Anonymous
Post 02/23/2024 23:55     Subject: How do you deal with family criticism?
You shut these people down in the most passive aggressive ways possible so they feel embarrassed by their rudeness.
" Hmm, I didn't realize you were so invested in having my DC go to a university where they wouldn't be happy." "Surprised to hear you have soo little faith both in us as parents and our DC's ability to choose the right path for them." "Thanks for that tip, I believe we'll continue on the path of being supportive and proud of our DC."
Anonymous
Post 02/23/2024 23:03     Subject: How do you deal with family criticism?
Anonymous wrote:OP I come from an ivy league obsessed family, though even they are disgusted by what the ivy league has turned into. They are status obsessed though. My oldest has high functioning autism and a mild learning disability, but they refuse to accept that. We have needed to be more aloof and create distance to protect our teen and focus on what really matters- a good fit, well being, happiness, connection. I'm pretty sure my mother is dying inside that she can no longer compete with people bragging now about their grandkids going off to the top colleges. I wouldn't be surprised if she flat out lies and embellishes to save face. Not my problem. We love our kids and we have perspective and decency.


This is some wisdom.
Anonymous
Post 02/23/2024 22:42     Subject: How do you deal with family criticism?
OP I come from an ivy league obsessed family, though even they are disgusted by what the ivy league has turned into. They are status obsessed though. My oldest has high functioning autism and a mild learning disability, but they refuse to accept that. We have needed to be more aloof and create distance to protect our teen and focus on what really matters- a good fit, well being, happiness, connection. I'm pretty sure my mother is dying inside that she can no longer compete with people bragging now about their grandkids going off to the top colleges. I wouldn't be surprised if she flat out lies and embellishes to save face. Not my problem. We love our kids and we have perspective and decency.
Anonymous
Post 02/23/2024 08:06     Subject: How do you deal with family criticism?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:West Point is such a niche school though. It is so easy to say something like, “DC has decided the service commitment after graduation is too much” or “DC doesn’t want to join the military after all.”


They're still joining the military. Just had zero interest in the Army. "But they can commission into any service!"

I know. We just need to stop explaining. It's getting easier thanks to the great advice in this thread.


So she’s going to ROTC? If so, is your family’s point that graduating from WP would be better for your kid’s military career than ROTC at another school? If that’s the case, they are probably right.


They are not going to ROTC. And you're wrong, anyway. Once you make O-2, no cares how you commissioned.
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2024 19:11     Subject: How do you deal with family criticism?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:West Point is such a niche school though. It is so easy to say something like, “DC has decided the service commitment after graduation is too much” or “DC doesn’t want to join the military after all.”


They're still joining the military. Just had zero interest in the Army. "But they can commission into any service!"

I know. We just need to stop explaining. It's getting easier thanks to the great advice in this thread.


So she’s going to ROTC? If so, is your family’s point that graduating from WP would be better for your kid’s military career than ROTC at another school? If that’s the case, they are probably right.


I don't think OP means ROTC. The "lesser" school to WP would either mean another service academy (e.g. AF or CG) or else something like VMI. In either case, she's well within reason to tell the relatives to stuff it.
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2024 19:05     Subject: How do you deal with family criticism?
Anonymous wrote:DC's top choice college was a "lessor" school in a particular group - think Cornell vs. Harvard or Connecticut College vs. Amherst, or Nebraska vs. Northwestern, something like that. They were accepted and are THRILLED beyond words, but more than one family member and friend has said some really nasty things to us about the acceptance. We're incredibly proud and trying to gracefully deflect the comments, but people are digging in their heels and saying the equivalent of, "Well, what about Harvard? It's not too late to apply, you know."

Could use some specific wording here. "This school is perfect for them, and we're very proud of their achievement" isn't shutting them down.


As I get older, I try more and more to follow the advice of a dear friend: "Smile, nod, and wave." You don't have to engage, apologize, or explain. It's probably not worth causing long-term problems with friends and family members by confronting them. If they don't want to support your DC's choice or respect your explanations, what more can you do? You've done your best in letting them know you're happy with the situation and why. I suggest you shrug it off, disengage, and remain on friendly terms, although you might give yourself a little distance from them until they stop trying to force their own preferences down your throat.



Anonymous
Post 02/22/2024 18:34     Subject: How do you deal with family criticism?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:West Point is such a niche school though. It is so easy to say something like, “DC has decided the service commitment after graduation is too much” or “DC doesn’t want to join the military after all.”


They're still joining the military. Just had zero interest in the Army. "But they can commission into any service!"

I know. We just need to stop explaining. It's getting easier thanks to the great advice in this thread.


So she’s going to ROTC? If so, is your family’s point that graduating from WP would be better for your kid’s military career than ROTC at another school? If that’s the case, they are probably right.
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2024 18:28     Subject: How do you deal with family criticism?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:"This school is perfect for them, and we're very proud of their achievement" isn't shutting them down.
Really? I’m sorry to break this to you, but if this doesn’t shut them down, then these family members and friends are asshats. I’d put them on blast. There’s something very cathartic when you do precisely the right thing.


I really think it's ignorance more than malice, but you're right. What we're doing/saying isn't shutting them up.
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2024 18:10     Subject: How do you deal with family criticism?
Anonymous wrote:"Our child is thrilled so we are thrilled. End of discussion."


I like this one.

I don’t plan to see anyone before DC matriculates, but I might borrow that one.
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2024 17:58     Subject: How do you deal with family criticism?
Anonymous wrote:"This school is perfect for them, and we're very proud of their achievement" isn't shutting them down.
Really? I’m sorry to break this to you, but if this doesn’t shut them down, then these family members and friends are asshats. I’d put them on blast. There’s something very cathartic when you do precisely the right thing.