Anonymous
Post 08/01/2023 17:47     Subject: Do all men cheat?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

I never thought my stbx would and there were no hours unaccounted for. We still had regular sex and laughed and socialized together. He still planned romantic things. Together 20 years. I was absolutely floored and blind-sided when I found out he had a no-strings arrangement with a married woman once a month. His friends and family were shocked.


How do you recover any faith in men or a long term relationship after something like this?


I never recovered. Lost faith/trust in everyone and everything after that monumental blindside in 25-year relationship.


This is what the chump lady website is all about. How to get yourself to forgive. Feel vulnerable again and be ok to leave if it happens again to you.


We do a massive disservice to (mainly) women by pretending that infidelity must be some massive destructive force that is necessarily indicative of a relationship that needs to end.

Many people who genuinely love their spouses and families, and who are fundamentally good people, have succumbed to sexual (or emotional) urges. That’s just human nature 101. It’s always been that way, always will be that way. If your marriage is otherwise strong, I say you just deal with it. I know I’m in the minority but honestly I just don’t feel that strongly about an occasional one-off sexual thing. Wouldn’t really bother me. (Clearly an extended affair and the conscious deception and likely neglect that comes with it is a different thing, I’m not talking about that.)

And for those of you who are adamant that you, your spouse, your friends, your parents, your aunts and uncles and your mailman have such pristine records of fidelity: Please. You sound delusional. I happen to personally know one frequent DCUM poster who would absolutely be in that group… and her DH, who is a really good husband and father and is clearly deeply in love with her, has admitted to/bragged about cheating multiple times when among his guy friends.

Human beings aren’t all one thing, good or bad.
Anonymous
Post 08/01/2023 17:08     Subject: Do all men cheat?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

I never thought my stbx would and there were no hours unaccounted for. We still had regular sex and laughed and socialized together. He still planned romantic things. Together 20 years. I was absolutely floored and blind-sided when I found out he had a no-strings arrangement with a married woman once a month. His friends and family were shocked.


How do you recover any faith in men or a long term relationship after something like this?


I never recovered. Lost faith/trust in everyone and everything after that monumental blindside in 25-year relationship.


This is what the chump lady website is all about. How to get yourself to forgive. Feel vulnerable again and be ok to leave if it happens again to you.
Anonymous
Post 08/01/2023 16:47     Subject: Do all men cheat?
Anonymous wrote:I just wanted to comment from another perspective.

I am 52 and never married - there are a variety of reasons why I have avoided marriage but one of the primary reasons was my realization from a very early age how rampant infidelity is at least among men- I cannot speak for women because I have never cheated in a committed relationship.

But as a pretty enough girl who was ‘built like a brick sh*thouse’ as my leering father used to say, I got hit on by men A LOT from age 14 until very recently when health issues caused a very significant weight gain. I can’t even remember all the times I was being hit on by married or committed men - I’m sure many who I thought were single were not. I only ever slept with one man I knew to be married - but only because I’d already slept with him a couple of times before he confessed his marital status and I very briefly faltered in my otherwise solid morality on the issue, but broke it off within weeks because I honestly could not sleep for thinking of his wife and children. This is doubtless because I saw my mother emotionally destroyed by my father’s repeated infidelity in their marriage.

Anyway so yeah, a lot of men are cheating. The stats vary so I don’t believe them I just trust my own experience. And I did not ever accept any of the proposals I got because I saw how this can destroy a woman’s psyche along with the family’s dynamic and I’d seen firsthand that the odds of a good sexy guy staying faithful were way too low for my liking, I am a risk averse person.

Oh I also forgot I spent a summer working weddings at a lovely Maine resort and I walked in on infidelity happening, on the wedding reception day, in closets and bathrooms alike.

In fairness once it was the bride doing a groomsman.


Yikes!
Anonymous
Post 08/01/2023 16:45     Subject: Do all men cheat?
Anonymous wrote:

I never thought my stbx would and there were no hours unaccounted for. We still had regular sex and laughed and socialized together. He still planned romantic things. Together 20 years. I was absolutely floored and blind-sided when I found out he had a no-strings arrangement with a married woman once a month. His friends and family were shocked.


How do you recover any faith in men or a long term relationship after something like this?


I never recovered. Lost faith/trust in everyone and everything after that monumental blindside in 25-year relationship.
Anonymous
Post 08/01/2023 12:38     Subject: Do all men cheat?
I just wanted to comment from another perspective.

I am 52 and never married - there are a variety of reasons why I have avoided marriage but one of the primary reasons was my realization from a very early age how rampant infidelity is at least among men- I cannot speak for women because I have never cheated in a committed relationship.

But as a pretty enough girl who was ‘built like a brick sh*thouse’ as my leering father used to say, I got hit on by men A LOT from age 14 until very recently when health issues caused a very significant weight gain. I can’t even remember all the times I was being hit on by married or committed men - I’m sure many who I thought were single were not. I only ever slept with one man I knew to be married - but only because I’d already slept with him a couple of times before he confessed his marital status and I very briefly faltered in my otherwise solid morality on the issue, but broke it off within weeks because I honestly could not sleep for thinking of his wife and children. This is doubtless because I saw my mother emotionally destroyed by my father’s repeated infidelity in their marriage.

Anyway so yeah, a lot of men are cheating. The stats vary so I don’t believe them I just trust my own experience. And I did not ever accept any of the proposals I got because I saw how this can destroy a woman’s psyche along with the family’s dynamic and I’d seen firsthand that the odds of a good sexy guy staying faithful were way too low for my liking, I am a risk averse person.

Oh I also forgot I spent a summer working weddings at a lovely Maine resort and I walked in on infidelity happening, on the wedding reception day, in closets and bathrooms alike.

In fairness once it was the bride doing a groomsman.
Anonymous
Post 08/01/2023 10:50     Subject: Re:Do all men cheat?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Low T, overweight, unattractive, Beta-types, unsuccessful/no $ are NOT likely to cheat.

Very good-looking, fit, successful/$$$ are hit on constantly by women and when they are married they become even more desirable to gold-diggers. More likely to cheat, especially in very long marriages- no matter if they are happy or not.

It’s really an opportunity game.


What is this horseshit? Never have cheated. Never will. 41 years old. Call me all the names you want. But the guys I’ve known who have cheated have been pretty insecure or angry. Women don’t “hit on men” constantly. Is this some weird incel philosophy? GTFO.


Women do hit on very attractive men.They can get really grabby if they're tipsy and pretty forward.

If that doesn't happen to you...then you aren't a part of that group.



Women hit on very attractive men who look professional and well-off. Maybe some bar-fly cougar will get grabby with someone that is just handsome, but not your typical woman.




You're not contradicting anything I said. If you're an attractive man, it happens enough that it can feel 'constant" even if every woman in the world doesn't engage in that behavior.

Also, no men do not need to look "professional and well-off" to get hit on by women. Being physically attractive is enough. Just because a woman hits on a guy doesn't mean she wants to marry him.


I think you interpret a lot of daily interactions as being hit on if you think you’re constantly being hit on.


Well, maybe my circle is low libido and calculating but no women I know are interested in handsome low-earners for hook-ups or anything else. Frequently a man that is too handsome and charming has the opposite intended effect- he needs to dampen it a bit with intellect or being self-deprecatory.


Plenty of upper and upper middle class women drool over their personal trainers and such.


You've been watching too many Lifetime movies.
Anonymous
Post 08/01/2023 10:48     Subject: Do all men cheat?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No, if you are a low value woman then maybe


Stop with this red pill low value and high value BS.

Plenty of extremely high value women get cheated on. Supermodels and the like.


Melania, is that you?
Anonymous
Post 08/01/2023 10:43     Subject: Do all men cheat?
Anonymous wrote:It comes down to impulse control. If a person has strong impulse control, it's far less likely.


This is definitely part of it. Another part of it is entitlement - many men feel entitled to have sex even when they have a partner who thinks they are monogamous.
Anonymous
Post 08/01/2023 10:41     Subject: Do all men cheat?

define ‘cheat’

met strong couple that went bust because of lack of intimacy and desire to have children and the man made no big deal out of it, just went outside and got himself another pretty young partner waiting for the spouse to do something about it; in his mind, he was not cheating just letting her come to terms with their demise and accept it wherever ready. none of them were happy with how the things were going but they both knew very little can be done just painful to end it and not wasting time in finding something else while still being on the fence about the new relationship … it’s not the end of the world, stop making such big drama out of it and move on, either break it off, say good bye or make up and start over
Anonymous
Post 08/01/2023 10:20     Subject: Do all men cheat?


I never thought my stbx would and there were no hours unaccounted for. We still had regular sex and laughed and socialized together. He still planned romantic things. Together 20 years. I was absolutely floored and blind-sided when I found out he had a no-strings arrangement with a married woman once a month. His friends and family were shocked.


How do you recover any faith in men or a long term relationship after something like this?
Anonymous
Post 08/01/2023 10:19     Subject: Do all men cheat?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No, depends on the age group, the selfish older Genx and boomers cheat more but younger generation is more loyal

adults ages 18 to 29 says that more women are guilty of infidelity, with 11% of the women from the surveyed group admitting to having an affair. In comparison, only 10% of men from the age group are guilty. But the gap reverses as it jumps into the next age group.

Among those ages 30 to 39 years old, infidelity in men increases, with 14% of the surveyed group saying that they cheated on their partner, and only 11% of women

Men in their 60s report having a higher rate of infidelity (24%), with the number still increasing until ages 70-79, with 26% of men cheating on their partners. Women, on the other hand, have the highest rate of infidelity in their 60s (16%), but the number goes down as they approach their 70s (13%) and 80s (6%).


Gross. What 60-year old woman or 70+ man wants to show off their wrinkly saggy sun-spot bodies????!!!


Boomers are nasty and selfish


Plenty of 40 and 50 year olds cheating too.
Anonymous
Post 08/01/2023 10:16     Subject: Do all men cheat?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No, depends on the age group, the selfish older Genx and boomers cheat more but younger generation is more loyal

adults ages 18 to 29 says that more women are guilty of infidelity, with 11% of the women from the surveyed group admitting to having an affair. In comparison, only 10% of men from the age group are guilty. But the gap reverses as it jumps into the next age group.

Among those ages 30 to 39 years old, infidelity in men increases, with 14% of the surveyed group saying that they cheated on their partner, and only 11% of women

Men in their 60s report having a higher rate of infidelity (24%), with the number still increasing until ages 70-79, with 26% of men cheating on their partners. Women, on the other hand, have the highest rate of infidelity in their 60s (16%), but the number goes down as they approach their 70s (13%) and 80s (6%).


Gross. What 60-year old woman or 70+ man wants to show off their wrinkly saggy sun-spot bodies????!!!


Boomers are nasty and selfish
Anonymous
Post 08/01/2023 10:09     Subject: Do all men cheat?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Man here.

I'm 52, work out 8-10 hours a week. I've had women hit on me, from low-key to hotel room key cards dropped in my blazer pocket with a lipstick kiss.

I was married 20 years. I'm now in a committed relationship.

I've never cheated. Not once.


Why did your marriage end?


Slow atrophy. Got to the point where she wouldn't look up when I got home. Planned an elaborate trip for a milestone anniversary, and two days before she said she had a meeting and wasn't coming, but I could go by myself. In therapy she announced that I didn't get love because I didn't deserve it.

Lots of unaddressed trauma from her childhood, and her comfort was to control. Played off of my anxiety and it was a toxic mix.

I got lots of help. She did not.
Anonymous
Post 08/01/2023 10:07     Subject: Re:Do all men cheat?
^ who is banging a 60-year old woman in an affair??? What man?
Anonymous
Post 08/01/2023 10:07     Subject: Do all men cheat?
Anonymous wrote:No, depends on the age group, the selfish older Genx and boomers cheat more but younger generation is more loyal

adults ages 18 to 29 says that more women are guilty of infidelity, with 11% of the women from the surveyed group admitting to having an affair. In comparison, only 10% of men from the age group are guilty. But the gap reverses as it jumps into the next age group.

Among those ages 30 to 39 years old, infidelity in men increases, with 14% of the surveyed group saying that they cheated on their partner, and only 11% of women

Men in their 60s report having a higher rate of infidelity (24%), with the number still increasing until ages 70-79, with 26% of men cheating on their partners. Women, on the other hand, have the highest rate of infidelity in their 60s (16%), but the number goes down as they approach their 70s (13%) and 80s (6%).


Gross. What 60-year old woman or 70+ man wants to show off their wrinkly saggy sun-spot bodies????!!!