Anonymous
11/18/2023 08:10
Subject: Would you judge - pacifier at bed time.
I’d judge you. My youngest is 2 and she’s too old for it too. It’s just irresponsible to mess up your kids teeth like this. Your kid is also not learning to self soothe and is relying on a pacifier.
Anonymous
11/18/2023 08:08
Subject: Would you judge - pacifier at bed time.
Anonymous wrote:Haha! I cannot judge as my parents let me brother suck his thumb until he was well over 28!!! Talk about permissive parenting. They let him do whatever he wanted and it ended up with him having a serious mental illness and committing suicide by 30. I WOULD get to the root of the issue and see why she is sucking her thumb or paci at that age. What can you do to make her feel more secure or is there something else she can replace the paci with that is more appropriate? Because of how my brother was raised, I never allowed paci's or extended bottle feeding or any tools to soothe except for music and my singing or rocking.
Pp, did you ever wonder if it was the other way round. It’s not your parents “letting” your brother suck his thumb at 28 that caused his mental illness, it’s his mental illness that led him to sucking his thumb at 28. If the child has mental illness replacing paci with music is not going to help.
Anonymous
11/18/2023 08:04
Subject: Would you judge - pacifier at bed time.
Lesson 1 in parenting: someone will judge no matter what you do 
so just do what you think is right for your kids and family.
so just do what you think is right for your kids and family.
Anonymous
11/17/2023 14:19
Subject: Would you judge - pacifier at bed time.
Haha! I cannot judge as my parents let me brother suck his thumb until he was well over 28!!! Talk about permissive parenting. They let him do whatever he wanted and it ended up with him having a serious mental illness and committing suicide by 30. I WOULD get to the root of the issue and see why she is sucking her thumb or paci at that age. What can you do to make her feel more secure or is there something else she can replace the paci with that is more appropriate? Because of how my brother was raised, I never allowed paci's or extended bottle feeding or any tools to soothe except for music and my singing or rocking.
Anonymous
11/17/2023 10:44
Subject: Would you judge - pacifier at bed time.
Apparently when I was a thumb sucker to age 7 the pediatrician told my mom orthodontia was cheaper than therapy (though eventually I needed both).
Our older DD was very attached to her pacifier which we only gave her for bedtime. Just after age 4 she needed her tonsils out and couldn’t have it afterwards because the sucking can start the bleeding back up. It’s the only thing she wanted and was so sad. I wished I’d pulled it before. She had to go cold turkey. At 10 days she asked if she could have it back and I said she’d done so well I thought she should be done with them, which she was. With our younger one, we removed the pacifier around 18 months. She has a harder time self soothing and we wonder if that was too soon. It’s hard to know! 5 does seem late but there are so many things we’ve struggled with as parents that I hope not to be judged about I’d try not to judge a friend who told me this.
Our older DD was very attached to her pacifier which we only gave her for bedtime. Just after age 4 she needed her tonsils out and couldn’t have it afterwards because the sucking can start the bleeding back up. It’s the only thing she wanted and was so sad. I wished I’d pulled it before. She had to go cold turkey. At 10 days she asked if she could have it back and I said she’d done so well I thought she should be done with them, which she was. With our younger one, we removed the pacifier around 18 months. She has a harder time self soothing and we wonder if that was too soon. It’s hard to know! 5 does seem late but there are so many things we’ve struggled with as parents that I hope not to be judged about I’d try not to judge a friend who told me this.
Anonymous
11/17/2023 10:23
Subject: Would you judge - pacifier at bed time.
Anonymous wrote:5 year old with a pacifier is weird… sorry. I would think it’s weird at 4 too (I have a 4.5 year old). But it does not hurt anyone and I doubt that a few minutes per day will ruin teeth.
It reshapes the palate and the alignment of the teeth. It does cause speech issues frequently. Both can be fixed.
Anonymous
11/17/2023 10:22
Subject: Would you judge - pacifier at bed time.
We made a big deal about taking away DD's pacifier at 3. She was a trooper and she got through it, but it wrecked her sleep for a couple of years. So badly that we begged her to take back the paci, but DH had done such a good job convincing her that big girls don't use pacifiers that she refused.
The irony is that DH is an orthodontist and DD is going to need ortho no matter what because she got my crooked teeth.
If I had it to do over again, I would have waited until she ditched it on her own or got to age 5 or 6 and could be bribed to give it up.
The irony is that DH is an orthodontist and DD is going to need ortho no matter what because she got my crooked teeth.
If I had it to do over again, I would have waited until she ditched it on her own or got to age 5 or 6 and could be bribed to give it up.
Anonymous
11/17/2023 10:21
Subject: Would you judge - pacifier at bed time.
Anonymous wrote:Mine used hers until 5 yrs old at bedtime only (never even kept it in after she fell asleep) but she does in fact have a speech impediment and gets services now at age 7. She never had it outside her bed after age 2 but she has trouble with “s” sounds nonetheless.
This was my DS. He gave it up at 5. He had a speech impediment (lisp) that was fixed with speech therapy. Not sure if that was the cause--I had one as well, also fixed through therapy. However, I also sucked my thumb until about age 6. Probable cause?
It does cause issues. They can be resolved. But it takes time, energy, and money.
Anonymous
11/17/2023 10:18
Subject: Would you judge - pacifier at bed time.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My 5 year old still drinks a 5oz bottle of milk at night. I realize he’s way too old, but he likes it. It takes him less than a minute, so I doubt it is doing much harm to his teeth. And he brushes after.
I wouldn’t worry about the paci if the use is as minimal as you say. Let them move on when they’re ready.
Whaaaat.
You people are nuts! Are you having a hard time letting go of the baby phase or something?
LOL. If course YOU wouldn't worry about the pacifier--your 5 year old is still drinking baby bottles.
Come on PP and OP. This is behavior that is weird for a 3 year old. But 5?!?! Stop infantilizing your kindergartener.
Anonymous
11/17/2023 08:48
Subject: Would you judge - pacifier at bed time.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP here - she will just start with her thumb, it happened last time, at least this is limited to not cause damage. Is it not the best of a bad situation. As I mentioned earlier, whilst I've not brought it up with the dentis, equally the dentist has no concerns over her teeth
I'm the one with a 7 year old who still sucks her fingers. You should bring it up with the dentist and see if the dental appliance will work for your child. It won't work for mine because it precludes the seal made from sucking on your thumb, but my kid doesn't make a seal when sucking on her fingers so she can't use it. I bet the seal made with a pacifier is the same as the thumb, so the dental appliance would work for your child. Definitely ask.
https://hdorthodontics.com/blog/orthodontic-appliances-to-prevent-thumb-sucking/
Love how OP just completely ignored the one legitimate piece of advice she got.
Anonymous
11/17/2023 08:40
Subject: Would you judge - pacifier at bed time.
Forget social judgment, ask a pediatrician, a dentist and a therapist to understand if its the right thing or not and what you need to help your child develop healthier sleeping habits.
Anonymous
11/17/2023 08:37
Subject: Would you judge - pacifier at bed time.
My 6th grader still sucks her finger. Tried everything to help her stop. Honestly, if she finds comfort in it, isn’t embarrassed by it, and isn’t asking for help to stop, I’m fine with it.
It’s her bed - the ONE place in the world you should have complete autonomy.
It’s her bed - the ONE place in the world you should have complete autonomy.
Anonymous
11/17/2023 08:34
Subject: Re:Would you judge - pacifier at bed time.
PP here, I forgot to mention! I have a nephew who sucked his thumb (at nighttime only) until he was nearly 10 years old. Maybe even older? But that's the last I saw it myself.
He's now a teenager, and has never once had braces - nor appears to need to anytime soon. Also never suffered any ill-effects of any sort from it, aside from some red marks on his thumb at times.
He's now a teenager, and has never once had braces - nor appears to need to anytime soon. Also never suffered any ill-effects of any sort from it, aside from some red marks on his thumb at times.
Anonymous
11/17/2023 08:30
Subject: Would you judge - pacifier at bed time.
If it were all the time, yes - I probably would. But, if limited to just bedtime? I suppose it's fine. As long as you've confirmed there's no teeth issues.
It's probably just a security thing for her. My 8 year old still sleeps with his blanket and panda bear. So no judgement here.
If it were during the daytime as well? That would be a problem. But at night? Nah.
We prioritize a good nights sleep for the family here. If a pacifier is what that requires, then so be it.
It's probably just a security thing for her. My 8 year old still sleeps with his blanket and panda bear. So no judgement here.
If it were during the daytime as well? That would be a problem. But at night? Nah.
We prioritize a good nights sleep for the family here. If a pacifier is what that requires, then so be it.
Anonymous
11/17/2023 07:28
Subject: Would you judge - pacifier at bed time.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My 5 year old still drinks a 5oz bottle of milk at night. I realize he’s way too old, but he likes it. It takes him less than a minute, so I doubt it is doing much harm to his teeth. And he brushes after.
I wouldn’t worry about the paci if the use is as minimal as you say. Let them move on when they’re ready.
Whaaaat.
You people are nuts! Are you having a hard time letting go of the baby phase or something?
My guess is the mom is reinforcing the nighttime bottle habit by making it a positive part of the routine. The kid probably doesn’t care about the bottle but just knows “mommy likes to give me a bottle.” There is definitely something off about a parent who cannot draw a reasonable boundary like this - likely they are overall an extremely permissive parent and don’t provide any disciple or structure for basic things. That said, I echo a PP who said there are worse parenting practices. Extreme permissiveness may not be that bad for kids who can on their own learn to adapt to the challenges and rules that they face outside the home at school etc. Maybe for some personalities the lack of structure at home lets them develop their independence. But could be detrimental for other types of kids particularly if they are not learning skills and if the permissiveness has developed to accomodate anxiety or defiance.
I'm the PP directly above you - and also the one who referenced "worse parenting practices."
Giving a small bottle as part of a five year old's bedtime routine, when it's brief, followed by teeth-brushing, and the parent *knows* is less common for that age is NOT "extremely permissive" parenting. Not even close. To me, it suggests a parent who may give in on this issue because they know what boundaries truly are important to hold, e.g., brushing teeth right before bed, and which are not, e.g., a small comfort that harms literally no one. You're making a crap-ton of assumptions based on one brief post.
If the OP really cares about being judged, that's their business. Judging someone for something doesn't make anyone an expert in that topic.
Disagree. A bottle for a 5 year old is so far outside the cultural norm that any parent who couldn’t manage to impose that discipline likely is very permissive in other areas. Speaking from experience here.