Anonymous wrote:You do take out and shop while you’re there for easy sides. If your ILs don’t like it, they’re free to make other meals to serve. This request is absurd.

I attend a family reunion every year where I fly in and stay in a hotel. I don't have access to a kitchen, so I simply go to the best grocey store to buy sides or from a restaurant if they sell that way. All my relatives are making stuff. The only side eye I would ever get, however, is if I showed up emptyhanded, not from where I procured my dish to pass.

1. Stop entertaining the ILs request. It’s stupid.
2. Go to Costco when you get there.
3. Or refuse to bring anything.

Anonymous wrote:OP, use your words.
No

READ THE THREAD. OP already responded—several pages ago—saying what she was doing.

Get lasagna and sides from Litteri or Vace, froze and/or freeze them and put them in a cooler for the drive.

Anonymous wrote:Stop talking about it and do what you want.

It’s really easy for them to say, in advance that you should do all of these things. It’s harder, once you show up with Costco lasagna, garlic bread, a salad, and a fruit tray to complain.

You are your DH are right here. It’s fine for him to grill a few nights and do takeout. Don’t ask. Just do it.

+1

Doesn't need to be discussed any further, aside from "we will take care of these meals on these days".

OP, use your words.
No

I disagree that DH needs to get on the phone with them again. No more phone calls b/c clearly ILs have control/anxiety issues and will shoot down any ideas DH offers. Just get there and do the grocery run. They're being unreasonable and you can't reason with that.

Are they fine with you ordering groceries to their place and making the food there? Or picking up groceries if there is no ordering where they live. That seems like the very obvious solution.

It seems like part of the problem is that you aren't communicating clearly with them. Are they really asking you to prepare homemade meals from scratch for everyone 3x/day for the entire visit? I think your DH needs to get on the phone with them and figure out what the actual ask is here, and then figure out how to execute.

Like, if they want to have a 4th cookout with traditional food and tasty homemade sides, maybe you order groceries to their place including grilling stuff and ingredients for side dishes, and the day of, you go over there in the morning and make the sides and someone grills in the afternoon.

If it's just that they're overwhelmed and can't think through how to feed everyone, then you and the other family can do some meal planning and figure out what combination of takeout/groceries makes sense.

If the actual ask is homemade meals 3x/day for ten people prepared by you, then that is clearly not reasonable, and you should tell them that. But I doubt that is what's happening here.

Anonymous wrote:I mean I get it’s a pain but if your excuse is that it can’t be done safely, you’re wrong. Potato salad will be fine in a cooler on ice for your trip.

Cook and dice potatoes and add the vegetables and spices etc. but only add the mayonnaise right before serving.

They need to offer up their kitchen for you to shop and prep the items fresh.

Who the heck wants previously frozen or days old potato salad? Gross!

Stop talking about it and do what you want.

It’s really easy for them to say, in advance that you should do all of these things. It’s harder, once you show up with Costco lasagna, garlic bread, a salad, and a fruit tray to complain.

You are your DH are right here. It’s fine for him to grill a few nights and do takeout. Don’t ask. Just do it.

Pp again - bring an empty cooler and Tupperware. Grocery shop when you arrive, transfer to tupperware, fill cooler with ice.

Buy food and put it in Tupperware containers. Done!

It sounds like your in laws are older and past hosting anyone and trying to make you do it from afar. I was in the same situation, and my parents also refused to travel.to our house so we could actually host.

We would pick up to go food right before we arrived, and then cook homemade food while we were there.

It was the first sign that my mom and dad were rarely even cooking for themselves.