Anonymous
03/04/2024 15:29
Subject: DD becoming too materialistic
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What is happening with the Christmas/birthday loophole here? Why is Christmas/birthday okay but not a random Tuesday?
We don't celebrate "random Tuesday" but if you do, go for it. We do celebrate taco Tuesday occasionally.
But the economics are the same. I just don’t get why having your parents buy you things is some sort of moral hazard but it’s okay if they keep it to two times a year. Is the overall budget the same either way? So why not just give them the budget? At the point where Christmas and Birthdays are just a layaway system I no longer get the point.
Because there is a fundamental difference between getting gifts on special occasions vs being handed an unearned chunk of money on a weekly or monthly basis. My kids have to do chores to earn an allowance, so are not entitled and have a good sense of work needed to generate income. That is in addition to the beneficial budgeting skills.
I am surprised people here expect teens to buy all their own clothes. To me some clothing (not talking about fancy brands) is a parental responsibility.
Essentials, yes. But refilling a walk-in closet yearly for a 12 yr old? No. Giving your child $150/month to buy clothes is ridiculous. How much stuff do they need? Teaching horrible values. So wasteful.
$1800 per year. For a kid who isn’t in kids sizes and outgrows 85% of their each years. Girls probably have more times, but I have boys and in a given year I need -
1 winter coat
1 light jacket / waterproof shell
1 hoodie
7-9 pairs of pants including khakis, jeans, black pants for concerts but mostly sweats / athleisure.
7-9 pairs of shorts including 1-2 khakis or over looking shorts.
3-4 long sleeve shirts and 3-4 short sleeve shirts to augment the school spirit and sports teams things that seem to multiply in their closets.
2 swim suits
2 button down shirts - one white for band
Navy blazer or equivalent for dress up
1-3 sweaters or sweatshirts
1-2 shirt sleeve polo shirts
2-3 pairs of sneakers
1 pair sandals
1 pair dress up shoes
1 pair boots or warm/water resistant shoes
Underwear
Socks
Even at Target / Gap on Sale prices, without the shoes, this list is easily $1800 if your kid is in adult sizes. I am guessing girls have a wider variety of non-casual items and may not wear the “field day” t shirt they got from the PTA as part of their regular outfit rotation like my less fashionable kids do.
You are taking this out of context. I promise the PP that is giving her kid $150/month has ALREADY bought her all the essentials.
Anonymous
03/04/2024 14:51
Subject: DD becoming too materialistic
Anonymous wrote:I tell my teen to put it on her Christmas or birthday wishlist but she also found out fast she'll get maybe one item from me and her dad since nobody else is going to drop that kind of cash on her. She's since learned to choose one thing she *really* wants and fills the rest of her list with things like art supplies, lotions and books.
I think that's an interesting point. Maybe some kids have grandparents who give a lot of gifts? We are it for my kids, so they do get more from us.
Anonymous
03/04/2024 14:14
Subject: DD becoming too materialistic
I tell my teen to put it on her Christmas or birthday wishlist but she also found out fast she'll get maybe one item from me and her dad since nobody else is going to drop that kind of cash on her. She's since learned to choose one thing she *really* wants and fills the rest of her list with things like art supplies, lotions and books.
Anonymous
03/04/2024 13:26
Subject: DD becoming too materialistic
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What is happening with the Christmas/birthday loophole here? Why is Christmas/birthday okay but not a random Tuesday?
We don't celebrate "random Tuesday" but if you do, go for it. We do celebrate taco Tuesday occasionally.
But the economics are the same. I just don’t get why having your parents buy you things is some sort of moral hazard but it’s okay if they keep it to two times a year. Is the overall budget the same either way? So why not just give them the budget? At the point where Christmas and Birthdays are just a layaway system I no longer get the point.
Because there is a fundamental difference between getting gifts on special occasions vs being handed an unearned chunk of money on a weekly or monthly basis. My kids have to do chores to earn an allowance, so are not entitled and have a good sense of work needed to generate income. That is in addition to the beneficial budgeting skills.
Different poster, but my house is communist. Kids do chores because they are part of the household. Kids receive income because they are part of the household. They are not connected. Failure to do chores results in loss of freedom and privileges but not lost wages. Some day my kids will live with roommates who won’t pay them an allowance and they will still need to do chores.
Anonymous
03/04/2024 13:24
Subject: DD becoming too materialistic
Anonymous wrote:Move to the DCC. My kids go to Einstein and they don't expect these things at. all.
Yes, but are they able to use the school bathrooms?
Anonymous
03/04/2024 13:21
Subject: DD becoming too materialistic
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What is happening with the Christmas/birthday loophole here? Why is Christmas/birthday okay but not a random Tuesday?
We don't celebrate "random Tuesday" but if you do, go for it. We do celebrate taco Tuesday occasionally.
But the economics are the same. I just don’t get why having your parents buy you things is some sort of moral hazard but it’s okay if they keep it to two times a year. Is the overall budget the same either way? So why not just give them the budget? At the point where Christmas and Birthdays are just a layaway system I no longer get the point.
Because there is a fundamental difference between getting gifts on special occasions vs being handed an unearned chunk of money on a weekly or monthly basis. My kids have to do chores to earn an allowance, so are not entitled and have a good sense of work needed to generate income. That is in addition to the beneficial budgeting skills.
I am surprised people here expect teens to buy all their own clothes. To me some clothing (not talking about fancy brands) is a parental responsibility.
Essentials, yes. But refilling a walk-in closet yearly for a 12 yr old? No. Giving your child $150/month to buy clothes is ridiculous. How much stuff do they need? Teaching horrible values. So wasteful.
$1800 per year. For a kid who isn’t in kids sizes and outgrows 85% of their each years. Girls probably have more times, but I have boys and in a given year I need -
1 winter coat
1 light jacket / waterproof shell
1 hoodie
7-9 pairs of pants including khakis, jeans, black pants for concerts but mostly sweats / athleisure.
7-9 pairs of shorts including 1-2 khakis or over looking shorts.
3-4 long sleeve shirts and 3-4 short sleeve shirts to augment the school spirit and sports teams things that seem to multiply in their closets.
2 swim suits
2 button down shirts - one white for band
Navy blazer or equivalent for dress up
1-3 sweaters or sweatshirts
1-2 shirt sleeve polo shirts
2-3 pairs of sneakers
1 pair sandals
1 pair dress up shoes
1 pair boots or warm/water resistant shoes
Underwear
Socks
Even at Target / Gap on Sale prices, without the shoes, this list is easily $1800 if your kid is in adult sizes. I am guessing girls have a wider variety of non-casual items and may not wear the “field day” t shirt they got from the PTA as part of their regular outfit rotation like my less fashionable kids do.
Anonymous
03/04/2024 13:04
Subject: DD becoming too materialistic
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yep, we were in the same boat a couple years ago. We ave her a clothing allowance of $150/mo in addition to her normal allowance $30/mo. Now she is responsible for all her own clothing, makeup (recently), and entertainment. We set out guidelines around what we will buy (school uniforms, school lunch, extra school expenses) and everything else was up to her. On the spirit days or dress in white shirt day or whatever, she was responsible for finding and budgeting the right clothes or wearing her uniform. It worked out great. I got to spend quality time with her teaching her how to spend on the basics and skimp on the frills that she will only wear a couple times. We still buy things (within a budget) that she asks for for Christmas. I also got a chance to talk about our values quality over quantity, we prefer to own everything without financing (home, cars, etc) and these things free cash in other families. Plus, some families are super wealthy - we are "just" rich, like poor rich. We initially hit a couple bumps, but I'm so glad we did this. Now when we shop in not a giant piggy bank. She's doesn't bother me for anything. She sees frivolous spending for what it is. She is fashionable but not at the height of it. I think she is also grateful for the trust and autonomy over this. She even orders her own supplies for projects. We include her in our annual budget reviews now. If your daughter is smart amd mature enough to do this, it worked well for us.
You suck asa parent
No kid needs a monthly clothing budget
My HHI I’m sure is higher than yours I’d never ever do this.
Even $30 a month is stupid .
What???! This sounds really reasonable to me if $180/mo is within your family’s budget. The amounts can be adjusted up or down to be appropriate for each family, but teaching a teenager responsible budgeting and planning ahead while they are still under the safety net of living at home is an important life skill.
I’d rather my kid had to come ask me to dig them out because they forgot to budget for black shoes for band concerts than be the kid in the dorm eating ramen or asking friends to pocket an apple for them from the cafeteria the last week of every month because they ran out of money and meal swipes.
Anonymous
03/04/2024 12:56
Subject: DD becoming too materialistic
I’d like to commend you for not having the smug knee jerk reaction I read on DCUM about how material things are dumb and kids should have the confidence to go without - and if they don’t it’s the parents fault for raising a brat.
I think most people who have been a 12yr old girl understand that your daughter is in a critical window where fitting in with friends and feeling comfortable in her changing body are really important. You get her some of the things but not all of the things - that sounds reasonable and balanced! Of course she thinks her life is ending without those PJs - she’s 12.
Make a reasonable list of things you will buy or an amount of money you will spend. If she gets 3 non-sports shoes per year and 2 of them are trendy sneakers and ugg slippers, she better pick some sandals for the 3rd or she will be babysitting to get flip flops come April. If you buy 1 hoodie or light jacket a year and she wants a Lulu sweatshirt, explain how she is getting 1 so she might want to pick a classic color instead of the trendy one. She can save up money to augment your budget/boundary or she can add items to her birthday or holiday present list and wait.
I think most people who have been a 12yr old girl understand that your daughter is in a critical window where fitting in with friends and feeling comfortable in her changing body are really important. You get her some of the things but not all of the things - that sounds reasonable and balanced! Of course she thinks her life is ending without those PJs - she’s 12.
Make a reasonable list of things you will buy or an amount of money you will spend. If she gets 3 non-sports shoes per year and 2 of them are trendy sneakers and ugg slippers, she better pick some sandals for the 3rd or she will be babysitting to get flip flops come April. If you buy 1 hoodie or light jacket a year and she wants a Lulu sweatshirt, explain how she is getting 1 so she might want to pick a classic color instead of the trendy one. She can save up money to augment your budget/boundary or she can add items to her birthday or holiday present list and wait.
Anonymous
03/04/2024 12:49
Subject: DD becoming too materialistic
The best conversation I ever had with my then 13yo son:
Me: "I'm not buying you stupid crap anymore. If you want to buy stupid crap like that you, gotta earn your own money"
DS: "So if I earn the money, you won't say no to me buying this?"
Me: "No, it'll be your money"
He now spends his free days shoveling in the winter, mowing lawns in the summer, washing cars, walking dogs, etc.
He earns thousands of dollars.
And the beauty is that he no longer spends it on stupid stuff like v-bucks or new COD skins. He's saving for a truck for when he turns 16 (which I'll likely split with him, but he doesnt know that yet)
As a PP mentioned, if you tell them to earn their own money, you have to relinquish control over their spending as well. It's the best way for them to learn
Me: "I'm not buying you stupid crap anymore. If you want to buy stupid crap like that you, gotta earn your own money"
DS: "So if I earn the money, you won't say no to me buying this?"
Me: "No, it'll be your money"
He now spends his free days shoveling in the winter, mowing lawns in the summer, washing cars, walking dogs, etc.
He earns thousands of dollars.
And the beauty is that he no longer spends it on stupid stuff like v-bucks or new COD skins. He's saving for a truck for when he turns 16 (which I'll likely split with him, but he doesnt know that yet)
As a PP mentioned, if you tell them to earn their own money, you have to relinquish control over their spending as well. It's the best way for them to learn
Anonymous
03/04/2024 12:41
Subject: DD becoming too materialistic
I have a 13 year old who would veer off in that direction if we let her, and would want to buy every latest costly trend. We pay for needs+, meaning the basic wardrobe, including at least one pair of "in" sneakers a year, plus one or two fluff items as a bonus. She then uses birthday money, family Xmas gift suggestions, and money earned from babysitting/dogwalking/yardwork as she chooses. Because that money is limited, she is now more careful about what she chooses. Also a fee-free bank account is useful for storing excess, in a kind of out of sight, out of mind. We insist she pays with cash for her purchases, which is more mindful than swiping a card at her age.
One surprising outcome is when I help her to clean out her closet every season, she laments "I really liked this at the time and spend $X of my own money, but I only got to wear it 3 times and now I have to donate it." Or "maybe since these jeans are now too short I could cut them into jeanshorts? That way I don't have to buy a pair for the summer".
One surprising outcome is when I help her to clean out her closet every season, she laments "I really liked this at the time and spend $X of my own money, but I only got to wear it 3 times and now I have to donate it." Or "maybe since these jeans are now too short I could cut them into jeanshorts? That way I don't have to buy a pair for the summer".
Anonymous
03/04/2024 12:27
Subject: DD becoming too materialistic
+1 Just giving your kid a $2,000 clothing allowance seems excessive. Plus, you buy for Xmas and Bday!Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What is happening with the Christmas/birthday loophole here? Why is Christmas/birthday okay but not a random Tuesday?
We don't celebrate "random Tuesday" but if you do, go for it. We do celebrate taco Tuesday occasionally.
But the economics are the same. I just don’t get why having your parents buy you things is some sort of moral hazard but it’s okay if they keep it to two times a year. Is the overall budget the same either way? So why not just give them the budget? At the point where Christmas and Birthdays are just a layaway system I no longer get the point.
Because there is a fundamental difference between getting gifts on special occasions vs being handed an unearned chunk of money on a weekly or monthly basis. My kids have to do chores to earn an allowance, so are not entitled and have a good sense of work needed to generate income. That is in addition to the beneficial budgeting skills.
I am surprised people here expect teens to buy all their own clothes. To me some clothing (not talking about fancy brands) is a parental responsibility.
Essentials, yes. But refilling a walk-in closet yearly for a 12 yr old? No. Giving your child $150/month to buy clothes is ridiculous. How much stuff do they need? Teaching horrible values. So wasteful.
Anonymous
03/04/2024 12:21
Subject: Re:DD becoming too materialistic
Anonymous wrote:
If I gave my tweens a monthly budget to buy their own clothes
I can only dream that mine would look this fabulous and modest.
Anonymous
03/04/2024 11:25
Subject: DD becoming too materialistic
Why wait instead of buying your child something everything she wants it?
1) To teach the distinction between needs and wants. Needs are more important than wants. This teaches children about establishing priorities in life--not just about stuff.
2) To teach patience and delayed gratification. There are so, so many studies out there showing the importance of teaching delayed gratification for success and happiness in life.
3) To impart the value that you can't buy your way to happiness and satisfaction.
I'm not some miserly parent, and my DD certainly has her fair share of trendy things, but I am really astonished by the number of 10 year olds I see at DD's private school who wear Alo and Golden Goose to school. Grade school boys wearing sneakers that cost $300. Ironically, some of these kids don't even care; it's the moms who are pushing the labels onto the kids!
In the end, it's not about having or flaunting wealth, it's about developing virtues of humility and prudence so that our kids can be happier and more fulfilled adults.
1) To teach the distinction between needs and wants. Needs are more important than wants. This teaches children about establishing priorities in life--not just about stuff.
2) To teach patience and delayed gratification. There are so, so many studies out there showing the importance of teaching delayed gratification for success and happiness in life.
3) To impart the value that you can't buy your way to happiness and satisfaction.
I'm not some miserly parent, and my DD certainly has her fair share of trendy things, but I am really astonished by the number of 10 year olds I see at DD's private school who wear Alo and Golden Goose to school. Grade school boys wearing sneakers that cost $300. Ironically, some of these kids don't even care; it's the moms who are pushing the labels onto the kids!
In the end, it's not about having or flaunting wealth, it's about developing virtues of humility and prudence so that our kids can be happier and more fulfilled adults.
Anonymous
03/04/2024 11:11
Subject: DD becoming too materialistic
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What is happening with the Christmas/birthday loophole here? Why is Christmas/birthday okay but not a random Tuesday?
We don't celebrate "random Tuesday" but if you do, go for it. We do celebrate taco Tuesday occasionally.
But the economics are the same. I just don’t get why having your parents buy you things is some sort of moral hazard but it’s okay if they keep it to two times a year. Is the overall budget the same either way? So why not just give them the budget? At the point where Christmas and Birthdays are just a layaway system I no longer get the point.
Because the kids will start begging for expensive things every random Tuesday, which ups the budget quote a bit if you give in. If you designate a couple / few times a year that it is good to get presents, that helps stay in budget with kids.
With adults, we are typically mature enough to have a yearly or monthly budget and buy what we can afford on a random Tuesday and it's fine. Teenagers living in a UMC bubble are not adults and have to learn self control and budgets.
Anonymous
03/04/2024 11:05
Subject: DD becoming too materialistic
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What is happening with the Christmas/birthday loophole here? Why is Christmas/birthday okay but not a random Tuesday?
We don't celebrate "random Tuesday" but if you do, go for it. We do celebrate taco Tuesday occasionally.
But the economics are the same. I just don’t get why having your parents buy you things is some sort of moral hazard but it’s okay if they keep it to two times a year. Is the overall budget the same either way? So why not just give them the budget? At the point where Christmas and Birthdays are just a layaway system I no longer get the point.
Because there is a fundamental difference between getting gifts on special occasions vs being handed an unearned chunk of money on a weekly or monthly basis. My kids have to do chores to earn an allowance, so are not entitled and have a good sense of work needed to generate income. That is in addition to the beneficial budgeting skills.
I am surprised people here expect teens to buy all their own clothes. To me some clothing (not talking about fancy brands) is a parental responsibility.
Essentials, yes. But refilling a walk-in closet yearly for a 12 yr old? No. Giving your child $150/month to buy clothes is ridiculous. How much stuff do they need? Teaching horrible values. So wasteful.