Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: My mom was an excellent homemaker. Each day, we walked in after school to eat a hot lunch and very often the aroma of a cale (no icing) to eat with milk before we went out to play with our friends. She was a loving, calming presence in our home and she created a serene sanctuary for us. She remains the least judgmental, best therapist and amazing guide for all of us even now when all her kids are above 60.

I have had the best childhood and adulthood. The only bad point is that my siblings and I will be devastated when she goes. That is one advantage people who have bad parents have over me. They will not mourn when their parents pass away.

Wrong. We get abused and we mourn when they die. We also mourn the loss of a parental figure our entire lives.

I see one thing your mother could've worked on, developing her children's sense of empathy.

I have sympathy for you because you are describing a Jerry Springer episode. But, yes, I cannot have empathy when I have not seen abusive parents in my family or in the society I was raised in. The kind of widespread parental abuse and neglect. that happens in this country was new to me, when I first immigrated. I actually used to be terrified and be very disturbed when I used to watch the talk shows. They were describing really horrific abuse and there was no societal pressure for parents to behave properly.

To a foreigner, the kind of dysfunctional and angry society and families that USA has is something else. At the same time family, parenthood, motherhood, marriage are so devalued and disrespected in this country that I am sure women feel angry that they are moms and have to care for children. These forums are full of people who hate their children and who hate their parents/ILs, spouses. You name it. If you grew up without love, you may not be able to give love to someone else. How can you? And what does an individual have to lose if he does not have a loving family. Then these people will behave like the criminally insane.

So I guess you would mourn that you were not being loved by your parents. But, you would not mourn their absence. You would not mourn not being able to hug them, kiss them, talk to them. Yes, I have sympathy and I have a lot of pity for you. I cannot say that there can be empathy for you from me, because what you are describing has not been experienced by me.

Sympathy? Yes. Lots. It is horrible for a child to be abused and not have loving parents.

This forum is full of people who are seeking free therapy for real and imagined problems. Some of the parents were actually abusive. Some of the adult children are entitled or narcissists, or both. But don't take this forum as a reflection of American society--it's not. It's a forum of people who want/need to talk about themselves and their real or imagined issues, which makes it unrepresentative of the vast bulk of well-adjusted folks who face minor speed bumps in life and deal with them well.

Look, I am assimilated. Reality is divorce rate is 50%. Pay parity is not there. Gun violence and mental health issues are rampant. No long paid maternity/paternity leave, racism and misogyny is very widespread. This is a very harsh society to live in. Coming from another country, you realize what works and what does not, in a very stark manner.

Oh, give me a break.

You're describing a la-la land. I do not believe you.

Tell us what country you immigrated from so we can maybe consider immigrating to that amazing utopia.

New Zealand.

Anonymous wrote:I was adopted from Korea and have reunited with my birth family, so I guess I have two moms. One very special memory that I'll hold with me for the rest of my life is my two mothers meeting for the first time...I have a great picture of them walking through Seoul with their arms tucked into the other's. Korean mom invited us to her apartment and taught American mom how to make various Korean dishes.

Both are still alive, thankfully.

Anonymous wrote:My mom was amazing. She put the magic in every holiday and every birthday or event...scavenger hunts, special cookies, pancakes that were works of art, family traditions, you name it, she planned it all and made it so fun.

When I was 8, I wanted a grilled cheese birthday party because her grilled cheese sandwiches were amazing and I was a weird kid. She had my older cousin run all sorts of fun games and she delivered on making a huge tray of grilled cheese sandwiches to feed 15-20 hungry girls. I didn't realize at the time what a pain in the ass that must have been, but that was the most perfect day, carefully curated by her. This year will be my first mother's day without her. I miss her. I miss both my parents. I hope my own kids remember the good stuff.

Anonymous wrote:I posted this a few years ago but my best mom memory

When my mom had to go back home after I had my first baby. She was 2 weeks old. A little bit after she left I went to the fridge and she had made me a lunch and left it in the fridge with a note about how much she loved me. I cried and cried.


Well shit, I'm crying right now thinking about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: My mom was an excellent homemaker. Each day, we walked in after school to eat a hot lunch and very often the aroma of a cale (no icing) to eat with milk before we went out to play with our friends. She was a loving, calming presence in our home and she created a serene sanctuary for us. She remains the least judgmental, best therapist and amazing guide for all of us even now when all her kids are above 60.

I have had the best childhood and adulthood. The only bad point is that my siblings and I will be devastated when she goes. That is one advantage people who have bad parents have over me. They will not mourn when their parents pass away.

Wrong. We get abused and we mourn when they die. We also mourn the loss of a parental figure our entire lives.

I see one thing your mother could've worked on, developing her children's sense of empathy.

I have sympathy for you because you are describing a Jerry Springer episode. But, yes, I cannot have empathy when I have not seen abusive parents in my family or in the society I was raised in. The kind of widespread parental abuse and neglect. that happens in this country was new to me, when I first immigrated. I actually used to be terrified and be very disturbed when I used to watch the talk shows. They were describing really horrific abuse and there was no societal pressure for parents to behave properly.

To a foreigner, the kind of dysfunctional and angry society and families that USA has is something else. At the same time family, parenthood, motherhood, marriage are so devalued and disrespected in this country that I am sure women feel angry that they are moms and have to care for children. These forums are full of people who hate their children and who hate their parents/ILs, spouses. You name it. If you grew up without love, you may not be able to give love to someone else. How can you? And what does an individual have to lose if he does not have a loving family. Then these people will behave like the criminally insane.

So I guess you would mourn that you were not being loved by your parents. But, you would not mourn their absence. You would not mourn not being able to hug them, kiss them, talk to them. Yes, I have sympathy and I have a lot of pity for you. I cannot say that there can be empathy for you from me, because what you are describing has not been experienced by me.

Sympathy? Yes. Lots. It is horrible for a child to be abused and not have loving parents.

This forum is full of people who are seeking free therapy for real and imagined problems. Some of the parents were actually abusive. Some of the adult children are entitled or narcissists, or both. But don't take this forum as a reflection of American society--it's not. It's a forum of people who want/need to talk about themselves and their real or imagined issues, which makes it unrepresentative of the vast bulk of well-adjusted folks who face minor speed bumps in life and deal with them well.

Look, I am assimilated. Reality is divorce rate is 50%. Pay parity is not there. Gun violence and mental health issues are rampant. No long paid maternity/paternity leave, racism and misogyny is very widespread. This is a very harsh society to live in. Coming from another country, you realize what works and what does not, in a very stark manner.

Oh, give me a break.

You're describing a la-la land. I do not believe you.

Tell us what country you immigrated from so we can maybe consider immigrating to that amazing utopia.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So I guess you would mourn that you were not being loved by your parents. But, you would not mourn their absence. You would not mourn not being able to hug them, kiss them, talk to them. Yes, I have sympathy and I have a lot of pity for you. I cannot say that there can be empathy for you from me, because what you are describing has not been experienced by me.

You can empathize without having experienced the exact same thing that someone else has…

And yes, people who lacked loving parents, mourn not being able to see, talk, hug and celebrate with their parents. Every day. For most of their lives. The only thing we don’t mourn is the abuse.

Keep working on your empathy pal. If your mom was so loving, you can figure it out.

It is not necessary for me to have empathy for you, because we don't even know each other. At best I can have sympathy or pity for you.

In fact empathy will only make things harder for you as is evident from your post. You should not expect empathy from others. You should only try for forgiveness for your abuser from yourself.

Yeah, your mom didn’t do as good a job as you think she did, friend.

DP. This need to abuse an internet stranger is vile. I know you don’t intend it, but it makes me feel sorry for anyone who deals with you, including your parents.

The other pp putting down people with unhappy childhoods while boasting of her own happy childhood. That’s messed up!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So I guess you would mourn that you were not being loved by your parents. But, you would not mourn their absence. You would not mourn not being able to hug them, kiss them, talk to them. Yes, I have sympathy and I have a lot of pity for you. I cannot say that there can be empathy for you from me, because what you are describing has not been experienced by me.

You can empathize without having experienced the exact same thing that someone else has…

And yes, people who lacked loving parents, mourn not being able to see, talk, hug and celebrate with their parents. Every day. For most of their lives. The only thing we don’t mourn is the abuse.

Keep working on your empathy pal. If your mom was so loving, you can figure it out.

It is not necessary for me to have empathy for you, because we don't even know each other. At best I can have sympathy or pity for you.

In fact empathy will only make things harder for you as is evident from your post. You should not expect empathy from others. You should only try for forgiveness for your abuser from yourself.

Yeah, your mom didn’t do as good a job as you think she did, friend.

DP. This need to abuse an internet stranger is vile. I know you don’t intend it, but it makes me feel sorry for anyone who deals with you, including your parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So I guess you would mourn that you were not being loved by your parents. But, you would not mourn their absence. You would not mourn not being able to hug them, kiss them, talk to them. Yes, I have sympathy and I have a lot of pity for you. I cannot say that there can be empathy for you from me, because what you are describing has not been experienced by me.

You can empathize without having experienced the exact same thing that someone else has…

And yes, people who lacked loving parents, mourn not being able to see, talk, hug and celebrate with their parents. Every day. For most of their lives. The only thing we don’t mourn is the abuse.

Keep working on your empathy pal. If your mom was so loving, you can figure it out.

It is not necessary for me to have empathy for you, because we don't even know each other. At best I can have sympathy or pity for you.

In fact empathy will only make things harder for you as is evident from your post. You should not expect empathy from others. You should only try for forgiveness for your abuser from yourself.

Yeah, your mom didn’t do as good a job as you think she did, friend.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So I guess you would mourn that you were not being loved by your parents. But, you would not mourn their absence. You would not mourn not being able to hug them, kiss them, talk to them. Yes, I have sympathy and I have a lot of pity for you. I cannot say that there can be empathy for you from me, because what you are describing has not been experienced by me.

You can empathize without having experienced the exact same thing that someone else has…

And yes, people who lacked loving parents, mourn not being able to see, talk, hug and celebrate with their parents. Every day. For most of their lives. The only thing we don’t mourn is the abuse.

Keep working on your empathy pal. If your mom was so loving, you can figure it out.

It is not necessary for me to have empathy for you, because we don't even know each other. At best I can have sympathy or pity for you.

In fact empathy will only make things harder for you as is evident from your post. You should not expect empathy from others. You should only try for forgiveness for your abuser from yourself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: My mom was an excellent homemaker. Each day, we walked in after school to eat a hot lunch and very often the aroma of a cale (no icing) to eat with milk before we went out to play with our friends. She was a loving, calming presence in our home and she created a serene sanctuary for us. She remains the least judgmental, best therapist and amazing guide for all of us even now when all her kids are above 60.

I have had the best childhood and adulthood. The only bad point is that my siblings and I will be devastated when she goes. That is one advantage people who have bad parents have over me. They will not mourn when their parents pass away.

Wrong. We get abused and we mourn when they die. We also mourn the loss of a parental figure our entire lives.

I see one thing your mother could've worked on, developing her children's sense of empathy.

I have sympathy for you because you are describing a Jerry Springer episode. But, yes, I cannot have empathy when I have not seen abusive parents in my family or in the society I was raised in. The kind of widespread parental abuse and neglect. that happens in this country was new to me, when I first immigrated. I actually used to be terrified and be very disturbed when I used to watch the talk shows. They were describing really horrific abuse and there was no societal pressure for parents to behave properly.

To a foreigner, the kind of dysfunctional and angry society and families that USA has is something else. At the same time family, parenthood, motherhood, marriage are so devalued and disrespected in this country that I am sure women feel angry that they are moms and have to care for children. These forums are full of people who hate their children and who hate their parents/ILs, spouses. You name it. If you grew up without love, you may not be able to give love to someone else. How can you? And what does an individual have to lose if he does not have a loving family. Then these people will behave like the criminally insane.

So I guess you would mourn that you were not being loved by your parents. But, you would not mourn their absence. You would not mourn not being able to hug them, kiss them, talk to them. Yes, I have sympathy and I have a lot of pity for you. I cannot say that there can be empathy for you from me, because what you are describing has not been experienced by me.

Sympathy? Yes. Lots. It is horrible for a child to be abused and not have loving parents.

This forum is full of people who are seeking free therapy for real and imagined problems. Some of the parents were actually abusive. Some of the adult children are entitled or narcissists, or both. But don't take this forum as a reflection of American society--it's not. It's a forum of people who want/need to talk about themselves and their real or imagined issues, which makes it unrepresentative of the vast bulk of well-adjusted folks who face minor speed bumps in life and deal with them well.

Look, I am assimilated. Reality is divorce rate is 50%. Pay parity is not there. Gun violence and mental health issues are rampant. No long paid maternity/paternity leave, racism and misogyny is very widespread. This is a very harsh society to live in. Coming from another country, you realize what works and what does not, in a very stark manner.