my kids get their 529s and then 100k extra. they can spend that as they wish on college and whatever is left over, they can have.

My parents had a set lifetime budget in a small trust fund for each child. Spend more on college? That’s fine, but there’s less money left over to help with a CX wedding or a down payment on a house. We were aware of the existence of the trust, but not the exact amount. My parents paid for college and a wedding out of my trust, so it wasn’t a huge amount. Just a vehicle for fairness.

Anonymous wrote:You eat what you kill. Maybe DD did better in school and is going to a better school that costs more. Maybe DS didn't work as hard or had other challenges and cold only get into state. Maybe only certain schools have certain majors.

Life can be fair without being equal.It doesn't matter in the end.

+1

Same for our family
You pay for both kids with what you can afford and what is the best opportunity for them. For one kids, they are good academically but not stellar. They went to a T100 with merit that costs us $42K/year. The other has stellar stats (1520/3.99UW/10 AP/Top EC). They got into several schools that cost $85K+ and chose to attend one. We would have funded $85K+ for both kids, but the first kid so obviously did not belong at one of those schools, so they chose what is best for them.

Why is there an assumption that the kid going to a more expensive school is "getting more?" Both end up with the same thing in the end - a 4 year degree.

If I paid for your education, then I met your needs, you have no basis for complaint, shut up.

I might be in this situation, with #1's college being about $80K less than #2 (if #2 gets into first choice).

My plan is if anything is leftover in the 529 I'll take advantage of the new IRA provision for a child with leftover 529 funds and open one for #1.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s perfectly “fair” if your daughter had a state school option but decided that she’d rather go private knowing in advance that it would require that she take out loans.

14k in loans to go to an Ivy is peanuts when all-in an Ivy bachelor's costs upwards of over 350k. This does not come close to evening the score, it's still highly unfair to the sibling who had to go to state school. You can literally pay off 14k in loans with a Wall Street or tech signing bonus/moving expenses at age 22.

Not that many people from Ivy make that kind of money. It might seem a lot but it is not what you think.

14k is NOTHING. Don’t use that insignificant sum to justify or rationalize treating the older kid unfairly. 14k doesn’t even buy a decent used car anymore.

Anonymous wrote:I think it is what it is. It isn't even at most points: the cost of activities may differ significantly, medical expenses could be much more for one, etc.

My spouse's sister went to an expensive, private college and he still talks about how much more hers cost. So dumb - he went where he wanted to go, sibling went where sibling wanted to go, and both were educated.

I think if he actually went where he wanted to go that's fine but we know of a family where I think the older child has a right to complain.
Older boy we know got into an Ivy, parents did not want to pay so he ended up going to a state school that is much lower ranked. Next year younger sister got into Georgetown which I think is the same price as the Ivy, and then the parents paid it all. I think she had cheaper state options too.

Anonymous wrote:We averaged our contributions to both kids so they end up with the same debt no matter how much the schools cost or the different aid they were given. They both went where they wanted.

Are you saying that if one child chose a full scholarship at a state school and another chose a private you would make the first child take on some debt?

Grandparents manage a family 529. Anything unused goes to the next student / generation. They have been doing that since the 90s. A bit more than 25 years.

I think it is what it is. It isn't even at most points: the cost of activities may differ significantly, medical expenses could be much more for one, etc.

My spouse's sister went to an expensive, private college and he still talks about how much more hers cost. So dumb - he went where he wanted to go, sibling went where sibling wanted to go, and both were educated.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You eat what you kill. Maybe DD did better in school and is going to a better school that costs more. Maybe DS didn't work as hard or had other challenges and cold only get into state. Maybe only certain schools have certain majors.

Life can be fair without being equal.It doesn't matter in the end.

What it the better student has the cheaper education? DS doing poorly could mean high point which costs as much as a T20

Life can be fair without being equal.It doesn't matter in the end.

I assume they were big part of making the decision about which college and costs. She chose to start adulthood with debt. He didn’t. End of story.

Anonymous wrote:You eat what you kill. Maybe DD did better in school and is going to a better school that costs more. Maybe DS didn't work as hard or had other challenges and cold only get into state. Maybe only certain schools have certain majors.

Life can be fair without being equal.It doesn't matter in the end.

What it the better student has the cheaper education? DS doing poorly could mean high point which costs as much as a T20

You eat what you kill. Maybe DD did better in school and is going to a better school that costs more. Maybe DS didn't work as hard or had other challenges and cold only get into state. Maybe only certain schools have certain majors.

Life can be fair without being equal.It doesn't matter in the end.