Anonymous wrote:I agree. I was a nose to the grindstone striver from a blue collar family. I have ADHD and am probably on the autism spectrum. I joined a popular girl sorority in college and I’ve had a decently successful career at a “work hard / play hard” consulting firm. Living in a sorority house with 29 women is basically a 24/7 social skills group.

Anonymous wrote:This is covered pretty well by Paul Tough in "The Years that Matter Most: How College Makes or Breaks Us." The short version is that, especially with elite colleges, it is all about the connections you make, and very little is about how well you do with the actual academic work. And the people who don't understand that are confused when they are trying for those plum consulting jobs and the people who hardly did any work at all are getting the interviews. The connections may or may not be Greek, depending on the school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends entirely on your filed.

My kid is getting a science PhD.

Thank God she did not choose a field where success hinges on glad-handing and drinking skills. The ability to make fake small talk and butter up those in the Executive Suite.

But it sounds like you got the flavor of kids you wanted, so it is all good.

But they get into those PhD programs by making connections within the field. You don't just apply blindly, you reach out and meet profs and see who has funding, etc. It's networking. You need to have the credentials and the research work to back it up, but you also need to network.

Sure, but you don't have to be a "partier" in a frat/sorority, as is the premise of the op, to be a good networker and make connections.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends entirely on your filed.

My kid is getting a science PhD.

Thank God she did not choose a field where success hinges on glad-handing and drinking skills. The ability to make fake small talk and butter up those in the Executive Suite.

But it sounds like you got the flavor of kids you wanted, so it is all good.

But they get into those PhD programs by making connections within the field. You don't just apply blindly, you reach out and meet profs and see who has funding, etc. It's networking. You need to have the credentials and the research work to back it up, but you also need to network.

Anonymous wrote:LOL all the sorority and frat idiots I know are total followers and ended up in middle management at best.

Anonymous wrote:What about my non-partier, non-nerdy kid with good social skills?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends entirely on your filed.

My kid is getting a science PhD.

Thank God she did not choose a field where success hinges on glad-handing and drinking skills. The ability to make fake small talk and butter up those in the Executive Suite.

But it sounds like you got the flavor of kids you wanted, so it is all good.

But they get into those PhD programs by making connections within the field. You don't just apply blindly, you reach out and meet profs and see who has funding, etc. It's networking. You need to have the credentials and the research work to back it up, but you also need to network.

Anonymous wrote:Naive students and parents, usually middle class and below, disdain the Greek system and talk about how they don't want to participate. They claim they're more serious students and aren't into that scene.

What these people don't understand is that the Greek social scene actually trains you to operate in the business world. You learn the importance of socializing, sizing people up at a glance, social drinking, and how to present yourself so that you're accepted and click with the executive class. Most importantly, you learn that you need to be extroverted and to cultivate connections to succeed in your career.

The nose to the grindstone "strivers" don't learn these things. They think the real world is like the classroom, when in fact it's much like a fraternity social. They dress the wrong way, say the wrong things, and clumsily offer opinions that might be true but are socially awkward. So they get pigeonholed as drones. They don't get the promotions, and they don't get the hot spouses.

I've advised my kids to scout out the best Greek orgs, and they've turned out great. They're not brilliant intellectuals, but their superstars socially and interpersonally. They know how to size up a crowd and maximize the benefit to themselves, to capitalize on opportunities to engage with people who can help them. They also know how to avoid people who will damage their reputations, and they don't hold one ounce of guilt for being what some would say is "mean". They know you can't please everyone, so connect with the important people and be the one who others try to please.

Anonymous wrote:Depends entirely on your filed.

My kid is getting a science PhD.

Thank God she did not choose a field where success hinges on glad-handing and drinking skills. The ability to make fake small talk and butter up those in the Executive Suite.

But it sounds like you got the flavor of kids you wanted, so it is all good.