn’t remember and doesn’t think he did anything inappropriate.
We have discussed strip clubs in the past and he said “it wasn’t his thing”. I’m not 100% opposed but overall not very open to married men going, and feel it absolutely should have been discusssed first.
Husband also travels often for work (will be gone months next year) which is now a problem trust wise.
Is this a forgivable offense? Marriage breaker?

This is a marriage breaker. You can’t trust a man who goes to strip clubs.
You should divorce. Why did you marry such a freak in the first place? Make better choices next time.

Is it literally your religion to go on every post and ask people why they married people who then turned out to not be perfect? Like is a cult commanding you?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are you scared of

Not trusting him again.

Then you have bigger issues that go beyond him staring at a naked vagina and having titties shaking in his face.

In vegas much MUCH more happens than that.

He's put his fingers IN some other ladies. But it's what you do when you're there. It's fine. Move on.

Dcum is weird af
There’s a post on parenting about should a kid wear a 2 piece
And here you’re like - so you dh put his hand up some lady’s vagina who cares.
I don’t get it

You should get tickets to a Chippendales show in Vegas and see his reaction. Be sure to get a photo with the dancers after the show.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends. My husband got silly drunk with a group of friends and went to a strip club. He told me about it and it was no big deal. I wasn’t happy about it but just thought it was stupid. He was also way too cheap and mature enough (barely) to get a lap dance. So, not an issue at all and we joke about it. But that’s because I knew that’s not his thing.

If he had gone alone or hid it from me, that would be a different story and I would be upset and assume that this was not his first or last time or that he was doing much more in that club just having a beer and watching bored naked women. I don’t care if it’s transactional, getting a lap dance and whatever else goes on in the private rooms is not cool if you are married.

He spent $500

$20-$40 will get you a nice “hands-on” lap dance in Vegas from a woman (obviously she wants tips as she works and wants you to go to the champagne room).

No idea what the going rate for male dancers is, but probably more.