Anonymous
07/20/2023 21:15
Subject: "Died unexpectedly" in obit
Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I guess seeing someone retire early from a very lucrative position at such an early age makes me wonder if "retired" = "fired" because of a some mental or addiction problem, followed by suicide or OD soon thereafter.
My father died at that age within a few months of diagnosis. His company where he worked his entire adult life worked quickly to retire him so that my mother could get his benefits. Decades later she still receives a pension check and they paid for her health insurance until she was 65 years old and now they pay for supplemental insurance and RX insurance.
You’re “wondering” is nothing but ugly gossip with nothing to back it up.
Anonymous
07/20/2023 21:13
Subject: "Died unexpectedly" in obit
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Suicide or OD 90% of the time. If it was a natural 'suddenly' (ie stroke or heart attack) it's usually spelled out to avoid the implications of the aforementioned causes.
This. If it's a heart attack, the obit will say heart attack
Not always. I know of two people who died of a heart attack and one obituary said “unexpectedly” and one said “after a sudden illness.”
You know what they say about those who ASSume. Look at you, true to form.
May I ask why you are so hostile?
It is human curiosity to inquire how people died. When I read "died unexpectedly" I do think overdoses. Obits go out of their way to avoid mentioning overdoses whereas for other deaths they're usually upfront. Including suicides ("took his life."
I write obituaries as part of my job. You are wrong. Plain and simple, you are wrong. Just like there is no wrong or right way to grieve, there is no wrong or right way for a family to decide what to share and what not to share in an obituary, nor is there a wrong way for a grieving family to find the word choices that work for them. I have written the following as “died unexpectedly/died suddenly,” and I have read the following as “died unexpectedly/died suddenly,” when I was a friend or close family member who knew the cause of death:
-Heart attack
-Horrible ATV accident
-Aneurysm
-Hit in the head by a tree branch
-Undiagnosed congenital heart defect, and the family didn’t want to wait for autopsy report before moving forward with funeral
-Child who accidentally choked at home
-Yes, accidental overdose
-Yes, suicide
You are incorrect to ASSume. Of course curiosity is natural—we all feel it. Kind, intelligent, respectful people go beyond their base instincts and act in a civilized manner, which is to say they do not feel entitled to private family information, they do not feel entitled to invade privacy of the family and of the deceased, and they do not dishonor the family and the deceased by gossiping and speculating. Those who gossip and speculate and spread rumors and false information and conspiracy theories are absolute garbage.
YOU are the one calling people ASSes and garbage for merely associating overdoses with died unexpectedly. It's a question that is understandable as obituaries, which I have been reading for nearly 40 years now, usually are clear on the cause of deaths, although I'll also say that in recent years that seems to be changing.
But I'll also echo the question, why the hostility? The rest of your post belies a certain anxiety and paranoia. Asking on an ANONYMOUS message forum if "died unexpectedly" is code for an overdose or suicide is not disrespectful. The rest of your post with its meaningless blather about respect or dishonoring has nothing to do with OP's question. You may have had a point if someone was planning to knock on the deceased's family's door and ask if the death was a drug overdose. But quietly conversing with neighbors or in the background about the cause of death is hardly "garbage."
Anonymous
07/20/2023 21:13
Subject: "Died unexpectedly" in obit
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I almost died at work the other day — I aspirated food. I bet my obit would say that I “died unexpectedly”. Thank goodness I’m still alive! 🙏
I am sincerely glad, too! That’s really scary, PP. Glad you are OK.
If you had died and you were my family member, we would have put “died unexpectedly” or perhaps “died in an accident.” We would not be a unfortunate encounter with a sandwich to be what people focused on when they heard of your death, and thought about you later on.
Ah! A caveat. Yes, an 'accident', is completely different. But that is not what has been discussed. If I heard that an otherwise healthy person between 20-60 dies unexpectedly and without any mention of cause- people, understand that, statistically, it is almost surely suicide.
Dying due to choking is not dying in an accident.
There are so many ways to die that are unexpected, not accidents, and not suicide.
Uh, the family could certainly call that an accident. Or “died accidentally.” They can use whatever words they want.
They could, but I think of accidents as things like falling, getting hit by a branch, or a car accident. I'd say choking is exactly the kind of thing one would use "unexpected" for.
Because one should expect a tree to fall on them?
Did I say that?
You did. You put choking in the 'unexpected' basket and, then, put getting hit by a falling tree in the 'expected' basket.
Did you not know you did that?
Anonymous
07/20/2023 21:09
Subject: "Died unexpectedly" in obit
Challenge for all of you know it alls. My friend died recently at the age of 39. His obituary said it was an unexpected death. In lieu of flowers, donations were asked to be made to his children’s college fund. Cause of death?
Anonymous
07/20/2023 21:07
Subject: "Died unexpectedly" in obit
One of my recently retired colleagues died just two weeks ago. The spouse called our company to advise the big boss of the very sudden death. We had all just visited with and worked alongside this coworker several days prior to the death. So, it was sudden.
Family published an obituary. No cause of death listed. I attended the funeral service. A few people have asked if we know a cause of death because so shockingly sudden. No, we do not and likely never will. Not suicide. Not car accident. I think-think-died in sleep.
Family published an obituary. No cause of death listed. I attended the funeral service. A few people have asked if we know a cause of death because so shockingly sudden. No, we do not and likely never will. Not suicide. Not car accident. I think-think-died in sleep.
Anonymous
07/20/2023 20:59
Subject: "Died unexpectedly" in obit
A friend of that exact age who had retired recently as a police officer had that in his obituary this week. He sadly died of a massive heart attack out of the blue. His obituary requests donations to a heart charity. Very sad
Anonymous
07/20/2023 20:58
Subject: "Died unexpectedly" in obit
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I almost died at work the other day — I aspirated food. I bet my obit would say that I “died unexpectedly”. Thank goodness I’m still alive! 🙏
I am sincerely glad, too! That’s really scary, PP. Glad you are OK.
If you had died and you were my family member, we would have put “died unexpectedly” or perhaps “died in an accident.” We would not be a unfortunate encounter with a sandwich to be what people focused on when they heard of your death, and thought about you later on.
Ah! A caveat. Yes, an 'accident', is completely different. But that is not what has been discussed. If I heard that an otherwise healthy person between 20-60 dies unexpectedly and without any mention of cause- people, understand that, statistically, it is almost surely suicide.
So you expect people to choke on a sandwich, or that is an unexpected occurrence? Choking is unexpected: yes or no. Yes or no.
You think death by choking is ...... an unexpected.. what? Death by fault (bad chewer); but, ...unexpected... so, not an accident?
You've put yourself in a corner. No one will ever agree that choking isn't accidental. Strike 3. You're out.
I literally know a family who put “unexpected” when the cause of death was choking. You tried so hard, though.
Anonymous
07/20/2023 20:55
Subject: "Died unexpectedly" in obit
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Suicide or OD 90% of the time. If it was a natural 'suddenly' (ie stroke or heart attack) it's usually spelled out to avoid the implications of the aforementioned causes.
This. If it's a heart attack, the obit will say heart attack
My dad's obit did not disclose his heart attack. His death was unexpected.
Anonymous
07/20/2023 20:51
Subject: "Died unexpectedly" in obit
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I almost died at work the other day — I aspirated food. I bet my obit would say that I “died unexpectedly”. Thank goodness I’m still alive! 🙏
I am sincerely glad, too! That’s really scary, PP. Glad you are OK.
If you had died and you were my family member, we would have put “died unexpectedly” or perhaps “died in an accident.” We would not be a unfortunate encounter with a sandwich to be what people focused on when they heard of your death, and thought about you later on.
Ah! A caveat. Yes, an 'accident', is completely different. But that is not what has been discussed. If I heard that an otherwise healthy person between 20-60 dies unexpectedly and without any mention of cause- people, understand that, statistically, it is almost surely suicide.
Dying due to choking is not dying in an accident.
There are so many ways to die that are unexpected, not accidents, and not suicide.
Uh, the family could certainly call that an accident. Or “died accidentally.” They can use whatever words they want.
They could, but I think of accidents as things like falling, getting hit by a branch, or a car accident. I'd say choking is exactly the kind of thing one would use "unexpected" for.
Because one should expect a tree to fall on them?
Did I say that?
Anonymous
07/20/2023 20:48
Subject: "Died unexpectedly" in obit
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I almost died at work the other day — I aspirated food. I bet my obit would say that I “died unexpectedly”. Thank goodness I’m still alive! 🙏
I am sincerely glad, too! That’s really scary, PP. Glad you are OK.
If you had died and you were my family member, we would have put “died unexpectedly” or perhaps “died in an accident.” We would not be a unfortunate encounter with a sandwich to be what people focused on when they heard of your death, and thought about you later on.
Ah! A caveat. Yes, an 'accident', is completely different. But that is not what has been discussed. If I heard that an otherwise healthy person between 20-60 dies unexpectedly and without any mention of cause- people, understand that, statistically, it is almost surely suicide.
Dying due to choking is not dying in an accident.
There are so many ways to die that are unexpected, not accidents, and not suicide.
Uh, the family could certainly call that an accident. Or “died accidentally.” They can use whatever words they want.
They could, but I think of accidents as things like falling, getting hit by a branch, or a car accident. I'd say choking is exactly the kind of thing one would use "unexpected" for.
Because one should expect a tree to fall on them?
Anonymous
07/20/2023 20:46
Subject: Re:"Died unexpectedly" in obit
Anonymous wrote:If you really want to know, you can look up people's death records online after they've been dead a while.
Why wait? Call the family now and demand a notarized copy of the death certificate.
Anonymous
07/20/2023 20:46
Subject: "Died unexpectedly" in obit
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I almost died at work the other day — I aspirated food. I bet my obit would say that I “died unexpectedly”. Thank goodness I’m still alive! 🙏
I am sincerely glad, too! That’s really scary, PP. Glad you are OK.
If you had died and you were my family member, we would have put “died unexpectedly” or perhaps “died in an accident.” We would not be a unfortunate encounter with a sandwich to be what people focused on when they heard of your death, and thought about you later on.
Ah! A caveat. Yes, an 'accident', is completely different. But that is not what has been discussed. If I heard that an otherwise healthy person between 20-60 dies unexpectedly and without any mention of cause- people, understand that, statistically, it is almost surely suicide.
So you expect people to choke on a sandwich, or that is an unexpected occurrence? Choking is unexpected: yes or no. Yes or no.
You think death by choking is ...... an unexpected.. what? Death by fault (bad chewer); but, ...unexpected... so, not an accident?
You've put yourself in a corner. No one will ever agree that choking isn't accidental. Strike 3. You're out.
Anonymous
07/20/2023 20:45
Subject: Re:"Died unexpectedly" in obit
If you really want to know, you can look up people's death records online after they've been dead a while.
Anonymous
07/20/2023 20:43
Subject: "Died unexpectedly" in obit
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I almost died at work the other day — I aspirated food. I bet my obit would say that I “died unexpectedly”. Thank goodness I’m still alive! 🙏
I am sincerely glad, too! That’s really scary, PP. Glad you are OK.
If you had died and you were my family member, we would have put “died unexpectedly” or perhaps “died in an accident.” We would not be a unfortunate encounter with a sandwich to be what people focused on when they heard of your death, and thought about you later on.
Ah! A caveat. Yes, an 'accident', is completely different. But that is not what has been discussed. If I heard that an otherwise healthy person between 20-60 dies unexpectedly and without any mention of cause- people, understand that, statistically, it is almost surely suicide.
Dying due to choking is not dying in an accident.
There are so many ways to die that are unexpected, not accidents, and not suicide.
Uh, the family could certainly call that an accident. Or “died accidentally.” They can use whatever words they want.
They could, but I think of accidents as things like falling, getting hit by a branch, or a car accident. I'd say choking is exactly the kind of thing one would use "unexpected" for.
Anonymous
07/20/2023 20:42
Subject: "Died unexpectedly" in obit
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I almost died at work the other day — I aspirated food. I bet my obit would say that I “died unexpectedly”. Thank goodness I’m still alive! 🙏
I am sincerely glad, too! That’s really scary, PP. Glad you are OK.
If you had died and you were my family member, we would have put “died unexpectedly” or perhaps “died in an accident.” We would not be a unfortunate encounter with a sandwich to be what people focused on when they heard of your death, and thought about you later on.
Ah! A caveat. Yes, an 'accident', is completely different. But that is not what has been discussed. If I heard that an otherwise healthy person between 20-60 dies unexpectedly and without any mention of cause- people, understand that, statistically, it is almost surely suicide.
So you expect people to choke on a sandwich, or that is an unexpected occurrence? Choking is unexpected: yes or no. Yes or no.