Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had planned to breastfeed my first and was doing great and EBFing. I had taken a leave from work and was loving it. My MIL was openly upset and thought that this would mean she wouldn’t be able to babysit. On one of the first visits to our house to see the baby, she brought a set of bottles; she thought I should have them “just in case”. A couple weeks later we received a package from a family friend, one of MIL closest friends. It included another set of bottles and a note, “These bottles are my favorite and I thought you should have them, too!”

You are reading way too much into that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I donated money for chicks and goats to people in low-income countries in the name of my selfish, materialistic family members. They never acknowledged the gifts.

So you are saying you are a passive aggressive AH then?

Also very self-righteous. How is it that you get to judge your family members and then get to “teach” them how to be better, at least in your eyes?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A few Christmases ago at the family gathering, my cousin gave a vibrator to her very single sister and our other very single cousin. They were not at all amused.

That’s not passive!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had planned to breastfeed my first and was doing great and EBFing. I had taken a leave from work and was loving it. My MIL was openly upset and thought that this would mean she wouldn’t be able to babysit. On one of the first visits to our house to see the baby, she brought a set of bottles; she thought I should have them “just in case”. A couple weeks later we received a package from a family friend, one of MIL closest friends. It included another set of bottles and a note, “These bottles are my favorite and I thought you should have them, too!”

You are reading way too much into that.

You’re not reading enough.

Anonymous wrote:My mom ONLY gives passive aggressive gifts. She has never given me a gift, that I can remember, that wasn't really just encouragement to do something she wants me to do that I either don't want to do or want to choose on my own. Gift cards to the more conservative clothing stores she shops at but knows I don't, or a gift card to her hair salon (which isn't even where I live). One of those Facebook devices for video chats so that I will video chat with her "more often." Self-help books about dating, dieting, career when she feels I am not doing well enough in these departments.

You can't get upset about any of it because she'll start crying and say she only meant it kindly and only wants to help. You just have to smile and say thank you. I once did get upset, when she gave me a set of self-help books and a dress that literally matched a dress she owns and wears often, for my 40th birthday. Like I opened it and it made me cry, because some part of me actually thought she might give me a gift that wasn't entirely about her for once. She was so mad. But I just couldn't hold it in.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had planned to breastfeed my first and was doing great and EBFing. I had taken a leave from work and was loving it. My MIL was openly upset and thought that this would mean she wouldn’t be able to babysit. On one of the first visits to our house to see the baby, she brought a set of bottles; she thought I should have them “just in case”. A couple weeks later we received a package from a family friend, one of MIL closest friends. It included another set of bottles and a note, “These bottles are my favorite and I thought you should have them, too!”

You are reading way too much into that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I donated money for chicks and goats to people in low-income countries in the name of my selfish, materialistic family members. They never acknowledged the gifts.

So you are saying you are a passive aggressive AH then?

Also very self-righteous. How is it that you get to judge your family members and then get to “teach” them how to be better, at least in your eyes?

Anonymous wrote:I had planned to breastfeed my first and was doing great and EBFing. I had taken a leave from work and was loving it. My MIL was openly upset and thought that this would mean she wouldn’t be able to babysit. On one of the first visits to our house to see the baby, she brought a set of bottles; she thought I should have them “just in case”. A couple weeks later we received a package from a family friend, one of MIL closest friends. It included another set of bottles and a note, “These bottles are my favorite and I thought you should have them, too!”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My (millionaire many times over) stepmother gives me the oddest gifts. Last year she sent a wrapped bag of wild rice from Trader Joe’s (across the country no less) for the holidays and a set of steak knives (clearly regifted from like 20 years ago) . One year when I was in grad school she sent a Costco size box of equal packets; a used pair of plastic tongs and the most phallic candle imaginable (think mottled, purple and very penile shaped). One year my dad sent me the same scarf from the met store that he had given me a few years before. Also they sent my 14 year old son a pink t shirt from an acquarium near them that was size 6x and a book appropriate for maybe a 9 year old.

I should note they are wealthy hoarders so have closets of stuff they buy and then dig through it for gifts. Even so the rice was over the top. My kids still joke about it.

Winner.

People who lived through the Depression or older WASP types can be like this. But it's not passive aggressive. Just thriftily odd.

In middle school, I once received a cosmetic bag that was new with tags. The tags said "For the Modern Traveler" but showed a prop jet, an old school ocean liner, and a bulbous black sedan along with a lady wearing a "New Look" A-Line dress. Probably about 30 years old at the time. It was nice but I understood immediately that the object had a backstory.

Also received an unused 1930s scrapbook from the same grandparents. I used it for art projects. That was nearly over the line, as the paper it was made from was a bit strange.

The grandparents were not rich but easily could have afforded something new. They just were thrifty and felt these were reasonable gifts for a middle school girl.

P.S. I don't understand candle gifts at all. I think people should buy them only for themselves. Non-candle people don't want them at all. They are a fire hazard to use, scent choice is personal, and they are a bit fragile to store for later donation (if one wants to keep them minty).

Anonymous wrote:My mom ONLY gives passive aggressive gifts. She has never given me a gift, that I can remember, that wasn't really just encouragement to do something she wants me to do that I either don't want to do or want to choose on my own. Gift cards to the more conservative clothing stores she shops at but knows I don't, or a gift card to her hair salon (which isn't even where I live). One of those Facebook devices for video chats so that I will video chat with her "more often." Self-help books about dating, dieting, career when she feels I am not doing well enough in these departments.

You can't get upset about any of it because she'll start crying and say she only meant it kindly and only wants to help. You just have to smile and say thank you. I once did get upset, when she gave me a set of self-help books and a dress that literally matched a dress she owns and wears often, for my 40th birthday. Like I opened it and it made me cry, because some part of me actually thought she might give me a gift that wasn't entirely about her for once. She was so mad. But I just couldn't hold it in.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know if this was passive aggressive or just a last minute dash. A classmate gave a wrapped STEM subscription box for my kid’s birthday. Not a subscription, but a single box that was clearly the birthday guest’s.

I don't see the problem with that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I donated money for chicks and goats to people in low-income countries in the name of my selfish, materialistic family members. They never acknowledged the gifts.

So you are saying you are a passive aggressive AH then?