Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As angry as you are (and have a right to be), focus on what is best for your kids and take the high road towards the guy and tell him (and Ex) that everyone being cordial adults and a unified parenting front is the best thing for the kids. Request that he really make an effort to be kind and understanding with them, since their world is upended. In the end, the only person whom you can control in this situation is yourself, so be the best version of yourself in the moment and go rant full throttle to close friends when alone. You need to be the rock for your kids. And that karma will come back to you.

+1

Handle it with class. The kids will grow up and figure out the situation and come to their own conclusions about what happened. You’re living in the moment now with the cards you’ve been dealt. They will have their own thoughts about their mother one day.

We are all supportive of the op but,honestly we don't know the reasons for the divorce and why she cheated. It maybe that she is the total villian but, it maybe more nuanced than that. You can be a good mother and still have an affair and divorce the dad. Isn't that what we would say if it was the father? Everyone would say "don't take away the father from the kids!"

I don't know the situation obviously but, let's not assume Op's ex-wife is the total baddy

No, that's a safe assumption. OP's wife is a cheating whore. That makes her a bad person. Full stop.

My best friend went through a similar situation. Unlike OP he wasted his time by asking the court to stop his children from seeing the AP and then turned the kids against the mother. Now the mother hates the son and he hates her likewise. It's a mess! Kids need both parents. I don't know how but he got the AP number and called the guy and hurled a bunch of insults at the guy. The ex wife and AP filed restarting order against him and the ex wife asked for full custody but if you have money and can afford a great lawyer you can get a break and he did.

I'm glad OP is not going down that route.

I may be wrong but it seems to me that men don't want other men having any part in raising their kids whereas women are more open to giving her ex's new partner a chance. It seems to me like women trust other women more than men trust other men.

You hardly ever hear ex wives worrying about their children being introduced to other women.

I will do background check.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids, that's the guy mommy cheated with and broke up our marriage and made you divorced kids!

Yes, do that! Absolutely, turn your kids into your confidantes and therapists, make them feel guilty for even talking to their mom and hurting your feelings, offload your burdens on them. They will be really grateful for the parentification.

Listen to this poster

Anonymous wrote: Just my 2 Cents here, It;s more harmful to the kids to pretend like everything is fine and was fine and mommy and daddy just broke up for funsies.

Kids know I knew, and though I didn't have the words for it then I had that crazy making feeling of being gaslit.

I was about he age of OP's son and I had questions I wanted answers. Especially since my parents put on a great front as perfect couple, upstanding citizens church goers etc.

Eventually it all came out, and more than the split I was angry about the lies.

Still had a relationship with my dad until he died.


So I think there is room to be honest but without being destructive .

I also think the kids need therapy so find a way to get that for the kids, OP.

Their mother is a narcissist and they are going to need all the tools in the world to deal with it.

Be careful of being an arm chair therapist and diagnosing a person without ever seeing them! A real therapist would never do this

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been divorced for 6 months now and ex wife is currently living with her affair partner. We have joint custody 50/50. She gave me heads up that she is going to introduce our kids to her boyfriend (no longer an AP he has been upgraded). I wish I could stop my children from not meeting her AP. I know I can't. I am just here to vent my frustrations. I'm fine with the divorce, I am doing well mentally and physically l. However it's killing me inside that this guy will now get to meet my kids and there is nothing I can do about it. This sucks. I would be fine if was some new guy she met post divorce but come the guy she cheated me on with...ok the rant is over thanks for reading.........

How is she living with the guy and hasn't met the kids yet?

She moved out while we were separated so she has been living in her own apartment for awhile. She recently moved in with the AP. The kids could have come across him at some point it's possible.butbi don't think they would have known what was happening.

Does she still have the apartment or will the kids now be suddenly staying at the new guy's house when your ex has custody? That seems like an extreme change if they haven't even met the guy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been divorced for 6 months now and ex wife is currently living with her affair partner. We have joint custody 50/50. She gave me heads up that she is going to introduce our kids to her boyfriend (no longer an AP he has been upgraded). I wish I could stop my children from not meeting her AP. I know I can't. I am just here to vent my frustrations. I'm fine with the divorce, I am doing well mentally and physically l. However it's killing me inside that this guy will now get to meet my kids and there is nothing I can do about it. This sucks. I would be fine if was some new guy she met post divorce but come the guy she cheated me on with...ok the rant is over thanks for reading.........

This is tough and what a lot of women also face when their husbands cheat and marry the Affair partner. It stinks for women and men in your shoes. How old are your kids? I've heard of some divorces where the parent has to wait X amount of time before they introduce them to new partner.

A lot of men are cheated on and that is the point of this post. Usually the women replace dad with the ap.

And I would say usually the man replaces his wife with the affair partner. There are so many examples of this! Robin Williams, Kevin Costner, Donald Trump, Charles Schulz Mel Gibson...I could go on and on

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here the kids are 13(boy) and 12. If you have any advice or know anyone who has been in that situation before please share....I am seeing a therapist to deal with this. I don't know if it's because I am a male and apprehensive about therapy or maybe I need to find another therapist I am not finding our sessions useful all we do is talk and I hate talking a lot especially about this....

It is good you are talking and getting your feelings out.

Better than expressing them in front of your kids or to your kids.

Take a step back, you want your kids happy and healthy.

I know you hate the AP however the AP did not destroy your marriage you and your DW did. The AP is just a symptom. You need to realize this.

Grow up get your shit together and treat your ex wife with respect not for her for your children. You can hate her in private all you want and the AP but do not do that to your kids.

He did not destroy the marriage. She destroyed it by cheating on him. Why should he respect someone who behaved so poorly? If the man cheated, you’d post very differently.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As angry as you are (and have a right to be), focus on what is best for your kids and take the high road towards the guy and tell him (and Ex) that everyone being cordial adults and a unified parenting front is the best thing for the kids. Request that he really make an effort to be kind and understanding with them, since their world is upended. In the end, the only person whom you can control in this situation is yourself, so be the best version of yourself in the moment and go rant full throttle to close friends when alone. You need to be the rock for your kids. And that karma will come back to you.

+1

Handle it with class. The kids will grow up and figure out the situation and come to their own conclusions about what happened. You’re living in the moment now with the cards you’ve been dealt. They will have their own thoughts about their mother one day.

We are all supportive of the op but,honestly we don't know the reasons for the divorce and why she cheated. It maybe that she is the total villian but, it maybe more nuanced than that. You can be a good mother and still have an affair and divorce the dad. Isn't that what we would say if it was the father? Everyone would say "don't take away the father from the kids!"

I don't know the situation obviously but, let's not assume Op's ex-wife is the total baddy

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been divorced for 6 months now and ex wife is currently living with her affair partner. We have joint custody 50/50. She gave me heads up that she is going to introduce our kids to her boyfriend (no longer an AP he has been upgraded). I wish I could stop my children from not meeting her AP. I know I can't. I am just here to vent my frustrations. I'm fine with the divorce, I am doing well mentally and physically l. However it's killing me inside that this guy will now get to meet my kids and there is nothing I can do about it. This sucks. I would be fine if was some new guy she met post divorce but come the guy she cheated me on with...ok the rant is over thanks for reading.........

This is tough and what a lot of women also face when their husbands cheat and marry the Affair partner. It stinks for women and men in your shoes. How old are your kids? I've heard of some divorces where the parent has to wait X amount of time before they introduce them to new partner.

A lot of men are cheated on and that is the point of this post. Usually the women replace dad with the ap.

Anonymous wrote:OP here the kids are 13(boy) and 12. If you have any advice or know anyone who has been in that situation before please share....I am seeing a therapist to deal with this. I don't know if it's because I am a male and apprehensive about therapy or maybe I need to find another therapist I am not finding our sessions useful all we do is talk and I hate talking a lot especially about this....

It is good you are talking and getting your feelings out.

Better than expressing them in front of your kids or to your kids.

Take a step back, you want your kids happy and healthy.

I know you hate the AP however the AP did not destroy your marriage you and your DW did. The AP is just a symptom. You need to realize this.

Grow up get your shit together and treat your ex wife with respect not for her for your children. You can hate her in private all you want and the AP but do not do that to your kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope he’s decent to your kids!

OP here I hope so too. I have no plans to ever meet him. Ex wife has the responsibility to ensure that he is good with the kids. I am not too worried about that because 99% of men honestly even if they don't like kids they will be sensitive to another man's children. 6 months anyways is really.....but what can I do nothing.

You may have to change your tune if they marry. Your kids might get married. Would you skip the ceremony just because you might meet him?

Anonymous wrote:Best thing to do is to fight for full custody of your kids.

is that best for the kids though? Unless she is abusive that seems pretty extreme

Anonymous wrote:I have been divorced for 6 months now and ex wife is currently living with her affair partner. We have joint custody 50/50. She gave me heads up that she is going to introduce our kids to her boyfriend (no longer an AP he has been upgraded). I wish I could stop my children from not meeting her AP. I know I can't. I am just here to vent my frustrations. I'm fine with the divorce, I am doing well mentally and physically l. However it's killing me inside that this guy will now get to meet my kids and there is nothing I can do about it. This sucks. I would be fine if was some new guy she met post divorce but come the guy she cheated me on with...ok the rant is over thanks for reading.........

This is tough and what a lot of women also face when their husbands cheat and marry the Affair partner. It stinks for women and men in your shoes. How old are your kids? I've heard of some divorces where the parent has to wait X amount of time before they introduce them to new partner.

Best thing to do is to fight for full custody of your kids.