We had friends do this when our kid was about 6 or 7. It was pretty annoying - there are so many punishments, why pick one that impacts another family? In our case, they were going to take our kid to an amusement part for the day and then cancelled at the last minute - our kid was so disappointed.

Anonymous wrote:It's rude for her to cancel plans at the last minute. She shouldn't make her problem with disciplining her child everyone else's problem.

You apparently are in regular contact with her since you know she's threatening to do this, so when she says she's thinking of grounding the kid, just politely say "just please let me know what you decide, as I will make other plans with DH and DS, so maybe we can do the market another weekend when your DS is available."

She doesn't have a problem disciplining her kid. Op has a problem with her friend disciplining her kid.

Op, sometimes making a point with your kid means canceling plans. Maybe try supporting her by being understanding.

Team OP. Don’t punish the other kid. And OP, if the mom thinks you will still go with her, then don’t. Just say it was going to be a group outing but your kid is disappointed her friend isn’t going and therefore you guys have made other plans.

When my now tweens were little, I learned about natural consequences. Kids don’t understand when a punishment is so far removed in time or totally unrelated to the offense.

Like if kid is in trouble because he purposefully broke a golf club, or damaged golf course property etc, then I could see how the consequence is not being allowed to play golf.

But barring that, I’m betting there is a much more effective punishment for whatever it is that the kid did, rather than bailing on a prior commitment and leaving friends without plans.

Anonymous wrote:I think it sucks to mete out punishments that punish other kids too

Me too. Also send a lessons it is Pl to bail on people. Find another way to ground.

Honestly, I'd probably tell her now thanks for the heads up, and that we will take a rain check on all the plans (moms, sons, dads) so that your family can make alternate fun plans. It's incredibly inconsiderate of her to leave your whole family unable to make other plans but also not certain whether these plans will go ahead or not. And that's actually the most charitable explanation I have for her behavior - she's giving you the warning now so you can bail if you want to rather than have your son disappointed last minute.

You will be pissed because you will feel like she hurt your kids feelings. And you are perceiving your child is fragile and unable to deal with anything negative and also as if your child can't and won't make any more friends and this is it and it's the only chance.

BTDT. It is mom anxiety and yes our kids get disappointed but their thinking doesn't go to the same place our mom brain does.

I’d let her know if her son doesn’t go, you will need to reschedule.

I would cancel if you are no longer wanting to do it and spend time with her. If she gets upset just tell her that yup it sucks when people cancel plans last minute.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t cancel things that impact other kids or families. I feel pretty strongly about that as well as my kids following through on their commitments and honoring the first rsvp even if something “better” comes along.

Same. It would have to be a really really big infraction to make me consider canceling on plans and adversely affecting someone else.

Op is it possible she's telling you in advance to feel you out on how important it is to you?

I think you should say, "I understand if you feel that's the best choice, but I hope you don't since Bobby is really looking forward to it and hasn't gotten much social time lately. Let us know when you decide if we need to make alternate family plans."

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Anonymous wrote:Everyone is saying that the ds should be resilient and realize that sometimes plans change. Well, maybe his mom needs to realize that sometimes plans change and OP may want to spend a day with her family if their plans get canceled. Fair is fair

Yes, of course. No one in this thread has said otherwise. And OP has not indicated that her friend would have a problem if she cancelled.

This is OP. She would absolutely be pissed if I canceled.

Golden Rule OP.

Well, it’s really up to the other mom if the plans change. If she doesn’t want to change plans, then she shouldn’t.

+ 1 there is nothing wrong with op telling her friend that her DS was really looking forward to the outing planned with friends’s son and so if friend feels the need to cancel it she’s going opt out of their planned activity as well and instead do something special with son to make up for it.

If friend has the nerve to get pissed at that then op should call her out for the hypocrite that she is.

Agree. There are lots of ways OP's friend could discipline her son that don't also disappoint and inconvenience other families.

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Anonymous wrote:Your pissed she's discipling her kid? You think your kid's fun plan and lack of resiliency is her issue?

Seriously. I cannot believe OP is complaining because her child's friend's parent is discipling her child. This is insane and incredibly entitled.

There must be something else you can do rather than cancel plans with another mom/kid

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is saying that the ds should be resilient and realize that sometimes plans change. Well, maybe his mom needs to realize that sometimes plans change and OP may want to spend a day with her family if their plans get canceled. Fair is fair

Then don’t go with the other mom. This really is not a big deal. Go or don’t go. I don’t really think the other mom will care.

op said they would care!

Anonymous wrote:It sucks that your kid will be disappointed, but I agree with others that your friend is doing the right thing. Sometimes disappointments happen.

How do we know this? We don't even know what their kid did. It could be an overreaction. Isn't there anything else you could punish your kid with?

There are so many other and better behaviors modifications than canceling an outing for offending kid.

Super rude to upset plans of so many people because mother and daughter having issues.

The sad kid should be sad that other mom is so basic. Message isn’t that plans change, but that people let others be collateral damage to their mismanagement.