Anonymous
Post 07/14/2023 12:59     Subject: My kid talks to adults too much
This kid is on the spectrum. Not sure why OP insists he’s not. Or he’s super annoying.
Anonymous
Post 07/14/2023 12:56     Subject: My kid talks to adults too much
Anonymous wrote:Hard to get a sense of what is actually going on here with your kid, OP, but kids I know who are like this are really attention seeking and want the praise of an adult telling them how smart or what an impressive reader they are. That is annoying. It's great if you like to read, I pointed out to my (advanced) reading child that reading is not something that makes you an intrinsically better person, i.e. she is not superior to the kid w/dyslexia in her class because she likes to read and it comes easier to her. Neither is her friend who is always spouting off about facts from books.

Basically, is your kid doing this bc he actually likes these discussions or because he gets a bit of wow what a smart little guy you are every time he does it?


He doesn't know he's smart - we've not told him his scores, and we don't pet him over it. He honestly just likes talking about the things he reads, and his peers aren't interested. He talks Minecraft with them.
Anonymous
Post 07/14/2023 12:54     Subject: Re:My kid talks to adults too much
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If it’s just some niche interests, I would try to get him involved in classes/groups/events about those interests. If it’s that he likes to talk to adults about the most interesting thing he just read on any topic, I would just make sure he understands conversational give and take, and extricate him after a couple of minutes. I also think it’s somewhat situational even with people who might share the interest. If his interests were comics, for instance, then the guy at the comic book store probably wouldn’t mind talking longer during a slow time. If it’s a tour group leader, that might have to be pretty limited because they have to pay attention to the whole group.


I wasn't clear. It's when the tour group leader asks certain questions. He looks around, and when no adult answers, he does. It's kind of cringey, because he comes off as being too smart.


You’re embarrassed that he’s smart? If he’s the valedictorian will you skip graduation because you’re dying of shame?

It seems like the issue is that you’re a wallflower type and you’re uncomfortable that your kid keeps you from hiding in the background.


I mean, yes. I am. But I don't think that's a terrible thing?
Anonymous
Post 07/14/2023 12:54     Subject: My kid talks to adults too much
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Definitely on the spectrum, OP. I have 4 kids and 2 were very talkative, voracious readers, specific interests, etc. as kids. None of them would ever do talk like this with random people. I think you might suspect this isn’t entirely normal. I would have him evaluated.


Your kids need evaluated for anxiety. They're also probably not that smart, which is why they can't talk to adults. It's ok! Most kids aren't ahead of their years.


Anxiety? For not talking the ear off of a random stranger about obscure topics? What?


You have an interesting definition of the word "obscure."


You don’t think talking about the differences between 2 and 3 mast schooners is an obscure topic? LOL


No, I don't. DS loves naval history, and his Navy dad sails on the weekends.
Anonymous
Post 07/14/2023 12:38     Subject: My kid talks to adults too much
In general, I am patient with kids who talk too much. My children definitely went through a "Warrior Cats" phase, which involved talking a TON about various plot points. That said, they never really did it to strangers, and I have a very low tolerance for being talked at by adults. In fact, I can thinking of one friend in particular who's husband loves to talk at people -- so much so that I am reluctant to hang out with her when she is with him. My question: Is your son engaging in conversation, or is he monologuing? Conversation is one thing, monologuing is quite a different thing. Talk to him about the difference between "conversing with" and "talking at." My friend's husband clearly never got this kind of guidance.
Anonymous
Post 07/14/2023 10:48     Subject: My kid talks to adults too much
Op, you started off saying he talks to much and adults hate it but have since clarified that they don’t hate it, he’s entirely appropriate in responding to cues, and just a very smart kid.

If that’s the case, great for you though weird to post. However, I have to tell you that I’m pretty skeptical that he’s not a bit irritating. In any case, it sounds like he could use some awareness that SOME(tbh, I think it’s most) adult strangers don’t want to talk at length (even if they’re nice about it/totally pleased to have a brief exchange.)
Anonymous
Post 07/14/2023 10:47     Subject: Re:My kid talks to adults too much
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If it’s just some niche interests, I would try to get him involved in classes/groups/events about those interests. If it’s that he likes to talk to adults about the most interesting thing he just read on any topic, I would just make sure he understands conversational give and take, and extricate him after a couple of minutes. I also think it’s somewhat situational even with people who might share the interest. If his interests were comics, for instance, then the guy at the comic book store probably wouldn’t mind talking longer during a slow time. If it’s a tour group leader, that might have to be pretty limited because they have to pay attention to the whole group.


I wasn't clear. It's when the tour group leader asks certain questions. He looks around, and when no adult answers, he does. It's kind of cringey, because he comes off as being too smart.


You’re embarrassed that he’s smart? If he’s the valedictorian will you skip graduation because you’re dying of shame?

It seems like the issue is that you’re a wallflower type and you’re uncomfortable that your kid keeps you from hiding in the background.
Anonymous
Post 07/14/2023 10:22     Subject: Re:My kid talks to adults too much
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If it’s just some niche interests, I would try to get him involved in classes/groups/events about those interests. If it’s that he likes to talk to adults about the most interesting thing he just read on any topic, I would just make sure he understands conversational give and take, and extricate him after a couple of minutes. I also think it’s somewhat situational even with people who might share the interest. If his interests were comics, for instance, then the guy at the comic book store probably wouldn’t mind talking longer during a slow time. If it’s a tour group leader, that might have to be pretty limited because they have to pay attention to the whole group.


I wasn't clear. It's when the tour group leader asks certain questions. He looks around, and when no adult answers, he does. It's kind of cringey, because he comes off as being too smart.


Oh, then I think that’s fine! I’m sure one of the biggest downsides to being a tour guide is no one answering your questions. It’s nice that your kid is deferential to others, and I don’t see anything wrong with giving the answer. He sounds precocious and sweet.
Anonymous
Post 07/14/2023 10:17     Subject: My kid talks to adults too much
Hard to get a sense of what is actually going on here with your kid, OP, but kids I know who are like this are really attention seeking and want the praise of an adult telling them how smart or what an impressive reader they are. That is annoying. It's great if you like to read, I pointed out to my (advanced) reading child that reading is not something that makes you an intrinsically better person, i.e. she is not superior to the kid w/dyslexia in her class because she likes to read and it comes easier to her. Neither is her friend who is always spouting off about facts from books.

Basically, is your kid doing this bc he actually likes these discussions or because he gets a bit of wow what a smart little guy you are every time he does it?
Anonymous
Post 07/14/2023 10:15     Subject: My kid talks to adults too much
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Definitely on the spectrum, OP. I have 4 kids and 2 were very talkative, voracious readers, specific interests, etc. as kids. None of them would ever do talk like this with random people. I think you might suspect this isn’t entirely normal. I would have him evaluated.


Your kids need evaluated for anxiety. They're also probably not that smart, which is why they can't talk to adults. It's ok! Most kids aren't ahead of their years.


Anxiety? For not talking the ear off of a random stranger about obscure topics? What?


You have an interesting definition of the word "obscure."


You don’t think talking about the differences between 2 and 3 mast schooners is an obscure topic? LOL
Anonymous
Post 07/14/2023 09:54     Subject: My kid talks to adults too much
This sounds just like me when I was a child! I’m an only and am on the spectrum. My interests did not match my peers’ for the most part. OP, please don’t do what my mother did. On a few occasions in public, she’d put her hand over my mouth and tell me to stop talking. It was 25 years ago and I still remember it. She would also sometimes tell me that she didn’t care about my interests and to stop bringing them up. Please be gentle with your son. Also, don’t intervene unless the adults are visibly annoyed. I love talking to people of all ages who share my special interests. When your son is older, maybe he can work or volunteer with people who share his passions.
Anonymous
Post 07/14/2023 09:41     Subject: My kid talks to adults too much
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Definitely on the spectrum, OP. I have 4 kids and 2 were very talkative, voracious readers, specific interests, etc. as kids. None of them would ever do talk like this with random people. I think you might suspect this isn’t entirely normal. I would have him evaluated.


I was like OP’s kid when I was a kid - and I was an only child. I spent a lot of time around adults having adult conversations and was good at talking to adults. As an adult now, I see this precocious conversation ability in my sons’ friends who are only children. Kids from bigger families often seem shy and I think it’s because they are used to being in environments where there are always kids around, including teens they can ask for help, or they are used to being resourceful and fending for themselves.


You may be right, PP. Good point about only children. OP, is your kid an only?


Yes, he is.


Makes so much more sense to me. I was a PP poster that has many kids and thought this sounded like autism. actually, I think this just sounds like a smart kid that doesn’t have siblings telling him to shut up, stop talking, and that he is annoying, etc. Siblings do a lot to socialize kids in a harsh way!
Anonymous
Post 07/14/2023 09:35     Subject: Re:My kid talks to adults too much
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If it’s just some niche interests, I would try to get him involved in classes/groups/events about those interests. If it’s that he likes to talk to adults about the most interesting thing he just read on any topic, I would just make sure he understands conversational give and take, and extricate him after a couple of minutes. I also think it’s somewhat situational even with people who might share the interest. If his interests were comics, for instance, then the guy at the comic book store probably wouldn’t mind talking longer during a slow time. If it’s a tour group leader, that might have to be pretty limited because they have to pay attention to the whole group.


I wasn't clear. It's when the tour group leader asks certain questions. He looks around, and when no adult answers, he does. It's kind of cringey, because he comes off as being too smart.


Right, but my kid would probably not answer because it is cringey and he doesn’t want to be seen as an annoying, know-it-all. See the difference?
Anonymous
Post 07/14/2023 09:34     Subject: My kid talks to adults too much
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Definitely on the spectrum, OP. I have 4 kids and 2 were very talkative, voracious readers, specific interests, etc. as kids. None of them would ever do talk like this with random people. I think you might suspect this isn’t entirely normal. I would have him evaluated.


I was like OP’s kid when I was a kid - and I was an only child. I spent a lot of time around adults having adult conversations and was good at talking to adults. As an adult now, I see this precocious conversation ability in my sons’ friends who are only children. Kids from bigger families often seem shy and I think it’s because they are used to being in environments where there are always kids around, including teens they can ask for help, or they are used to being resourceful and fending for themselves.


You may be right, PP. Good point about only children. OP, is your kid an only?


Yes, he is.
Anonymous
Post 07/14/2023 09:33     Subject: My kid talks to adults too much
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Definitely on the spectrum, OP. I have 4 kids and 2 were very talkative, voracious readers, specific interests, etc. as kids. None of them would ever do talk like this with random people. I think you might suspect this isn’t entirely normal. I would have him evaluated.


Your kids need evaluated for anxiety. They're also probably not that smart, which is why they can't talk to adults. It's ok! Most kids aren't ahead of their years.


Anxiety? For not talking the ear off of a random stranger about obscure topics? What?


You have an interesting definition of the word "obscure."