Anonymous
03/07/2024 14:03
Subject: Letting the Ivy plan go
What Ivy League schools give non-need scholarships?
Anonymous
03/07/2024 13:51
Subject: Letting the Ivy plan go
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You kid is invent IVY material if she is stressed and miserable in 9th grade advanced classes
Just spare her, there is no chance anyway
Only History and English are 9th grade classes. She’s 4 years ahead in language, 3 years ahead in math and 2 years ahead in science. Which is easy to do when a kid is tracked early into that path. Never an issue until this year when her priorities have shifted to social things. She also plays a year round sport as she has for years. This also adds to some of the scheduling stress.
Your OP didn't outline how far ahead she has already pushed.
Even a dial back won't really be a dial back because she's been so accelerated, but I'd try to talk her into sticking with honors next year instead of pushing into APs. And if she balks, let her take a regular class in her least favorite subject.
Parent the kid you have. That anecdote a page or so back about the intrinsically motivated kid who did all the right things and still didn't get into UVA is heartbreaking. Don't sacrifice your child to the altar of college admission.
Anonymous
03/07/2024 13:33
Subject: Letting the Ivy plan go
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Good Lord, let it go. Your daughter has not wanted to go to your Alma mater since she was little; you’ve planted that in her head.
+1000
Oh, please. Stop. Some kids are just like this.
Signed,
Mom of a child who will be leaving soon for the school he's wanted to go to since he was 11
This is bizarre. Sorry.
I agree, but it's who he is.
My son wanted to go to Tenn since he was 11 because he loves orange.
Then Syracuse … alas his school colors don’t have orange…
Funny. But mine is actually attending this school...
Still has nothing to do with an 11 yo’s desire.
Yeah, totally impossible that a tween worked toward a goal.
This is not a tween goal. I can eye roll too. 🙄
Anonymous
03/07/2024 13:31
Subject: Letting the Ivy plan go
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Good Lord, let it go. Your daughter has not wanted to go to your Alma mater since she was little; you’ve planted that in her head.
+1000
Oh, please. Stop. Some kids are just like this.
Signed,
Mom of a child who will be leaving soon for the school he's wanted to go to since he was 11
This is bizarre. Sorry.
I agree, but it's who he is.
My son wanted to go to Tenn since he was 11 because he loves orange.
Then Syracuse … alas his school colors don’t have orange…
Funny. But mine is actually attending this school...
Still has nothing to do with an 11 yo’s desire.
Yeah, totally impossible that a tween worked toward a goal.
Anonymous
03/07/2024 13:29
Subject: Re:Letting the Ivy plan go
OP. I hear you. I am by no means an Ivy or bust person - these schools are longshots for every student - but it would bother me if my child decided to take a less rigorous course schedule sophomore year even though they have shown they can handle it (academically, at least) in ninth grade. The fact of the matter is that it is difficult to get into even state flagships without taking a high-rigor schedule in the current environment. I want my children to keep as many doors open as possible for as long as possible. A 14 year old does not fully understand the implications of her choices, and as a parent, I think it is your responsibility to explain them. I am also from a culture where working hard in academics is just expected, and a little stress is not seen as a bad thing.
Anonymous
03/07/2024 13:24
Subject: Letting the Ivy plan go
I know you want what’s best for your daughter and don’t want her to close any doors but think about it this way… Your daughter could take the most rigorous courseload and have perfect grades and SATs and not get into an Ivy. It’s actually pretty likely she won’t. So I would follow her lead. If she doesn’t really want it, it’s not worth the sacrifice. I’m not an expert and my kids weren’t Ivy bound so I’m no expert but I’ve watched what the pursuit has done to extended family members. Read Never Enough.
Anonymous
03/07/2024 13:21
Subject: Letting the Ivy plan go
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Good Lord, let it go. Your daughter has not wanted to go to your Alma mater since she was little; you’ve planted that in her head.
+1000
Oh, please. Stop. Some kids are just like this.
Signed,
Mom of a child who will be leaving soon for the school he's wanted to go to since he was 11
This is bizarre. Sorry.
I agree, but it's who he is.
My son wanted to go to Tenn since he was 11 because he loves orange.
Then Syracuse … alas his school colors don’t have orange…
Funny. But mine is actually attending this school...
Still has nothing to do with an 11 yo’s desire.
Anonymous
03/07/2024 13:18
Subject: Letting the Ivy plan go
I haven't read all of the responses, but just taking (and doing well in) advanced classes wouldn't get your kid into your Ivy alma mater either. I know two families where both parents went to the same Ivy, so double-legacy, and the kids didn't get in - Brown for one family and Princeton for the other. And the parents in both cases said their kid was a much better student than they ever were. You might not have gotten into your college in the current landscape.
Anonymous
03/07/2024 13:13
Subject: Letting the Ivy plan go
Anonymous wrote:It’s very difficult having parents who went to Ivies. Most kids can’t measure up.
Parents like the OP make it difficult. She probably mentions her Ivy League degree all the time. For normal parents who went to Ivies it’s not difficult. My husband’s whole family are Ivy League graduates. My husband was not heading to an Ivy. His parents never talked about their degrees because it had nothing to do with their son and what was best for him.
Anonymous
03/07/2024 12:48
Subject: Letting the Ivy plan go
Anonymous wrote:As I said it’s pretty easy to be ahead by years when kids are tracked early. She is ahead of the general pack and I still know of a few wicked smart kids that are farther ahead than she is. Of her friend pool though, she is the only one by far. And I think that is a big part of the problem. She is definitely a “go with the flow” kind of kid. If she were in a different school environment where even the cool kids are focused on top schools, she would absolutely be hustling on the selective path. This I know 1000000%.
You really need to let it go. Your child is already on an accelerated path. If she wants to step off or slow down a bit, it's okay. I have a fairly motivated child myself. Her friends are not. That does not impact how she prioritizes her life. To be honest, I wish she were a bit more mellow about the whole thing, because she puts such immense pressure on herself, and that's overall, not good.
Anonymous
03/07/2024 12:29
Subject: Letting the Ivy plan go
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It’s very difficult having parents who went to Ivies. Most kids can’t measure up.
I went to HYP - one for BA, one for MA, and one for doctorate. Husband went to H for MA. We will be actively steering DC away from the ivies and never drawing attention to the schools we went too.
OP - children don’t give a crap about what school you went to or “want” to go to a specific college since they were little. They care because you’ve sent the message.
Not true.
Anonymous
03/07/2024 12:24
Subject: Letting the Ivy plan go
Anonymous wrote:It’s very difficult having parents who went to Ivies. Most kids can’t measure up.
I went to HYP - one for BA, one for MA, and one for doctorate. Husband went to H for MA. We will be actively steering DC away from the ivies and never drawing attention to the schools we went too.
OP - children don’t give a crap about what school you went to or “want” to go to a specific college since they were little. They care because you’ve sent the message.
Anonymous
03/07/2024 12:05
Subject: Letting the Ivy plan go
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You kid is invent IVY material if she is stressed and miserable in 9th grade advanced classes
Just spare her, there is no chance anyway
Only History and English are 9th grade classes. She’s 4 years ahead in language, 3 years ahead in math and 2 years ahead in science. Which is easy to do when a kid is tracked early into that path. Never an issue until this year when her priorities have shifted to social things. She also plays a year round sport as she has for years. This also adds to some of the scheduling stress.
Not to ratchet things...but if your kid isn't getting recruited for the sport, then it is a net negative at these schools assuming there are not a bunch of other strong ECs (of course, the sport, any other ECs and the classes just compound the misery). If she is at a high enough level to get recruited, you probably wouldn't be posting on DCUM.
I guess the other confounding thing is how/why did she push ahead in these courses? I can see one of the three above...but what is the point of being "ahead" in science. I don't even really understand what that means. That your kid took HS biology and chemistry in MS and now can take AP Bio in 9th?
Is the language because someone at home is a native speaker? If not, how does someone get 4 years ahead in a language, and why would anyone do that?
Agree. Something seems off here.
NP: native speaker or language immersion program probably? My kids did language immersion through elementary so are many years ahead in language, technically (conversational classes for native speakers as freshmen). Also at our school a kid can be several years ahead in math due to early tracking (my DC are not). Science I have no idea
What does 3 years ahead in math mean? Precalculus in 9th or AP Calc AB or BC? If the latter, OP has to worry more about math classes in high school before Ivy admissions.
Anonymous
03/07/2024 11:40
Subject: Letting the Ivy plan go
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Good Lord, let it go. Your daughter has not wanted to go to your Alma mater since she was little; you’ve planted that in her head.
+1000
Oh, please. Stop. Some kids are just like this.
Signed,
Mom of a child who will be leaving soon for the school he's wanted to go to since he was 11
This is bizarre. Sorry.
I agree, but it's who he is.
My son wanted to go to Tenn since he was 11 because he loves orange.
Then Syracuse … alas his school colors don’t have orange…
Funny. But mine is actually attending this school...
Anonymous
03/07/2024 11:39
Subject: Letting the Ivy plan go
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yes, at what cost. That's important. Your child is an individual human, not a clone of you.
Op. Absolutely. I know this. And I’m looking at myself to be sure none of that is going on here. I can absolutely let go and it does not need to be that my kids are an extension of me. But I also wonder if this is a phase that will pass and then she will regret her choices later. It’s unfortunate that the road to selective schools don’t mesh with adolescent development. She is in 9th grade and has many years before fully formed decision-making center of the brain while the instant gratification portion of the brain is on full throttle.
Funny, as my brain has matured over the past 50 years it’s become clear to me how silly it was to have put so much pressure on myself to attend one of the best colleges back in the 90s. Consider the possibility that your daughter’s decision-making skills have already exceeded yours.