Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We broke up and she is moving out this weekend.

Wow. That was fast.

Hope you're doing ok.
I think splitting up is the right thing to do, for what that's worth.
All her excuses and arguments do not make sense (speaking as someone who works in the medical field and has lots of medical knowledge).

OP here. We talked last night and I told her I was willing to support her financially while she transitioned to a home job, but that I don’t feel comfortable being the only one working. She got upset and this morning she told me the relationship isn’t working for her and that we need to take a break. This afternoon she texted me that she thinks a permanent end to our relationship is best and she will stay with family until she can pick up her things this weekend.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are her parents? Why can't they support her? As far as you supporting her, only if you've been with her for more than three years, intend to marry her and only for an agreed upon period shorter than three months.

OP here. Her parents are retired and live in another state. We are both grown adults. She’s 30.

I did intend to marry her but this has made me question if she’s the right partner for me.

Then be honest with her and have a grown adult conversation with her. Try and figure out what it is you're feeling and tell her. Sounds like maybe her lack of ambition and indecisiveness might be a turn off. It would be for me. It's confusing why you wouldn't demand more equality in your living-together partnership. Don't want a partner in marriage and life or do you actually want to be the "provider"? It's ok if that's what you want but be honest with yourself and her

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We broke up and she is moving out this weekend.

Wow. That was fast.

Hope you're doing ok.
I think splitting up is the right thing to do, for what that's worth.
All her excuses and arguments do not make sense (speaking as someone who works in the medical field and has lots of medical knowledge).

I can see not wanting to be with a man who doesn’t support you emotionally. But to say you won’t be with one who won’t support you financially is ridiculous.
- woman

OP here. We broke up and she is moving out this weekend.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's going on with her, she doesn't want to work, doesn't want to go back to school, doesn't want to stay with you if you don't agree. Is she depressed?

She’s the “Soft Girl” thing. OP’s GF probably watches a lot of TikTok.

The freeloader alarm is ringing loudly.

Anonymous wrote:What's going on with her, she doesn't want to work, doesn't want to go back to school, doesn't want to stay with you if you don't agree. Is she depressed?

She’s the “Soft Girl” thing. OP’s GF probably watches a lot of TikTok.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guys, the original poster buried the lead. She has chronic pain issues stemming from an injury. That may be what she’s referring to when she said she needs a break. Speaking of someone who was once in a similar position, taking a few months to give my body a break was very helpful. I went to physical therapy, etc. That might be what she’s talking about. For example, if it’s a wrist injury or a back or neck injury, it could be hard for her to sit at a desk or computer all day long.

It is of course ridiculous usually not to work or be in school in the situation. But it sounds like she might be struggling with the health issue and that changes the analysis.

OP here. She was diagnosed with degenerative disc disease in her neck and nerve entrapment. She also has lower back issues from the same issue in her spine.

She goes to therapy herself and gets steroids shots.

She’s a physical therapist.

Has she spoken to her doctor about surgery? My aunt had a similar issue (although not in her neck) and had back surgery and it was a game changer. Took her a few years to decide to do it and she spoke with many different doctors. She did hot yoga, saw an acupuncturist, but finally decided western medicine was what she needed. Can your gf get a second opinion? Alternative medicine?

When I was a child my mom still worked while dying from cancer because she had bills to pay and a (large) life insurance policy through work she wanted paid out. So, I don't have sympathy for people who can work out and life weights but think they can't hold down a job or attend school.

Re:juice fast. I would not do that. My husband did that and he got all puffy from all the sugar. It increased his inflammation, did not help it. She can just eat foods that help with inflammation and stay away from those that cause it. She can also get tested to see if she has any food/ product sensitivities or allergies.

"The problem for me is she doesn’t have severe issues. She can go to work, workout, go out, etc. She does take Advil after coming home most nights because her neck and back get achy and sore. She has some issues with carpal tunnel. She takes a hot bath or using a heating pad.

She’s not in-mobile. She can walk for miles each day, run, goes to the gym and lifts weights, etc."

Anyone who can do workouts, walk for miles, etc... would not qualify for disability, nor should they. She's basically asking for you to be her informal disability insurance plan. DO NOT DO IT. People who don't want to pull their own weight do not make good life partners. What does she thinks would happen if you were to get hurt and were unable to do your job? You want a partner who would pick up the slack. She's not it.

Please run.

"OP here. She said she needs to just relax and rest. Focus on her body and getting that in order. She wants to do a 60-90 day juice fast to see if that can help her.


Run away, run away, run away and save your life

Hope you guys aren’t considered common law spouses already…

Wear a condom every time"

Signed, mom of a son

You have only been together for two years and she has already decided that you are her wallet and that she is going to mooch off you and take advantage of you and have you pay for everything in her life?

Run. An adult who can't adult and who isn't able to manage adult responsibilities and acts like a child fully dependent on another adult to finance their life shouldn't be in a relationship. Someone who expects their parents or a gullible partner or someone else to pay for their living expenses, their food, their clothing, their vacations, their hobbies, all their expenses...isn't really an adult. Same as if someone can't handle basic adult responsibilities like laundry or basic cleaning or making themselves food.

And if it was you who wanted to do nothing and contribute nothing financially and just live off her, I would say the same.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are her parents? Why can't they support her? As far as you supporting her, only if you've been with her for more than three years, intend to marry her and only for an agreed upon period shorter than three months.

OP here. Her parents are retired and live in another state. We are both grown adults. She’s 30.

I did intend to marry her but this has made me question if she’s the right partner for me.

I have a friend who did this before she was engaged and never went back to work. They got married and she dragged out the school thing for years. They now have two kids in college. She's a "socialite mom" who keeps a good house, and that works for him, but if that isn't the sort of wife you want, I would view this as a red flag and address it with her or get out.

I don't want to work FT either, but ... no trust fund here, two kids in college, and DH sure isn't stepping up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does she plan to do all day?

OP here. She said she needs to just relax and rest. Focus on her body and getting that in order. She wants to do a 60-90 day juice fast to see if that can help her.

Run away, run away, run away and save your life

Hope you guys aren’t considered common law spouses already…

Wear a condom every time

OP here. No common law in my state.

We don’t plan on having kids. I’m already snipped and she has fertility issues. Neither of us want kids.

What kind of guy gets snipped on his own?

Most men only do this after finishing having kids. You are not even married and got snipped on your own?? I don’t buy it.

Yup, troll vibe.

Um, no. I applaud OP for taking matters into his own hands and not relying on girlfriends to be responsible for birth control.

- a woman

Anonymous wrote:A rest? Sure. With a set time limit like 3 months. And hes getting certs or additional schooling to pivot to a less physically demanding job. But all that needs to be planned out, expenses mapped. A rest doesnt mean excessive spending or even spending at the normal level, vacations and tons of going out. It can still be constructive, cleanse, fast, meditate, sleep and then some time thinking and planning next steps. She should be very gracious and gratedul she can do this and have support of a partner. There should also be plans made as to how you get a rest of you even need one. Even if its leave without pay for a month.

+1 If you're really in a committed relationship, you are a team. If you want to make the relationship work, I would try to find a compromise. I think even more important than what happens is how you communicate. Do you both feel like you're able to express how your feel (concerns, emotions) and feel heard by the other person without judgment?