Anonymous wrote:I am completely turned off by men who refuse to let women pay. I am not a child or a pet. I don't need someone to buy me my food or pay for my activities or look after my basic needs.

I don't care if he pays sometimes as long as he is perfectly fine with me paying sometimes too and any trips or bigger expenses are split.

I am an independent adult. Not looking to be dependent on another person, nor do I want a traditional gender role marriage, nor do I want a marriage based on inequitable views and actions.

I am also not interested in a man who wants me to take care of him, have him as my dependent, or have me do basic adult tasks for him.

Jesus H. How about just learn his/her values and decide you are a fit instead of these arbitrary rules (if he pays, he's treating me like a child)? It's different for every person. And it may not be your choice/preference and that's fine. But doesn't mean he is trying to "take care of you" and you paying is not emasculating.

I swear, I don't know how most of you function in society and relationships.

Anonymous wrote:Im surprised no one has mentioned the difference in cost for being what’s generally considered “date-able” for men and women:hair, clothes, make up, waxing. It’s not insignificant.

Yep! Just recently there was a thread where literally all men said how visual they were, oversensitive to extra hair in intimate zone and expected not just regular shaving (that leaves "goose bumps") but perfect waxing of intimate zone and the area around woman's ass. Dating for women is way more expensive. I spend more on mani, pedi, haircuts, toys and new lingerie dating a new man than he spends on taking me out for sure

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Are women really paying for dates? Why would you pay if he asked you out?

I don’t know. For the same reason you pay for yourself when you go out with friends. Or is the carrot the possibility of sex and he has to pay in order to get that?

If I invite a friend or my parent out, I absolutely pay . It’s the one who invites paying

So you never invite a guy out? Even after you've been dating for a while? You always wait for him to invite you so that he pays?

I alternate paying for dates, split all joint expenses pro-rate income after he asked and I agreed to be exclusive. Me sharing implies we are close enough to discuss budget for dates, travel etc and only date each other, not other people

I never pay for guys asking me out early in dating while both of us could be still seeing other people. Also, I never see any man beyond date 2 if I think he’s not a good fit. So I’m seeing only him, but don’t know yet if he sees other women until he asked to be exclusive. Have no clue on his budget and plans in relation to me. Why would I pay ?

Because he also has no idea about your budget, plans or relation to you. Because dating is a two-way street unless you are a princess who will later assume the other side of that traditional model. But you want. You just want him to pay while at the same time claiming to be a strong, independent woman.

Men I see post date 2 absolutely know I only see them. I tell them that I won't go out with others after the fist makeout session. The ball with exclusivity and asking or not asking me out is totally in his hands. I never double date as if there is a clear "contender' that preoccupies my mind, a 2nd, 3rd etc man is totally useless to me.

Dates don't need to be dinners at Ritz, it doesn't cost much to date me unless the guy dates many women at the same time and I'm one of them. If the guy doesn't have budget for inexpensive jazz tickets or bar with drinks that's not my dating field, anyway.

And yes, it does cost more for women to dress up for dates - many of us work from home. I primarily pumper up for the man I want to date. I can go to work in work clothes and with my hair in simple bun. But men are visual, women need to be on top of their game to beat out the competition.

Anonymous wrote:Im surprised no one has mentioned the difference in cost for being what’s generally considered “date-able” for men and women:hair, clothes, make up, waxing. It’s not insignificant.

I do all of those things independent of my dating life. Because I'm a professional and need to look a certain way.

Im surprised no one has mentioned the difference in cost for being what’s generally considered “date-able” for men and women:hair, clothes, make up, waxing. It’s not insignificant.

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Anonymous wrote:Are women really paying for dates? Why would you pay if he asked you out?

I don’t know. For the same reason you pay for yourself when you go out with friends. Or is the carrot the possibility of sex and he has to pay in order to get that?

If I invite a friend or my parent out, I absolutely pay . It’s the one who invites paying

So you never invite a guy out? Even after you've been dating for a while? You always wait for him to invite you so that he pays?

I alternate paying for dates, split all joint expenses pro-rate income after he asked and I agreed to be exclusive. Me sharing implies we are close enough to discuss budget for dates, travel etc and only date each other, not other people

I never pay for guys asking me out early in dating while both of us could be still seeing other people. Also, I never see any man beyond date 2 if I think he’s not a good fit. So I’m seeing only him, but don’t know yet if he sees other women until he asked to be exclusive. Have no clue on his budget and plans in relation to me. Why would I pay ?

Because he also has no idea about your budget, plans or relation to you. Because dating is a two-way street unless you are a princess who will later assume the other side of that traditional model. But you want. You just want him to pay while at the same time claiming to be a strong, independent woman.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are women really paying for dates? Why would you pay if he asked you out?

I don’t know. For the same reason you pay for yourself when you go out with friends. Or is the carrot the possibility of sex and he has to pay in order to get that?

If I invite a friend or my parent out, I absolutely pay . It’s the one who invites paying

So you never invite a guy out? Even after you've been dating for a while? You always wait for him to invite you so that he pays?

I alternate paying for dates, split all joint expenses pro-rate income after he asked and I agreed to be exclusive. Me sharing implies we are close enough to discuss budget for dates, travel etc and only date each other, not other people

I never pay for guys asking me out early in dating while both of us could be still seeing other people. Also, I never see any man beyond date 2 if I think he’s not a good fit. So I’m seeing only him, but don’t know yet if he sees other women until he asked to be exclusive. Have no clue on his budget and plans in relation to me. Why would I pay ?

I am completely turned off by men who refuse to let women pay. I am not a child or a pet. I don't need someone to buy me my food or pay for my activities or look after my basic needs.

I don't care if he pays sometimes as long as he is perfectly fine with me paying sometimes too and any trips or bigger expenses are split.

I am an independent adult. Not looking to be dependent on another person, nor do I want a traditional gender role marriage, nor do I want a marriage based on inequitable views and actions.

I am also not interested in a man who wants me to take care of him, have him as my dependent, or have me do basic adult tasks for him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are women really paying for dates? Why would you pay if he asked you out?

I don’t know. For the same reason you pay for yourself when you go out with friends. Or is the carrot the possibility of sex and he has to pay in order to get that?

If I invite a friend or my parent out, I absolutely pay . It’s the one who invites paying

So you never invite a guy out? Even after you've been dating for a while? You always wait for him to invite you so that he pays?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ladies, there is no equality of men and women. Women are still earning less, put their careers on back burner to have kids etc. It’s way harder to climb up the economical ladder as a woman. It’s only fair and equatable for men to chip in more.

Plus, men are more often than women are multi-dating. You don’t want to subsidize him going out on more dates with other women before exclusivity

I only offer to split after he asked to be exclusive and I explain my viewpoint at first date .

So far, all men were fine with this approach

So you're still single. I'd say it hasn't worked.

It did I was married for 18 years. Longer than most here on dcum. I date pretty successfully my first 2 years post divorce, no complaints with quality of my dates

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are women really paying for dates? Why would you pay if he asked you out?

I don’t know. For the same reason you pay for yourself when you go out with friends. Or is the carrot the possibility of sex and he has to pay in order to get that?

If I invite a friend or my parent out, I absolutely pay . It’s the one who invites paying

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Anonymous wrote:I never paid when I was dating ~20 years ago, but I think online dating has changed the landscape. Nobody wants to invest anything when they're meeting up with a stranger from the internet.

A stranger from the internet is still a person.

I met my partner online and he is the most amazing person. We both shared paying from the get go.

If you need a man to prove to you that he is interested by paying for your food, you don't need to be dating actual men.

We were also pretty even from the start. We made roughly the same and I don't need to date to eat. Neither of us wanted to be with someone who was only an equal in the voting booth, and you demonstrate that through your actions.

Anonymous wrote:Ladies, there is no equality of men and women. Women are still earning less, put their careers on back burner to have kids etc. It’s way harder to climb up the economical ladder as a woman. It’s only fair and equatable for men to chip in more.

Plus, men are more often than women are multi-dating. You don’t want to subsidize him going out on more dates with other women before exclusivity

I only offer to split after he asked to be exclusive and I explain my viewpoint at first date .

So far, all men were fine with this approach

So you're still single. I'd say it hasn't worked.

It’s been a long time since this has come up in my life, but knowing that there is possibly a mom in the balance falling me one of her son’s girls that he can afford drinks and ice cream for makes me shudder.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are women really paying for dates? Why would you pay if he asked you out?

I don’t know. For the same reason you pay for yourself when you go out with friends. Or is the carrot the possibility of sex and he has to pay in order to get that?

If he’s asking me out on a date, he’s not looking for friendship. I wonder if men understand that staking their resentment on the hill of splitting the check only makes them look that much worse when the next guy makes her laugh and absolutely refuses to let her pay.

No man has ever made me pay. No man has ever asked me. I just have enough respect for myself to offer half the time.