Anonymous
12/31/2023 07:30
Subject: Re:Fussy, finicky people who can’t just go with the flow
Anonymous wrote:I haven’t eaten at Chik Fil A so I would need to see the menu. Being told “sandwich, nuggets or salad” would not be enough for me. Sorry haters.
“Haters?” Are you 12?
As it’s OP’s kid’s favorite enough to choose it for her birthday, I have every confidence this wasn’t her DH’s first time eating there, but I get that you just wanted to be obstinate, so do go on, I guess.
Anonymous
12/31/2023 07:29
Subject: Fussy, finicky people who can’t just go with the flow
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP, I couldn't live with you either. I am a perfectionist sort of person who married another perfectionist sort of a person and we had perfectionist kids. It's a wonder we can get anything done! But when we do, we're happy and the quality is great
We're research scientists, BTW.
If ever you get cancer, you'll be reassured to know that the people who worked on your treatment didn't go: "Eh what the heck, Molecule A is practically the same as Molecule B: just throw whichever in the mix. DONE!"
It takes all kinds, right?
Exactly! I’m married to an engineer. He’s thoughtful and precise. It saves lives. It has also greatly improved how my household runs (second marriage). I’m Team OP’s DH.
Is it your current husband’s second marriage, too?
Anonymous
12/31/2023 07:26
Subject: Fussy, finicky people who can’t just go with the flow
Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP, I couldn't live with you either. I am a perfectionist sort of person who married another perfectionist sort of a person and we had perfectionist kids. It's a wonder we can get anything done! But when we do, we're happy and the quality is great
We're research scientists, BTW.
If ever you get cancer, you'll be reassured to know that the people who worked on your treatment didn't go: "Eh what the heck, Molecule A is practically the same as Molecule B: just throw whichever in the mix. DONE!"
It takes all kinds, right?
Exactly! I’m married to an engineer. He’s thoughtful and precise. It saves lives. It has also greatly improved how my household runs (second marriage). I’m Team OP’s DH.
Anonymous
12/31/2023 07:19
Subject: Fussy, finicky people who can’t just go with the flow
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:No one in my family ever wants to make the deciding choice -- the response is always "I don't know" or "I don't care." It's exhausting to have be the one who has to make all the decisions, but then again, if you can decide you don't really care if it's not the one people secretly are hoping for, then it's also kind of liberating. You just make the decision and if others are displeased they can do / eat /watch something else.
My husband's family is like this. They think expressing a preference is rude and pushy. Meanwhile, his mom and brother will get annoyed if they don't get their way, even though they never actually expressed a preference. It drives me up a wall.
I think they do express it but in very subtle ways
And how’s that working out for them? Speak up, use your words, clear is kind. If you can’t open your mouth and discuss what you want, too bad. Oh well. Life goes on. We’re not fortune tellers or interpreters of your innermost thoughts. You have a mouth, you can open it.
Anonymous
12/31/2023 07:17
Subject: Fussy, finicky people who can’t just go with the flow
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You seem really pushy OP
If you feel this way, just don't ask them or ask all ahead of time. I hate pushy people who rush others. Your imaginary deadline isn't anyone's issue. It's yours
I’m not OP, but how do you get anything done? A movie starts at a set time. That’s not an imaginary deadline. If you show up 40 minutes late, they don’t restart it from the beginning for you.
Movies are scheduled well in advance.
So your spouse can’t wake up on a rainy Sunday and suggest a movie? That’s sad AF.
WTH? Of course they can suggest it but it is super annoying to get bent out of shape over it like OP is doing. Suggest a movie, not demand it and be pushy AF about it.
She wasn’t demanding or pushy. She was taking her kids to see a movie they requested. She invited ILs to come along, on her dime, and gave them more than an hour to decide. If you think that’s “pushy,” you have issues.
Anonymous
12/30/2023 21:28
Subject: Fussy, finicky people who can’t just go with the flow
The people who can’t or won’t make decisions for whatever reason end up making a choice anyway. They just foreclose all possible options in favor of the choice to do nothing. It also boggles my mind how people can live like that.
Anonymous
12/30/2023 21:23
Subject: Re:Fussy, finicky people who can’t just go with the flow
Anonymous wrote:My dad is the opposite. Yesterday I said we are taking the kids to a movie and then lunch and he said I’m in no questions asked. We saw Migration and then he had a Happy Meal because he said I’ll have whatever the kids are having. He loved it.
It sounds like he got to spend a great day with his grandkids instead of being self-obsessed and missing the big picture.
The happy meal part is cute!
Anonymous
12/30/2023 21:22
Subject: Fussy, finicky people who can’t just go with the flow
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:No one in my family ever wants to make the deciding choice -- the response is always "I don't know" or "I don't care." It's exhausting to have be the one who has to make all the decisions, but then again, if you can decide you don't really care if it's not the one people secretly are hoping for, then it's also kind of liberating. You just make the decision and if others are displeased they can do / eat /watch something else.
My husband's family is like this. They think expressing a preference is rude and pushy. Meanwhile, his mom and brother will get annoyed if they don't get their way, even though they never actually expressed a preference. It drives me up a wall.
I think they do express it but in very subtle ways
Anonymous
12/30/2023 21:20
Subject: Fussy, finicky people who can’t just go with the flow
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This is in some ways a conflict between maximizers (everything has to be perfect / worried about FOMO) and satisficers (don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good / pick your minimal criteria for acceptability and go with any option that meets those criteria).
Well said!
Yes this is it!
Anonymous
12/30/2023 21:17
Subject: Re:Fussy, finicky people who can’t just go with the flow
My dad is the opposite. Yesterday I said we are taking the kids to a movie and then lunch and he said I’m in no questions asked. We saw Migration and then he had a Happy Meal because he said I’ll have whatever the kids are having. He loved it.
Anonymous
12/30/2023 21:11
Subject: Fussy, finicky people who can’t just go with the flow
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You seem really pushy OP
If you feel this way, just don't ask them or ask all ahead of time. I hate pushy people who rush others. Your imaginary deadline isn't anyone's issue. It's yours
Not op but how long does it take to decide whether to see a movie? She gave them an hour advance notice? And do you really need to hem and haw over the chick fil a menu????
+1 Team OP
This sounds so annoying
Anonymous
12/30/2023 21:08
Subject: Fussy, finicky people who can’t just go with the flow
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You seem really pushy OP
If you feel this way, just don't ask them or ask all ahead of time. I hate pushy people who rush others. Your imaginary deadline isn't anyone's issue. It's yours
Not op but how long does it take to decide whether to see a movie? She gave them an hour advance notice? And do you really need to hem and haw over the chick fil a menu????
I never decide to see a movie in an hour’s time. Ever.
No normal person past the age of about 30 does.
Anonymous
12/30/2023 21:08
Subject: Fussy, finicky people who can’t just go with the flow
I think you mean "people who won't just agree to the plan I came up with"
Anonymous
12/30/2023 21:08
Subject: Fussy, finicky people who can’t just go with the flow
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You seem really pushy OP
If you feel this way, just don't ask them or ask all ahead of time. I hate pushy people who rush others. Your imaginary deadline isn't anyone's issue. It's yours
I’m not OP, but how do you get anything done? A movie starts at a set time. That’s not an imaginary deadline. If you show up 40 minutes late, they don’t restart it from the beginning for you.
Movies are scheduled well in advance.
So your spouse can’t wake up on a rainy Sunday and suggest a movie? That’s sad AF.
WTH? Of course they can suggest it but it is super annoying to get bent out of shape over it like OP is doing. Suggest a movie, not demand it and be pushy AF about it.
Anonymous
12/30/2023 21:05
Subject: Fussy, finicky people who can’t just go with the flow
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My mom is like OPs husband but its an overall issue with her anxiety and control problems. I try to make the choices simpler for her. "mom they have sandwiches and nuggets. Which do you want and do you want grilled or fried?". I've found that cutting out a lot of the options makes a huge difference. If I'm taking her out to eat, I don't ask what she's in the mood for. I ask if she wants Italian, sushi, or seafood and then I choose the restaurant from there. It's not a perfect system but I've found it helps quite a bit.
This is exactly it.
I say that as someone who who has a family history of anxiety but was lucky enough not to be anxious when I was younger. As I am getting older I often find choices overwhelming. I can still control it but once I got a taste of it it’s hard not to worry about becoming even older and more anxious. I also have more empathy for anxious people now
I'm 21:04 and this is how I am, too.