Anonymous
07/05/2023 20:50
Subject: Re:Theoretically, if you could have three kids each 10 years apart (so, for example, having the, at 24, 34 & 44) would you?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:There is a lot of hate on this thread. I don't think anyone plans kids 10 years apart, so those that do have very painful stories.
I have a 10 year and potentially 4+ year age gap between #1 and #2 and #2 and #3.
1st was an abusive boyfriend that convinced me it was "safe" for us to have unprotected sex. It wasn't. Plan B also failed. He eventually was convicted of DV after I tried to make it work for 4 years.
Eventually I met my husband but we had to wait after getting married because his job moved him away. So our kids are 10 years apart. They absolutely love each other and it's great for us, we have a moody teenager that would rather babysit than hang out with us.
#3 is unknown at this point. After losing many pregnancies and much pain there is no end in sight to our unexplained infertility.
I"m sorry about the fertility issues, PP. I would just note, re: the bold, that OP presented a hypothetical where someone plans three kids on this 10-year perfect schedule. It's a thought exercise rather than a realistic thing. Not intended to be about real world issues that end up spacing out children in various ways whichmay or may not be out of real people's real control.
Yes, understood, but the straight up hate on this thread I have to admit it feels very real to me as someone who has large gaps for my kids. I hear it in person too. "Oh you have no kids between them??" No, I don't. It's never said in a positive way.
Anonymous
07/05/2023 20:38
Subject: Theoretically, if you could have three kids each 10 years apart (so, for example, having the, at 24, 34 & 44) would you?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:A friend from HS has four kids with large age gaps.
Had the first at 17 and last at 44.
I believe they’re 29, 20, 11 & 2. Four different dads which is usually how that goes.
Anyone who started having kids at 17 and had 4 kids by 4 different men has no clue on how to be a sensible and responsible parent.
Visit West Virginia and you’ll see it’s not that uncommon.
Anonymous
07/05/2023 13:51
Subject: Re:Theoretically, if you could have three kids each 10 years apart (so, for example, having the, at 24, 34 & 44) would you?
God that would be hell.
I appreciate the theory of how interesting or cool that could be as you would have time to "recover" - the problem is in practice - that would SUCK. You would have to go through the sleepless nights again and again - ahhhh!!!
You would have none of the joy of having kids be close in age and play together. You can't do hand me downs, you can't actually have fun with them all together - the ages are so different that they all have different needs and wants. I suppose the 44 yr old would be almost like a mom to the 24 yr old. I think it would be so awful for the kids in that instead of sibling relationships, they would have unidentified relationships with their siblings - 10 years is A whole lotta years to be separated by!
In an ideal world, I would love to have triplets or twins without the work - get it over with and have them grow up together - literally
Once you milestones, you keep going on for more. Or at least closer in age of 1 year apart. In my mind, the worst case scenario is having the too far apart in ages v closest in ages. For me, having them all together means I get a lot to enjoy at the same time (and if it's rough, I'm one and done!).
I appreciate the theory of how interesting or cool that could be as you would have time to "recover" - the problem is in practice - that would SUCK. You would have to go through the sleepless nights again and again - ahhhh!!!
You would have none of the joy of having kids be close in age and play together. You can't do hand me downs, you can't actually have fun with them all together - the ages are so different that they all have different needs and wants. I suppose the 44 yr old would be almost like a mom to the 24 yr old. I think it would be so awful for the kids in that instead of sibling relationships, they would have unidentified relationships with their siblings - 10 years is A whole lotta years to be separated by!
In an ideal world, I would love to have triplets or twins without the work - get it over with and have them grow up together - literally
Once you milestones, you keep going on for more. Or at least closer in age of 1 year apart. In my mind, the worst case scenario is having the too far apart in ages v closest in ages. For me, having them all together means I get a lot to enjoy at the same time (and if it's rough, I'm one and done!).
Anonymous
07/05/2023 12:52
Subject: Theoretically, if you could have three kids each 10 years apart (so, for example, having the, at 24, 34 & 44) would you?
My mom had kids at 19, 25, 33 and 36. So pretty close.
It sucked and it’s like she never got out of the baby stage until she was fairly old. It shows in her lack of enthusiasm about being a grandma. Like the worst of both worlds, neither getting a free youth or free older age. I have no idea why anyone would choose that. For her it was two marriages and the last was an oops
It sucked and it’s like she never got out of the baby stage until she was fairly old. It shows in her lack of enthusiasm about being a grandma. Like the worst of both worlds, neither getting a free youth or free older age. I have no idea why anyone would choose that. For her it was two marriages and the last was an oops
Anonymous
07/04/2023 23:51
Subject: Theoretically, if you could have three kids each 10 years apart (so, for example, having the, at 24, 34 & 44) would you?
Both my parents had their oldest and youngest siblings who were 20 years apart; the siblings all had the same parents had kids from their early 20s through their early 40s.
The older siblings feel more like aunts and uncles to the youngest child.
The older siblings feel more like aunts and uncles to the youngest child.
Anonymous
07/04/2023 23:47
Subject: Re:Theoretically, if you could have three kids each 10 years apart (so, for example, having the, at 24, 34 & 44) would you?
Anonymous wrote:There is a lot of hate on this thread. I don't think anyone plans kids 10 years apart, so those that do have very painful stories.
I have a 10 year and potentially 4+ year age gap between #1 and #2 and #2 and #3.
1st was an abusive boyfriend that convinced me it was "safe" for us to have unprotected sex. It wasn't. Plan B also failed. He eventually was convicted of DV after I tried to make it work for 4 years.
Eventually I met my husband but we had to wait after getting married because his job moved him away. So our kids are 10 years apart. They absolutely love each other and it's great for us, we have a moody teenager that would rather babysit than hang out with us.
#3 is unknown at this point. After losing many pregnancies and much pain there is no end in sight to our unexplained infertility.
I"m sorry about the fertility issues, PP. I would just note, re: the bold, that OP presented a hypothetical where someone plans three kids on this 10-year perfect schedule. It's a thought exercise rather than a realistic thing. Not intended to be about real world issues that end up spacing out children in various ways whichmay or may not be out of real people's real control.
Anonymous
07/04/2023 23:45
Subject: Re:Theoretically, if you could have three kids each 10 years apart (so, for example, having the, at 24, 34 & 44) would you?
Your life would be entirely consumed from age 24 until approximately age 62 (when your youngest turned 18) with child-rearing. So from young adulthood until virtually retirement age, all consumed with children.
But about that retirement....
You would be unable to retire, probably, unless you were wealthy, because of the many costs of raising kids plus the cost of college, if you plan to pay for even part of all three kids' undergrad degrees.
Your marriage(s) would be mostly about your children. Rebooting the pregnancy/infant/toddler/preschool/school/teen years, once every decade? Good lord, no. Your marriage would take a huge hit from that unless both of you are equally besotted with the idea of that kind of reboot.
Anonymous
07/04/2023 23:00
Subject: Re:Theoretically, if you could have three kids each 10 years apart (so, for example, having the, at 24, 34 & 44) would you?
I had three kids in 39 mos. It was just the way it worked out. I think people can “plan” but most often seem to like what they end up with.
Anonymous
07/04/2023 22:42
Subject: Re:Theoretically, if you could have three kids each 10 years apart (so, for example, having the, at 24, 34 & 44) would you?
There is a lot of hate on this thread. I don't think anyone plans kids 10 years apart, so those that do have very painful stories.
I have a 10 year and potentially 4+ year age gap between #1 and #2 and #2 and #3.
1st was an abusive boyfriend that convinced me it was "safe" for us to have unprotected sex. It wasn't. Plan B also failed. He eventually was convicted of DV after I tried to make it work for 4 years.
Eventually I met my husband but we had to wait after getting married because his job moved him away. So our kids are 10 years apart. They absolutely love each other and it's great for us, we have a moody teenager that would rather babysit than hang out with us.
#3 is unknown at this point. After losing many pregnancies and much pain there is no end in sight to our unexplained infertility.
I have a 10 year and potentially 4+ year age gap between #1 and #2 and #2 and #3.
1st was an abusive boyfriend that convinced me it was "safe" for us to have unprotected sex. It wasn't. Plan B also failed. He eventually was convicted of DV after I tried to make it work for 4 years.
Eventually I met my husband but we had to wait after getting married because his job moved him away. So our kids are 10 years apart. They absolutely love each other and it's great for us, we have a moody teenager that would rather babysit than hang out with us.
#3 is unknown at this point. After losing many pregnancies and much pain there is no end in sight to our unexplained infertility.
Anonymous
07/04/2023 22:35
Subject: Theoretically, if you could have three kids each 10 years apart (so, for example, having the, at 24, 34 & 44) would you?
No. If I could have planned my " perfect" family it would be 2 kids 5 years apart.