If OPs FIL was a pedophile or convict no one would bat an eyelash at banning any and all contact with DC. But because she's a woman and OPs mom, it's abhorrent for a father to make boundaries for his childs safety? No no no.

She is not a safe person. She doesnt even sound like a sane person. It is 100% within DH rights to ban her from seeing DC. She will poison her grandchild, just like she's done to all her children. OP seems to be the only one hanging on, possibly enjoying being the "good" child since the others have gone no contact. She is welcome to hang on by herself, but it would be a grave mistake to allow this innocent child around such a toxic, manipulative disgusting person.

You can choose to cut her off or not, but you really need to start standing up for your DH and your DC. Right now you are letting her destroy your family - you are the dog in the burning house meme "this is fine" - no, it's not. If you dont want to end up divorced or without custody, you need to take your husbands concerns seriously.

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like she is borderline.

Check out the book Stop Walking on Eggshells and the website Out of the Fog.

Sit your husband down and let him know that you hear him. Let him know that she likely has mental illness. Let him know that you agree this was unacceptable and that she will not babysit again. Gently explain that regardless of this, she’s your mom and you don’t choose your family. You will continue to see her with the child and with your father while working to maintain appropriate boundaries. Suggest that you both go to counseling (or that you’ll go alone) to get an objective point of view on what those boundaries could be and how to protect your relationship with him and your family with him while nevertheless remaining in touch with your parents, who are part of you.

Good luck.

Agree; mom likely suffers from undiagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder.

To make matters worse, many psychiatrists refuse to take BPD patients due to the near-impossibility of treating that disorder.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She has your goose cooked hasn't she?
Toxic woman and you can't let go of mommy. Do you live her or does she guilt you into saying you do and act like a good daughter?.
Even if your hubbie dropped dead tonight eliminating the dilemma in original post, I suggest you get therapy and shield yourself and your children from that verbal abuse.

I wrote this. I apologize because it is cruel. But it's also my cruelly lived truth. My mother did what you describe. She made me say we were "best friends" and that I loved her. I didn't after about age 9.
I moved out for college.

When I was an adult, I would curl up on the floor crying hysterically before making my "obligatory" Sunday call.

I am what a child of that kind of abuse can grow up to be like. Not saying its what you are like.. But you have another generation that will be exposed to her abuse..

I deliberately chose around age 9 not to have children because I figured I would treat them as I was treated, so no worries there.
I do suggest therapy whether or not you continue your family contact with her.
Best wishes.

I don’t think what you wrote was cruel. It sounds like something a blunt therapist would say.

Part of moving forward is accepting what will not change and setting healthier boundaries—for ourselves and our current families.

She sounds like she is borderline.

Check out the book Stop Walking on Eggshells and the website Out of the Fog.

Sit your husband down and let him know that you hear him. Let him know that she likely has mental illness. Let him know that you agree this was unacceptable and that she will not babysit again. Gently explain that regardless of this, she’s your mom and you don’t choose your family. You will continue to see her with the child and with your father while working to maintain appropriate boundaries. Suggest that you both go to counseling (or that you’ll go alone) to get an objective point of view on what those boundaries could be and how to protect your relationship with him and your family with him while nevertheless remaining in touch with your parents, who are part of you.

Good luck.

Your DH needs to calm down. He's out of line here.

Sounds like you have no spine