Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unclear what the previous two posts are actually about or the POV.
Start a new thread perhaps? Old people not trusting their adult kids?

My take is they should take the whole 40-60 years into account but some are highly susceptible to butt kissing the last decade of their lives. So while good kids check in occasionally and see you in person. The butt kisser relative is love bombing you and pumping you for info, calls, letter, emails, but still only one stop by a year….

And yes split equally amongst non felon kin.

Why do you want to exclude the felons? Does that take into account the whole 40-60 kids? If you want to reward the good and behaved kids doesn't that say you're perfectly fine with unequal splits? People seem to want to have their cake and eat it too. They don't want relationships with their parents, don't want to help in old age, but also want "their share" of the estate.

Age 60+, it’s a very common clause to exclude felon offspring from the will. Kids, grandkids, cousins.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unclear what the previous two posts are actually about or the POV.
Start a new thread perhaps? Old people not trusting their adult kids?

My take is they should take the whole 40-60 years into account but some are highly susceptible to butt kissing the last decade of their lives. So while good kids check in occasionally and see you in person. The butt kisser relative is love bombing you and pumping you for info, calls, letter, emails, but still only one stop by a year….

And yes split equally amongst non felon kin.

Why do you want to exclude the felons? Does that take into account the whole 40-60 years? If you want to reward the good and behaved kids doesn't that say you're perfectly fine with unequal splits? People seem to want to have their cake and eat it too. They don't want relationships with their parents, don't want to help in old age, but also want "their share" of the estate.

Sorry the whole 40-60 years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are going through this right now. NPD FIL gave password to his accounts to the BPD BIL to spite us. Did not leave a will. BIL is an addict and psychopath.

Now, we have to untangle the mess and challenge him in courts. In his last years, FIL did not even know what he was signing and BPD is out of control.

Good times!

They are horrible people and they will harm you from the grave if they can.

Why do you need to untangle the mess and challenge in court? So you can inherit? In that case, you must think it is worth the time and stress. You can blame your situation on no one but yourself.

Sounds worth it to fight that. If over $500k at stake and it’s not “missing.”

Why are you always siding with the scam artists on this board Op? Are you one too or you like to post nonsense all the time?

I'm a totally new poster. The point is that people should own their own decisions. No one is forcing this poster and her husband to engage in this situation. But they want to both get the money and cry about how abused they are. They are choosing this.

Anonymous wrote:Unclear what the previous two posts are actually about or the POV.
Start a new thread perhaps? Old people not trusting their adult kids?

My take is they should take the whole 40-60 years into account but some are highly susceptible to butt kissing the last decade of their lives. So while good kids check in occasionally and see you in person. The butt kisser relative is love bombing you and pumping you for info, calls, letter, emails, but still only one stop by a year….

And yes split equally amongst non felon kin.

Why do you want to exclude the felons? Does that take into account the whole 40-60 kids? If you want to reward the good and behaved kids doesn't that say you're perfectly fine with unequal splits? People seem to want to have their cake and eat it too. They don't want relationships with their parents, don't want to help in old age, but also want "their share" of the estate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are going through this right now. NPD FIL gave password to his accounts to the BPD BIL to spite us. Did not leave a will. BIL is an addict and psychopath.

Now, we have to untangle the mess and challenge him in courts. In his last years, FIL did not even know what he was signing and BPD is out of control.

Good times!

They are horrible people and they will harm you from the grave if they can.

Why do you need to untangle the mess and challenge in court? So you can inherit? In that case, you must think it is worth the time and stress. You can blame your situation on no one but yourself.

Sounds worth it to fight that. If over $500k at stake and it’s not “missing.”

Why are you always siding with the scam artists on this board Op? Are you one too or you like to post nonsense all the time?

Anonymous wrote:Unclear what the previous two posts are actually about or the POV.
Start a new thread perhaps? Old people not trusting their adult kids?

My take is they should take the whole 40-60 years into account but some are highly susceptible to butt kissing the last decade of their lives. So while good kids check in occasionally and see you in person. The butt kisser relative is love bombing you and pumping you for info, calls, letter, emails, but still only one stop by a year….

And yes split equally amongst non felon kin.

I have been amazed when a person cites one little petty thing as a reason they cut someone out of the will and gave it all to whomever.
Either they suddenly got extremely sensitive, or else they were thrown under the bus and the other inheritor benefited so encouraged it or stayed mum. Silence signals agreement.

Anonymous wrote:We are going through this right now. NPD FIL gave password to his accounts to the BPD BIL to spite us. Did not leave a will. BIL is an addict and psychopath.

Now, we have to untangle the mess and challenge him in courts. In his last years, FIL did not even know what he was signing and BPD is out of control.

Good times!

They are horrible people and they will harm you from the grave if they can.

Why do you need to untangle the mess and challenge in court? So you can inherit? In that case, you must think it is worth the time and stress. You can blame your situation on no one but yourself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My narcissistic child who is one of the children estranged themselves from both patents because he was yelled at growing up and thinks that is horrendous abuse has addictions and can't stay in a relationship. Also major mental health issues genetically passed down that he's had his entire life. Their sibling is conscientious and has the ability to marry and have children. I plan on leaving the house and one retirement fund to the non narcissistic child and a retirement fund to the narcissistic one that will likely squander the money. They aren't getting the house. They have no need for it and I want to provide for grandchildren as well. I feel that is fair setting up my will unevenly to also give to my future grandchildren.

Maybe you haven't heard, but yelling IS abuse and very harmful to children: https://www.cnn.com/2023/10/02/health/shouting-child-abuse-intl-scli-wellness/index.html

So, you yelled at a child with major mental health issues that are genetic (not the child's fault), and that child now suffers from addictions and unsurprisingly can't maintain relationships? You're absolutely awful.

Wow - it’s amazing that so many people in earlier generations managed to grow up normally with so much “abuse.” I guess only gentle parenting is allowed. Too bad it is yielding kids with anxiety and anti-social behavior.

Also have a lawyer be executor.

Unclear what the previous two posts are actually about or the POV.
Start a new thread perhaps? Old people not trusting their adult kids?

My take is they should take the whole 40-60 years into account but some are highly susceptible to butt kissing the last decade of their lives. So while good kids check in occasionally and see you in person. The butt kisser relative is love bombing you and pumping you for info, calls, letter, emails, but still only one stop by a year….

And yes split equally amongst non felon kin.

Also the more you interact the more chance of something going really wrong. They could hurt you in all sorts of ways. Abusive people find ways to abuse and proximity matters.

Anonymous wrote:Seems like in every other thread the advice it to cut off bad family, no family is better than bad family, and life is too short. Until there is money to be had. Then suddenly we should all be family, spit it even Steven, lest there be bad blood amongst relatives. So, why don't people play the long game and stick with their family until the bitter end?

Im trying to work up the courage to do so for my kids sake but the problem is you could do this and still end up with nothing. They dont like you and want to play games so honestly it just makes it sweeter for them if you hung on longer. Its like being with a spouse that cheated on you. You could be as friendly as possible for 30 years and still they would do nothing and people would just say well they didnt like you and dont owe you anything. So you can but there is no guarantee it would help with anything. Look at all these people that divorce their spouses in their 80s and tell their spouse they never really loved them all this time. Its really on each person to choose to be better themselves.

Anonymous wrote:MIL left all her money "to charity". Not a dime to any of her 3 children and 8 grandchildren. None of the kids disputed the will. They did come to the funeral "to make sure she was really dead".

who organized the funeral?

Anonymous wrote:If you live in a communist country, does this issue not exist?

It exists, it’s super fun since you, your siblings and all your cousins are on the same deeds. Emerging markets fun.

I was not in touch and don't know if she had a will. All I know is I got nothing at all. Not even the pastel portrait of me age 9 done in Pirates Alley on our trip to New Orleans or the oil painting she did of a tiger. I would have liked those. Maybe they were sold for the frames in an estate sale.