Anonymous
04/18/2023 15:49
Subject: I am exhausted
Anonymous wrote:I'm really starting to struggle with working a full time demanding job with a younger elementary schooler. My husband works a ton in an also demanding job. My job is as flexible as I could hope for in an industry that is notoriously inflexible, but it is not WFH, I have a commute, it's still more than 40 hours a week, dealing with external clients that have no boundaries in regards to my time. Our DC is very busy in activities, likes being busy and keeps asking for more. We have activities 4x a week. Two of those days are a short time commitment (45 min-hour) and the other 2 days are 3-4 hours each. Please don't comment that DC is overscheduled, this is how DC likes it. It's me that struggles... we are on the go constantly. There's never enough time to keep up with basic housework. We outsource cleaning 2x/mo. I do online grocery ordering, but basic things like putting clothes away after being washed are just completely neglected. Also, I used to be great at staying on top of everything and I'm just not anymore, despite it being in my calendar, I'm still missing things.
DH and I used to divide things more equally, but his job is more demanding and pays more than mine, so it's started shifting more to me. I am most definitely the primary parent. But my job is not an easy job. It requires a lot of critical thinking and management of projects, clients and employees. I just feel like something has to give. DC's childhood is flying by in a blur and I'm just stressed and tired 98% of the time.
Any advice?
Move or change jobs. I know that sounds like a mega life change, but like you noted your child will only be a child for a little while. We moved into DC and I left litigation for in-house. It is salary restricted, but growth may be available in other sectors later. It's changed our lives. Having those 2 days as WFH allows me to be present and swap roles in a moment. We still do aftercare during school but I'm hope quickly to make it to his activities and I've been to every concert this year. It's worth it for me.
If you LOVE your job, move closer. If you can't afford or don't want to uproot DC from your community (which I TOTALLY GET), get another job. There is a ton out there with WFH. I'd go to a career coach in your industry or if you have recruiters reaching out, tell them your requirements and wait. This job market is funny but depending on what you do, something will come! Stay positive, change what you can change and understand that a little mess (HORRIBLE - I GET IT) never killed anyone. As long as it's clean -but and also, DC has to keep certain things clean and cannot continue to add activities. At a certain point, you have to let them know that they have to choose. They can do anything, but not everything: choose wisely! And let them live with their choices. They feel greater autonomy over their lives when you do that. And implement a chore chart. IF they're over 7 they can put their own clothes away (once you organize drawers and make sure their closet rod is reachable). My kids have had chores since 4 and it really REALLY helps them AND YOU. They feel like a contributing part of the household! It is amazing!
Anonymous
04/14/2023 19:33
Subject: I am exhausted
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP here. She’s not 6, she’s 8 and it’s dance.
It honestly doesn’t matter what it is, everyone will have an opinion on it. That’s why I didn’t want to derail the thread. I don’t think she will be a professional dancer or anything like that, but she’s good at it and it makes her happy. The latter is really all that matters when it comes to a kids activity.
I have gotten some great advice, and I hope I’ve seen receptive. Thank you to the kind commenters.
My personal opinion is you can drop off for 3-4 hours at 8. My child is the same age and has gone to drop off parties longer than that. I’d check with the studio to be sure but I think drop off would be fine.
Op here. Yes, she’s newly 8 and well behaved and mature so I think she will be ok. I’m going to get her a kids watch to text us if needed and we will try that over the summer
Anonymous
04/14/2023 19:13
Subject: I am exhausted
Anonymous wrote:OP here. She’s not 6, she’s 8 and it’s dance.
It honestly doesn’t matter what it is, everyone will have an opinion on it. That’s why I didn’t want to derail the thread. I don’t think she will be a professional dancer or anything like that, but she’s good at it and it makes her happy. The latter is really all that matters when it comes to a kids activity.
I have gotten some great advice, and I hope I’ve seen receptive. Thank you to the kind commenters.
My personal opinion is you can drop off for 3-4 hours at 8. My child is the same age and has gone to drop off parties longer than that. I’d check with the studio to be sure but I think drop off would be fine.
Anonymous
04/14/2023 17:46
Subject: I am exhausted
Anonymous wrote:Sorry but it gets harder, not easier. Mine are in middle and high school and I took today off for me because I’m so tired. I should be doing things around the house but I’m in bed on here.
As they get older, sign up for sports and activities where carpools are possible. That’s been the biggest help. Slack on cooking and order prepared foods or take out when needed. If possible, reduce hours at work. I can’t work at home and have a job that isn’t flexible but I take on less than I used to so I work about 35 now, compared to much more when they were younger. It’s plenty with the commute. DH works much more.
Not in my experience. OP isn't even doing drop off yet. That's a huge step forward. A carpool would be great too. The other nice thing about many MS and HS activities is that they are afterschool AT SCHOOL so you only have to pick them up. I also have carpools and a helpful spouse.
Anonymous
04/14/2023 17:36
Subject: I am exhausted
Anonymous wrote:I can't stand when people start a thread stating a problem and asking for help and then state all the reasons why they can't possibly make any changes to their situation.
OP you have ONE six year and a spouse. If you are "exhausted" you are doing it wrong.
OP here. I have been receptive and yeah I know I’m doing it wrong. That’s why I came to ask advice … to ya know, do it better
Anonymous
04/14/2023 17:34
Subject: I am exhausted
OP here. She’s not 6, she’s 8 and it’s dance.
It honestly doesn’t matter what it is, everyone will have an opinion on it. That’s why I didn’t want to derail the thread. I don’t think she will be a professional dancer or anything like that, but she’s good at it and it makes her happy. The latter is really all that matters when it comes to a kids activity.
I have gotten some great advice, and I hope I’ve seen receptive. Thank you to the kind commenters.
It honestly doesn’t matter what it is, everyone will have an opinion on it. That’s why I didn’t want to derail the thread. I don’t think she will be a professional dancer or anything like that, but she’s good at it and it makes her happy. The latter is really all that matters when it comes to a kids activity.
I have gotten some great advice, and I hope I’ve seen receptive. Thank you to the kind commenters.
Anonymous
04/14/2023 16:30
Subject: I am exhausted
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I can't stand when people start a thread stating a problem and asking for help and then state all the reasons why they can't possibly make any changes to their situation.
OP you have ONE six year and a spouse. If you are "exhausted" you are doing it wrong.
I don't like that either, but that's not what OP is doing. She said at the outset that having her DC quit the activity is not an option, but she has seemed receptive to other ideas about outsourcing, etc.
What IS weird, however, is that OP won't just say what the activity is. Like, why not?
Maybe her kid is training to be a spy 😂.
Yeah why the secrecy??
Because she doesn’t want us to tell her the activity is not worth all the time she is putting into into, which it almost certainly is not.
I'm not OP -- folks on here think everything is about outcomes. Often it should be about the ride. Even if OP's kid has no prayer of making it to the Olympics or whatever, and even if that is not even her goal, the ride and everything her child is getting out of the activity in the moment, can very well be worth it. Tell us what it is OP, come on!
But what the whole family is getting out of it, as a collective, may not be worth it. TBH I don't think whether the child "wants it that way" is really material. It's not a thing a 6 yo gets to make the call about.
Anonymous
04/14/2023 16:23
Subject: I am exhausted
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I can't stand when people start a thread stating a problem and asking for help and then state all the reasons why they can't possibly make any changes to their situation.
OP you have ONE six year and a spouse. If you are "exhausted" you are doing it wrong.
I don't like that either, but that's not what OP is doing. She said at the outset that having her DC quit the activity is not an option, but she has seemed receptive to other ideas about outsourcing, etc.
What IS weird, however, is that OP won't just say what the activity is. Like, why not?
Maybe her kid is training to be a spy 😂.
Yeah why the secrecy??
Because she doesn’t want us to tell her the activity is not worth all the time she is putting into into, which it almost certainly is not.
I'm not OP -- folks on here think everything is about outcomes. Often it should be about the ride. Even if OP's kid has no prayer of making it to the Olympics or whatever, and even if that is not even her goal, the ride and everything her child is getting out of the activity in the moment, can very well be worth it. Tell us what it is OP, come on!
Not if her mother is "exhausted" and can't figure out how to do laundry.
Anonymous
04/14/2023 16:02
Subject: I am exhausted
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I can't stand when people start a thread stating a problem and asking for help and then state all the reasons why they can't possibly make any changes to their situation.
OP you have ONE six year and a spouse. If you are "exhausted" you are doing it wrong.
I don't like that either, but that's not what OP is doing. She said at the outset that having her DC quit the activity is not an option, but she has seemed receptive to other ideas about outsourcing, etc.
What IS weird, however, is that OP won't just say what the activity is. Like, why not?
Maybe her kid is training to be a spy 😂.
Yeah why the secrecy??
Because she doesn’t want us to tell her the activity is not worth all the time she is putting into into, which it almost certainly is not.
I'm not OP -- folks on here think everything is about outcomes. Often it should be about the ride. Even if OP's kid has no prayer of making it to the Olympics or whatever, and even if that is not even her goal, the ride and everything her child is getting out of the activity in the moment, can very well be worth it. Tell us what it is OP, come on!
Anonymous
04/14/2023 15:46
Subject: I am exhausted
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I can't stand when people start a thread stating a problem and asking for help and then state all the reasons why they can't possibly make any changes to their situation.
OP you have ONE six year and a spouse. If you are "exhausted" you are doing it wrong.
I don't like that either, but that's not what OP is doing. She said at the outset that having her DC quit the activity is not an option, but she has seemed receptive to other ideas about outsourcing, etc.
What IS weird, however, is that OP won't just say what the activity is. Like, why not?
Maybe her kid is training to be a spy 😂.
Yeah why the secrecy??
Because she doesn’t want us to tell her the activity is not worth all the time she is putting into into, which it almost certainly is not.
Anonymous
04/14/2023 14:55
Subject: I am exhausted
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I can't stand when people start a thread stating a problem and asking for help and then state all the reasons why they can't possibly make any changes to their situation.
OP you have ONE six year and a spouse. If you are "exhausted" you are doing it wrong.
I don't like that either, but that's not what OP is doing. She said at the outset that having her DC quit the activity is not an option, but she has seemed receptive to other ideas about outsourcing, etc.
What IS weird, however, is that OP won't just say what the activity is. Like, why not?
Maybe her kid is training to be a spy 😂.
Yeah why the secrecy??
Anonymous
04/14/2023 14:14
Subject: I am exhausted
Anonymous wrote:I can't stand when people start a thread stating a problem and asking for help and then state all the reasons why they can't possibly make any changes to their situation.
OP you have ONE six year and a spouse. If you are "exhausted" you are doing it wrong.
I don't like that either, but that's not what OP is doing. She said at the outset that having her DC quit the activity is not an option, but she has seemed receptive to other ideas about outsourcing, etc.
What IS weird, however, is that OP won't just say what the activity is. Like, why not?
Anonymous
04/14/2023 14:02
Subject: I am exhausted
I can't stand when people start a thread stating a problem and asking for help and then state all the reasons why they can't possibly make any changes to their situation.
OP you have ONE six year and a spouse. If you are "exhausted" you are doing it wrong.
OP you have ONE six year and a spouse. If you are "exhausted" you are doing it wrong.
Anonymous
04/14/2023 12:26
Subject: Re:I am exhausted
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Just out of curiosity, what activity requires 4 hour of practice? It seems a bit much for a 2nd grader!
My money is on gymnastics. OP sees her child as the next Simone Biles. [/quote
Wrong, nice try. I don’t need to explain myself to you.
Anonymous
04/14/2023 10:04
Subject: Re:I am exhausted
Anonymous wrote:Just out of curiosity, what activity requires 4 hour of practice? It seems a bit much for a 2nd grader!
My money is on gymnastics. OP sees her child as the next Simone Biles.