Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is an only child and has a tiny family - he has no cousins (his mom also has no siblings and his dad has a sibling who never married or had kids). DH’s family is Jewish, so we fell into a groove spending Thanksgiving with his family and Christmas with mine. Prior to COVID they used to host a big dinner with 20-25 people which included some of their close friends and their kids, and eventually all the grandkids. It was loud and fun. However, post-COVID, Thanksgiving became much smaller and now just includes DH’s parents and aunt (ages 79-82). Honestly, it’s not fun at all for our kids as all they want to do is have typical grown up conversations at the table vs. engaging our 2 kids who are 4 and 8. Plus, they always want to host which means 4+ hours of travel for a pretty subdued weekend that frankly my kids find boring (parents just sit around reading the paper and there isn’t much to do where they live).

After doing that for the past two years, I would love to change things up. My parents have graciously invited DH’s parents and aunt to come to their house for Thanksgiving - they could stay with my parents and the only expense would be a flight (which DH offered for us to cover). I have 2 siblings who also have kids and many cousins with kids, so my kids always have the best time running around.

Of course DH’s parents said they don’t want to change the plans and come to my parents’ house - they don’t like to travel over holidays, and they said they think it will be a “zoo” which is not their style.

Obviously we aren’t going to leave DH’s parents alone with just his aunt, but I am annoyed they won’t even consider it. I have no choice but to suck it up and keep our current tradition going, right?

No don't suck it up. Go where you want to go. They have their Thanksgivings. You even graciously invited them.
I suppose in the past I would have said go because they are old but two old demanding women ( my mom and MIl) made me realize nothing is good enough and they are never happy. Make fun memories for your kids and if that is with your family than go for it!

Live your life. You aren't going to get an award for suffering.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can alternate Thanksgiving. Go to your parents’ home this year, and DH’s parents next year. I’m sure they’ll be disappointed, but it’s unfair of them not to be understanding.

Go and enjoy!

So, then they go to Jewish ILs for Christmas? Otherwise how is this fair? Why are all the American DILs posting on this forum, first class Ahole Beeches?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a responsibility to your kids. Taking them someplace they’re largely ignored and seems like weak parenting to me. I’m assuming your side has cousins etc?

I think you have a choice between two awkward conversations— “MIL/FIL we’ll see you for thanksgiving dinner but we’ll be staying in *closest town with something legitimately fun or enriching for your children*” or “We’re so sorry you can join us this year! Let’s try to get together for MLK weekend”

It really is ok if children aren’t the center of attention. It doesn’t mean they aren’t loved and cared for. It’s not weak parenting to have the children spend the holiday with their elderly grandparents!

Seriously. Thirty-five years from now op will be alone on Thanksgiving wondering why her kids won’t bring the grandkids for a visit. You reap what you sow.

This is exactly it. I once read on here that if you want your kids to come home and be invested in your family once their adults you have to make it special and build traditions. It made a lot of sense and I have taken it to heart. If you force your kids to go to a boring Thanksgiving every year where they sit around and watch some 80 year olds read the newspaper don't be surprised when they suddenly start going home with friends when they get to college and want to spend the holidays with their ILs once they're married.

Anonymous wrote:You can alternate Thanksgiving. Go to your parents’ home this year, and DH’s parents next year. I’m sure they’ll be disappointed, but it’s unfair of them not to be understanding.

Go and enjoy!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a responsibility to your kids. Taking them someplace they’re largely ignored and seems like weak parenting to me. I’m assuming your side has cousins etc?

I think you have a choice between two awkward conversations— “MIL/FIL we’ll see you for thanksgiving dinner but we’ll be staying in *closest town with something legitimately fun or enriching for your children*” or “We’re so sorry you can join us this year! Let’s try to get together for MLK weekend”

It really is ok if children aren’t the center of attention. It doesn’t mean they aren’t loved and cared for. It’s not weak parenting to have the children spend the holiday with their elderly grandparents!

Seriously. Thirty-five years from now op will be alone on Thanksgiving wondering why her kids won’t bring the grandkids for a visit. You reap what you sow.

This is exactly it. I once read on here that if you want your kids to come home and be invested in your family once their adults you have to make it special and build traditions. It made a lot of sense and I have taken it to heart. If you force your kids to go to a boring Thanksgiving every year where they sit around and watch some 80 year olds read the newspaper don't be surprised when they suddenly start going home with friends when they get to college and want to spend the holidays with their ILs once they're married.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a responsibility to your kids. Taking them someplace they’re largely ignored and seems like weak parenting to me. I’m assuming your side has cousins etc?

I think you have a choice between two awkward conversations— “MIL/FIL we’ll see you for thanksgiving dinner but we’ll be staying in *closest town with something legitimately fun or enriching for your children*” or “We’re so sorry you can join us this year! Let’s try to get together for MLK weekend”

It really is ok if children aren’t the center of attention. It doesn’t mean they aren’t loved and cared for. It’s not weak parenting to have the children spend the holiday with their elderly grandparents!

Seriously. Thirty-five years from now op will be alone on Thanksgiving wondering why her kids won’t bring the grandkids for a visit. You reap what you sow.

This is exactly it. I once read on here that if you want your kids to come home and be invested in your family once their adults you have to make it special and build traditions. It made a lot of sense and I have taken it to heart. If you force your kids to go to a boring Thanksgiving every year where they sit around and watch some 80 year olds read the newspaper don't be surprised when they suddenly start going home with friends when they get to college and want to spend the holidays with their ILs once they're married.

Anonymous wrote:Plan some activities. Make some desserts. Build a big model. Play some games or puzzles. Go for a daily walk with a scavenger hunt. Bring bikes or scooters if you drive there. Adjust Christmas holiday things to autumn - make fall decorations or build a gingerbread house with fall colored candies.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a responsibility to your kids. Taking them someplace they’re largely ignored and seems like weak parenting to me. I’m assuming your side has cousins etc?

I think you have a choice between two awkward conversations— “MIL/FIL we’ll see you for thanksgiving dinner but we’ll be staying in *closest town with something legitimately fun or enriching for your children*” or “We’re so sorry you can join us this year! Let’s try to get together for MLK weekend”

It really is ok if children aren’t the center of attention. It doesn’t mean they aren’t loved and cared for. It’s not weak parenting to have the children spend the holiday with their elderly grandparents!

Seriously. Thirty-five years from now op will be alone on Thanksgiving wondering why her kids won’t bring the grandkids for a visit. You reap what you sow.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What about visit the IL for Hanukkah or fall Jewish holidays, and then your family for Thanksgiving and Christmas?

If they aren’t religious those really are not the same as Thanksgiving.

Reading between the lines - these IL really cherish Thanksgiving. It would be pretty cruel to end that tradition just because the kids are a little bored.

Anonymous wrote:DH is an only child and has a tiny family - he has no cousins (his mom also has no siblings and his dad has a sibling who never married or had kids). DH’s family is Jewish, so we fell into a groove spending Thanksgiving with his family and Christmas with mine. Prior to COVID they used to host a big dinner with 20-25 people which included some of their close friends and their kids, and eventually all the grandkids. It was loud and fun. However, post-COVID, Thanksgiving became much smaller and now just includes DH’s parents and aunt (ages 79-82). Honestly, it’s not fun at all for our kids as all they want to do is have typical grown up conversations at the table vs. engaging our 2 kids who are 4 and 8. Plus, they always want to host which means 4+ hours of travel for a pretty subdued weekend that frankly my kids find boring (parents just sit around reading the paper and there isn’t much to do where they live).

After doing that for the past two years, I would love to change things up. My parents have graciously invited DH’s parents and aunt to come to their house for Thanksgiving - they could stay with my parents and the only expense would be a flight (which DH offered for us to cover). I have 2 siblings who also have kids and many cousins with kids, so my kids always have the best time running around.

Of course DH’s parents said they don’t want to change the plans and come to my parents’ house - they don’t like to travel over holidays, and they said they think it will be a “zoo” which is not their style.

Obviously we aren’t going to leave DH’s parents alone with just his aunt, but I am annoyed they won’t even consider it. I have no choice but to suck it up and keep our current tradition going, right?

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Your kids have to endure one weekend where it's not all about them (or you).

All 3 of you need to grow up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a responsibility to your kids. Taking them someplace they’re largely ignored and seems like weak parenting to me. I’m assuming your side has cousins etc?

I think you have a choice between two awkward conversations— “MIL/FIL we’ll see you for thanksgiving dinner but we’ll be staying in *closest town with something legitimately fun or enriching for your children*” or “We’re so sorry you can join us this year! Let’s try to get together for MLK weekend”

It really is ok if children aren’t the center of attention. It doesn’t mean they aren’t loved and cared for. It’s not weak parenting to have the children spend the holiday with their elderly grandparents!