Meant to say, focus ON picking your battles. Basically don't nitpick your spouse's parenting.

Anonymous wrote:Any tips for coordinating approaches with spouse? We have a young toddler and my husband is already dismissing his emotions, saying he's fine when he falls, etc. I'm learning, too, and he means well, but it's hard when he's (unintentionally) undermining me.

Focus less on coordinating and more on not picking your battles/sweating the small stuff with your spouse. A healthy marriage matters. It's okay for parents to have differing (non-abusive) approaches. He is not undermining you. Saying your son is fine is a way of encouraging him, in your DH's mind at least.

Fwiw, I used to say that and now I give my preschooler a high-five for being "tough" and getting back up, instead of saying "you're fine."

Any tips for coordinating approaches with spouse? We have a young toddler and my husband is already dismissing his emotions, saying he's fine when he falls, etc. I'm learning, too, and he means well, but it's hard when he's (unintentionally) undermining me.

No electronics upstairs (or if you live in a ranch, no electronics in the bedroom). Homework was done downstairs.

Pick your battles
Don’t make idle threats
Different kids have different needs, including parenting strategies (I have three kids and I see this)
Good Inside is a great book

Honestly? I think they learn most from having nice parents who model nice behavior.

There are kids who are going to have behavioral issues regardless of how great their parents are.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Prioritize sleep. Go outside and play every day, no matter the weather. In fact, especially in bad weather! Limit screens.

This exactly. And carry healthy snacks at all times.

I struggle with healthy snacks! Please suggest your top five!

DP but

cucumber slices
strawberries
carrot sticks and hummus
cheese sticks
dried fruit, no added sugar (my DD loves apricots)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Prioritize sleep. Go outside and play every day, no matter the weather. In fact, especially in bad weather! Limit screens.

This exactly. And carry healthy snacks at all times.

I struggle with healthy snacks! Please suggest your top five!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read through all of these, but I have two kids and one was a very difficult toddler (biting, hitting, etc.) and the other a very easy toddler (always kind and well behaved at school). You get what you get and you don’t get upset!

+1 here. When I had a second child I realized you can do the same thing with a different kid and the result can be completely different.

As someone with a challenging but rewarding only, I am always relieved when people say this.

I remember in my first-time moms group with babies, everyone else’s baby would be sleeping or quietly eating while my same-age baby was attempting to empty my purse, trying to steal someone else’s bottle, babbling at the top of her lungs, etc. It definitely felt like I was doing something wrong— why doesn’t my baby nap as much? Why is she so active when she eats, why is she more focused on everyone else instead of studying my face like the other babies?

Turns out that’s just who she is, it’s a lot of work but not bad, and I wasn’t doing anything wrong at all!

Kids are different.

DS and my niece are very close in age. I kept hearing my niece was such a GOOD baby. Did that mean my little infant was BAD? No...she was just easy and he was not! There is no such thing as a good baby.

PP here and yup. I wish people would catch on to that— kids who are chill and compliant are not inherently better people. They are just easier to parent.

And actually, as a formerly very compliant child, the perception they are easier to parent may be a lie anyway. I was easy to ignore when I was a kid, because I did what was expected without complaint. But in retrospect, I probably needed a bit more parenting than I got. Whereas my own kid is impossible to ignore, and while that’s harder for me in the moment, in the long run it means my kid is always getting what she needs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actually the best advice I got was 1) parenting is not intuitive and a non-parent can often have better advice than a parent, and 2) more often than not, there is not a direct causation between a parent's parenting style and a child's behavior.

Wow, I completely disagree about it not being intuitive. I guess maybe some people truly have no intuitive instincts but my experience has been the exact (like, polar.) opposite.

Parenting is highly intuitive for me and my husbands intuition is wrong about 95 percent of the time.

But, when I think about it, it’s not really intuition. It’s just decades of absorbing how to parent/deal with little kids - from growing up around them, babysitting, camp counseling, reading books and blogs long before I had kids and being generally interested and attuned to all this stuff. My husband just didn’t have the same experiences. It’s amazing to me that we both come from a place of love and can get to such different results.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read through all of these, but I have two kids and one was a very difficult toddler (biting, hitting, etc.) and the other a very easy toddler (always kind and well behaved at school). You get what you get and you don’t get upset!

+1 here. When I had a second child I realized you can do the same thing with a different kid and the result can be completely different.

As someone with a challenging but rewarding only, I am always relieved when people say this.

I remember in my first-time moms group with babies, everyone else’s baby would be sleeping or quietly eating while my same-age baby was attempting to empty my purse, trying to steal someone else’s bottle, babbling at the top of her lungs, etc. It definitely felt like I was doing something wrong— why doesn’t my baby nap as much? Why is she so active when she eats, why is she more focused on everyone else instead of studying my face like the other babies?

Turns out that’s just who she is, it’s a lot of work but not bad, and I wasn’t doing anything wrong at all!

Kids are different.

DS and my niece are very close in age. I kept hearing my niece was such a GOOD baby. Did that mean my little infant was BAD? No...she was just easy and he was not! There is no such thing as a good baby.

Anonymous wrote:Yesterday my 4 yo was refusing to pick up food she threw on the floor, so I told her that her wind up toy was going to get pick it up first and that she had better hurry if she wanted to win. Then she went for it easily. Not sure if she learned any lessons from this but it was more effective than repeatedly asking her to do it and having her repeatedly refuse.

Sometimes you just have to experiment to figure out what works. Different children respond to different things.

Oh yes, I taught my 3yo to walk to school very early on and would make it into a game where she can "win".

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read through all of these, but I have two kids and one was a very difficult toddler (biting, hitting, etc.) and the other a very easy toddler (always kind and well behaved at school). You get what you get and you don’t get upset!

+1 here. When I had a second child I realized you can do the same thing with a different kid and the result can be completely different.

As someone with a challenging but rewarding only, I am always relieved when people say this.

I remember in my first-time moms group with babies, everyone else’s baby would be sleeping or quietly eating while my same-age baby was attempting to empty my purse, trying to steal someone else’s bottle, babbling at the top of her lungs, etc. It definitely felt like I was doing something wrong— why doesn’t my baby nap as much? Why is she so active when she eats, why is she more focused on everyone else instead of studying my face like the other babies?

Turns out that’s just who she is, it’s a lot of work but not bad, and I wasn’t doing anything wrong at all!

Kids are different.

Totally agree- I have three and they’ve all had their challenges. But also, you parent the child/children you have - and not the child/children you want. My middle daughter is incredibly smart and stubborn. She is also rough with other kids at times. My older daughter was super passive around other kids at the same age. I’m not parenting them the same way. My younger daughter used to slap kids in the face if they had a better snack than her while my older daughter still overextends herself to mark others’ happy. As a result aren’t you recognize your kids’ behavior and try to correct behavior that is inappropriate or not going to serve them. You don’t just shrug and pretend that your kid is perfect or that you are helpless.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read through all of these, but I have two kids and one was a very difficult toddler (biting, hitting, etc.) and the other a very easy toddler (always kind and well behaved at school). You get what you get and you don’t get upset!

+1 here. When I had a second child I realized you can do the same thing with a different kid and the result can be completely different.

As someone with a challenging but rewarding only, I am always relieved when people say this.

I remember in my first-time moms group with babies, everyone else’s baby would be sleeping or quietly eating while my same-age baby was attempting to empty my purse, trying to steal someone else’s bottle, babbling at the top of her lungs, etc. It definitely felt like I was doing something wrong— why doesn’t my baby nap as much? Why is she so active when she eats, why is she more focused on everyone else instead of studying my face like the other babies?

Turns out that’s just who she is, it’s a lot of work but not bad, and I wasn’t doing anything wrong at all!

Kids are different.