Anonymous
Post 11/18/2023 22:12     Subject: Orphaned niece struggling to have a relationship with Dad
Anonymous wrote:She’s not an orphan. She has a father.


A very crappy dad.
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2023 22:03     Subject: Orphaned niece struggling to have a relationship with Dad
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't know if this is the right forum for this. My sister passed away during COVID. BIL remarried 9 months after her death. My niece has been having a very hard time with the whole remarriage and has completely shut down her father and stepmother. Until her HS graduation they all lived in the same house, with her not talking to them, not acknowledging them, there were many fights over this. She ignored her new stepbrother and stepsister too. She moved out of the house literally days after her HS graduation, stayed with us until it was time to move to the dorms. She blocked them everywhere, the only way they communicate with her is through us.

The holidays are coming. BIL reached out to her through me, to see if she can join them for Thanksgiving dinner. She refuses to. Her stepmother has had it with her and said, "if she is not coming, that's it, she is not part of this family, I am tired bending over backwards for someone who treats us like dirt".

I am tired being caught in the middle. I feel bad for everyone. I don't mind having my niece spend the holidays with us, we get along really well, my kids adore her. At the same time, I feel like she can't hold a grudge against her dad and stepmom forever, it's not healthy.

How can I kill 2 birds with one stone: have her repair the relationship with her father AND at the same time, make her feel comfortable and wanted?


You can’t. And candidly, someone who remarries 9 months after death of her mom to someone as callous as the new stepmom sounds is not really a relationship that the niece needs to prioritize while she is still deeply mourning. Your BIL sounds profoundly selfish and your niece, who is the teenager/child here, is obviously still deep in mourning.

The stepmother sounds like a truly awful person and for your own sake I would keep your distance.


+1000000. BIL and stepmother are awful human beings. That poor girl needs counseling and support.
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2023 16:23     Subject: Orphaned niece struggling to have a relationship with Dad
Anonymous wrote:Losing one parent classifies you as an orphan.


No it doesn’t.
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2023 16:23     Subject: Orphaned niece struggling to have a relationship with Dad
Anonymous wrote:She needs therapy. Dad remarrying note even a year after mom dies invalidates her whole sense of family.
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This and she isn’t a part of that family, rightly so. Any dad who would let his wife dictate his daughter is no longer part of the family is a pos anyway and deserves what he gets. Sounds like you have a smart niece. Just support her and be there for her.
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2023 16:20     Subject: Orphaned niece struggling to have a relationship with Dad
Losing one parent classifies you as an orphan.
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2023 15:58     Subject: Orphaned niece struggling to have a relationship with Dad
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:"I hope this is a troll post."

Of course it is. Another thinly disguised fabrication in order to villianize other women so they will fit the stereotype of "wicked stepmothers" and assume they have nothing but evil intent.

Use of the word "orphan" in the headline gives it away. Talk about a set-up.

Considering most women will statistically at some point in their lives be involved with someone who has children from a previous relationship it's interesting how quickly everyone piles on.


Look my dad and stepmother did exactly the same, with the added benefit of her insisting on having another baby too. So no, it’s not a troll.


Maybe your story is true but OP is a verified troll.
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2023 14:52     Subject: Orphaned niece struggling to have a relationship with Dad
Anonymous wrote:"I hope this is a troll post."

Of course it is. Another thinly disguised fabrication in order to villianize other women so they will fit the stereotype of "wicked stepmothers" and assume they have nothing but evil intent.

Use of the word "orphan" in the headline gives it away. Talk about a set-up.

Considering most women will statistically at some point in their lives be involved with someone who has children from a previous relationship it's interesting how quickly everyone piles on.


Look my dad and stepmother did exactly the same, with the added benefit of her insisting on having another baby too. So no, it’s not a troll.
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2023 14:48     Subject: Orphaned niece struggling to have a relationship with Dad
This is a made up story. OP has been "creative" with her past posts, according to Jeff's summary of most active posts.
Anonymous
Post 11/16/2023 15:00     Subject: Orphaned niece struggling to have a relationship with Dad
Anonymous wrote:
This sounds like a made-up story, but the BIL and new wife sound awful.

These two adults should never have gotten married 9 months after the death of this teen's mother. Adolescence is a difficult time in itself, let alone if you lose a parent, and let alone if your parent remarried shortly after. The wife should understand that this is not something a young person can just bounce back from. The BIL owes his daughter a huge apology. Your niece needs therapy and a safe place free from people who will seek to set her up with her father and stepmother.

If you are not a troll, please support your niece. She will take years, YEARS, to come back from this.



NP. Would be nice if this was made up but my dad did the exact same thing on an ever-slightly slower timeline. We were NOT allowed to discuss our mom, be sad, or miss our old hometown (we moved a few months after she died.)

I agree that OP should stop trying to be the conduit. The niece is not ready and the SM sounds like a monster.
Anonymous
Post 11/16/2023 14:54     Subject: Orphaned niece struggling to have a relationship with Dad
Team niece. That was a crappy move by the dad not just to remarry so quickly but bring in step siblings right before she launches to college. I think the dad needs to go to therapy to help him grasp how his selfish actions had a profound impact on someone who should have been his priority at that point in her life.

Pressuring your niece to move on and forgive her dad too soon would make you kind of a jerk, too.

Hopefully they can move past this at some point, but the dad really needs to understand better how he screwed up and really, really, really apologize and try to make things right when she is ready. And hopefully your house can continue to be a safe and welcoming place for her.
Anonymous
Post 11/15/2023 21:55     Subject: Orphaned niece struggling to have a relationship with Dad
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think the father s the one who needs therapy. Did your niece have any siblings?


No siblings, only child.


This makes it even worse. This is his only child and he chose to abandon her so that he could have a new boo within 9 months of losing the wife? This poor girl. She is an orphan. Sick.
Anonymous
Post 11/15/2023 16:55     Subject: Orphaned niece struggling to have a relationship with Dad
I think you've gotten all the useful help from this thread you can, OP.
Anonymous
Post 11/15/2023 16:48     Subject: Orphaned niece struggling to have a relationship with Dad
Anonymous wrote:"I hope this is a troll post."

Of course it is. Another thinly disguised fabrication in order to villianize other women so they will fit the stereotype of "wicked stepmothers" and assume they have nothing but evil intent.

Use of the word "orphan" in the headline gives it away. Talk about a set-up.

Considering most women will statistically at some point in their lives be involved with someone who has children from a previous relationship it's interesting how quickly everyone piles on.


The use of “orphan” by OP is strange when there is a living parent. “Bereaved” would have been the correct term. Why did you use that term, OP?