Anonymous
03/11/2024 14:55
Subject: Sorority Rush
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Tell your dd to “trust the process” and never limit herself when accepting invites for the next night (if she gets 4 invites for a 4 party night she should accept them all and not just the 2 she really wants).
“Trust the process” is the biggest crock of BS. It’s a $hit show for everyone and unless you know girls currently IN the houses, set your expectations very, very low. If you wouldn’t be happy joining the least desirable house, don’t rush.
well my DD had a very tough rush. Was a legacy at one house and on a rush crush list for another one that she had a friend from childhood in. Ended up being cut by almost all, including those two, after the first round. Had only her bottom ranked houses left, including one that she actually liked but was considered a "lower-middle tier" house that she had never heard of prior. Was VERY hard to tell her to "trust the process" having been cut for seemingly no reason but she did stay in rush and ended up at that one house that she liked. Two years later, she still wonders if it's the right place though she has a solid group of friends, she has not necessarily found "her home".
It's a brutal process and yes the girls need to be flexible on where they go, and realize that they can always drop before initiation if they don't like it, and rush again.
She is in rush now and tells me how girls come in and say "i don't need to be here" and give one word answers to her questions because they are not interested in the house. It's so rude and disappointing how some of us have raised our daughters. Those girls might find themselves with no options so the message is to always be polite and respectful no matter where you see yourself.
So this is one of the biggest problems that many girls will face. They really value have a popular house and can't fathom how they could be cut. This is generally girls who were popular and pretty in their high school and this is the first time they are being "rejected". I can understand how it must feel to them.
Yet even if a girl lands in the most popular house, by the time they are in their junior year they are drifting away or should be drifting away from the sorority life as the mature and get ready to move on. They stop being quite as vested in the politics and gossip and spend less and less time with new pledges. It's always tough to get seniors to attend events and stay involved. This is a universal issue no matter if it's a SEC school or otherwise. It's a natural progression that should happen.
This is true. I was actually in one of the popular houses ("back in the day") at my college - something that matters not even a little once I left college. I pledged as a Soph and by Senior year I was seriously over it. LOL. Was always in trouble for not going to things but you have far less tolerance for "mandatory" teas and social events, and meetings of every stripe (on top of chapter meetings) by the time you're nearing 22 years old and heading to the real world or to grad school,.
Anonymous
03/11/2024 14:50
Subject: Sorority Rush
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Do not drop before initiation and think you’re going to go through rush again the next year successfully. Would never happen.
If you rush a house, pledge, go through the process, and then drop before initiation, you’re not getting another house the next year. Former rush counselor here.
you are just wrong. Might be a "former rush counselor" but I absolutely 100% know girls who have done this.
My SIL did this. She did not go to another house the following year. But she did the year after. The "old" house loathed her but . . . whatever.
Anonymous
03/11/2024 14:48
Subject: Sorority Rush
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I was a first gen student. I had zero interest in joining a sorority. Nobody in my social group growing up had any experience with them, so it was not on my radar.
Moving forward, my daughter is rushing this week. We are supporting her, a little reluctantly though. All the girls she has met her first semester are also rushing. Her school does not ask for recommendation letters from previous members, thank God, because we really don’t have those connections.
My question is, how disadvantaged is a first gen student who is rushing at one of the schools where they still ask for rec letters? Is that system in place to continue keeping the “poors” out of the greek system? Also, don’t get me started on how expensive some of those soroties cost. Just another reason why they are so out of reach for most first gen students.
Depends on the school. There's another thread about SMU rush right now that caught my eye because I grew up walking distance from SMU's campus (but did not go to school there); the system there is not so much about "keeping the 'poors' out" so much as keeping the people of a certain class and culture in -- which effectively keeps everyone else out. My DH who is from here (FFX) saw a picture of my niece with her sorority friends posing in identical outfits and they all had cowboy boots on and he asked me if wearing cowboy boots is a real thing in Texas. I laughed, and told him it is, but that isn't why they all have those boots -- I'd bet a lot of money that all of those girls have those boots because they ride in them, and have been riding at one of Texas's sorority feeder summer camps for years (sorority-feeder camps are a thing in TX). So it's not just "We're Texas girls, we wear expensive cowboy boots." It's "We're Texas girls who have been to the right summer camps where we wore these boots as we learned to ride and care for horses because it's a thing here that people of our class do." It's not just about money, it's about shared lived experiences (that most people cannot afford, and that some people who can afford are clueless about).
Some schools are not like this, and have at least some houses that embrace diversity and first gen students.
You’re way over thinking the boots. Plus, the boots that you ride in, are not the type of boots that you’d wear any time other than riding.
- A former Mystic camper/UT sorority girl with a sister/cousin and many friends who were in sororities at SMU and went to Mystic or Waldemar
Inaccurate.
The boots have nothing to do with riding or with Camp Mystic/Longhorn. Owning boots shows that your family is a native Texas family that can afford $250+ boots.
That being said, I am from Austin and found out that a local photographer who is a sorority alum is having seniors in high school be her models in exchange for sorority letters.
Anonymous
01/16/2024 14:11
Subject: Sorority Rush
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Tell your dd to “trust the process” and never limit herself when accepting invites for the next night (if she gets 4 invites for a 4 party night she should accept them all and not just the 2 she really wants).
“Trust the process” is the biggest crock of BS. It’s a $hit show for everyone and unless you know girls currently IN the houses, set your expectations very, very low. If you wouldn’t be happy joining the least desirable house, don’t rush.
well my DD had a very tough rush. Was a legacy at one house and on a rush crush list for another one that she had a friend from childhood in. Ended up being cut by almost all, including those two, after the first round. Had only her bottom ranked houses left, including one that she actually liked but was considered a "lower-middle tier" house that she had never heard of prior. Was VERY hard to tell her to "trust the process" having been cut for seemingly no reason but she did stay in rush and ended up at that one house that she liked. Two years later, she still wonders if it's the right place though she has a solid group of friends, she has not necessarily found "her home".
It's a brutal process and yes the girls need to be flexible on where they go, and realize that they can always drop before initiation if they don't like it, and rush again.
She is in rush now and tells me how girls come in and say "i don't need to be here" and give one word answers to her questions because they are not interested in the house. It's so rude and disappointing how some of us have raised our daughters. Those girls might find themselves with no options so the message is to always be polite and respectful no matter where you see yourself.
So this is one of the biggest problems that many girls will face. They really value have a popular house and can't fathom how they could be cut. This is generally girls who were popular and pretty in their high school and this is the first time they are being "rejected". I can understand how it must feel to them.
Yet even if a girl lands in the most popular house, by the time they are in their junior year they are drifting away or should be drifting away from the sorority life as the mature and get ready to move on. They stop being quite as vested in the politics and gossip and spend less and less time with new pledges. It's always tough to get seniors to attend events and stay involved. This is a universal issue no matter if it's a SEC school or otherwise. It's a natural progression that should happen.
that is definitely true. As a junior now, my DD has friends in all sororities and fraternities and really does not define herself at all by her sorority. The good news is that she has made a core group of friends and now serves on the exec board, so having leadership opportunities. What seemed so tragic two years ago still kind of stings, but she knows its much less important in the big picture than when she was a freshman and all her hall friends went to other houses considered "more popular" than hers. Most of those girls are unhappy in their houses now.
Anonymous
01/16/2024 13:43
Subject: Sorority Rush
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Tell your dd to “trust the process” and never limit herself when accepting invites for the next night (if she gets 4 invites for a 4 party night she should accept them all and not just the 2 she really wants).
“Trust the process” is the biggest crock of BS. It’s a $hit show for everyone and unless you know girls currently IN the houses, set your expectations very, very low. If you wouldn’t be happy joining the least desirable house, don’t rush.
well my DD had a very tough rush. Was a legacy at one house and on a rush crush list for another one that she had a friend from childhood in. Ended up being cut by almost all, including those two, after the first round. Had only her bottom ranked houses left, including one that she actually liked but was considered a "lower-middle tier" house that she had never heard of prior. Was VERY hard to tell her to "trust the process" having been cut for seemingly no reason but she did stay in rush and ended up at that one house that she liked. Two years later, she still wonders if it's the right place though she has a solid group of friends, she has not necessarily found "her home".
It's a brutal process and yes the girls need to be flexible on where they go, and realize that they can always drop before initiation if they don't like it, and rush again.
She is in rush now and tells me how girls come in and say "i don't need to be here" and give one word answers to her questions because they are not interested in the house. It's so rude and disappointing how some of us have raised our daughters. Those girls might find themselves with no options so the message is to always be polite and respectful no matter where you see yourself.
So this is one of the biggest problems that many girls will face. They really value have a popular house and can't fathom how they could be cut. This is generally girls who were popular and pretty in their high school and this is the first time they are being "rejected". I can understand how it must feel to them.
Yet even if a girl lands in the most popular house, by the time they are in their junior year they are drifting away or should be drifting away from the sorority life as the mature and get ready to move on. They stop being quite as vested in the politics and gossip and spend less and less time with new pledges. It's always tough to get seniors to attend events and stay involved. This is a universal issue no matter if it's a SEC school or otherwise. It's a natural progression that should happen.
Anonymous
01/16/2024 13:33
Subject: Sorority Rush
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I thought you pretty much had to have an "in" with girl(s) already in the house in order to have a real chance at joining a "top" sorority and that those sororities already know who they're going to invite before rush even begins.
100% true at SEC schools.
The only girls who got “top” houses knew girls in the house well except for one whose mother called in favors to someone somehow and got her daughter who barely graduated high school in.
This is not true at our big SEC school. We took plenty of unhooked girls as long as they met the criteria we were looking for.
So assume your criteria was extremely attractive, reasonable grades, and has money?
Anonymous
01/16/2024 13:20
Subject: Sorority Rush
Anonymous wrote:It’s one thing to drop during rush. It happens a lot when you don’t get the house you want but no one goes through the entire pledging process of up to almost 6 months turns in their pledge pen, drops a sorority and then goes back to sorority recruitment the next year and as well. No one.
WHO HAS A SIX MONTH PLEDGING PROCESS??? Um no, but you're right most people do not go through the whole process and then depledge unless something comes up in their life, such as finances or acadmic issues.
Pledging where I pledged as well as my DD, is usualy from late Jan to late March - that's two months.
Most girls will depledge within two weeks once they know it's not the right fit. Those girls are absolutely rushing again the next year and getting into houses.
Anonymous
01/16/2024 12:46
Subject: Sorority Rush
Anonymous wrote:It’s one thing to drop during rush. It happens a lot when you don’t get the house you want but no one goes through the entire pledging process of up to almost 6 months turns in their pledge pen, drops a sorority and then goes back to sorority recruitment the next year and as well. No one.
Exactly. Dropping right up until the time of initiation and then successfully going through recruitment again? lol. You would be blackballed. If this is happening it is happening at some random college with a tiny Greek system that no one cares about and 20% of the students are actually active in Greek.
Anonymous
01/16/2024 12:42
Subject: Sorority Rush
It’s one thing to drop during rush. It happens a lot when you don’t get the house you want but no one goes through the entire pledging process of up to almost 6 months turns in their pledge pen, drops a sorority and then goes back to sorority recruitment the next year and as well. No one.
Anonymous
01/16/2024 12:40
Subject: Sorority Rush
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Do not drop before initiation and think you’re going to go through rush again the next year successfully. Would never happen.
If you rush a house, pledge, go through the process, and then drop before initiation, you’re not getting another house the next year. Former rush counselor here.
you are just wrong. Might be a "former rush counselor" but I absolutely 100% know girls who have done this.
I will add that most girls drop within the first week or two, not going through an entire pledging process.
Anonymous
01/16/2024 12:36
Subject: Sorority Rush
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Do not drop before initiation and think you’re going to go through rush again the next year successfully. Would never happen.
If you rush a house, pledge, go through the process, and then drop before initiation, you’re not getting another house the next year. Former rush counselor here.
you are just wrong. Might be a "former rush counselor" but I absolutely 100% know girls who have done this.
Anonymous
01/16/2024 12:35
Subject: Sorority Rush
Anonymous wrote:Are you saying pretty people should have more value? For what it’s worth, my daughter is rushing, but I don’t agree with the superficial part of the process. What would happen to the pretty girl that had a bad burn accident? Will they hide her from the frat boys, since “everybody wants to be around attractive people”?
You may not like it, and I may not like it, but welcome to the real world. Looks matter in almost every single aspect of society. Every one.
Anonymous
01/16/2024 12:09
Subject: Sorority Rush
Anonymous wrote:I think not having a mom or older sister or best friend that has been thru it makes it a little harder just because you don't have someone close to you that can advice you. I also thinks shyness hurts you.
I completely agree with you. This is an example of institutional knowledge many URMs and first gen students do not have access to. Some might call it “white privilege”, as the majority of kids in the greek system are white, and by American societal standards, more attractive.
I grew up in Latin America, where racism and classism is alive and well. I hoped things had evolved in the US.
Anonymous
01/16/2024 12:03
Subject: Sorority Rush
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I thought you pretty much had to have an "in" with girl(s) already in the house in order to have a real chance at joining a "top" sorority and that those sororities already know who they're going to invite before rush even begins.
100% true at SEC schools.
The only girls who got “top” houses knew girls in the house well except for one whose mother called in favors to someone somehow and got her daughter who barely graduated high school in.
This is not true at our big SEC school. We took plenty of unhooked girls as long as they met the criteria we were looking for.
Lies.
Okay grandma, like you know anything.
Anonymous
01/16/2024 12:02
Subject: Sorority Rush
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I thought you pretty much had to have an "in" with girl(s) already in the house in order to have a real chance at joining a "top" sorority and that those sororities already know who they're going to invite before rush even begins.
100% true at SEC schools.
The only girls who got “top” houses knew girls in the house well except for one whose mother called in favors to someone somehow and got her daughter who barely graduated high school in.
This is not true at our big SEC school. We took plenty of unhooked girls as long as they met the criteria we were looking for.
Lies.