Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is bizarre how posters here are unaware of the benefits and needs of unstructured play for kids and keep justifying their childrens scheduled activities. The reality is everyone is in a rat race. Parents sign kids up for activities because of FOMO.. because their child will be left behind. That is the ugly truth. We are all in such a competitive race that we forget that just because Larlo likes piano it doesn’t mean Maya should also do piano.. and we keep signing them up and then we lie and justify that our kids love their activities. Very few kids love their activities so much that they want to go to one every freaking day. Keep fooling yourselves..

This is the type of thing I have a problem with. Folks like OP are on such a quest to give their kids free play, opportunity to roam, get messy, etc. that they make up this false narrative about structured activities like this -- they eschew and disparage them all. They think no kids actually enjoys any amount of them; they think there is no benefit in any of them and it's just about FOMO instead. Baloney!

An ES kid who does like one rec sport and plays an instrument is not over scheduled, but folks like OP would have you believe they are. There are well-documented mental, social, and emotional benefits to those activities just like free play\. Folks like OP seem to have no concept of how many hours are in a day and how many days are in a week. It's this bizarre all or nothing proposition with them.

My 10 yr old DD loves her rec soccer team and LOVES LOVES LOVES the musical theatre program she is a part of. She still has plenty of time to bike ride with her neighborhood friends, play with her sister in the backyard, hang out with friends, etc... Most ES kids don't get that much homework (she doesn't at her school) so there really is plenty of time. She is benefiting from all of it and a happy kid.

You have a comprehension problem. No one is saying one or 2 activities mean overscheduling. A lot of kids have an activity every single day or even more than one activity per day. And no one is saying that some kids don’t love their activities. But most dont

The post I quoted said that the "ugly truth" is that parents sign their kids up for activities because of FOMO. And you think "most" kids don't love activities. These are narratives you have both made up. Ok, I bet most kids don't like math tutoring, sure. But I'm talking about team sports and theatre programs. My DD and her teammates/cast mates DO love it!

Our children go to the local park every afternoon and play with other children (most of which attend the same elementary school). They also do a sport, read books, have playdates and watch screens. Perhaps it is your neighborhood? I think generally moderation in all things is the goal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is bizarre how posters here are unaware of the benefits and needs of unstructured play for kids and keep justifying their childrens scheduled activities. The reality is everyone is in a rat race. Parents sign kids up for activities because of FOMO.. because their child will be left behind. That is the ugly truth. We are all in such a competitive race that we forget that just because Larlo likes piano it doesn’t mean Maya should also do piano.. and we keep signing them up and then we lie and justify that our kids love their activities. Very few kids love their activities so much that they want to go to one every freaking day. Keep fooling yourselves..

This is the type of thing I have a problem with. Folks like OP are on such a quest to give their kids free play, opportunity to roam, get messy, etc. that they make up this false narrative about structured activities like this -- they eschew and disparage them all. They think no kids actually enjoys any amount of them; they think there is no benefit in any of them and it's just about FOMO instead. Baloney!

An ES kid who does like one rec sport and plays an instrument is not over scheduled, but folks like OP would have you believe they are. There are well-documented mental, social, and emotional benefits to those activities just like free play\. Folks like OP seem to have no concept of how many hours are in a day and how many days are in a week. It's this bizarre all or nothing proposition with them.

My 10 yr old DD loves her rec soccer team and LOVES LOVES LOVES the musical theatre program she is a part of. She still has plenty of time to bike ride with her neighborhood friends, play with her sister in the backyard, hang out with friends, etc... Most ES kids don't get that much homework (she doesn't at her school) so there really is plenty of time. She is benefiting from all of it and a happy kid.

You have a comprehension problem. No one is saying one or 2 activities mean overscheduling. A lot of kids have an activity every single day or even more than one activity per day. And no one is saying that some kids don’t love their activities. But most dont

Anonymous wrote:You sound insufferable.

OP does not sound insufferable.

Anonymous wrote:It is bizarre how posters here are unaware of the benefits and needs of unstructured play for kids and keep justifying their childrens scheduled activities. The reality is everyone is in a rat race. Parents sign kids up for activities because of FOMO.. because their child will be left behind. That is the ugly truth. We are all in such a competitive race that we forget that just because Larlo likes piano it doesn’t mean Maya should also do piano.. and we keep signing them up and then we lie and justify that our kids love their activities. Very few kids love their activities so much that they want to go to one every freaking day. Keep fooling yourselves..

This is the type of thing I have a problem with. Folks like OP are on such a quest to give their kids free play, opportunity to roam, get messy, etc. that they make up this false narrative about structured activities like this -- they eschew and disparage them all. They think no kids actually enjoys any amount of them; they think there is no benefit in any of them and it's just about FOMO instead. Baloney!

An ES kid who does like one rec sport and plays an instrument is not over scheduled, but folks like OP would have you believe they are. There are well-documented mental, social, and emotional benefits to those activities just like free play\. Folks like OP seem to have no concept of how many hours are in a day and how many days are in a week. It's this bizarre all or nothing proposition with them.

My 10 yr old DD loves her rec soccer team and LOVES LOVES LOVES the musical theatre program she is a part of. She still has plenty of time to bike ride with her neighborhood friends, play with her sister in the backyard, hang out with friends, etc... Most ES kids don't get that much homework (she doesn't at her school) so there really is plenty of time. She is benefiting from all of it and a happy kid.

I don’t think this is about kids being happy, per se, at least not in the short term. In some ways it’s about exposing them to a wider range of disappointments and risks and achievements while learning to trust their instincts.

My kids are very happy, but I worry that they are less emotionally agile than, say, my husband. He grew up on a lot of acreage with so much independence (no preschool, animals, etc.) and it shows in how intrepid he is. Does he play an instrument or have some other pointy talent? No. But he can chart a path and deal with life’s ups and downs in a way I attribute to his upbringing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so triggering because agency and exploration are some of the only things the wealthy can’t buy for their kids. It takes commitment, sacrifice and attention that can’t be hired out. Makes them nuts

Yes and a lot of the folks on DCUM are wealthy due to having two-career families with demanding jobs. Even among families with a SAHM, the pace of lifestyle in this area can be incredibly intense and there's a lot of pressure to academically accelerate kids, competition for private school spots, and of course the college race. So the idea that all of that is actually detrimental to kids is terrifying because these are families that have sacrificed a lot in order to do it.

Being told that maybe you should have worked less, spent more time with your kids, created a more relaxed and nurturing home environment, skipped the intensive enrichments and competitive private schools, and your children would actually be BETTER off for it? You have to shut it down because it's too upsetting a thought.

This resonates with me (as a two-career family). I grew up with a stay at home mom and think back longingly on my unstructured afternoons afterschool. My kids are in aftercare now -- which they love, and which I appreciate for its "open play" mentality, but which I know is not the same as what I had. At the same time, my mom has confessed to me that she wishes she felt like she could have worked instead of staying home (various cultural pressures were at play that kept her at home). And I know my kids are happy, just in different ways than I am (and in many of the same ways!). We try to keep our weekends as open ended and unstructured as possible. My kids are still in early ES so of course if they express an interest in joining a team or whatever we'll let them, but for now I feel like the very least I can do is give them that unstructured time when DH and I are home and not working. We also try to set them up with holiday break camps etc that really value the "free range, build a fort in the woods or draw a picture of the bird" or whatever they want, when we can. Even if it's more institutional than the truly free play that I had as a kid, there are ways for dual working parents to basically pay for that, albeit still in a more structured way than I'm remembering.

One of us could stay home -- DH and I have talked about this at various points -- but we're both very happy with our jobs, doing "good work" so feeling like we're making meaningful contributions to society there, and also, realistically, my SAH life still probably wouldn't involve the free-ranging neighborhood roaming that I had for my kids, for a variety of reasons. I also don't think I'd be happier at home. So we're sticking with our current situation but trying to build in a good amount of free play for the kids when we can.

I grew up that way and while I have some good memories there were also a lot of times where I felt unsafe or wanted more adult guidance. I’ve spoken with friends who felt the same.
My own kid tends to be more introverted. When he was young I stayed at home and gave him lots of those experiences but once he started school he clearly wanted more solo downtime. He does 1 sport and RSM at his request. I’m doing the best I can. I hope by listening to him I’m giving him a better childhood than I had. I didn’t feel like I could go to my parents to ask to do activities or for them to be around more. I’m sure they were trying their best too.

Sahm or flexible hours are tremendously helpful. But I know working families that prioritize this. Weekends are for exploring nature, long low-supervision playdates, learning hands-on stuff at home from parents and dealing with the side-eye from travel sports and heritage language families.

Anonymous wrote:This is so triggering because agency and exploration are some of the only things the wealthy can’t buy for their kids. It takes commitment, sacrifice and attention that can’t be hired out. Makes them nuts

Yes and a lot of the folks on DCUM are wealthy due to having two-career families with demanding jobs. Even among families with a SAHM, the pace of lifestyle in this area can be incredibly intense and there's a lot of pressure to academically accelerate kids, competition for private school spots, and of course the college race. So the idea that all of that is actually detrimental to kids is terrifying because these are families that have sacrificed a lot in order to do it.

Being told that maybe you should have worked less, spent more time with your kids, created a more relaxed and nurturing home environment, skipped the intensive enrichments and competitive private schools, and your children would actually be BETTER off for it? You have to shut it down because it's too upsetting a thought.

This is so triggering because agency and exploration are some of the only things the wealthy can’t buy for their kids. It takes commitment, sacrifice and attention that can’t be hired out. Makes them nuts

Anonymous wrote:My kids are so lonely in their mansion

I’ll split it big though

It is bizarre how posters here are unaware of the benefits and needs of unstructured play for kids and keep justifying their childrens scheduled activities. The reality is everyone is in a rat race. Parents sign kids up for activities because of FOMO.. because their child will be left behind. That is the ugly truth. We are all in such a competitive race that we forget that just because Larlo likes piano it doesn’t mean Maya should also do piano.. and we keep signing them up and then we lie and justify that our kids love their activities. Very few kids love their activities so much that they want to go to one every freaking day. Keep fooling yourselves..

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s bizarre how defensive people are about this. Any mental health professional will tell you that OP’s version of childhood beats daycare from 3 months, extended day, organized activities every weekend and on and on.

It’s not about optimization. It’s about giving your kids and their nervous systems the best chance amidst a youth mental health crisis. It’s about resisting all the commercialism and trends.

Sad that this is considered some sort of fancy or condescending perspective. It’s like the people who think organic food is pretentious. All food should be organic or at least not hyper processed. I guess it makes people who overschedule their kids and feed them junk feel better. At least we’re not pretentious!

Your mental health provider sucks.

A child is best off with a loving parent or parents who support their needs. Being scheduled for most kids is a good thing as structure, routine and being able to explore your interests is positive in terms of child development. For some kids, it's far better to be in day care than at home depending on your home life. Not all parents enjoy or want to do that day to day parenting. Just like OP. They don't want to be bothered so they justify free range and don't care if their kids have interests and may benefit from classes or outside teaching.

The fact that you thought this was a valid point is pathetic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s bizarre how defensive people are about this. Any mental health professional will tell you that OP’s version of childhood beats daycare from 3 months, extended day, organized activities every weekend and on and on.

It’s not about optimization. It’s about giving your kids and their nervous systems the best chance amidst a youth mental health crisis. It’s about resisting all the commercialism and trends.

Sad that this is considered some sort of fancy or condescending perspective. It’s like the people who think organic food is pretentious. All food should be organic or at least not hyper processed. I guess it makes people who overschedule their kids and feed them junk feel better. At least we’re not pretentious!

No. It’s lazy if you can not to encourage activities that your kids are interested in. It’s lazy parenting.

No, what’s lazy parenting is parking your kids in activities every damn day so you only have to deal with them for an hour before bed — oh, and drive them around, for which you want a medal.