Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish I’d had more chores. I was raised by a SAHM who handled everything.

I think having chores would have helped ground me and give me a break from schoolwork. It would have made me feel more a part of the family unit and like I was contributing.

Same.

This is getting closer to the main benefit of chores, that many people are missing.

It's not just to lean how to do the chores, it's to have importance as a contributing member of a household. Kids need to feel like they matter, and being a helper, both at home and as a volunteer helping a community contribute to better mental health.

I did lots of chores growing up and yet it didn’t make me feel like “I mattered.”

I don’t see why chores would make a kid feel this way? Affection, love, laughter, talking, adventure - those are things that matter.

We know that self confidence comes from mastery - not from being told how amazing you are. Learning skills and increasing independence and responsibility does a world of good for self confidence. Contributing rather than being on the sidelines when it comes to activity for mental health and well-being. If you want to raise kids who have healthy mental health, they need to learn skills, and independence and responsibility and to learn coping skills and resilience. They don't get them from having everything done for them and having nothing but praise and a focus on positive feelings and externalizing responsibility.

You’re extrapolating and making many incorrect assumptions. Chores don’t make kids confident, promise. You’ve been sold on something that isn’t true.

Chores aren't the be all and end all but they are an important way to build responsibility and independence and mastery and to be a contributing member of a family. Sure adults can learn to cook and clean, they can also learn to read and drive and write. It doesn't mean it is ideal to leave learning until later in adulthood.

I used to work at a college and some kids came with few life skills and expected that there would be a 'someone' to meet all their needs and wants. While a few figured it out on the go when they were told they had to do it, many didn't and struggled with homesickness, depression, anxiety and some left school in the first semester. Not being able to make a bed or do your laundry or clean a dish or cook a basic meal or take a bus or manage any money or clean up after themselves or boil water isn't something that a young adult should be proud of. Being a contributing member of a family goes a long way to being able to be a contributing member of a dorm on campus. The kids who think others should do everything for them and that cleaning / cooking is beneath them don't make friends easily outside of others who have had maids / nannies / parents who have done everything for them.

This is a ridiculous comparison.

Also, how long does it take to learn how to boil water?!?

I think you defining cooking as boiling water pretty much proves the point. You still don't know how to cook and haven't been able to learn it as an adult. There is a lot more to cooking than boiling water....and it would have been helpful if your parents had taught you some basic cooking skills as it seems you still lack them.

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in a household where we had help to do the chores. This allowed me to focus on schoolwork and extracurricular activities without burden. I made sure my kids enjoy the same opportunities.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish I’d had more chores. I was raised by a SAHM who handled everything.

I think having chores would have helped ground me and give me a break from schoolwork. It would have made me feel more a part of the family unit and like I was contributing.

Same.

This is getting closer to the main benefit of chores, that many people are missing.

It's not just to lean how to do the chores, it's to have importance as a contributing member of a household. Kids need to feel like they matter, and being a helper, both at home and as a volunteer helping a community contribute to better mental health.

I did lots of chores growing up and yet it didn’t make me feel like “I mattered.”

I don’t see why chores would make a kid feel this way? Affection, love, laughter, talking, adventure - those are things that matter.

We know that self confidence comes from mastery - not from being told how amazing you are. Learning skills and increasing independence and responsibility does a world of good for self confidence. Contributing rather than being on the sidelines when it comes to activity for mental health and well-being. If you want to raise kids who have healthy mental health, they need to learn skills, and independence and responsibility and to learn coping skills and resilience. They don't get them from having everything done for them and having nothing but praise and a focus on positive feelings and externalizing responsibility.

You’re extrapolating and making many incorrect assumptions. Chores don’t make kids confident, promise. You’ve been sold on something that isn’t true.

DP. Not chores per se, but independence and responsibility is good for self confidence. Having mommy come pick up your dirty underwear and vacuum up your crumbs is not a sign of good mental health.

Anonymous wrote:Never had "chores" but my parents were pretty neglectful. I was a bit like Matilda - learned to cook and do my own laundry by 3rd grade. If I wanted or needed something I had to make that happen. Eventually found my way through college and grad school fully funded. Then found a great husband, got a high paying job, and had 2 kids. My kids don't do chores, but I ensure they are responsible for their own laundry, hygiene (including room cleaning) and the older ones do all their own shopping. I'm not neglectful and I discuss with them why I parent the way I do.

In the end the neglect served me well. I know I can learn anything on my own and I don't believe people when they say something is difficult. I rarely find a problem I can't solve.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish I’d had more chores. I was raised by a SAHM who handled everything.

I think having chores would have helped ground me and give me a break from schoolwork. It would have made me feel more a part of the family unit and like I was contributing.

Same.

This is getting closer to the main benefit of chores, that many people are missing.

It's not just to lean how to do the chores, it's to have importance as a contributing member of a household. Kids need to feel like they matter, and being a helper, both at home and as a volunteer helping a community contribute to better mental health.

I did lots of chores growing up and yet it didn’t make me feel like “I mattered.”

I don’t see why chores would make a kid feel this way? Affection, love, laughter, talking, adventure - those are things that matter.

We know that self confidence comes from mastery - not from being told how amazing you are. Learning skills and increasing independence and responsibility does a world of good for self confidence. Contributing rather than being on the sidelines when it comes to activity for mental health and well-being. If you want to raise kids who have healthy mental health, they need to learn skills, and independence and responsibility and to learn coping skills and resilience. They don't get them from having everything done for them and having nothing but praise and a focus on positive feelings and externalizing responsibility.

You’re extrapolating and making many incorrect assumptions. Chores don’t make kids confident, promise. You’ve been sold on something that isn’t true.

Chores aren't the be all and end all but they are an important way to build responsibility and independence and mastery and to be a contributing member of a family. Sure adults can learn to cook and clean, they can also learn to read and drive and write. It doesn't mean it is ideal to leave learning until later in adulthood.

I used to work at a college and some kids came with few life skills and expected that there would be a 'someone' to meet all their needs and wants. While a few figured it out on the go when they were told they had to do it, many didn't and struggled with homesickness, depression, anxiety and some left school in the first semester. Not being able to make a bed or do your laundry or clean a dish or cook a basic meal or take a bus or manage any money or clean up after themselves or boil water isn't something that a young adult should be proud of. Being a contributing member of a family goes a long way to being able to be a contributing member of a dorm on campus. The kids who think others should do everything for them and that cleaning / cooking is beneath them don't make friends easily outside of others who have had maids / nannies / parents who have done everything for them.

This is a ridiculous comparison.

Also, how long does it take to learn how to boil water?!?