Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:It’s behind a paywall for me but this forum makes me feel poor. It’s hard to be excited about my 401(k) hitting $1 million when reading about people worrying about retiring with accounts worth $6 million+.

I do feel like people on here exaggerate though because some of the people I know in real life who act the richest also have enormous 1st and 2nd mortgages and HELOCs, etc. so it’s a facade.

This is a really interesting point. The one guy I know who drives the most expensive car and lives on the most expensive house and has the biggest beach house also has huge mortgages and is constantly moving money around HELOCs and personal loans to address cash flow throughout the year.

It's actually really common for high-compensation individuals to retire with nothing significant saved. Divorces, expensive cars/toys/vacations, home improvements, etc. adds up. Eventually, they just run out of time and there's no more "next year". I've heard that story many times first/second/thirdhand at our firm.

My mom was a physician and retired with about $1 million. We have no idea where 40 years of high income went. She pissed it all away somehow.

She probably spent it on her kids. That's where my high income goes. Expensive sleep away camp, private schools, travel sports, nice vacation, wonderful birthdays - I hope they don't sound as ungrateful as you when I'm old and have little for them to inherit.

I am her kid. She paid for our tuition in the 80s and early 90s when it wasn’t that expensive (we went to in-state publics). So there was at least 20 years when she wasn’t paying for that. And she lived in a low cost of living area. I know she had a lot of people doing stuff for her - housekeeper coming twice a week, landscapers weekly - but it still seems like she didn’t play good financial defense.

DP here. Was your mom by any chance raised lower middle class? I've seen a lot of people who were raised LC/LMC who make it into UMC and overspend. Their salary sounds so high and they just don't do the math. Yay we earn $300K so we'll do cleaners, eat out or get take out a lot, send the kid to private school, pay professionals for every little home repair, etc.

We make $300k, have cleaners, eat a lot of take out, one kid in private, have to outsource all home repair...and we still have over $3 mil net worth (two-thirds is retirement, then home equity, college savings, etc). It is a lot of money to me and I'm grateful we can have these things.

I would not count college savings in net worth. That is money already spent.

All money is spent. Do you reduce your 401k by expected taxes?

Also, the balance you’ve accumulated is the difference between someone that invests on a regular, disciplined basis…and somebody who keeps that same extra money in a savings account, keeps it in their checking account and fritters it away on odds and ends, etc. There are a lot of people in the latter category. I think this forum tends to attract people in the former. The time value of money punishes people.

Bullshit. You can plan on when and how to withdraw from retirement accounts to avoid or lower taxes. Your college funds are earmarked for college and already spent. You’re just trying to make yourself sound richer than you are. If you were truly rich, you wouldn’t need college accounts at all you could just pay as your kids went. That’s what we did.

You cash-flowed college and you think that makes you rich? BFD, anybody can do that. You sound financially illiterate, though...so that makes suspect anything else you have to say.

All money is spent, period.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s behind a paywall for me but this forum makes me feel poor. It’s hard to be excited about my 401(k) hitting $1 million when reading about people worrying about retiring with accounts worth $6 million+.

I do feel like people on here exaggerate though because some of the people I know in real life who act the richest also have enormous 1st and 2nd mortgages and HELOCs, etc. so it’s a facade.

This is a really interesting point. The one guy I know who drives the most expensive car and lives on the most expensive house and has the biggest beach house also has huge mortgages and is constantly moving money around HELOCs and personal loans to address cash flow throughout the year.

It's actually really common for high-compensation individuals to retire with nothing significant saved. Divorces, expensive cars/toys/vacations, home improvements, etc. adds up. Eventually, they just run out of time and there's no more "next year". I've heard that story many times first/second/thirdhand at our firm.

My mom was a physician and retired with about $1 million. We have no idea where 40 years of high income went. She pissed it all away somehow.

She probably spent it on her kids. That's where my high income goes. Expensive sleep away camp, private schools, travel sports, nice vacation, wonderful birthdays - I hope they don't sound as ungrateful as you when I'm old and have little for them to inherit.

I am her kid. She paid for our tuition in the 80s and early 90s when it wasn’t that expensive (we went to in-state publics). So there was at least 20 years when she wasn’t paying for that. And she lived in a low cost of living area. I know she had a lot of people doing stuff for her - housekeeper coming twice a week, landscapers weekly - but it still seems like she didn’t play good financial defense.

Sounds like you are very smart, so perhaps she did something right. Maybe you should try being grateful? It might feel good. Do you have to cafe for her now. If not, she gave that to you as a gift too.

Anonymous wrote:The key takeaway for me was that the poorest have money in their fancy cars and cash. The wealthiest have their money in assets like real estate and stocks.

Oh boy….such a dumb comment

If you are poor and your net worth is like 30k but you need reliable transportation to get to work then lots of your net worth will be in a not fancy car.

If they have a 15k car and 6k in checking to pay bills then 50% of net worth is car and 20% in cash. Yes they could have a 5k car but when hourly you need something reliable because you don’t get paid if the car breaks down and takes a few days to fix.

The key takeaway for me was that the poorest have money in their fancy cars and cash. The wealthiest have their money in assets like real estate and stocks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s behind a paywall for me but this forum makes me feel poor. It’s hard to be excited about my 401(k) hitting $1 million when reading about people worrying about retiring with accounts worth $6 million+.

I do feel like people on here exaggerate though because some of the people I know in real life who act the richest also have enormous 1st and 2nd mortgages and HELOCs, etc. so it’s a facade.

This is a really interesting point. The one guy I know who drives the most expensive car and lives on the most expensive house and has the biggest beach house also has huge mortgages and is constantly moving money around HELOCs and personal loans to address cash flow throughout the year.

It's actually really common for high-compensation individuals to retire with nothing significant saved. Divorces, expensive cars/toys/vacations, home improvements, etc. adds up. Eventually, they just run out of time and there's no more "next year". I've heard that story many times first/second/thirdhand at our firm.

My mom was a physician and retired with about $1 million. We have no idea where 40 years of high income went. She pissed it all away somehow.

She probably spent it on her kids. That's where my high income goes. Expensive sleep away camp, private schools, travel sports, nice vacation, wonderful birthdays - I hope they don't sound as ungrateful as you when I'm old and have little for them to inherit.

I am her kid. She paid for our tuition in the 80s and early 90s when it wasn’t that expensive (we went to in-state publics). So there was at least 20 years when she wasn’t paying for that. And she lived in a low cost of living area. I know she had a lot of people doing stuff for her - housekeeper coming twice a week, landscapers weekly - but it still seems like she didn’t play good financial defense.

DP here. Was your mom by any chance raised lower middle class? I've seen a lot of people who were raised LC/LMC who make it into UMC and overspend. Their salary sounds so high and they just don't do the math. Yay we earn $300K so we'll do cleaners, eat out or get take out a lot, send the kid to private school, pay professionals for every little home repair, etc.

We make $300k, have cleaners, eat a lot of take out, one kid in private, have to outsource all home repair...and we still have over $3 mil net worth (two-thirds is retirement, then home equity, college savings, etc). It is a lot of money to me and I'm grateful we can have these things.

I would not count college savings in net worth. That is money already spent.

All money is spent. Do you reduce your 401k by expected taxes?

Also, the balance you’ve accumulated is the difference between someone that invests on a regular, disciplined basis…and somebody who keeps that same extra money in a savings account, keeps it in their checking account and fritters it away on odds and ends, etc. There are a lot of people in the latter category. I think this forum tends to attract people in the former. The time value of money punishes people.

Bullshit. You can plan on when and how to withdraw from retirement accounts to avoid or lower taxes. Your college funds are earmarked for college and already spent. You’re just trying to make yourself sound richer than you are. If you were truly rich, you wouldn’t need college accounts at all you could just pay as your kids went. That’s what we did.

Congratulations on wasting a bunch of money?

That being said, your post is complete nonsense.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s behind a paywall for me but this forum makes me feel poor. It’s hard to be excited about my 401(k) hitting $1 million when reading about people worrying about retiring with accounts worth $6 million+.

I do feel like people on here exaggerate though because some of the people I know in real life who act the richest also have enormous 1st and 2nd mortgages and HELOCs, etc. so it’s a facade.

This is a really interesting point. The one guy I know who drives the most expensive car and lives on the most expensive house and has the biggest beach house also has huge mortgages and is constantly moving money around HELOCs and personal loans to address cash flow throughout the year.

It's actually really common for high-compensation individuals to retire with nothing significant saved. Divorces, expensive cars/toys/vacations, home improvements, etc. adds up. Eventually, they just run out of time and there's no more "next year". I've heard that story many times first/second/thirdhand at our firm.

My mom was a physician and retired with about $1 million. We have no idea where 40 years of high income went. She pissed it all away somehow.

She probably spent it on her kids. That's where my high income goes. Expensive sleep away camp, private schools, travel sports, nice vacation, wonderful birthdays - I hope they don't sound as ungrateful as you when I'm old and have little for them to inherit.

I am her kid. She paid for our tuition in the 80s and early 90s when it wasn’t that expensive (we went to in-state publics). So there was at least 20 years when she wasn’t paying for that. And she lived in a low cost of living area. I know she had a lot of people doing stuff for her - housekeeper coming twice a week, landscapers weekly - but it still seems like she didn’t play good financial defense.

DP here. Was your mom by any chance raised lower middle class? I've seen a lot of people who were raised LC/LMC who make it into UMC and overspend. Their salary sounds so high and they just don't do the math. Yay we earn $300K so we'll do cleaners, eat out or get take out a lot, send the kid to private school, pay professionals for every little home repair, etc.

We make $300k, have cleaners, eat a lot of take out, one kid in private, have to outsource all home repair...and we still have over $3 mil net worth (two-thirds is retirement, then home equity, college savings, etc). It is a lot of money to me and I'm grateful we can have these things.

I would not count college savings in net worth. That is money already spent.

All money is spent. Do you reduce your 401k by expected taxes?

Also, the balance you’ve accumulated is the difference between someone that invests on a regular, disciplined basis…and somebody who keeps that same extra money in a savings account, keeps it in their checking account and fritters it away on odds and ends, etc. There are a lot of people in the latter category. I think this forum tends to attract people in the former. The time value of money punishes people.

Bullshit. You can plan on when and how to withdraw from retirement accounts to avoid or lower taxes. Your college funds are earmarked for college and already spent. You’re just trying to make yourself sound richer than you are. If you were truly rich, you wouldn’t need college accounts at all you could just pay as your kids went. That’s what we did.

Anonymous wrote:My net worth is 10 billion but I can't afford the paywall.

I pay for the paywall for NYT and WSJ but wouldn't use the post if it were free.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t want to pay to get past the firewall. I’m worth $7.3 million. Where does that place me?

Places you squarely in humble brag d-bag territory

Thanks to the link that one of the other posters sent, I was able to access this and calculate it: 97.5%

Same here. Thanks to that PP! Places my cheap-ass at the 97th percentile!

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s behind a paywall for me but this forum makes me feel poor. It’s hard to be excited about my 401(k) hitting $1 million when reading about people worrying about retiring with accounts worth $6 million+.

I do feel like people on here exaggerate though because some of the people I know in real life who act the richest also have enormous 1st and 2nd mortgages and HELOCs, etc. so it’s a facade.

This is a really interesting point. The one guy I know who drives the most expensive car and lives on the most expensive house and has the biggest beach house also has huge mortgages and is constantly moving money around HELOCs and personal loans to address cash flow throughout the year.

It's actually really common for high-compensation individuals to retire with nothing significant saved. Divorces, expensive cars/toys/vacations, home improvements, etc. adds up. Eventually, they just run out of time and there's no more "next year". I've heard that story many times first/second/thirdhand at our firm.

My mom was a physician and retired with about $1 million. We have no idea where 40 years of high income went. She pissed it all away somehow.

She probably spent it on her kids. That's where my high income goes. Expensive sleep away camp, private schools, travel sports, nice vacation, wonderful birthdays - I hope they don't sound as ungrateful as you when I'm old and have little for them to inherit.

I am her kid. She paid for our tuition in the 80s and early 90s when it wasn’t that expensive (we went to in-state publics). So there was at least 20 years when she wasn’t paying for that. And she lived in a low cost of living area. I know she had a lot of people doing stuff for her - housekeeper coming twice a week, landscapers weekly - but it still seems like she didn’t play good financial defense.

DP here. Was your mom by any chance raised lower middle class? I've seen a lot of people who were raised LC/LMC who make it into UMC and overspend. Their salary sounds so high and they just don't do the math. Yay we earn $300K so we'll do cleaners, eat out or get take out a lot, send the kid to private school, pay professionals for every little home repair, etc.

We make $300k, have cleaners, eat a lot of take out, one kid in private, have to outsource all home repair...and we still have over $3 mil net worth (two-thirds is retirement, then home equity, college savings, etc). It is a lot of money to me and I'm grateful we can have these things.

I would not count college savings in net worth. That is money already spent.

Not if you also account for the planned expense. Unlike a house, a 529 is available to tap into quickly (penalty of course) and the kid could go to community college.

Our net worth model shows all financial assets and known/anticipated expenses until we get to 100. These include car replacement every 10 years, home improvements every 10 years (not the same year as car), anticipated private college costs, etc. If we didn't do that, we'd have to know how much the 529 will not cover and plan for that. Far easier to just include the full 529 in assets and full, expected college costs as outflows at the appropriate dates (we assume costs are about 80K/year now and that they increase by 5% per year).

We don't include home equity because it's not liquid, we need a roof over our heads and by the time we do sell the house, pay realtors, find a new place to live, etc. I'm not sure we'd be better off than otherwise. Just easier to ignore it. Our HE is also not that high (about $5-600K).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s behind a paywall for me but this forum makes me feel poor. It’s hard to be excited about my 401(k) hitting $1 million when reading about people worrying about retiring with accounts worth $6 million+.

I do feel like people on here exaggerate though because some of the people I know in real life who act the richest also have enormous 1st and 2nd mortgages and HELOCs, etc. so it’s a facade.

This is a really interesting point. The one guy I know who drives the most expensive car and lives on the most expensive house and has the biggest beach house also has huge mortgages and is constantly moving money around HELOCs and personal loans to address cash flow throughout the year.

It's actually really common for high-compensation individuals to retire with nothing significant saved. Divorces, expensive cars/toys/vacations, home improvements, etc. adds up. Eventually, they just run out of time and there's no more "next year". I've heard that story many times first/second/thirdhand at our firm.

My mom was a physician and retired with about $1 million. We have no idea where 40 years of high income went. She pissed it all away somehow.

She probably spent it on her kids. That's where my high income goes. Expensive sleep away camp, private schools, travel sports, nice vacation, wonderful birthdays - I hope they don't sound as ungrateful as you when I'm old and have little for them to inherit.

I am her kid. She paid for our tuition in the 80s and early 90s when it wasn’t that expensive (we went to in-state publics). So there was at least 20 years when she wasn’t paying for that. And she lived in a low cost of living area. I know she had a lot of people doing stuff for her - housekeeper coming twice a week, landscapers weekly - but it still seems like she didn’t play good financial defense.

DP here. Was your mom by any chance raised lower middle class? I've seen a lot of people who were raised LC/LMC who make it into UMC and overspend. Their salary sounds so high and they just don't do the math. Yay we earn $300K so we'll do cleaners, eat out or get take out a lot, send the kid to private school, pay professionals for every little home repair, etc.

We make $300k, have cleaners, eat a lot of take out, one kid in private, have to outsource all home repair...and we still have over $3 mil net worth (two-thirds is retirement, then home equity, college savings, etc). It is a lot of money to me and I'm grateful we can have these things.

I would not count college savings in net worth. That is money already spent.

All money is spent. Do you reduce your 401k by expected taxes?

Also, the balance you’ve accumulated is the difference between someone that invests on a regular, disciplined basis…and somebody who keeps that same extra money in a savings account, keeps it in their checking account and fritters it away on odds and ends, etc. There are a lot of people in the latter category. I think this forum tends to attract people in the former. The time value of money punishes people.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t want to pay to get past the firewall. I’m worth $7.3 million. Where does that place me?

Places you squarely in humble brag d-bag territory

Thanks to the link that one of the other posters sent, I was able to access this and calculate it: 97.5%

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s behind a paywall for me but this forum makes me feel poor. It’s hard to be excited about my 401(k) hitting $1 million when reading about people worrying about retiring with accounts worth $6 million+.

I do feel like people on here exaggerate though because some of the people I know in real life who act the richest also have enormous 1st and 2nd mortgages and HELOCs, etc. so it’s a facade.

This is a really interesting point. The one guy I know who drives the most expensive car and lives on the most expensive house and has the biggest beach house also has huge mortgages and is constantly moving money around HELOCs and personal loans to address cash flow throughout the year.

It's actually really common for high-compensation individuals to retire with nothing significant saved. Divorces, expensive cars/toys/vacations, home improvements, etc. adds up. Eventually, they just run out of time and there's no more "next year". I've heard that story many times first/second/thirdhand at our firm.

My mom was a physician and retired with about $1 million. We have no idea where 40 years of high income went. She pissed it all away somehow.

She probably spent it on her kids. That's where my high income goes. Expensive sleep away camp, private schools, travel sports, nice vacation, wonderful birthdays - I hope they don't sound as ungrateful as you when I'm old and have little for them to inherit.

I am her kid. She paid for our tuition in the 80s and early 90s when it wasn’t that expensive (we went to in-state publics). So there was at least 20 years when she wasn’t paying for that. And she lived in a low cost of living area. I know she had a lot of people doing stuff for her - housekeeper coming twice a week, landscapers weekly - but it still seems like she didn’t play good financial defense.

DP here. Was your mom by any chance raised lower middle class? I've seen a lot of people who were raised LC/LMC who make it into UMC and overspend. Their salary sounds so high and they just don't do the math. Yay we earn $300K so we'll do cleaners, eat out or get take out a lot, send the kid to private school, pay professionals for every little home repair, etc.

We make $300k, have cleaners, eat a lot of take out, one kid in private, have to outsource all home repair...and we still have over $3 mil net worth (two-thirds is retirement, then home equity, college savings, etc). It is a lot of money to me and I'm grateful we can have these things.

I would not count college savings in net worth. That is money already spent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s behind a paywall for me but this forum makes me feel poor. It’s hard to be excited about my 401(k) hitting $1 million when reading about people worrying about retiring with accounts worth $6 million+.

I do feel like people on here exaggerate though because some of the people I know in real life who act the richest also have enormous 1st and 2nd mortgages and HELOCs, etc. so it’s a facade.

This is a really interesting point. The one guy I know who drives the most expensive car and lives on the most expensive house and has the biggest beach house also has huge mortgages and is constantly moving money around HELOCs and personal loans to address cash flow throughout the year.

It's actually really common for high-compensation individuals to retire with nothing significant saved. Divorces, expensive cars/toys/vacations, home improvements, etc. adds up. Eventually, they just run out of time and there's no more "next year". I've heard that story many times first/second/thirdhand at our firm.

My mom was a physician and retired with about $1 million. We have no idea where 40 years of high income went. She pissed it all away somehow.

She probably spent it on her kids. That's where my high income goes. Expensive sleep away camp, private schools, travel sports, nice vacation, wonderful birthdays - I hope they don't sound as ungrateful as you when I'm old and have little for them to inherit.

I am her kid. She paid for our tuition in the 80s and early 90s when it wasn’t that expensive (we went to in-state publics). So there was at least 20 years when she wasn’t paying for that. And she lived in a low cost of living area. I know she had a lot of people doing stuff for her - housekeeper coming twice a week, landscapers weekly - but it still seems like she didn’t play good financial defense.

DP here. Was your mom by any chance raised lower middle class? I've seen a lot of people who were raised LC/LMC who make it into UMC and overspend. Their salary sounds so high and they just don't do the math. Yay we earn $300K so we'll do cleaners, eat out or get take out a lot, send the kid to private school, pay professionals for every little home repair, etc.

dp.. I've noticed the opposite. People who come from poorer backgrounds and were frugal have a hard time letting go of that frugality even as their income grows.

However, people who were lower income but didn't have a problem spending, continue with that lifestyle and overspend when they earn more.

My siblings and I are the former. We have a $3.75mil nw right now, and I still balk at spending $30 for namebrand eyeliner, so I buy drugstore brands, hhi $300k. DH had to talk me into loosening up the purse strings on myself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s behind a paywall for me but this forum makes me feel poor. It’s hard to be excited about my 401(k) hitting $1 million when reading about people worrying about retiring with accounts worth $6 million+.

I do feel like people on here exaggerate though because some of the people I know in real life who act the richest also have enormous 1st and 2nd mortgages and HELOCs, etc. so it’s a facade.

This is a really interesting point. The one guy I know who drives the most expensive car and lives on the most expensive house and has the biggest beach house also has huge mortgages and is constantly moving money around HELOCs and personal loans to address cash flow throughout the year.

It's actually really common for high-compensation individuals to retire with nothing significant saved. Divorces, expensive cars/toys/vacations, home improvements, etc. adds up. Eventually, they just run out of time and there's no more "next year". I've heard that story many times first/second/thirdhand at our firm.

My mom was a physician and retired with about $1 million. We have no idea where 40 years of high income went. She pissed it all away somehow.

She probably spent it on her kids. That's where my high income goes. Expensive sleep away camp, private schools, travel sports, nice vacation, wonderful birthdays - I hope they don't sound as ungrateful as you when I'm old and have little for them to inherit.

I am her kid. She paid for our tuition in the 80s and early 90s when it wasn’t that expensive (we went to in-state publics). So there was at least 20 years when she wasn’t paying for that. And she lived in a low cost of living area. I know she had a lot of people doing stuff for her - housekeeper coming twice a week, landscapers weekly - but it still seems like she didn’t play good financial defense.

DP here. Was your mom by any chance raised lower middle class? I've seen a lot of people who were raised LC/LMC who make it into UMC and overspend. Their salary sounds so high and they just don't do the math. Yay we earn $300K so we'll do cleaners, eat out or get take out a lot, send the kid to private school, pay professionals for every little home repair, etc.

We make $300k, have cleaners, eat a lot of take out, one kid in private, have to outsource all home repair...and we still have over $3 mil net worth (two-thirds is retirement, then home equity, college savings, etc). It is a lot of money to me and I'm grateful we can have these things.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s behind a paywall for me but this forum makes me feel poor. It’s hard to be excited about my 401(k) hitting $1 million when reading about people worrying about retiring with accounts worth $6 million+.

I do feel like people on here exaggerate though because some of the people I know in real life who act the richest also have enormous 1st and 2nd mortgages and HELOCs, etc. so it’s a facade.

This is a really interesting point. The one guy I know who drives the most expensive car and lives on the most expensive house and has the biggest beach house also has huge mortgages and is constantly moving money around HELOCs and personal loans to address cash flow throughout the year.

It's actually really common for high-compensation individuals to retire with nothing significant saved. Divorces, expensive cars/toys/vacations, home improvements, etc. adds up. Eventually, they just run out of time and there's no more "next year". I've heard that story many times first/second/thirdhand at our firm.

My mom was a physician and retired with about $1 million. We have no idea where 40 years of high income went. She pissed it all away somehow.

She probably spent it on her kids. That's where my high income goes. Expensive sleep away camp, private schools, travel sports, nice vacation, wonderful birthdays - I hope they don't sound as ungrateful as you when I'm old and have little for them to inherit.

I am her kid. She paid for our tuition in the 80s and early 90s when it wasn’t that expensive (we went to in-state publics). So there was at least 20 years when she wasn’t paying for that. And she lived in a low cost of living area. I know she had a lot of people doing stuff for her - housekeeper coming twice a week, landscapers weekly - but it still seems like she didn’t play good financial defense.

DP here. Was your mom by any chance raised lower middle class? I've seen a lot of people who were raised LC/LMC who make it into UMC and overspend. Their salary sounds so high and they just don't do the math. Yay we earn $300K so we'll do cleaners, eat out or get take out a lot, send the kid to private school, pay professionals for every little home repair, etc.