Anonymous
Post 05/13/2024 14:57     Subject: DH making 16-yr old attend niece's 5th Bday party
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Teenager should not have to go. This isn’t so much a family event as a 5yr old birthday party with their friends to which family is also invited. The teenager has an established relationship and will see them at other times. Have a family dinner if you want family to celebrate.

Here’s where I fall.


Yeah, same here. Especially since she's going to be expected to provide babysitting services for all the kids.

But, if her father insists that she go, I would tell her that she does *not* have to watch the kids, and can sit and hang out with the adults. You know, since it's so important that she be there for family.
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2024 14:51     Subject: DH making 16-yr old attend niece's 5th Bday party
People om DCUM complain all the time about having no community wah wah wah well this is what it is. It's showing up for birthdays and hanging out with adults and playing with kids.
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2024 14:51     Subject: DH making 16-yr old attend niece's 5th Bday party
Anonymous wrote:I would be very interested in seeing the demographics of the responses here. In our cultural background, for the most part, teens would be expected to help out at a family event if asked. And it is not a gender thing, I have two teen boys and would be appalled if they said they didn't want to and were not going to help out at a cousin's party if asked (unless they had a specific conflict with something else special they had planned, then we'd be open to discussion).


What if the birthday kid and all their friends and their parents are of a different cultural background. Why would culture matter at all?
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2024 14:49     Subject: DH making 16-yr old attend niece's 5th Bday party
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is why old people in America get stuck in nursing homes. We no longer value family. OP is upset that husband is “choosing” this party of their daughter’s game? The teenager does not want to go? My oldest son is 17 and our two youngest are 6 and 7. The 17 year old goes to the younger kids parties be it his siblings or younger family members. He does not complain. Is he happy to go? No… does he deal with it? Yes… it’s about making memories and connections. The day is not about OP’s daughter and her feelings. She can put that aside along with her enjoyment for a couple of hours. She can help out for a couple of hours.


Why should the girl martyr herself to attend a 5yr olds party with her 5yr old friends? The parents are the hosts and should do all the work. This isn’t a family gathering.


LOL. I think this might be what Louis CK called “top-shelf” words…


It’s pretty clear expect her to want to go bust her ass watching random kids instead of allowing a 16yr old to make up her own mind and have input.


And… doubling down on the hyperbole.


It's an appropriate response to the people who have decided, on their own, that this is a family party. When the OP clearly says it's a party for the friends of the 5yr old and includes the adult friends of the aunt and uncle. Therefore, not a family party at all. So why is it so important a 16 yr old attend this preschool party?
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2024 14:47     Subject: Re:DH making 16-yr old attend niece's 5th Bday party
I would be very interested in seeing the demographics of the responses here. In our cultural background, for the most part, teens would be expected to help out at a family event if asked. And it is not a gender thing, I have two teen boys and would be appalled if they said they didn't want to and were not going to help out at a cousin's party if asked (unless they had a specific conflict with something else special they had planned, then we'd be open to discussion).


I'm white and one of the people who thinks it's crazy to force the teen to attend. If OP had stated that it was a huge event, and they asked for family to help out, that would be one thing. If basically the entire family and all of the cousins would be there, that would also be one thing. To me, it sounded like a vanilla pre-K and neighborhood non-venue birthday party for the kid's friends. In this case, there's nothing for the teen to do and no point at all in going. OP stated in some other post that another teen cousin wouldn't be there, nor would OP's other teen.


Ok, it may be a cultural difference then. I'm not going to debate the rights and wrongs of it, because it is just a difference in approach and there's not necessarily one correct vs. wrong answer.
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2024 12:20     Subject: DH making 16-yr old attend niece's 5th Bday party
Anonymous wrote:I would be very interested in seeing the demographics of the responses here. In our cultural background, for the most part, teens would be expected to help out at a family event if asked. And it is not a gender thing, I have two teen boys and would be appalled if they said they didn't want to and were not going to help out at a cousin's party if asked (unless they had a specific conflict with something else special they had planned, then we'd be open to discussion).


I'm white and one of the people who thinks it's crazy to force the teen to attend. If OP had stated that it was a huge event, and they asked for family to help out, that would be one thing. If basically the entire family and all of the cousins would be there, that would also be one thing. To me, it sounded like a vanilla pre-K and neighborhood non-venue birthday party for the kid's friends. In this case, there's nothing for the teen to do and no point at all in going. OP stated in some other post that another teen cousin wouldn't be there, nor would OP's other teen.
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2024 12:11     Subject: Re:DH making 16-yr old attend niece's 5th Bday party
We have a similar situation coming up with a young niece's celebration. My 16 yo DD would like to do something else with a friend, and I told her that's fine she's excused.

DH was a little miffed, but I told him that he and I will be there representing the family and that's enough required.
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2024 11:33     Subject: DH making 16-yr old attend niece's 5th Bday party
We know a family like this. The dad insists the kids do anything and everything he says. This kind of stuff. Going to museums. Out to dinner. Taking a walk. The older boy is MISERABLE and pretty much hates his dad. Our family suspects when he leaves for college he’s never coming back. He gets absolutely no say. At all. He’s frickin 17!!
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2024 10:57     Subject: DH making 16-yr old attend niece's 5th Bday party
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is why old people in America get stuck in nursing homes. We no longer value family. OP is upset that husband is “choosing” this party of their daughter’s game? The teenager does not want to go? My oldest son is 17 and our two youngest are 6 and 7. The 17 year old goes to the younger kids parties be it his siblings or younger family members. He does not complain. Is he happy to go? No… does he deal with it? Yes… it’s about making memories and connections. The day is not about OP’s daughter and her feelings. She can put that aside along with her enjoyment for a couple of hours. She can help out for a couple of hours.


Why should the girl martyr herself to attend a 5yr olds party with her 5yr old friends? The parents are the hosts and should do all the work. This isn’t a family gathering.


LOL. I think this might be what Louis CK called “top-shelf” words…


It’s pretty clear expect her to want to go bust her ass watching random kids instead of allowing a 16yr old to make up her own mind and have input.


And… doubling down on the hyperbole.
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2024 10:41     Subject: DH making 16-yr old attend niece's 5th Bday party
I would be very interested in seeing the demographics of the responses here. In our cultural background, for the most part, teens would be expected to help out at a family event if asked. And it is not a gender thing, I have two teen boys and would be appalled if they said they didn't want to and were not going to help out at a cousin's party if asked (unless they had a specific conflict with something else special they had planned, then we'd be open to discussion).
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2024 10:36     Subject: DH making 16-yr old attend niece's 5th Bday party
All of you people who expect the teen to attend are nuts. If it were a family party, then sure, the teen should go. This is a friend party, with probably most of the pre-school or K class invited. The birthday kid will be busy with friends, and there will be nothing for the teen to do, other than be stuck babysitting.
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2024 08:37     Subject: DH making 16-yr old attend niece's 5th Bday party
Anonymous wrote:Teenager should not have to go. This isn’t so much a family event as a 5yr old birthday party with their friends to which family is also invited. The teenager has an established relationship and will see them at other times. Have a family dinner if you want family to celebrate.

Here’s where I fall.
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2024 08:28     Subject: DH making 16-yr old attend niece's 5th Bday party
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is why old people in America get stuck in nursing homes. We no longer value family. OP is upset that husband is “choosing” this party of their daughter’s game? The teenager does not want to go? My oldest son is 17 and our two youngest are 6 and 7. The 17 year old goes to the younger kids parties be it his siblings or younger family members. He does not complain. Is he happy to go? No… does he deal with it? Yes… it’s about making memories and connections. The day is not about OP’s daughter and her feelings. She can put that aside along with her enjoyment for a couple of hours. She can help out for a couple of hours.


Why should the girl martyr herself to attend a 5yr olds party with her 5yr old friends? The parents are the hosts and should do all the work. This isn’t a family gathering.


LOL. I think this might be what Louis CK called “top-shelf” words…


It’s pretty clear expect her to want to go bust her ass watching random kids instead of allowing a 16yr old to make up her own mind and have input.
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2024 08:23     Subject: DH making 16-yr old attend niece's 5th Bday party
Anonymous wrote:If it was just family, yes, she should go.

If it's a bunch of unrelated 5 year olds there to celebrate the birthday, I would not require the teenager to go -- unless the whole family is requested to be present to wrangle all the five year olds, not just the 16 year old.


This.
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2024 08:00     Subject: DH making 16-yr old attend niece's 5th Bday party
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would 100% not make my teen go, especially for a party that's not just family/extended family. Will said 16 year be spending quality time with her 5 year old cousin at this party? I highly doubt it. It doesn't sound like this is going to be a family bonding event for her.

I think family members can show up for each other in other ways.



She will go and sit in a corner somewhere on her phone.


This is what will happen. And then OP’s DH will be pissed and “force” her to interact. And that will go over like a lead balloon I’m sure.