That he's emotionally selfish and can never keep his word.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH here.

Our sex life is pretty good, but I've had to say goodbye to the BJ.

I offer my services and she accepts, bc I like doing it. And I've asked for the same in return but she declines, saying she prefers to go straight to the action.

It's not a big deal, really, in the big picture. But it kind of sucks. It was a regular part of our life before marriage. But its been YEARS.

I wish it could come back

Do you shower just before sex? Do you pass gas? Do you keep yourself clean? Do you have a big belly and small P? Do you have skin diseases? Do you keep it trimmed? Women are also not attracted to sagging balls or stinky smell. You were young once and you are old now. You are not that attractive anymore, just like your spouse is not attractive.

Lol. Skin diseases?!?! JFC. Big belly & a small D? Not at all. It's not those things. She just says she doesnt like it; I believe her. I just wish it did.

Also, my spouse is hot AF.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH has never told me I’m hot or sexy. On occasion he’ll say I like nice in something. It makes me feel so ugly. I’m not blowing my family up over it, but I’ve stopped trying.

Same. I’m an attractive woman but have really kicked it up a notch in the last several months after having my 3rd kid. New hair, working out, new clothes. I get a lot of compliments from friends and strangers. Radio silence from DH.

I suspect a lot of it is family of origin. My lovely MIL is very, very obese (then and now) and she and FIL (a very good looking man) divorced when DH was an infant. There were never comments about looks in his household growing up, he said. It was just not discussed.

I’ve also wondered if on some level his mother (and sister) resented more conventionally attractive women and he carries that with him subconsciously. Even though he’s very attractive, and I know that my looks were a factor in him being attracted to me.

I’m teaching my son how to pay sincere compliments. I’m also teaching him to unload the dishwasher without being asked haha. My future son or daughter in law will thank me.

Pin this issue to the parent it probably belongs to.

More likely, he never heard a compliment come out of his father's mouth. Maybe you say, but she was obese, what compliments could there have been?

If there was any love in his parents marriage at any time, how could there not have been even a few compliments.

+1

Agree there was no love in their parents marriage. DH is the same, and looks for attention outside to "get back at" me for getting attention when we are out and about. It is really gross, dysfunctional, and messed up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a guy, it makes me more depressed to read this thread and see women with low-sex husbands. I wish we had all matched better.

They are likely incel troll posts. Guys will tag anything.

Some guys will tag anything. Some guys are just not that sexually driven. I have plenty of friends that complain their spouses only want sex once a week or month. It messes with women’s minds when they feel like their husbands don’t want them - and they share this with their girlfriends.

Ah yes, the hordes of sex-starved wives (in your area!) desperate for more frequent sex with their husbands. Not only do they exist, they tell all their friends (usually in a sauna or lingerie dressing room, right?) about how they pine for that D.

Touch grass.

Is it really that impossible to you that some men have a lower libido than their wives? And that some women really enjoy sex and don’t like that?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH has never told me I’m hot or sexy. On occasion he’ll say I like nice in something. It makes me feel so ugly. I’m not blowing my family up over it, but I’ve stopped trying.

Same. I’m an attractive woman but have really kicked it up a notch in the last several months after having my 3rd kid. New hair, working out, new clothes. I get a lot of compliments from friends and strangers. Radio silence from DH.

I suspect a lot of it is family of origin. My lovely MIL is very, very obese (then and now) and she and FIL (a very good looking man) divorced when DH was an infant. There were never comments about looks in his household growing up, he said. It was just not discussed.

I’ve also wondered if on some level his mother (and sister) resented more conventionally attractive women and he carries that with him subconsciously. Even though he’s very attractive, and I know that my looks were a factor in him being attracted to me.

I’m teaching my son how to pay sincere compliments. I’m also teaching him to unload the dishwasher without being asked haha. My future son or daughter in law will thank me.

Pin this issue to the parent it probably belongs to.

More likely, he never heard a compliment come out of his father's mouth. Maybe you say, but she was obese, what compliments could there have been?

If there was any love in his parents marriage at any time, how could there not have been even a few compliments.

The PP will come back I’m sure but you may have missed the part where she said her in laws have been divorced nearly all of her DH’s life. So there was no marriage and what would have the FIL been complimenting?

For my DH, I think it’s a Madonna whore complex mixed in with too much porn. His idea of what sexual women look like is only attainable for a few. Basically very low body fat, thin waist, and large breasts.

I’ve asked him before why he can look at random women with his male friends and call them smoke shows, hardbodies, or say they have insane bodies. More along the lines that he shouldn’t have married me if this is what he finds attractive. He says he’s attracted to me and we have an active sex life (we’re both high drive). He’s replies that it would be disrespectful to say those things to me.

PP. I suspect my husband has some of the same, though he's never articulated it as such. He does occasionally compliment other women and celebrities, but I'll admit it's rare. But the enthusiasm he has when he says they are hot royally pisses me off.

I'm working on just accepting this for me and moving on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Although she was thin when we met, dated, married ... I now have a fat wife. And that will never change.

Is it really that hard to tell those who have the motivation and inclination to stay thin? Surely the signs were there.

DP. I suspect this is something that only becomes clearer with life experience and seeing how these things play out. I'm a woman and all my friends were thin in our 20s. We ate decently well and were perhaps, at best, moderate exercisers. In their late 30s after marriage and kids, my friends now joke about how they don't care anymore. (I don't personally think I would have pegged them as "future frumps" (if you will) when we were carefree and 23, but life is hard, you know? I think the unspoken truths are (1) they were never that into the work it takes to look good; youth was just on their side and (2) they are married and don't feel the pressure they felt when they were single.

I actually think the better tell is how much a woman generally *enjoys* beauty, fashion, eating well, and/or exercising. If it's more of a hobby, she'll probably keep it up to some degree her entire life. If she was sort of going through the motions, it'll be the first thing to drop when life gets busier/harder.

Anonymous wrote:DH here.

Our sex life is pretty good, but I've had to say goodbye to the BJ.

I offer my services and she accepts, bc I like doing it. And I've asked for the same in return but she declines, saying she prefers to go straight to the action.

It's not a big deal, really, in the big picture. But it kind of sucks. It was a regular part of our life before marriage. But its been YEARS.

I wish it could come back

Do you shower just before sex? Do you pass gas? Do you keep yourself clean? Do you have a big belly and small P? Do you have skin diseases? Do you keep it trimmed? Women are also not attracted to sagging balls or stinky smell. You were young once and you are old now. You are not that attractive anymore, just like your spouse is not attractive.

First - I would not accept abuse, adultery and addiction.

Second, all that has been listed in the posts in this thread, most women accept in various shades.

- Men not pulling their weight at home (executive functioning, being careless, oblivious and irresponsible for basic things) is very common.
- Being socially inapt, being rude, being intellectually one-dimensional and boring, being pedantic and mannerless, being socially awkward, ADHD is pretty much given at some level.
- Being bad in bed, uninterested in sex with their wife, not complimenting their wife, not being fit and attractive, dressing poorly or having bad grooming is also common. All the married men who were fit, rich and had high T, were also the ones who were sleeping around. So, maybe the not being good in bed is not such a bad thing. There is a reason that BOBs are popular.
- Being a bad provider, being careless with money is another thing.

Women stay because of their children, and they leave because of their children too. Women should stop looking at their husbands to be their best friend. They need - maids, good girlfriends, family support, social network, hobbies, causes, money and control of their bodies and fertility. And with all of this, they can devote themselves to their career and kids or whatever they want. In the end, they should know that they will die alone. Regardless of if they are married, unmarried, single, divorced, widowed, kids, no kids. This is how the game of life is laid out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a guy, it makes me more depressed to read this thread and see women with low-sex husbands. I wish we had all matched better.

They are likely incel troll posts. Guys will tag anything.

Some guys will tag anything. Some guys are just not that sexually driven. I have plenty of friends that complain their spouses only want sex once a week or month. It messes with women’s minds when they feel like their husbands don’t want them - and they share this with their girlfriends.

Ah yes, the hordes of sex-starved wives (in your area!) desperate for more frequent sex with their husbands. Not only do they exist, they tell all their friends (usually in a sauna or lingerie dressing room, right?) about how they pine for that D.

Touch grass.

DH here.

Our sex life is pretty good, but I've had to say goodbye to the BJ.

I offer my services and she accepts, bc I like doing it. And I've asked for the same in return but she declines, saying she prefers to go straight to the action.

It's not a big deal, really, in the big picture. But it kind of sucks. It was a regular part of our life before marriage. But its been YEARS.

I wish it could come back

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His CRIPPLING ADHD. He can’t handle *anything* without a million reminders and I had to leave my very lucrative career to stay married/manage our life.

ADHD here, too.

My career was far more established and successful when we started our relationship, but my DH’s ADHD crippled our family life after kids to the extent that it was a choice between giving up my career vs. getting divorce + taking full custody. If I had living family I would have chosen the latter.

I would do anything to protect my kids and am glad I did, but unfortunately DH and the kids are the ones who benefit from this decision and I’ve sacrificed what I thought were non-negotiables.

NP. These posts really resonated with me. I wish I knew you both in real life. I love my DH and he's a good person. Yet, if I knew back then what I know now, I don't know that I would have married him. The first few years were great but as our lives became more complicated, it all fell apart. I, too, have accepted what I never thought I would. To top everything off, DH has ED because of his refusal to treat a medical condition and it's permanently damaged his cardiovascular system to the point we can no longer have PIV. None of the interventions for it have been successful.

My kids are now young adults and doing pretty well but 2 of them have ADHD - one of whom is so very like DH that I worry about the challenges his partners will have despite my best efforts to help him understand the impact of his actions (or lack thereof). For one of my kids without ADHD, I worry they'll be 'overly responsible' like I've been. Ugh.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Realities of DH:
- ADD (let me senior dog out to potty, forgot about him, and the dog drowned in the pool)
- on the spectrum
- career fell off a cliff 8 years ago (fired from job, accepted low paying government drone position and has never left)

It’s been a struggle, but we have two kids and I literally have zero family support so I’m not leaving. I make significantly more than him, and also work an extra 30 hours per month as an attorney freelancer (on top of my full time job) so we can have a nice life and have a vacation, throw a good bday party for the kids etc.

What will you do when he lets one of your kids die?

Are you stupid?

no attraction, DH doesn't want sex.

He had a ONS during his midlife crisis.

It was worth saving us.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a guy, it makes me more depressed to read this thread and see women with low-sex husbands. I wish we had all matched better.

They are likely incel troll posts. Guys will tag anything.

Some guys will tag anything. Some guys are just not that sexually driven. I have plenty of friends that complain their spouses only want sex once a week or month. It messes with women’s minds when they feel like their husbands don’t want them - and they share this with their girlfriends.