Anonymous
Post 06/03/2024 17:14     Subject: Do you ever think of how much STUFF you are leaving for your family to deal with?
Going through this right now. Parents are alive but unexpectedly in an IL facility due to my father's stroke. So far we've spent $5k just on trash removal from their 3500sf home, never mind hours upon hours of our time (I have 2 siblings). Multiple dumpsters, plus a hired junk hauler to clean out the basement.

We had a quote for $8k just to make the house look presentable for sale. (We declined.)

It's hard to get rid of stuff, but managing the excess along the way instead of hoarding it all until the bitter end seems like the correct path!
Anonymous
Post 06/03/2024 17:03     Subject: Do you ever think of how much STUFF you are leaving for your family to deal with?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
My parents actually have a lot of semi-valuable art and decorative stuff


Brace yourself. You're going to discover that it's not valuable at all.


DH talked up a few pieces of art his parents had because they kept telling him they were valuable. No. Not even close. Never were.
Anonymous
Post 06/03/2024 16:55     Subject: Do you ever think of how much STUFF you are leaving for your family to deal with?
Another perspective: Last summer, I helped my parents downsize dramatically and move to a continuing care community. They are far from hoarders and had very nice stuff, but it was a nightmare working with them to sort out what they kept, what they stored, what they sold and what they gave away. It became a control issue for my mother, which I understand because it was a major life change, but it was extremely difficult and it took weeks. The process frayed my patience and exhausted them. If, after both my parents were gone, my siblings could have just taken what we wanted and called junkers/Goodwill for the rest, it would have actually been easier.
Anonymous
Post 06/03/2024 14:50     Subject: Re:Do you ever think of how much STUFF you are leaving for your family to deal with?
Anonymous wrote:I am starting to do this now even though I’m only in my fifties. I love having less stuff stored and frankly at some point DH and I will be too old to lug heavy boxes down from the attic.

I think boomers have a real problem with hoarding. My MIL is a nightmare. She tries to store stuff at our house, always wants someone to take things and becomes enraged if it’s ever donated. She gets really pissy about it and wants us to build sheds in our backyard to store it for her. We will not.


Yes, this is exactly the type of thing I thought of when I read 13:31's post and they said it's "a sign of mental issues and control."

I posted earlier in the thread about my IL's who had so much stuff crammed in their two "guest rooms" that there was no way we could stay there because there was no where to put a pack n play. My MIL was very controlling in other ways as well.
Anonymous
Post 06/03/2024 14:48     Subject: Re:Do you ever think of how much STUFF you are leaving for your family to deal with?
I can relate that can be hard when you can know how much paid for something and it is still in new condition ao feels should be worth something but it just isn’t. Seen that for furniture and other stuff- cannot even give away.
Anonymous
Post 06/03/2024 14:45     Subject: Do you ever think of how much STUFF you are leaving for your family to deal with?
Having gone through this with my parents awhile ago and inlaws recently, I am committed to getting rid of my stuff (or just not having it in the first place.) If only I could get my spouse to agree. They didn't deal with my parents, and their parents place was 800 miles away and siblings dealt with all the stuff (which was bad enough, bc the bad feelings from that led to even more drama when the money/land had to be divided up. In addition to cleaning up your stuff, make you intentions clear and in writing.
Anonymous
Post 06/03/2024 14:40     Subject: Do you ever think of how much STUFF you are leaving for your family to deal with?
Anonymous wrote:Do you care?

I’m helping my cousins deal with their mother’s house. My aunt’s passing was very sad, but what’s even sadder is how much work my cousins have to do—amid their grief and all the legal ramifications—to deal with the stuff, stuff, stuff, STUFF.

Do older adults ever even consider how much stuff their adult kids/families will have to deal with? Do you care? Do you get that your family will have to deal with your STUFF after your death, or when you transition to assisted living or a nursing home, *while they are also dealing with their own homes, families, jobs, etc.?*


Yes , I care, and that’s why I try very hard to stay minimal with material acquisitions. I’ve been to enough estate sells to know how depressing it is to leave behind a huge house stuffed to the brim with stuff. My in laws live big and I’m already dreading the day when they die and the work of dealing with their stuff will probably fall on me. Two people in a 5000 sq ft house and so much stuff that they hardly use.
Anonymous
Post 06/03/2024 14:32     Subject: Do you ever think of how much STUFF you are leaving for your family to deal with?
Interesting to think about self-storage places and what might be in those units. I understand the use for them when you have a temporary relocation and other reasons but I know people who just off-loaded a bunch of their excess stuff into one. Did anyone's parents have one or more of these?
Anonymous
Post 06/03/2024 14:26     Subject: Do you ever think of how much STUFF you are leaving for your family to deal with?
*not getting attached to stuff
Anonymous
Post 06/03/2024 14:26     Subject: Do you ever think of how much STUFF you are leaving for your family to deal with?
Anonymous wrote:

Some do and some don't. What are you doing with YOUR stuff? Sometimes death comes early and you don't have time to get rid of it. Would you still be angry at them if they get hit by a bus? Or is that a pass?

You can only control yourself. Why not YOU do better?


I think the OP and most of the people contributing to the discussion realize that hoarding stuff is a PROBLEM and they already have plans or are now decluttering. So they have already passed the first hurdle of getting attached to stuff.
Anonymous
Post 06/03/2024 14:05     Subject: Re:Do you ever think of how much STUFF you are leaving for your family to deal with?
I am starting to do this now even though I’m only in my fifties. I love having less stuff stored and frankly at some point DH and I will be too old to lug heavy boxes down from the attic.

I think boomers have a real problem with hoarding. My MIL is a nightmare. She tries to store stuff at our house, always wants someone to take things and becomes enraged if it’s ever donated. She gets really pissy about it and wants us to build sheds in our backyard to store it for her. We will not.
Anonymous
Post 06/03/2024 13:44     Subject: Do you ever think of how much STUFF you are leaving for your family to deal with?
Anonymous wrote:Do you care?

I’m helping my cousins deal with their mother’s house. My aunt’s passing was very sad, but what’s even sadder is how much work my cousins have to do—amid their grief and all the legal ramifications—to deal with the stuff, stuff, stuff, STUFF.

Do older adults ever even consider how much stuff their adult kids/families will have to deal with? Do you care? Do you get that your family will have to deal with your STUFF after your death, or when you transition to assisted living or a nursing home, *while they are also dealing with their own homes, families, jobs, etc.?*


Some do and some don't. What are you doing with YOUR stuff? Sometimes death comes early and you don't have time to get rid of it. Would you still be angry at them if they get hit by a bus? Or is that a pass?

You can only control yourself. Why not YOU do better?
Anonymous
Post 06/03/2024 13:34     Subject: Do you ever think of how much STUFF you are leaving for your family to deal with?
Anonymous wrote:

"What they want forever themselves" is doing a ton of work in your post. And, no, I don't think it's want they "want" for themselves rather than a whole bunhc of other issues like denial, inertia, etc.


This. They don't want to deal with it themselves because it takes time and effort.
Anonymous
Post 06/03/2024 13:33     Subject: Do you ever think of how much STUFF you are leaving for your family to deal with?
I'm planning to get rid of most everything I have before I go. I'm in my 60s and I don't think I have too much stuff, but a house fills up and there is certainly too much stuff. I know my kids will not want most of it. I hope to give them anything they do want before that.
Anonymous
Post 06/03/2024 13:31     Subject: Do you ever think of how much STUFF you are leaving for your family to deal with?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My parents and older relatives have some sick joke that if we’re inheriting all their money we have to deal with cleaning and selling.

It is what it is. I think by 85, people should have their homes parsed down and cleared out. Like spare room closets empty, attic empty, basement empty


Really they should just move into their graves - sleep in a coffin, only wear the thing they want to be buried in.


You're right. Wishing my parents didn't have a garage full of broken car parts is the same as wishing they were dead. You're very smart and not at all a tedious POS.


So help them get rid of that stuff now, or figure out who you're going to have to call when the time comes. What do you want them to do? You think your parents are suddenly going to become completely different people, becuase you're planning for their death?

The entitlement on this thread is astonishing.




It means exactly what I think it means - feeling like your parents should be more concerned about your future inconvenience than about what they actually want for themselves.

This thread started about what people are doing themselves to help reduce the load for their kids and other loved ones in the future. But it quickly turned into people just sh**ting all over old people, once again, for daring to be alive.

I'm not the old person. I will be dealing with this with my own parents, who have a house crammed with stuff, one day - hopefully not soon. I don't think they have to choose to live differently than they want to now, so one day I will have less stuff to deal with.

I don't think that will be easy. It will be one of a hundred awful things to deal with one day. I don't think they owe me getting rid of their stuff today.


"What they want forever themselves" is doing a ton of work in your post. And, no, I don't think it's want they "want" for themselves rather than a whole bunhc of other issues like denial, inertia, etc.