Anonymous wrote:One of my closest friends doesn’t drive because she has epilepsy. It’s well controlled, but not worth the risk. I sometimes feel like I would see her more often if we could just meet up instead of me picking her up and/or driving her home. It’s not her choice though. If she just didn’t drive or chose not to own a car, I doubt we’d be as close because it would grate on me over time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think in a couple with a car, the non-driver (outside of disability) actually is weaponizing incompetence. Imagine some dude saying "oh I can't cook dinner I might burn the house down" and the wife saying "ah he's got cooking anxiety so it's ok if I have to do all the cooking."

I drive, but that analogy doesn't work for me. For instance, my husband doesn't cook because he's terrible at it, I'm very good and enjoy cooking, and we are all happier if I am the family chef. He does other things.

It would be a problem if I minded it or wanted to share the load, but I don't.

Couples get to balance things according to their own preferences, it doesn't make it a weapon not to split every chore 50/50.

Driving is not a chore. It's a necessity (not including in cities).

Umm most chores are necessities.

NBD to divide things up based on who prefers doing what. My DH does almost all our driving and I keep our family of 5 afloat with clean laundry. He feels comfortable driving us everywhere and I WAH so I can keep laundry going during the week. Works just fine for us, no “weaponizing.”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they have lived in a big urban center or city all their lives (like NYC) then I think nothing of it.

If they live in a place like Northern VA or the burbs, I think they must be incredibly emotionally stunted. [url]Driving isn't just about getting from Point A to Point B - it's about independence and freedom[b]. I get that learning to drive is nerve racking for a lot of people, but emotionally stable people have a stronger sense of independence to want to overcome that nervousness.

It’s funny you say this because I feel entirely the opposite. I do have a license and drive, but it’s entirely a function of needing to get from point A to B. Car ownership is the opposite of freedom to me. It’s so much stupid maintenance and stress. My car is due for an inspection, but I just don’t really want to spend any of my free time dealing with that. I hate the annual property tax. I hate unexpected car repairs. I hate paying for insurance. I hate pumping gas. I hate the actual act of driving and dealing with traffic and idiots on the road like drunk drivers. The idea of the car as freedom is brainwashing by the auto industry when really it is capitalism making us entirely reliant on foreign oil drilling to just leave our homes.

I’m not saying personal vehicles shouldn’t have ever had a place in our transit system, but I think it’s a huge shame we abandoned centuries of city/town planning to create a society entirely around the presumption we’d all forever continue to use something that was invented a little over 100 years ago.

You are equating "knowing how to drive" with "owning a car." You can know how to drive so that you can rent a car if you need (or use one of those car-sharing services, if they still exist). You can know how to drive so you can rent the uhaul to move your big piece of furniture.

But you can also have freedom with the ability to order an Uber or pick up the phone to call movers to lug your furniture.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they have lived in a big urban center or city all their lives (like NYC) then I think nothing of it.

If they live in a place like Northern VA or the burbs, I think they must be incredibly emotionally stunted. [url]Driving isn't just about getting from Point A to Point B - it's about independence and freedom[b]. I get that learning to drive is nerve racking for a lot of people, but emotionally stable people have a stronger sense of independence to want to overcome that nervousness.

It’s funny you say this because I feel entirely the opposite. I do have a license and drive, but it’s entirely a function of needing to get from point A to B. Car ownership is the opposite of freedom to me. It’s so much stupid maintenance and stress. My car is due for an inspection, but I just don’t really want to spend any of my free time dealing with that. I hate the annual property tax. I hate unexpected car repairs. I hate paying for insurance. I hate pumping gas. I hate the actual act of driving and dealing with traffic and idiots on the road like drunk drivers. The idea of the car as freedom is brainwashing by the auto industry when really it is capitalism making us entirely reliant on foreign oil drilling to just leave our homes.

I’m not saying personal vehicles shouldn’t have ever had a place in our transit system, but I think it’s a huge shame we abandoned centuries of city/town planning to create a society entirely around the presumption we’d all forever continue to use something that was invented a little over 100 years ago.

You are equating "knowing how to drive" with "owning a car." You can know how to drive so that you can rent a car if you need (or use one of those car-sharing services, if they still exist). You can know how to drive so you can rent the uhaul to move your big piece of furniture.

But you can also have freedom with the ability to order an Uber or pick up the phone to call movers to lug your furniture.

Uber doesn’t exist everywhere. I’ve been to plenty of vacation spots without Ubers. If I relied on them I would have been very restricted in my ability to travel.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they have lived in a big urban center or city all their lives (like NYC) then I think nothing of it.

If they live in a place like Northern VA or the burbs, I think they must be incredibly emotionally stunted. [url]Driving isn't just about getting from Point A to Point B - it's about independence and freedom[b]. I get that learning to drive is nerve racking for a lot of people, but emotionally stable people have a stronger sense of independence to want to overcome that nervousness.

It’s funny you say this because I feel entirely the opposite. I do have a license and drive, but it’s entirely a function of needing to get from point A to B. Car ownership is the opposite of freedom to me. It’s so much stupid maintenance and stress. My car is due for an inspection, but I just don’t really want to spend any of my free time dealing with that. I hate the annual property tax. I hate unexpected car repairs. I hate paying for insurance. I hate pumping gas. I hate the actual act of driving and dealing with traffic and idiots on the road like drunk drivers. The idea of the car as freedom is brainwashing by the auto industry when really it is capitalism making us entirely reliant on foreign oil drilling to just leave our homes.

I’m not saying personal vehicles shouldn’t have ever had a place in our transit system, but I think it’s a huge shame we abandoned centuries of city/town planning to create a society entirely around the presumption we’d all forever continue to use something that was invented a little over 100 years ago.

You are equating "knowing how to drive" with "owning a car." You can know how to drive so that you can rent a car if you need (or use one of those car-sharing services, if they still exist). You can know how to drive so you can rent the uhaul to move your big piece of furniture.

But you can also have freedom with the ability to order an Uber or pick up the phone to call movers to lug your furniture.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they have lived in a big urban center or city all their lives (like NYC) then I think nothing of it.

If they live in a place like Northern VA or the burbs, I think they must be incredibly emotionally stunted. [url]Driving isn't just about getting from Point A to Point B - it's about independence and freedom[b]. I get that learning to drive is nerve racking for a lot of people, but emotionally stable people have a stronger sense of independence to want to overcome that nervousness.

It’s funny you say this because I feel entirely the opposite. I do have a license and drive, but it’s entirely a function of needing to get from point A to B. Car ownership is the opposite of freedom to me. It’s so much stupid maintenance and stress. My car is due for an inspection, but I just don’t really want to spend any of my free time dealing with that. I hate the annual property tax. I hate unexpected car repairs. I hate paying for insurance. I hate pumping gas. I hate the actual act of driving and dealing with traffic and idiots on the road like drunk drivers. The idea of the car as freedom is brainwashing by the auto industry when really it is capitalism making us entirely reliant on foreign oil drilling to just leave our homes.

I’m not saying personal vehicles shouldn’t have ever had a place in our transit system, but I think it’s a huge shame we abandoned centuries of city/town planning to create a society entirely around the presumption we’d all forever continue to use something that was invented a little over 100 years ago.

You are equating "knowing how to drive" with "owning a car." You can know how to drive so that you can rent a car if you need (or use one of those car-sharing services, if they still exist). You can know how to drive so you can rent the uhaul to move your big piece of furniture.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they have lived in a big urban center or city all their lives (like NYC) then I think nothing of it.

If they live in a place like Northern VA or the burbs, I think they must be incredibly emotionally stunted. [url]Driving isn't just about getting from Point A to Point B - it's about independence and freedom. I get that learning to drive is nerve racking for a lot of people, but emotionally stable people have a stronger sense of independence to want to overcome that nervousness.

It’s funny you say this because I feel entirely the opposite. I do have a license and drive, but it’s entirely a function of needing to get from point A to B. Car ownership is the opposite of freedom to me. It’s so much stupid maintenance and stress. My car is due for an inspection, but I just don’t really want to spend any of my free time dealing with that. I hate the annual property tax. I hate unexpected car repairs. I hate paying for insurance. I hate pumping gas. I hate the actual act of driving and dealing with traffic and idiots on the road like drunk drivers. The idea of the car as freedom is brainwashing by the auto industry when really it is capitalism making us entirely reliant on foreign oil drilling to just leave our homes.

I’m not saying personal vehicles shouldn’t have ever had a place in our transit system, but I think it’s a huge shame we abandoned centuries of city/town planning to create a society entirely around the presumption we’d all forever continue to use something that was invented a little over 100 years ago.

You're confusing car ownership and knowing/learning how to drive. Yes, car ownership is a pain. But [b]the basic skill of knowing how to operate a car (and wanting to learn) is very much about freedom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think in a couple with a car, the non-driver (outside of disability) actually is weaponizing incompetence. Imagine some dude saying "oh I can't cook dinner I might burn the house down" and the wife saying "ah he's got cooking anxiety so it's ok if I have to do all the cooking."

I drive, but that analogy doesn't work for me. For instance, my husband doesn't cook because he's terrible at it, I'm very good and enjoy cooking, and we are all happier if I am the family chef. He does other things.

It would be a problem if I minded it or wanted to share the load, but I don't.

Couples get to balance things according to their own preferences, it doesn't make it a weapon not to split every chore 50/50.

Driving is not a chore. It's a necessity (not including in cities).

Umm most chores are necessities.

NBD to divide things up based on who prefers doing what. My DH does almost all our driving and I keep our family of 5 afloat with clean laundry. He feels comfortable driving us everywhere and I WAH so I can keep laundry going during the week. Works just fine for us, no “weaponizing.”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...and are now in their 40s.

Not because of any trauma or anything, just didn't get around to it.

Have to rely on everyone else to get rides or Uber everywhere.

Who cares if some people Uber everywhere? They are creating jobs, stimulating the economy and it probably costs way less than owning and maintaining a car.

Also probably better for the environment as they are less likely to Uber for trivial reasons.

In a couple, weaponized incompetence (presuming car ownership).

As a friend, the mooch that always asks for a ride.

But yeah, I guess the people that like the weird power imbalance in their relationship where one is reliant on the other (presuming the regular need to drive places), or the friend that never asks and never expects offers, they are fine.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think in a couple with a car, the non-driver (outside of disability) actually is weaponizing incompetence. Imagine some dude saying "oh I can't cook dinner I might burn the house down" and the wife saying "ah he's got cooking anxiety so it's ok if I have to do all the cooking."

I drive, but that analogy doesn't work for me. For instance, my husband doesn't cook because he's terrible at it, I'm very good and enjoy cooking, and we are all happier if I am the family chef. He does other things.

It would be a problem if I minded it or wanted to share the load, but I don't.

Couples get to balance things according to their own preferences, it doesn't make it a weapon not to split every chore 50/50.

Driving is not a chore. It's a necessity (not including in cities).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...and are now in their 40s.

Not because of any trauma or anything, just didn't get around to it.

Have to rely on everyone else to get rides or Uber everywhere.

Who cares if some people Uber everywhere? They are creating jobs, stimulating the economy and it probably costs way less than owning and maintaining a car.

Also probably better for the environment as they are less likely to Uber for trivial reasons.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...and are now in their 40s.

Not because of any trauma or anything, just didn't get around to it.

Have to rely on everyone else to get rides or Uber everywhere.

Who cares if some people Uber everywhere? They are creating jobs, stimulating the economy and it probably costs way less than owning and maintaining a car.

Also probably better for the environment as they are less likely to Uber for trivial reasons.

Anonymous wrote:I think in a couple with a car, the non-driver (outside of disability) actually is weaponizing incompetence. Imagine some dude saying "oh I can't cook dinner I might burn the house down" and the wife saying "ah he's got cooking anxiety so it's ok if I have to do all the cooking."

Anonymous wrote:...and are now in their 40s.

Not because of any trauma or anything, just didn't get around to it.

Have to rely on everyone else to get rides or Uber everywhere.