Can you approach your current school and advise them of the situation? They may be able to offer additional aid next year.

Hi OP. We are in a similar situation and are choosing to send my husband a year ahead and live apart until my dd graduates high school.

We are Army and there is a program called High School Junior/Senior Stabilization to prevent this exact situation. We applied for older kids when they were Juniors. Are you sure your branch doesn't have something like this? It doesn't apply to us because my husband is retiring and we're choosing to go forward with retirement.

Second thought for you is do you have the post-911 GI Bill that your child will be using? There are a few states that will continue you at in-state tuition if you use the GI Bill and a few states who will give any military in-state rates. It depends on each state and sometimes even different policies by universities, but you should really research college residency. Virginia is exceptionally strict on residency...only mentioning that as you are posting on DCUM. If you're willing to list the University I may know, or you can call the VA office of the University so that you fully understand the policy.

Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father refused all offers and pressure to move during my high school years.

His father doesn't have a choice.

I know it's stressful to move in high school. But it'll be financially stressful on us to become residents of the state we live in now and to maintain separate households. It'll be stressful to not see her dad for a year. I can't decide which is worse.

Which one is it his or her? You went back-and-forth is this for real?

Military dependent here. To me this isn't a close call. This is 2023, and we have cell phones, FaceTime, free long-distance calls, all the things that make staying connected infinitely easier than when I grew up with a USMC officer dad who had to take unaccompanied tours (including to Vietnam) every five years when I was young. Even when we were stationed together, he traveled extremely frequently. We managed to stay connected to our dad regardless. Especially in this day and age, it will not be hard for your DD to stay close to her dad if she stays and he deploys to his next duty station just for a year.

My parents were faced with a similar situation; after I'd been at a DODDS school in the UK for sophomore and junior years, with my sister one year behind me, my father was faced with potential orders to a base in Germany. It would have killed me as a military brat -- used to moving across the country, and across the world -- to have to move senior year. There is a huge difference between moving in elementary or middle school (and I know, because I did) and moving in high school. Teens are not little kids and their connections to friends are so much more important.

Do not underestimate how stressful and how hard it is first semester senior year to manage the college application process. On top of having to move and make new friends and adjust to a new school system -- and especially going from private to public, and we don't know what the quality of her private school has been compared to the quality of the public school she might go to. Her mental/social/emotional health have got to be paramount here.

The question of which university she will attend is separate. You need to sit down and have a realistic discussion of what you'll be able to afford. Also, keeping her grades and scores high (which would be easier if she stays in the school she's in now) may enable her to get merit aid at places that offer a discount off the sticker price for high-scoring kids. Look up Jeffrey Selingo's website and look at both privates and publics that offer scholarship aid. She cannot get attached to a dream school and needs to realize there are many options other than the Dream Flagship.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We had a long discussion with her this weekend where she confessed she wants to go to the state flagship where we are residents - but that she also doesn't want to move. Attending that school OOS (which she would have to once we lose residency) is out of question financially, so we're back to square one. She wants to move and attend State U and doesn't understand why we can't make that happen.

So we're going to table the discussion for now until she decides which is more important to her.

It's only October though so could you add a few classes and try to graduate this year?

Interesting thought. We'll discuss it with her. Guessing it wouldn't allow for the AP classes she needs, though.

It would only be one year OOS. I would say it’s worth a loan for that one year.

Most universities don't allow that kind of change.

Yes, they do. It does take a lot of effort but it is doable to prove you’re in state if you actually are - parent tax returns etc.

Military usually established residency in states without income tax.

OP, sorry that you are faced with this decision. I tend to agree with the majority here that a move would be tough on your daughter and I know another family who did this recently and it was pretty rough for their daughter. That said, my DH did this but went from a big public school to a small private for his senior year. His parents did give him the choice to stay with friends, but he wanted to stay with his parents. It was a very different culture in the new city and school, but he actually loved it and thrived. Not sure if it would have been different going from small school to big public, but I think the bottom line is that it really depends on the kid. If she’s at all like my DH was - outgoing, makes friends easily, adaptable, etc. - then you should definitely talk to her and see what she wants. But if you already know she has a rough time with transitions, I’d probably do whatever I could to let her stay. Best of luck!

I would stay as a family until my kid graduated.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We had a long discussion with her this weekend where she confessed she wants to go to the state flagship where we are residents - but that she also doesn't want to move. Attending that school OOS (which she would have to once we lose residency) is out of question financially, so we're back to square one. She wants to move and attend State U and doesn't understand why we can't make that happen.

So we're going to table the discussion for now until she decides which is more important to her.

It's only October though so could you add a few classes and try to graduate this year?

Interesting thought. We'll discuss it with her. Guessing it wouldn't allow for the AP classes she needs, though.

It would only be one year OOS. I would say it’s worth a loan for that one year.

Most universities don't allow that kind of change.

Yes, they do. It does take a lot of effort but it is doable to prove you’re in state if you actually are - parent tax returns etc.

Also some states will make exceptions, like in your case if you were residents for years prior to the final year

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We had a long discussion with her this weekend where she confessed she wants to go to the state flagship where we are residents - but that she also doesn't want to move. Attending that school OOS (which she would have to once we lose residency) is out of question financially, so we're back to square one. She wants to move and attend State U and doesn't understand why we can't make that happen.

So we're going to table the discussion for now until she decides which is more important to her.

It's only October though so could you add a few classes and try to graduate this year?

Interesting thought. We'll discuss it with her. Guessing it wouldn't allow for the AP classes she needs, though.

It would only be one year OOS. I would say it’s worth a loan for that one year.

Most universities don't allow that kind of change.

Yes, they do. It does take a lot of effort but it is doable to prove you’re in state if you actually are - parent tax returns etc.

Anonymous wrote:OP your child is the most important person in the family. They can't face any adversity otherwise you've failed as a parent. Doesn't matter if it ruins your finances or is an opportunity for career advancement. Don't move or your kid won't talk to you as an adult
Signed DCUM

Give me a break.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know that there's a good answer here, but I'm looking for people's thoughts.

We're likely moving for DH's job the summer before DD's senior year. Odds are she won't find a spot in a private school like she's in now, so she would be switching to public. We know the switch would be rough to begin with, but we're really unsure what colleges would think of this, or if she'd even be allowed to take the AP classes she needs for applications.

We've also considered staying put until she graduates. If we stay behind a year and let DH move alone, there are some pretty drastic residency and tax implications. I hate putting money ahead of DD's college future, but it's definitely a consideration for us.

Thoughts?

I didn't read the whole thread, but when we were faced with this my husband didn't end up taking a job that would have put us in this position. I think it's highly dependent on the kid, but overall hugely disruptive and can have lasting effects. Happened to my dad due to a military move and he still talks about how awful it was. Also my college boyfriend and it sucked for him. I have also known families where the kid was on board and was happy, but the move was to somewhere like London so that was an added advantage.

We're a foreign service family and my husband has done unaccompanied tours where we didn't go. While also not ideal, it's do-able and I'd much rather do that if moving the kid is clearly not in the kid's best interest.

Next time read the thread. It’s a military order move. So their choices are moving the kid or having a separated family. There is no easy choice to just keep the status quo.

Why? I didn't need to. I provided a relevant answer that even addressed the USG part without reading it. Saved myself time. Very efficient.

No, you went on and on about how your husband turned down a voluntary job so he could be a good father. OP’s husband doesn’t have that option. Just rubbing salt in the wound.

?? I guess you didn't read the part where I also said my husband has done unaccompanied tours without us. We've spent a number of years apart - the last time was completely because we didn't think moving the kids was a good idea.

OP your child is the most important person in the family. They can't face any adversity otherwise you've failed as a parent. Doesn't matter if it ruins your finances or is an opportunity for career advancement. Don't move or your kid won't talk to you as an adult
Signed DCUM

Anonymous wrote:My husband took an unaccompanied tour into a war zone in order for our kids to finish high school where they started. Literally put his life on the line so our kids could have consistency. Lots of foreign service families do this in the DC area for the sake of their kids education when they get in high school. No we would not disrupt our child senior year. You sound like you have the money to make it work.

+100. This. We are another family that has lived overseas and we know *tons* of families that made sacrifices for their kids like this, sometimes living apart in different countries for years. In our case, my spouse lived apart from us for 9 months while I and the kids stayed domestic and finished school. The kids' mental health is paramount.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We had a long discussion with her this weekend where she confessed she wants to go to the state flagship where we are residents - but that she also doesn't want to move. Attending that school OOS (which she would have to once we lose residency) is out of question financially, so we're back to square one. She wants to move and attend State U and doesn't understand why we can't make that happen.

So we're going to table the discussion for now until she decides which is more important to her.

It's only October though so could you add a few classes and try to graduate this year?

Interesting thought. We'll discuss it with her. Guessing it wouldn't allow for the AP classes she needs, though.

It would only be one year OOS. I would say it’s worth a loan for that one year.

Most universities don't allow that kind of change.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We had a long discussion with her this weekend where she confessed she wants to go to the state flagship where we are residents - but that she also doesn't want to move. Attending that school OOS (which she would have to once we lose residency) is out of question financially, so we're back to square one. She wants to move and attend State U and doesn't understand why we can't make that happen.

So we're going to table the discussion for now until she decides which is more important to her.

It's only October though so could you add a few classes and try to graduate this year?

Interesting thought. We'll discuss it with her. Guessing it wouldn't allow for the AP classes she needs, though.

It would only be one year OOS. I would say it’s worth a loan for that one year.