Anonymous
08/12/2023 07:53
Subject: My niece just screwed herself
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I definitely think it’s quite rude and ungrateful of her. I’m surprised by how many people act like it’s totally fine to not say thank you.
Yes, such strange responses here. People are, of course expected to send a thank you note after a wedding gift! And I would be especially miffed after one so generous ($1000!!!). Shows a 'lack of breeding', as the used to say.
They used to say a lot of things they know better than to say anymore.
Anonymous
08/12/2023 07:41
Subject: My niece just screwed herself
1) Niece and/or her spouse absolutely should have written a thank you note, or at the very least, called to thank OP.
2) Literally not one person has said that it’s OK not to acknowledge a gift. Stop trying to make that part of your “argument,” because you are making that up and inserting that so you have something to make your argument stronger. Because:
3) What most of us are actually saying, is that when someone fails to properly acknowledge a gift—even though that is hurtful—the mature, polite, and kind thing to do is…move past it. The snub, though hurtful, does not warrant an unhinged post about anyone “screwing themselves” on the Internet, and it certainly doesn’t warrant OP cutting ties with her niece. That’s the point. Argue with that. Make the case that a faux pas on the part of the niece merits being cut off and gossiped about by the aunt. Make THAT case.
2) Literally not one person has said that it’s OK not to acknowledge a gift. Stop trying to make that part of your “argument,” because you are making that up and inserting that so you have something to make your argument stronger. Because:
3) What most of us are actually saying, is that when someone fails to properly acknowledge a gift—even though that is hurtful—the mature, polite, and kind thing to do is…move past it. The snub, though hurtful, does not warrant an unhinged post about anyone “screwing themselves” on the Internet, and it certainly doesn’t warrant OP cutting ties with her niece. That’s the point. Argue with that. Make the case that a faux pas on the part of the niece merits being cut off and gossiped about by the aunt. Make THAT case.
Anonymous
08/12/2023 07:40
Subject: My niece just screwed herself
Anonymous wrote:I definitely think it’s quite rude and ungrateful of her. I’m surprised by how many people act like it’s totally fine to not say thank you.
Yes, such strange responses here. People are, of course expected to send a thank you note after a wedding gift! And I would be especially miffed after one so generous ($1000!!!). Shows a 'lack of breeding', as the used to say.
Anonymous
08/12/2023 07:36
Subject: My niece just screwed herself
Anonymous wrote:When was the wedding? Etiquette says you have three months to send thank you notes.
Etiquette says a year I thought.
Anonymous
08/12/2023 07:35
Subject: My niece just screwed herself
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I get it that it’s disappointing. I sent my nephew and his wife a generous wedding gift a few years ago after not even being invited to the wedding because it was very small. We never received a thank you but I know they received it because it was cashed. Fast forward to 2020 and I sent a baby gift. Zero acknowledgement. I decided I was done but then baby 2 came along recently and I broke down and gave a gift. I know there will be no thank you. It sucks to not only not get a note but not even get a quick text or phone call.
I am the OP and this probably what will happen. I'm just a little disappointed right now that it wasn't acknowledged when I thought it was something they would appreciate. I get it, young people don't feel it is necessary. I love her no matter what and the lack of a thank you isn't going to change that.
Oh, OP, this isn’t what “a little disappointed” looks like. Hint: a “little disappointed” does look like screeching to total strangers on the Internet, saying a young woman you allegedly love “screwed herself” out of favor with you, and how you are done.” It is adorable to watch you backpedal, but just so you know “a little disappointed” is an internal feeling, a shrug, and an internal vow to move on in the same moment the disapointment came.
You need therapy if you think that what you have done so far is be “a little disappointed.”
Anonymous
08/12/2023 07:32
Subject: My niece just screwed herself
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:First The check wasn’t “cashed” it probably was deposited. And Two days after the wedding - she was on her honeymoon!?I bet she had someone deposit ALL of them at once, so sadly, she may not even know that you gave it.
I made my kids send thank you notes when they were really young. As they get older, they verbally told people thank you and sent text. I’m sure if you sent my 20yo son something today he would not say thank you or think send a thank you note, especially if he did not have your phone number and he wouldn’t even know where to buy a thank you card.
So, maybe you are better off not giving your niece anything else. Just know that if it was deposited, it was likely spent. It probably came in handy. And if it helps you not to give her anything else, then do what gives your heart peace. But if she didn’t even realize you gave her the first gift, she probably isn’t expecting anything (else) from you anyway.
Two days after the wedding she was on her honeymoon? Now who's living in the in 1950s!
NP. I was on my honeymoon two days after my wedding, and I was married in 2019. My cousin just got married in June and was on her honeymoon two days later. My coworker just went on her honeymoon a few days after she got married. What are you talking about?
Anonymous
08/12/2023 06:49
Subject: My niece just screwed herself
I think it’s reasonable to assume that not sending a thank you indicates that the recipient didn't want whatever you sent but didn't want to hurt your feelings by saying so. The kind and tactful thing to do is not to send any more gifts.
Anonymous
08/12/2023 06:37
Subject: Re:My niece just screwed herself
I did not receive a thank you for shower gift (drove 8 hours to attend)from my niece . I then gave her $1500 for her wedding a year ago, and
have heard literally nothing. I am not particularly close to her but it does sting a bit. I have moved on but I imagine I may be less generous going forward (birthdays, babies, new house etc.). Not sure why writing 3-4 sentences is such a big deal.
have heard literally nothing. I am not particularly close to her but it does sting a bit. I have moved on but I imagine I may be less generous going forward (birthdays, babies, new house etc.). Not sure why writing 3-4 sentences is such a big deal.
Anonymous
08/12/2023 06:07
Subject: My niece just screwed herself
It sounds like you just screwed yourself OP. You never know who you may need help from in the future. Cutting
Anonymous
08/12/2023 05:19
Subject: My niece just screwed herself
Give when you want to and don't expect anything in return, including a thank you. Saying your niece "screwed herself" says a lot about you... not her.
Anonymous
08/12/2023 03:01
Subject: Re:My niece just screwed herself
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Literally no one is saying it’s totally fine not to say thank you.
Literally most of the posts on here are saying exactly that -- that OP is trying "buy affection" because she expected a thank you from her niece.
Saying thank you into thin air while you endorse the check doesn't count.
Another WHOOSH for you! Literally no one is saying it is totally fine for niece to not say thank you. Everyone agrees that the niece is wrong. But the aunt’s bitter freakout is petty, graceless and tacky. And that’s worse than the niece forgetting to thank her.
The aunt isn't bitter or freaking out. She's just disappointed or maybe disgusted with her niece even though she still loves her. The so-called freak out consists of her deciding not to give her any more gifts. You are overreacting because you are relating more to the niece's mistake than the aunt's justified complaint. Posting her reaction on DCUM isn't any more than a minor vent. It might be petty, graceless and tacky if she was broadcasting to her whole extended family so they would side with her but I bet she's not doing that because she decided to vent on DCUM instead. Like lots of people do when they don't want to complain in real life to people they care about.
I imagine that many people on DCUM are more experienced with forgetting to say thank you than they are with giving a nice gift and not getting a thank you. That's why they are defending the niece and insulting the aunt.
No. The niece should say "thank you," unquestionably. It's ungrateful and unkind not to. But there are a thousand reasons why this might have happened, and not all of them have anything to do with poor intent or deliberate slight on her part.
However, there is a palpable satisfaction to the first post of this thread, and even moreso the title. She "just screwed herself" -- there's a glee there. It's ugly. There is no interpretation that doesn't make the sentiment ugly. That is what you are hearing.
Anonymous
08/12/2023 02:53
Subject: Re:My niece just screwed herself
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Literally no one is saying it’s totally fine not to say thank you.
Literally most of the posts on here are saying exactly that -- that OP is trying "buy affection" because she expected a thank you from her niece.
Saying thank you into thin air while you endorse the check doesn't count.
Another WHOOSH for you! Literally no one is saying it is totally fine for niece to not say thank you. Everyone agrees that the niece is wrong. But the aunt’s bitter freakout is petty, graceless and tacky. And that’s worse than the niece forgetting to thank her.
The aunt isn't bitter or freaking out. She's just disappointed or maybe disgusted with her niece even though she still loves her. The so-called freak out consists of her deciding not to give her any more gifts. You are overreacting because you are relating more to the niece's mistake than the aunt's justified complaint. Posting her reaction on DCUM isn't any more than a minor vent. It might be petty, graceless and tacky if she was broadcasting to her whole extended family so they would side with her but I bet she's not doing that because she decided to vent on DCUM instead. Like lots of people do when they don't want to complain in real life to people they care about.
I imagine that many people on DCUM are more experienced with forgetting to say thank you than they are with giving a nice gift and not getting a thank you. That's why they are defending the niece and insulting the aunt.
Anonymous
08/12/2023 01:46
Subject: My niece just screwed herself
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am not writing her off. I am just never giving her another gift.
Will she be able to cope? Probably.
Sure, she’s got $1000 to soothe the pain and that stamp she didn’t have to use.
And something much better, but I suspect you can't see past the money.
Anonymous
08/12/2023 01:40
Subject: Re:My niece just screwed herself
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Literally no one is saying it’s totally fine not to say thank you.
Literally most of the posts on here are saying exactly that -- that OP is trying "buy affection" because she expected a thank you from her niece.
Saying thank you into thin air while you endorse the check doesn't count.
Another WHOOSH for you! Literally no one is saying it is totally fine for niece to not say thank you. Everyone agrees that the niece is wrong. But the aunt’s bitter freakout is petty, graceless and tacky. And that’s worse than the niece forgetting to thank her.
Anonymous
08/12/2023 01:32
Subject: My niece just screwed herself
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am not writing her off. I am just never giving her another gift.
Will she be able to cope? Probably.
Sure, she’s got $1000 to soothe the pain and that stamp she didn’t have to use.