Anonymous wrote:Why get married if you don’t want to be monogamous ? What is the point ? Can we please not “normalize” this poly bullshit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in an open marriage. I've been doing this for twenty years. I don't relate to this. I accept that at some point my kids may find out but I'm trying a lot harder to avoid it. To the extent that it doesn't occur to anyone that I might be doing this because I'm a mother, great. I'm not asking for wider cultural validation, I'm not proselytizing, I just want to be left alone.

Hate to break it to you, but your kids will find out and probably already know unless they’re toddlers. It’s not a matter of if, it’s a question of when and how. I’m the kid, my sister and I always knew and it messed both of us up emotionally.

When I was in grad school thirty years ago, a few of my classmates talked about their parents' open marriages. So it's always been around.
And yeah, they were all pretty miserable about it.

Yes, but publishing your open marriage in the New York Times is what's new. Maybe they can make it a regular feature and just combine it with the wedding announcements.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you know basic psychology, its not hard to understand that among polyamorous, polygamous and swingers, some people have more power and others have to go along because they aren't the dominant ones.

If you know non-basic psychology, you understand that some men are super into the idea of their wives sleeping with other men.

I think you are confusing “psychology” with “pornography.”
It’s okay. It’s an easy mistake to make.

Very real, very common: https://www.cnn.com/2018/01/25/health/cuckolding-sex-kerner/

And if your attitude toward common fetishes is this ignorant and dismissive, perhaps your husband is one of the men who has asked me to fulfill this kind of thing for him because he's ashamed to talk to his own partner. It's ok, though - I would never do it. It's not ethical, and also ostensibly monogamous men who are cheating on their spouses are a dime a dozen and just so much drama. Monogamous, lifetime commitments - I mean, who I am to judge, do you want, but the failure rate on that really suggests a problem.

+1. I’ve had invitations from around 20 men to do this. I don’t understand it myself but it’s a thing. And plenty of the wives say they’re into it too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you know basic psychology, its not hard to understand that among polyamorous, polygamous and swingers, some people have more power and others have to go along because they aren't the dominant ones.

If you know non-basic psychology, you understand that some men are super into the idea of their wives sleeping with other men.

I think you are confusing “psychology” with “pornography.”
It’s okay. It’s an easy mistake to make.

Very real, very common: https://www.cnn.com/2018/01/25/health/cuckolding-sex-kerner/

And if your attitude toward common fetishes is this ignorant and dismissive, perhaps your husband is one of the men who has asked me to fulfill this kind of thing for him because he's ashamed to talk to his own partner. It's ok, though - I would never do it. It's not ethical, and also ostensibly monogamous men who are cheating on their spouses are a dime a dozen and just so much drama. Monogamous, lifetime commitments - I mean, who I am to judge, do you want, but the failure rate on that really suggests a problem.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you know basic psychology, its not hard to understand that among polyamorous, polygamous and swingers, some people have more power and others have to go along because they aren't the dominant ones.

If you know non-basic psychology, you understand that some men are super into the idea of their wives sleeping with other men.

I think you are confusing “psychology” with “pornography.”
It’s okay. It’s an easy mistake to make.

Very real, very common: https://www.cnn.com/2018/01/25/health/cuckolding-sex-kerner/

And if your attitude toward common fetishes is this ignorant and dismissive, perhaps your husband is one of the men who has asked me to fulfill this kind of thing for him because he's ashamed to talk to his own partner. It's ok, though - I would never do it. It's not ethical, and also ostensibly monogamous men who are cheating on their spouses are a dime a dozen and just so much drama. Monogamous, lifetime commitments - I mean, who I am to judge, do you want, but the failure rate on that really suggests a problem.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you know basic psychology, its not hard to understand that among polyamorous, polygamous and swingers, some people have more power and others have to go along because they aren't the dominant ones.

If you know non-basic psychology, you understand that some men are super into the idea of their wives sleeping with other men.

I think you are confusing “psychology” with “pornography.”
It’s okay. It’s an easy mistake to make.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you know basic psychology, its not hard to understand that among polyamorous, polygamous and swingers, some people have more power and others have to go along because they aren't the dominant ones.

If you know non-basic psychology, you understand that some men are super into the idea of their wives sleeping with other men.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look at how the Sister Wives reality show played out to see how true long term polyamory works. The husband and his first three wives claimed they had a happy and equitable partnership. Once the husband found his fourth wife, he fell madly in love with her and said she was his 'person'. He moved in with her exclusively and tried to legally divorce a different wife so wife 4 could be the legal wife. The other 3 wives had to work, while wife 4 didn't. Once he found someone he truly bonded to, the other relationships were neglected to the point that wives 1-3 all eventually left him. He's still with wife 4 and has no plans to seek another woman. When it comes to relationships, I truly believe humans can only emotionally bond with one person at a time.

This is why so many poly people have a "primary". All the poly people I know are married with children and their spouse is their partner. They just see other people. Now, they might care about and respect those other people, but they are lower priorities, quite literally called "secondaries". There will always be a hierarchy. For types like this, I guess polyamory fulfills the need for variety but also gives them the stability of having a life partner.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in an open marriage. I've been doing this for twenty years. I don't relate to this. I accept that at some point my kids may find out but I'm trying a lot harder to avoid it. To the extent that it doesn't occur to anyone that I might be doing this because I'm a mother, great. I'm not asking for wider cultural validation, I'm not proselytizing, I just want to be left alone.

Hate to break it to you, but your kids will find out and probably already know unless they’re toddlers. It’s not a matter of if, it’s a question of when and how. I’m the kid, my sister and I always knew and it messed both of us up emotionally.

When I was in grad school thirty years ago, a few of my classmates talked about their parents' open marriages. So it's always been around.
And yeah, they were all pretty miserable about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look at how the Sister Wives reality show played out to see how true long term polyamory works. The husband and his first three wives claimed they had a happy and equitable partnership. Once the husband found his fourth wife, he fell madly in love with her and said she was his 'person'. He moved in with her exclusively and tried to legally divorce a different wife so wife 4 could be the legal wife. The other 3 wives had to work, while wife 4 didn't. Once he found someone he truly bonded to, the other relationships were neglected to the point that wives 1-3 all eventually left him. He's still with wife 4 and has no plans to seek another woman. When it comes to relationships, I truly believe humans can only emotionally bond with one person at a time.

This is why so many poly people have a "primary". All the poly people I know are married with children and their spouse is their partner. They just see other people. Now, they might care about and respect those other people, but they are lower priorities, quite literally called "secondaries". There will always be a hierarchy. For types like this, I guess polyamory fulfills the need for variety but also gives them the stability of having a life partner.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fern is a good writer.

About something with an incredibly high failure rate.

But she writes well.

I think this is true for a lot of people who write for The Atlantic.

They are gifted writers who are really good at defending their own neurotic decisions.