Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My name is who I am, OP. Why would I change myself? My husband never wanted me to change my name either. Our children have a hyphenated name, to reflect both our families: my husband and I each have a different national and cultural background, so it was important to us. Which means there are three last names in our nuclear family. It doesn't bother us, and it doesn't bother any medical, border control, or government administration of any country in which we hold passports or residency permits.

You seem to have lived under a rock all these years. Women have been keeping their own names and identities for generations. Any man who thinks their wife should change their name is strange and weird, unless he'd be fine changing his name to his wife's if that was her preference.

Meh, your name not who you are. It’s your father’s last name.

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer, are you?

You can’t dispute that your last name is just your father’s last name. I mean, I didn’t become famous during my youth with that last name and I’m assuming you didn’t either. A last name is not an identity.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t change my name after marriage but I did after I had my first baby. I’m sure it was all the hormones, but I couldn’t stand not having the same name as her. It was a bit of a hassle and I still have a credit card with my maiden name, but overall it was no big deal, either professionally or personally. The world is used to people changing their names and there are procedures in place to do so.

I understand the patriarchy argument, but ultimately, the last name I had at birth is as arbitrary as the last name my husband had at birth. Both were the product of 30+ generations of couples having the same last name and unless there’s a hereditary title or something, it doesn’t really signify.

I also do a ton of volunteer work with my kid’s school’s PTA. I see forms filled out and donations made where the parent’s and child’s last names don’t match. I also see where they do match. Either way is extraordinarily common and nobody cares or judges. Just make sure if your name is different that you put down your kids name! If I don’t know you, I have no idea that the permission slip signed by Larla Jones is for Larlo Smith!

If the man's and the woman's names are equally arbitrary, why do you rarely see children being given their mother's surname or men changing their surname to match that of his wife's/children? There's nothing equal about how surnames are chosen. Everyone has the right to choose any surname they want but to argue that the tradition is not unequal is dishonest.

Until 2002, married women in DC were required by law to give their children their husband's last name.

Think about that, people......2002!

https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/local/2002/05/25/dc-yields-to-parents-on-babies-surnames/073666df-7cb1-4fd6-9058-1c1590880acc/

Many other states had similar laws which have long been overturned on the basis of equal rights.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What problems could it possibly cause “down the road”? I’m genuinely asking you.

I didn’t change my name, partly because I have an established professional license and publications in my maiden name, partly because I didn’t want to give up part of my identity while he kept his. Seems an unfair way to start things out. I suggested that both of us change our names (to his mom’s maiden name) and he didn’t want to do that. He also didn’t pressure me to change to his name. I might have changed it at least for personal use if his surname was an easy one, but it’s not (neither is my maiden name). Oh well.

PS - 15 years in, three kids with his surname, and no problems because of it.

No one cares about your profession maiden name, Hillary Clinton took the last name and she's as lib and professional as they get.

Clinton, by the way, changed her name after Bill lost gubernatorial reelection in 1980.

https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2015/11/a-short-history-of-hillary-rodham-clintons-name/418029/

Heh, that's a very DCUM passive-aggressive move! Change your name every time he disappoints you and change it back when he has success. Nice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

In daily life, having the same surname as your spouse and children can streamline administrative tasks related to schooling, medical care, and legal matters. It removes the need for additional documentation to prove family relationships, making these often routine yet crucial tasks more straightforward.

FALSE. My kids are adults and I've never once had an issue.

Beyond practicalities, adopting your husband's surname symbolizes the unity and commitment within a marriage. It fosters a strong sense of family identity and belonging, reinforcing the familial bonds. This symbolic gesture is a powerful expression of the new life and journey you embark on together as a family.

NOPE. My name has no bearing on my commitment or our sense of family identity. But, we are a family of big thinkers.

You don't need to denigrate my choice to justify yours (besides speaking about things you clearly haven't lived.)

Alright, let's cut to the chase. While your experience is totally valid, it's kind of the exception rather than the rule. Most folks – about 85% – do end up taking their spouse's last name. This isn't just a random thing; it shows that for a lot of people, there's real value in sharing a name, be it for practical stuff, emotional reasons, or a bit of both. It's cool that you didn't have any issues keeping your name, but for loads of others, it's a different story. Everyone's journey is unique, but when you look at the big picture, the majority leans towards changing their name.

Anonymous wrote:I think that’s the best thing about being a modern woman, you get to choose what you want to do! I changed my last name because I though my husband’s was more interesting than my maiden name.

Anonymous wrote:Are you 60?

Seriously, women have been not changing their names forever at this point.

I wasn't published or have a serious career when I married XH and had my kids. But I didn't like how his last name sounded with mine and we both thought it was a weird tradition (his mom didn't take his dad's). My kids have my last name as their middle, all of them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My name is who I am, OP. Why would I change myself? My husband never wanted me to change my name either. Our children have a hyphenated name, to reflect both our families: my husband and I each have a different national and cultural background, so it was important to us. Which means there are three last names in our nuclear family. It doesn't bother us, and it doesn't bother any medical, border control, or government administration of any country in which we hold passports or residency permits.

You seem to have lived under a rock all these years. Women have been keeping their own names and identities for generations. Any man who thinks their wife should change their name is strange and weird, unless he'd be fine changing his name to his wife's if that was her preference.

Meh, your name not who you are. It’s your father’s last name.

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer, are you?

You can’t dispute that your last name is just your father’s last name. I mean, I didn’t become famous during my youth with that last name and I’m assuming you didn’t either. A last name is not an identity.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People may think you are a divorcee or a difficult person if you haven't taken the last name. I said the silent part out loud, it does matter

I think that is a very dated view. The majority of my friends kept their names.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Relying on survey experiments with U.S. college students, studies have shown that name-keeping women are viewed as less committed and less communal than name-changing women

You should make your decisions based on surveys of college students. I'll go another direction, but godspeed.

Amount non college educated it's even more so looked down upon to not take the last name.

This sentence is barely literate. If you want to persuade people of your argument, you really need to improve your communication skills.